by Amanda Heath
I curl my tongue with his and feel an old feeling flame up in my stomach: desire. Figures, when I don’t want it back it comes on full force, and for this fucktard I’m kissing. He grabs a belt loop on my shorts and pulls my hips flush with his. I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh and I sigh into his mouth. My hands have a mind of their own as I push them up his chest, over his shoulders, and into his soft black hair. I tug on the short locks making him moan. I shallow the sound and pull on his hair harder.
We hear a throat clear and I pull back from him so fast I almost trip on the bat I left lying on the ground. Spencer catches my elbow before I fall and I mumble “thanks.” He nods and we turn toward Mason and Lucy. Lucy’s face is a bright red and I almost want to chuckle at her innocent ways. I hope Mason is going slow with her. Hmm...well I know he is, because I would kick his ass.
“Where did you get the gun?” Spencer asks softly next to me. I look over at him. I guess he realized what I did to his tires.
“Mason keeps it hidden in the house. I just happened to know where,” I say sheepishly. Lucy looks over at Mason, a little hurt. “Lucy, he only told me because I didn’t feel safe with all the guys he has running in and out of his house.” It doesn’t seem to lessen her hurt any and she huffs before stomping back into the house, her long, curly black hair flowing behind her.
“Thanks, Harley. I was going to give bucko, here, a ride home, but I have to go make this better.” He rolls his eyes at me before stalking back towards the house.
I sigh before saying, “Let’s go. I’m sure Dad’s going to flip the fuck out at what I did to your truck.” I don’t wait for a reply before walking quickly over to my car. I just want to get away from him. That kiss has me wanting to forgive him. I can’t ever do that.
After I enter the car and turn the ignition, Spencer climbs in and lays his head against the passenger side window. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I don’t know what came over you either, but it doesn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything to me,” which is such a lie, but I will never tell him that.
“You think you lie well, Harley Maxton, but you don’t. You were turned on and it freaked you out.” He chuckles darkly. “Your body finally decided it wanted me back, just when your heart decided it didn’t.”
I roll my eyes. He is such an arrogant idiot. “You don’t know what my body or my mind wants. You never will. You lost your chance to know what anything on my person wants.”
“I know that. I’m truly sorry for what I did. I wish more than anything I could take that back. I was so screwed up in the head that night. I should have just stayed in Duke instead of going up to LSU.” He rubs one of his hands down his handsome face and I want so bad to give him a break. I’m hurting so much because of what he did. I just can’t.
“You’re right; you shouldn’t have gone up there. I don’t care anymore for what you have to say. It’s all lies anyway,” I huff out.
I can feel his intense eyes boring into me. I flinch under the anger I feel coming off of his body. “I didn’t lie about any of the stuff I have said today. You know me better than that. I wouldn’t blow smoke up your ass to get you to forgive me. You deserve better than that.”
Ugh.
Spencer
Harley has her fire back. God you don’t know how much easier I can breathe now! Figures it would be something totally fucked up that I did that brought it back. I love that girl with everything I am. I know what I did was the most screwed up thing ever, but what would you do? I couldn’t think straight and Marissa was coming on really strong. I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to feel numb. Well, that’s how I felt with her. Hell, I totally did the girl thing and faked it. I have watched Harley struggle through the aftermath of her rape. She did so well and I thought what I did would set her back, but it seems to have sped it up. She’s back to that girl I fell for when I was five.
Not that she even speaks to me now. It’s been over a week since she totaled my truck. They had to tow it to the driveway, where it is now sitting. After about a day someone…cough Harley cough...spray painted “DICKHEAD” across the hood.
A couple of days ago she brought in this dog, puppy thing. I heard her tell her dad that it was a Chiweenie, whatever that means. Well, she left it in my bed while I was gone and it shit and pissed everywhere.
Nice.
This morning she came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower and flushed the toilet. It would have been funny if she had done it once, but no, she did it three times. I finally had to get out with soap still all over my body and in my hair. Harley happened to be standing in the bathroom still and she turned bright red and stared at my naked body…a little to long for someone who says she hates my guts. I kind of feel like we are in high school again.
Well, maybe not. I don’t pull pranks on her. I don’t need another reason for anyone to hate me. Dean is not happy with me at all. I think he would have ditched me all together if I wasn’t his only friend. He has been chasing Paige all over the place, so I don’t see him a lot anyway.
My mom barely speaks to me as it is; my mother who has never showed disappointment in me before. That hurts a lot. I actually want to cry. Losing the respect of a parent is not something you want to go through.
She burns my eggs in the morning. All of my white clothes are now pink. I’m not really sure which one dumped out all my body wash and cologne and replaced it with girly smells, but the perfume that they replaced it with smells a lot like my mom’s.
Richard, of course, looks like he is going to beat the shit out of wherever his eyes land on me. It’s quite scary. I sleep with one eye open.
So, to say the least, I hardly leave my bedroom. I’m quite bored in here, to be honest. Richard cut my cable off and I’m sick of the DVDs that I have in here. I have been staring at the ceiling, lost in thought most of the time. I haven’t come up with anything to get Harley to take me back. I miss holding her so much. That kiss we shared at Mason’s haunts me. The way she responded was just like before the rape. I missed it so much. Now I’m stuck in this hell, reliving it over and over, wanting what I can’t have.
There is a knock at my door and I trip over myself getting up to answer it. It’s Dean. “What a surprise. Come in, come in. I’m dying of loneliness in here.”
He chuckles and pats me on the back as he enters my room. “Well, that is what happens when you fuck up with Harley Maxton.” He gives a hard laugh before saying anything else. “That girl is so bossy, she has the whole town about ready to kick your ass. They are all scared of her! I have been laughing so hard at the reactions that girl gets out of people. Paige won’t even talk to me because we are friends! How fucked up is that?”
I shake my head. “Yeah, she was always a little dictator. You have got to help me. I’m going crazy in here! Let’s go somewhere no one knows us and start over.”
He smiles big at me and shakes his head as well. “No, we are going to get Harley and you back together. You are starting to affect my sex life and I’m not willing to let this dry spell go on. I have an idea. It might sound crazy, but you should try it.” I sit down on my bed and wave him on. “Okay, so my cousin, Taylor, has all that land. Well, in about a month he is throwing a huge mud party. It’s all weekend long and all we have to do is bring our own stuff to sleep in. I’m thinking we take everybody up there and you and I can set up a situation that will get you alone with Harley.”
I roll my eyes. “That is the best you can come up with? That is a month away! What am I supposed to do till then? I’m so fucking bored sitting around in here all day.”
“Well, I would say you could crash with me, but yeah, my mom is worse than usual.” We both cringe.
Dean’s mom is off the deep end.
“Yeah, no. Fine. How do you plan on getting us all up there?” I ask, curious.
“Leave that up to me, man.” He winks and gets up to leave.
I stop him with a hand on the shoulder. “What about your dry spell?”
“Oh, Paige will get over it in another day or two. She can’t hold out that long. I just hate to see you all alone and broken-hearted. I’m sappy and shit like that.” He smirks before walking out the door.
Chapter 20
Harley
I have no idea how I let Paige talk me into going to this stupid mud party. A “mud” party is when a bunch of guys make a huge mud hole and drive their ATVs and shit through it, getting completely dirty and nasty. I guess since she told me Spencer wasn’t invited, I jumped on the chance. He has been cooped up in his room for a month. The walls are thin so I hear him in there doing stuff. I don’t know how many times I stopped myself from going in there and jumping his bones.
My shrink says I’m doing way better than she thought I would be at this point. The stuff with Spencer really opened my eyes to things. Like, how so much stuff is not my fault. Spencer didn’t cheat on me because of me; he did it because he’s a pussy. I started to see that Dylan didn’t rape me because of me; he raped me because he is the scum of the earth...and a pussy.
I was weak after what Dylan did and I didn’t want to be that way anymore. I didn’t want people to look at me with pity. I didn’t need their pity. I had to be strong and knock it off their faces myself.
So that is what I did. I think I’m a little more of a ball-buster than I was before, but hey, it works. I see respect now instead of pity.
We pull up to the big field full of cars and trucks. On past the cars I can see a huge mud pit out of the passenger side window. Gross.
On the other side is what looks like miles of tents; just great. I’m really glad that Mason showed me how to use this knife...and the gun.
Paige gets out of the car, chatting cheerily. I block most of it out. She is way too happy for me sometimes. It has gotten worse since she started hooking up with Dean. I still call her a traitor. She’s screwing the enemy’s best friend. She doesn’t hold it against me, though. Paige is too sweet for that.
I see Dean walking towards us with a black tank and shorts on. Aviators block out his eyes, but I know the almost black color of them are staring lust-filled holes into Paige. I see Liam’s brown head come up behind Dean, followed by Carter’s blonde one. Just fucking perfect. I can’t wait for Mason and Lucy to get here.
Someone is going to have to keep me off of Carter. That bitch hasn’t said much of anything to me in weeks. I can remember all the times I let her cry on my shoulder and had to go and pick her up from some guy’s house in the middle of the night. I’m so close to walking over there and punching her in the face.
“Harley, you get the green tent up over on that hill,” Dean says as he walks up in front of me, pointing at a newer-looking green tent. “We all have tents set up around yours, chica.” He smiles at me before walking over to Paige, who beams up at him. Ugh.
“Great,” I say, my voice full of sarcasm. I grab my bag out of the front seat of the car. I ignore Carter and Liam, who both look hurt (like I care) and march up to my tent. I see several people with red plastic cups tripping over themselves and whatnot; half naked guys chasing mostly naked girls. Oh, why did I come?
Getting to the tent, I open the flap and let out a startled squeal.
Spencer is lying on a sleeping bag in the tent playing with his phone. “Did you just squeal? Really?” I feel my face flush and I throw my bag at his head. He catches it before it hits him, of course.
“You scared the piss out of me, Spencer! What are you even doing here? Paige said you weren’t coming!” I practically scream at him.
“Yeah, well Paige didn’t know I was coming, only Dean knew.” He has the grace to smile sheepishly. Bastard.
“Okay, well, why are you in my tent?” I ask with a glare. He replies, “Because all the other tents have couples in them. I really didn’t want to be in there while they get it on. Kind of disgusting, if you ask me.” He smirks at me and I roll my eyes.
“I’ll have this solved in no time. Just you wait.” I turn back and head out of the tent. I spot Paige and Dean coming up over the hill and run towards them. “Paige, Dean brought Spencer and put him in my tent.”
Paige loses her grin and smacks Dean on the arm. “You did what? Why the heck would you do that?”
“He’s my best friend in the whole world, Paige. I wasn’t going to leave him at home while we all came out and had fun.” He places his hands on her arms and looks deep into her eyes. “I’m sorry, baby, but what if it had been Harley?” He bats his eye lashes and I almost gag.
She seems to ponder this for a minute, and then gives him a half smile. “Okay, you’re right. I would have done the same thing.” He pulls her into a hug and winks at me over her shoulder. I throw him the bird and he holds in a laugh.
“Traitor,” I mutter over my shoulder, heading back towards my tent.
When I arrive I do the only thing I can do. I walk in, grab a hold of his bag, and then toss it out of the tent. Spencer looks up at me with an angry glare. I don’t really care if he is mad. Seeing that he’s not going to get up, I snatch his phone out of his hands and toss that out of the flap as well. That gets him moving. I’m not going to lie, I watched his butt when he bent over to head out of the tent.
When he appears inside with his bag and phone, I have my knife out. I don’t plan on using it, but still it might scare him enough to leave for good. “That knife isn’t going to scare me, Harley. You’re not going to use it on me.” He winks at me before lying back down on his sleeping bag. “I’m not going to try anything with you, baby girl. You have your sleeping bag and I have my own. We don’t even have to touch.”
“Well damn, and here I thought we were going to be fucking all night long!” I say with fake excitement in my eyes.
He chuckles before pulling his phone back out.
Spencer
“Let’s go ride the four-wheelers.” I suggest to her. Her dark blues glare at me before she goes back to sharpening that knife I’m sure that Mason gave her.
“I’m not going anywhere with you.” I sigh. This is going to be way harder than I thought. I have spent the past month staying away from her. I had hoped that would cool some of the anger she has toward me, but it appears to have stayed about the same.
Carter pokes her head in and says a soft, “Hi.” She looks hopeful at Harley who only glares harder at her.
“You know what, Spencer, I’ve changed my mind. Let’s go ride some four-wheelers.” She gets up and shoves past a shocked Carter. Carter looks at me like I have the answers, but I just shrug. For as long as I have known them, Carter and Harley were joined at the hip. I get up and follow Harley out of the tent.
She didn’t wait for me, but headed to Dean’s truck for the ATVs we brought with us. We unloaded them earlier so they were just waiting to go. “Okay, I can’t drive one of these things so it’s all on you,” she states, sitting down on the one closest to us, which just so happens to be mine.
“Okay,” is all I say. I’m too worried that the excitement of being alone with her for a little while will come out in my voice. Don’t want her to think I’m too eager. I climb on in front of her and start it up. I reach back and pull her hands around my waist. I ignore the twitch in my dick from her touch. It’s been so long since she has touched me; my body is a little excited.
I head out down a trail on the property I have used before. I have a little trick up my sleeve. The path is bumpy and I feel us rising up and down as we go along. Harley’s hands tighten around my waist as she presses closer to me. Damn that feels nice, oh how I have missed it.
We ride a little way in silence. Mostly because it’s too loud to really talk. You also don’t want to swallow a bug. This trail ends in a secluded field about five miles in. I want to take her there and talk. Knowing Harley, she won’t want that, but I have to try. I miss being around her. Hell, I miss her so much it hurts.
When I pull up to the field about ten minutes later,
I kill the engine and hop off, taking the keys with me. I shove them in my pocket, hoping she won’t go there to get them. I look over to her gorgeous face and see the fire in her dark blue eyes. She is livid, and I love every minute of it.
“Really, Spencer? I had a feeling you were going to do this, but my dumbass thought maybe you were smarter than this.” She rolls her eyes, but stays seated on the four-wheeler.
“I just want to talk, baby girl. That is all. I swear.” I plead to her with my eyes and she begins to soften a little bit.
“You could have talked to me back at the tent,” she huffs.
“Not with all your friends hanging around. You had every excuse to get up and leave when I started to say anything to you. This is the only way I could think of to really get to talk to you.” I run my hands through my hair as I pace back and forth in front of her.
“Fine.” She pats the seat in front of her before scooting to sit on the rack. “Just say your peace so we can head back. The bugs are driving me nuts!”
I slowly stride over to the four-wheeler and sit in front of her with both legs hanging off the sides. I place my hands in front of me, which puts them right next to her knees. If I wasn’t sure before now that she is affected by me, the way she shifts her legs further away would totally have tipped me off.
I had this whole speech planned out in my head. I mean, come on, I had an entire month to plan one. Of course, when it comes down to saying it, my lips are sealed. It’s frustrating how she makes me feel this way. I have never liked to feel unsure of myself and that is one of the main things she brings out in me. I kind of want to knock her upside her head for it.