Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  Shocked, she could only gape at him. “And you think that just because you feel bad, just because you’re sorry, I’m supposed to welcome you back with open arms?” Her voice rose with incredulity. “It doesn’t work that way, Cole. I can’t believe you’d dare ask me that. Who the hell do you think you are?” Finally pulling out of his arms, she turned and stormed away.

  Without conscious thought, her feet carried her in the direction of the nearest restroom, on the other side of the lush lawns, inside the main hotel. Cursing the distance, she quickened her step. She heard Cole calling after her, but she didn’t stop. She had almost made it to the entrance of the hotel when he finally caught her. Grabbing her hand, he effectively halted her flight.

  “What?” she yelled, rounding on him, unconcerned that she was drawing attention. “What do you want from me?” She was mortified to feel tears burning in her eyes.

  “I don’t know. I just…” He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes pleading with her desperately. “I just want to be part of your life again, in any way I can. I don’t want to have to live without you anymore.”

  She laughed, a slightly crazed sound. “You think that by apologizing, everything will go back to the way it was? You think explaining and telling me you’re sorry makes it all okay? It doesn’t. It changes nothing. You had a chance to be in my life. You had the chance to be my life, and you ruined it. I was all in, Cole. I’d given you everything, my heart and my soul, and you crushed them both. You shoved me aside like I didn’t even matter. I don’t want you in my life. I’ve spent the past year trying to get over you, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I can’t do it again. So no, you don’t get to weasel your way back in because you’re lonely. It’s not going to happen, ever.”

  “Bri, please…”

  “No, Cole. I’m done. I’m just… done.” She turned and rushed into the hotel, before her tears could fall.

  This time he let her go.

  Chapter 6

  The next day, Bri slept late, and even her brothers knew better than to try and wake her. When she finally managed to pull herself out of bed late that afternoon, the house was quiet. She went to the fridge and grabbed herself a drink, and found her dad sitting at the dining room table working.

  “Hey, Dad,” she plopped into the seat across from him.

  “Hey, Pumpkin. How was the wedding?” He smiled at her over his laptop.

  “It was good. Layla was beautiful, the ceremony and reception were beautiful. It was a wonderful night.” Not counting her altercation with Cole. “Oh, and by the way, if I get married, I’m doing it at The Del, so you’d better start saving,” she smiled at him.

  “Well, I guess it’s a good thing that you aren’t getting married anytime soon, then. At least I’ll have some time to prepare.”

  She gave him a half-hearted glare.

  “So, how did it go with Cole? Did you two manage to behave yourselves?”

  “Barely,” she huffed.

  “Is that why you seem a little down this afternoon?”

  “You could tell?” She picked at a thread on the table runner in front of her. “I didn’t think I’d been awake long enough for you to judge my mood.”

  “Well, the fact that you slept until three in the afternoon is a pretty good indicator.” He set aside his laptop and leaned closer. “So, what’s bothering you?”

  “It was harder than I thought it’d be, being around him,” she sighed. “He apologized, tried to explain everything. I thought maybe that’d help, knowing why, that it would give me closure or something. But it didn’t. He wants to be part of my life again, but I can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s nothing but a selfish, vindictive jerk. I don’t need that.”

  “Bri,” her dad let out a breath, “There’s something I think you should know. I promised I wouldn’t say anything, but you have a right to know.”

  “What?” Bri’s heart picked up nervously and her fingers stilled on the table.

  “Cole has changed a lot since you last saw him.” He held up his hands to ward off her imminent protest. “I know he hurt you, and I don’t excuse anything he did, but he’s not the same man he was then. What happened between you two affected him, and he’s been trying to make amends wherever he can.”

  “And you know this because you’ve spent so much time with him,” sarcasm dripped from every word.

  “Actually, we have.” Connor met her gaze steadily.

  “What?” she eyed her dad sharply. “What are you talking about?”

  “Cole didn’t want you to know, but we’ve seen him quite a bit this past year, especially during basketball season. He’s gotten us tickets to the games whenever he’s playing here, and he stops by whenever he’s in town. He wants to see the boys, spend time with them.”

  “What?” She was surprised and confused. “Why would he do that?”

  “Because he loves your brothers. After things didn’t work out between you two, he didn’t want the boys to think that they’d lost him. You know how much your brothers adore him. Well, I can assure you that the feeling is mutual. Whenever he’s in town, Cole stops by to visit, or at least meets us for dinner if he doesn’t have much time. When the Jazz made the playoffs last spring, Cole flew the whole family out, along with Jimmy, for his first playoff game. He gave the boys a tour of the stadium and let them into the locker room. He even got them some autographs from the team. He’s really rather spoiling them. Unsurprisingly, both Liam and Logan now want to play basketball.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

  “Cole had asked us not to say anything to you.”

  “And you agreed with him? You didn’t think this was something I deserved to know?”

  “Cole was afraid that if you knew he was spending time with the boys, you’d make him stop. He knew how angry you were with him, and he thought you would forbid him from seeing the boys.”

  “Like that would’ve affected him,” she scoffed. “He probably would’ve been glad not to have to entertain them anymore.”

  “Bri,” her dad glared at her sternly. “That’s not fair. Cole loves those boys like they were his own brothers. You don’t realize that when he lost you, he lost us, too. We are his family too, and he didn’t want to lose his connection to us.”

  Frustrated, and feeling slightly guilty, Bri threw up her hands. “Why are you even telling me this? Do you want me to get back together with Cole, is that what this is about?”

  “I’m not trying to push you one way or the other. That’s a choice only you can make. I just want you to have all the facts before you make a decision. I’m not taking his side over yours…”

  “Really? That’s what it sounds like you’re doing.” She raised her eyebrow at him. This seemed to be a common theme among her friends and family lately, and she was getting a little tired of it.

  “You are my daughter,” Connor emphasized patiently. “I’ll always be on your side. But that doesn’t mean I won’t let you know when I think you’re being narrow minded. I love you. All I want is for you to be happy. That’s it. This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what you want. That’s all that matters.”

  “And what if I don’t know what I want?” All this conflicting information had her head spinning, and she had no idea what to do with any of it.

  “You have plenty of time.” He smiled warmly at her. “You’ll figure it out.”

  “I’m glad one of us thinks so,” she grumbled, causing her dad to laugh.

  “Just think about what I said. What you do with that information is entirely up to you.” He walked over and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I know this isn’t easy, but you’ll pull through.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” she replied. He smiled, leaving Bri to her jumbled, confused thoughts.

  A few days later, Bri got an unexpected call from Seb.

  “What are you doing this Friday night?” he asked.

  “Um, nothing, why?”

  “I have a fundr
aising thing to go to, and I really don’t want to hang out with all those stuffy old people all by myself. Want to come with me?”

  “I don’t know,” she grinned. “It sounds pretty boring. What’s in it for me?”

  “I’ll be your arm candy,” he sweetened the pot.

  “Arm candy, huh?” she laughed. “How can I turn that down?”

  “You can’t, obviously. So you’ll come?”

  “Oh, I suppose so. Will this be a fancy kind of fundraiser, or can I wear my jeans?”

  “Definitely fancy. You should wear something low cut and sexy, to help loosen those wallets.”

  “Really, Seb? You’re going there?” She tried to sound stern, but was having trouble keeping her laughter in.

  “You’ve got to use the assets you have.” Seb was unrepentant. “And you have great ass…ets.”

  “Seb!” she laughed.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” he laughed. “I’ll pick you up around 6:00 on Friday. And seriously, wear something sexy. It’s for the kids.”

  “For the kids. Right.” Bri hung up, shaking her head. The boy was incorrigible.

  Said incorrigible boy picked her up on Friday, and eyed the conservative neckline of her black cocktail dress, shaking his head.

  “Would a little cleavage have killed you?” he taunted, throwing her a cheeky grin.

  “Shut up,” she smacked his arm and walked out to the car.

  “You do look really nice,” he amended once he was in the car.

  “So do you.” She took in his navy blue suit. She had to admit she loved seeing Seb all dressed up. It looked good on him.

  They talked as they drove downtown to Los Angeles. The fundraiser was being held in one of the swanky downtown hotels. After valet parking, they walked up to the ballroom, got their table assignments and silent auction numbers, and stepped inside.

  Bri took in the large, lavishly decorated ballroom. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, the light refracting off of them. There were dozens of tables along both sides of the room, laden with items up for auction. Smaller, round tables filled the expansive space between, and richly dressed men and women wandered through them, laughing and talking.

  “See,” Seb leaned down and murmured in her ear. “This would’ve been miserable without you.”

  “Then why did you come?” She turned to him.

  “A friend of mine is in charge of this. I’m here to be supportive,” he smiled. “Let’s go find our seats and get something to drink.”

  After the appetizers and cocktails had been devoured, a man got up on the small stage in the front of the room, his voice over the speaker getting everyone’s attention.

  “If you all could find your seats, dinner will be served shortly.” After pausing a few minutes for everyone to settle, he continued. “I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight, to help raise money for this great cause. Now I’d like to bring out the man responsible for tonight’s event. Please join me in welcoming Cole Marra to the stage.”

  The room applauded, and Bri froze, certain she had heard wrong. Sure enough, a moment later Cole stepped onto the stage, giving the crowd a charming smile.

  Wide eyed, Bri turned to Seb as Cole began speaking.

  “This is Cole’s fundraiser?” she asked, her voice seething with outrage.

  “Wait,” Seb put a hand on her arm. “Before you freak out, give me a minute to explain.”

  “You knew, and you didn’t tell me.” she glared at him, her anger growing. “You couldn’t even give me a heads up? Or better yet, give me the chance to say hell no when you asked?”

  “Bri...”

  “No.” She pushed back from the table, cutting him off, and stormed out of the room as quickly and discreetly as she could.

  Seb came bursting through the doors a moment later.

  “Bri, wait,” he called, rushing over to her. “I’m sorry, okay. I knew if I told you you’d say no.”

  “You’re right, I would have.” She spun to face him. “And you know what? That was my choice to make, not yours. I thought we were above petty crap like this.”

  Letting out a huge sigh, Seb glanced around. Spotting a bench set back in a somewhat secluded cove, he led her over and sat down.

  “Let me explain, okay?” He paused when she just glared at him. “Okay, I deserve that. And you’re right; I should’ve been upfront with you. But, damn it Bri, sometimes you are too stubborn for your own good.”

  “Are you making this my fault?” she gaped.

  “No, of course not, but you need to listen to me for a minute. You and Cole need to get over all this crap between you.”

  Bri stood to leave in protest, but Seb put a hand on her arm to stop her. “Bri, please, just listen to me.” The earnestness in his eyes had her hesitating, and reluctantly she sat back down. “I know what Cole did was deplorable, but he’s changed a lot since then. He’s been trying to make sure that he won’t repeat his mistakes again.”

  Bri’s heart froze. This sounded eerily similar to what her dad had said.

  “There’s something that I want to tell you. I probably should’ve told you this a long time ago, but I promised Cole I wouldn’t say anything. And well, honestly, I didn’t want to tell you. I thought Cole deserved to suffer for what he did, and he has. But I should have told you. I’m sorry I didn’t. You deserve to know the truth.”

  “Seb,” Bri sighed. “Nothing you say is going to make any difference now. It’s not going to change anything.”

  “Maybe not,” he agreed. “But you need to know what happened that night I went to confront him. I didn’t tell you the whole story back then, but I’m going to now.”

  “I don’t want to hear…”

  “No, Bri, you are going to listen,” Seb snapped, and Bri was shocked into silence.

  “That was an awful night,” he shook his head, his eyes glazed with memory. “After fighting for who knows how long, Matt and I were finally able to get through to Cole and convince him that he had been wrong about everything. And when the truth sank in, and he realized what he’d done, everything he’d thrown away, something died in him. He completely shut down. He sat on the floor of that bathroom, staring straight ahead but seeing nothing, for so long that Matt and I were about to call an ambulance. He scared me, Bri. I’ve never been so worried in my life. He wouldn’t move or respond, no matter what we did. We tried everything we could think of to pull him out of wherever he’d disappeared to, but nothing worked. I don’t know how long he sat like that, but sometime later, while Matt and I were arguing about who to call for help, he finally moved. He turned slowly and looked at me, and I swear it was like looking at a ghost. The emptiness, the despair and the self-loathing I saw in his eyes scared me. I’ve never seen Cole look like that, so utterly lost and hopeless.” Seb shook his head.

  “He looked up at me, still sitting on the bathroom floor, and asked in a voice as dead as he was, ‘What kind of person am I, that I could do something so terrible and unforgivable to the woman I love?’ And then he lost it. He stormed out of the bathroom, and started ranting about what a horrible excuse for a human being he was, and how could he be such a monster. Normal people don’t destroy the best thing that ever happened to them, and what the hell was wrong with him, that he could do something like that. He was broken, Bri, and I don’t use that term lightly. He was convinced there was something so horribly wrong with him that he must be evil, and he hated himself for it.”

  “Why are you telling me this, Seb?” Bri asked softly, as caught up in the story as he was.

  He turned to her, finally seeing her again, and his eyes bore into hers.

  “You need to know that he’s spent the last year trying to fix whatever he thinks is wrong with him. He started seeing a therapist right after that, and he’s been working really hard to understand why he did what he did to you, why he reacted the way he did. He’s trying to change, to make sure he never does anything like that ever again. He’s determined not
to let himself ruin his own happiness anymore”

  Speechless, Bri sat back, her thoughts and emotions in a jumble. Cole was seeing a psychiatrist? She hadn’t expected that. A small part of her was also glad to hear he was suffering and hurting as much as she was, and she was a little ashamed of herself. Damn it, why was she still letting Cole affect her. She shouldn’t care what he was feeling, and she shouldn’t feel guilty for her own justified emotions. But she did. She’d told Seb that nothing he could say would change things between her and Cole. But did this revelation change things?

  She cut a skeptical glance at Seb, as a new question filled her.

  “Why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you say anything that night, or anytime this past year?”

  Blushing, Seb dropped his eyes.

  “Honestly, I didn’t want to have to tell you. I was hoping that you would get over Cole, and what happened that night wouldn’t matter.”

  “But, I am over Cole.”

  He looked up at her and raised his eyebrow. “Really, Bri? Because anyone who’s seen you two the past week knows that is not true.”

  “What are you talking about?” she felt her cheeks flushing. “Cole and I have been at each other’s throats the whole time. We can’t even be in the same room without fighting.”

  “Yeah,” Seb conceded. “But when you two aren’t trying to convince yourselves and everyone else that you don’t feel anything, you look like you can’t even breathe without each other.”

  “No we don’t.”

  “You do,” he nodded, his eyes sad. “There’s definitely still something there. Believe me, I wish more than anyone that I was wrong. I was hoping that if you could get over him, you might give me a chance.”