Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  “Seb...” A flood of guilt shot through her, choking off her words.

  “It’s okay, Bri.” Seb’s lips turned up sadly. “I know how you feel about me, and I’m okay with it. It was a fool’s hope anyway, and it’s my own fault for even thinking about it in the first place. But the fact is, you love Cole, and nothing is going to change that. And I’m glad for that, really I am. But, you need to get over your anger and move past all of this. And in order to do that you need to know the truth. He’s not the same person he was. He loves you, Bri. Everything he’s done has been for you.”

  “Why would you help him? If you were hoping that we might get together, why would you want me to take him back?”

  “I’m not telling you to take him back. I’m just giving you the truth. You deserve to know what’s going on behind the scenes. And I’m doing this because I love you. I love you both, and it hurts me to see you both so miserable. You two need to figure your crap out, and the sooner you do it, the better.” He gave her a small smile. “What happened between you and Cole wrecked him. He’s never been that devastated before. He’s been working really hard to put himself back together. He’s trying to be a better man for you.”

  “I… I don’t…” she stuttered, completely confused and at a loss.

  “You don’t have to say anything right now,” he placed a calming hand on hers. “Just, promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

  “Okay,” she agreed softly.

  “Good.” He let out a breath. “Well, we’d better get back in there before people start to think inappropriate things are going on out here.”

  She laughed, feeling some of her tension dissipate.

  Seb stood and held out a hand to her. “Are you ready?”

  Nodding, she took Seb’s hand and let him lead her back to the ballroom.

  Chapter 7

  Bri and Seb returned to their seats just as Cole was finishing up his speech. When she finally paid attention, Bri was surprised to find that Cole was raising money for a charity that he had started. His foundation helped inner city and underprivileged kids get access to sporting programs that they couldn’t otherwise afford. After his speech, Bri watched as Cole flitted from table to table, laughing and talking with each potential donor, charming them all. Seb’s new revelation rolled through her mind, as did her dad’s earlier confession, and she found herself looking at Cole in a different light.

  She didn’t want to feel sympathetic toward him; she didn’t want to feel anything other than loathing for him. But she found herself softening as the scope of what he was doing hit her.

  “When did Cole set up this foundation?” she leaned over and asked Seb, keeping a wary eye on Cole’s progress around the room. “Hasn’t he been busy playing basketball?”

  Seb swallowed his bite of dessert and dabbed his mouth with his napkin. “He set this up a couple months after he got drafted, just before the NBA season started. He used most of his signing bonus to get it started¸ and he’s been fundraising throughout the year to get it going.”

  “How has he had time to do that?” Cole had been traveling extensively with the Jazz. How he’d managed to find time to set up a foundation and organize fundraising events was beyond her. “He can’t sit still to save his life. I’m surprised his attention span is long enough for something this demanding and long-term. He probably just needed something to help keep him busy.”

  “No,” Seb shook his head “No, this was something that was really important to him. He wanted to give something back, and he really wanted to help underprivileged kids. This isn’t just something for him to do, he truly believes in this program. It’s why he’s happy to give any time he can to helping this foundation grow and be successful. This isn’t about him, it’s about the kids.” Seb gave her a disapproving look, and Bri fidgeted under his gaze. She hated the slight tang of guilt she felt at assuming the worst, but really, could Seb blame her? Judging from the disappointment in his eyes, yes, he could.

  Cole was getting closer to her table, and not wanting to have to face him yet, and wanting to get away from Seb’s disapproval, Bri decided to take the opportunity to go peruse the auction items. As she wandered around the perimeter of the room, she was amazed at how many things Cole himself was donating. In addition to his signed jerseys and photos, Cole had offered a couple one-on-one and group basketball sessions, a few team training sessions, some free admissions to a basketball camp he was holding later that summer, and a privately guided tour of the Jazz facilities in Utah. Seeing the amount of personal items and time Cole was donating, Bri had to grudgingly admit that this foundation was definitely more than just something to fill his time. He really cared about helping these kids. He wanted to make a difference.

  Bri moved to the next table and froze. Her heart twisted as her eyes traveled over the table full of Cole’s paintings up for auction. Some of the paintings she recognized, and some she’d never seen before, but they were all undeniably his. She was surprised at the swell of happiness she felt knowing that Cole had continued to paint after leaving school. She was glad he hadn’t lost that part of himself.

  Skimming the paintings, Bri was immediately drawn to one piece that Cole had done while he was at Duke. It was a landscape of the costal town in North Carolina where they had spent the weekend their freshman year. He had painted it for one of his classes, and it had always been one of her favorites. Not so much for the subject as much as the memories it embodied. Seeing it here tonight, all of those emotions and memories came rushing back to her. All of the good times she and Cole had had together, everything that had happened that weekend, and how happy she’d been. The ghost of that happiness settled around her like a warm, familiar blanket, and a sudden longing for those days hit her so hard that tears filled her eyes.

  Before she was even conscious of what she was doing, her hand picked up the pen and she bid on Cole’s painting. She didn’t know what had possessed her to do it. Maybe she was desperate for a reminder of a time when she wasn’t miserable and bitter, when she could feel something other than just pain and anger. Maybe she didn’t want something so personal going to a stranger. Or maybe she just wished that she could go back to those innocent, carefree days. Whatever the reason, it was done.

  She released her breath and stepped back. Before she could get nostalgic over anything else, she hurried back to her seat. Seb glanced up at her, taking in her pale face and tight mouth, but didn’t press her. He reached over and squeezed her hand, and then turned back to the man he was talking to.

  Cole finished his conversation at the last table, and turned toward her. His eyes held hers as he approached slowly, like he’d startle her and she’d scamper off if he moved too fast. Bri wanted to look away, but couldn’t.

  He hadn’t been surprised to see her here tonight. Of course he hadn’t; he and Seb had probably been in league together to trick her into coming. He’d been watching her, but his attention had been monopolized by his responsibilities and he’d kept his distance, until now. A hesitant smile formed on his lips as he slumped into the chair next to Seb at their now empty table.

  “I don’t know about you two, but I’m exhausted,” Cole sighed.

  “That’s because you’ve been hopping around the room like a rabbit on crack all night,” Seb grinned. “You should sit down for a minute.”

  “I think I’ve schmoozed everyone here that needs schmoozing, so I just might be able to do that.” Cole loosened and removed his tie. “Are you guys having fun?”

  “Oh yeah,” Seb quipped. “This is better than Disneyland.”

  “Shut up,” Cole laughed and punched Seb’s arm. “But seriously, thanks for coming. You two being here makes this much more bearable.”

  Bri noticed Cole had yet to address her directly, but instead was safely referring to her in tandem with Seb. She was glad. Her view of Cole might be changing, but that didn’t mean that she was ready to jump into friendly banter. Not wanting to participate in the conversation anyway, B
ri turned her attention back out to the room. She felt his eyes on her as he and Seb chatted, but she stayed resolutely silent, growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

  An opportunity of escape presented itself a few minutes later, when the DJ started playing music and couples began dancing. A guy from the table next to hers came up and asked Bri to dance, and while she wasn’t exactly in a dancing mood, she’d take any excuse to get away from Cole. Both he and Seb watched as she let the stranger lead her out to the floor, and she felt them watching her the whole time she danced. After the song was over, someone else stepped in to dance with her, and then someone else, and she happily let these men keep her occupied. She’d just turned from her latest partner, desperately in need of a drink and a chance to rest her feet, when she ran straight into Cole’s chest. He’d been waiting right behind her, and quickly pulled her to him before she could move away.

  “Dance with me?” he asked, his eyes stormy and intense.

  “No.” Huffing, she tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t budge.

  “I’ve been waiting all night to get a moment with you, and now that I have you, I’m not letting you get away.” The twitch of amusement on his lips had her temper flaring.

  “Why dancing?” she glared at him. Why did he always seem to be able to corner her on the dance floor? “Why can’t we just talk back at the table?”

  “Because this way I get to be close to you.” To prove his point, he pressed her closer, bringing their faces just inches apart.

  She felt a jolt of something like lightning shoot through her at the contact, and gasped. He smirked down at her, knowing just how much he affected her, and she cursed her traitorous body. The hard, lean muscles of his arms formed a cage around her, and she knew that fighting would be useless. Unable to escape, she decided to give herself up to her fate.

  “I saw you run out earlier.” He watched her closely. “I thought for sure you’d left. Needless to say, I was more than pleasantly surprised when you came back in with Seb. I’m curious how he got you to change your mind.”

  “Not that it’s any of your business,” she huffed, “but he told me about what happened that night he came to Duke to knock some sense into you. About how you had a total emotional break down when you realized what a stupid ass you had been, and what a mess you were.” She grinned at him coldly.

  “Oh,” Cole leaned back, surprised and a bit embarrassed. “And that changed your mind about staying tonight?”

  “Yes,” she turned her head, unwilling to meet his gaze.

  “So, what does that mean?”

  “I don’t know, Cole,” she snapped, angry about being coerced into talking to him, again. “Right now, all it means is that I agreed to stay at this little party of yours. Nothing more.”

  “Okay,” he nodded. “I can live with that. So, I noticed that you bid on my painting.”

  Her head snapped up, and it was her turn to be embarrassed. “How do you know that? The bidding is supposed to be anonymous.”

  “I have my ways,” he smiled mischievously. “You know, if you wanted it all you had to do was ask.”

  “Aren’t you raising money for the kids? That’s the only reason I did it. I was just helping out the cause.”

  He gave her a skeptical look, seeing right through her lie, and her blush deepened.

  “Either way, I would’ve just given it to you. If you really want it, it’s yours.”

  “I don’t want anything from you,” she challenged.

  He leaned down and lightly nuzzled the lily tattooed just behind her right ear. Her body shivered at his closeness, and she felt his smug smile against her skin.

  “Are you sure there isn’t anything you want from me, Bri?” he murmured, his lips causing more shivers to race through her as they lightly brushed that sensitive spot.

  Her body screamed all of the things it did in fact want from him, and it took a minute for her brain to regain control.

  “There’s nothing I want from you,” she made herself say. But the huskiness of her voice was unmistakable.

  She was sure he saw right through her, but he conceded and pulled back, much to her relief.

  “I’m not the same person I was before.” He gazed earnestly into her eyes. “I would really like an opportunity to prove that to you. If you’ll let me.”

  “Cole,” she sighed, shaking her head.

  “I’m not asking for much. I just… I want to be friends again. I miss you, Bri. We can do this on your terms. I just want to feel close to you, in any way I can.”

  She was about to automatically refuse, but the recent revelations about him floated through her mind, and she paused. She glanced around at the fundraiser he had organized, at all the things he had donated to help someone other than himself, and she wondered if it was possible that he had changed.

  “Are you really seeing a psychiatrist?” The question flew bluntly from her lips without any forethought. She hadn’t realized it, but of all the things she’d learned about Cole, this was what was pressing on her mind. She felt a little bad for prying, but it was something she wanted to know, something she needed to know.

  “Seb told you.” Despite his obvious embarrassment, he didn’t drop his eyes from hers. “For over a year now,” he nodded. “I’m still working through some things, but it’s been very helpful.”

  “What have you found out?” The minute the words were out of her mouth she wished she could take them back. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, and I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “No, I want you to know,” he gave her a small smile. “Well first, I have a potent and deeply routed fear of abandonment. And because of that, I’ll do anything to keep people from leaving me. Become who they want me to be, change myself to fit their expectations. Even push someone away and leave them first, before they can leave me.”

  “Why would you do that? Why would that be better?”

  “I can’t be abandoned if I’m the one doing the abandoning,” he shrugged. “The other thing I’ve learned is that I have debilitating fear that no one will ever love me, because I’m not worthy of being loved. This causes me to avoid or walk away from meaningful relationships because I’m afraid I’ll never be loved and I don’t want to be left behind. So I just give up and walk away. It’s a vicious cycle,” he smiled ruefully. “There are a great multitude of other things wrong with me, but my therapist says most of them stem from these issues, so those are the ones I’m working on now.”

  “Oh, wow. Okay,” was all she could think to say. She was startled at his honesty. She hadn’t expected him to really tell her. He hadn’t been that open and honest for a long time.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you, Bri.” His eyes held her with their intensity, and she couldn’t look away. “I was stupid and arrogant and messed up in ways I’m only now beginning to understand. I never should have treated you the way I did. I’m sorry.”

  Unable to respond, she just nodded. She couldn’t tell him it was okay, it wasn’t. She wasn’t yet ready, or able, to forgive him, and she wouldn’t lie just to make him feel better. Despite that, she did feel herself softening, those jagged edges of bitterness crumbling away. It removed some of the crushing weight from her chest.

  “Do you think we could be friends again? Please?” His eyes bore into hers earnestly, and she wanted to agree. She wanted to cave in and give him whatever he wanted. Luckily, her common sense kicked in before she could do something so stupid.

  “I’m not ready for that,” she replied softly and tried to pull away, but he was having none of it.

  “Okay, I need to earn back your trust,” he nodded. “That’s fair. I can’t just expect things to go back to the way they were before. I get it. Can I maybe text you sometime? You don’t even have to respond or anything, but can I just reach out every once in a while? Please,” he pressed when she didn’t immediately refuse. “Give me a chance to prove myself to you.”

  She watched him for a moment, searching his face
, and found herself nodding.

  “Fine, you can text me. But I’m warning you now that I won’t answer, so don’t get your hopes up.”

  “I can live with that.” A beaming smile lit up his face, and something clenched in her stomach.

  “Good. Now if you’re done holding me hostage here, I’d like to get back to my date.”

  “Okay,” he chuckled. But before letting her go, he leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I’ll give you your space, and all the time you need, but I’m not letting go. Not this time, not anymore. I’m done running, and I’m done hiding. I’m here to stay, and I’m never walking away again. So get used to it, baby.” He snuck a quick kiss to her cheek while she was too stunned to move, and then just walked away.

  “Wait, what?” she yelled at his retreating back. Outrage at his audacity and presumption had her face heating. He didn’t turn around or acknowledge her, and after a moment she returned to her seat.

  Seb watched her with a smug, knowing grin.

  “Stop that,” she swatted his arm.

  “First, I want you to say it. Just three little words. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

  “And what three words are those?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

  “You. Were. Right.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

  “And what exactly were you right about?”

  “The fact that you still love Cole.”

  “I do not,” she scoffed, but she could feel the heat rushing up her face.

  “Right.” It was Seb’s turn to raise an eyebrow at her. “I think the only person who believes that is you.”

  “Whatever,” she shook her head, but she could feel a grin tugging at her lips.

  Not wanting to chance another ambush from Cole, she convinced Seb to bail out of the fundraiser early. Not that he needed much convincing.

  He pulled up in front of her house, but made no move to get out of the car.

  “Everything okay?” she asked. He’d been unusually quiet on the drive home.