Perfect Imperfection
Page 13
“Thank you, Adam,” she smiled at him.
“Bye, Bri,” he smiled back, and a moment later slipped back inside.
As she walked back up the bustling street, she couldn’t help but smile. She’d taken her first step away from her past and toward a future of her choosing. It felt good. She didn’t know where this new acquaintance would take her, but she was oddly excited to find out.
Fall quickly turned to winter, and Bri had to adjust to yet another depth of cold she’d never experienced. With her new pedestrian lifestyle, she had to get used to walking the streets of New York in the bone chilling cold that not even the sun could chase away.
With the winter came the beginning of the NBA season, and Bri was relieved to get to see Cole on TV again. She knew it was unhealthy, this obsession of hers, but she was beyond caring. This was the only tie she had left to him, and she wasn’t ready to give it up. Despite her resolve to move forward with her life, Cole was still a constant presence in her mind. She still worried about him, wondered how he was doing, how he was coping. And still fell asleep at night with thoughts of him in her head.
One night, Bri was up late, watching Cole play. The game had just gotten over, the Jazz winning by a slim margin, and Cole was giving a post game interview. The camera zoomed in on him, and despite giving the reporter his full attention, Bri could see the blankness in his eyes. Cole had always been a favorite with reporters, laughing and joking around with them, and they loved him for it. He was always the go-to player to interview. But now, there was nothing. No charm, no jokes, no smile, no joy. He gave brief, clinical answers, and it was obvious he wanted to be anywhere but where he was. And, as someone who knew him well, Bri could see that he also looked like he wanted to be anyone but who he was.
Her breath caught and tears filled her eyes as she watched him. She didn’t know if anyone else watching tonight could see through the tightly controlled mask, but she did, and it broke her heart. No matter how much he pretended otherwise, Cole was not okay. She had done this to him; she had turned him into the shell of the man she’d once known. Cole was broken. Horror filled her as she finally saw it for herself, her silent tears the only apology she could offer him.
“Oi, not basketball again,” Becks groaned as she came through the front door.
Bri quickly wiped her cheeks and cleared her throat before answering. She hoped her roommate hadn’t noticed she was crying.
“The game’s over, you can watch whatever you want.” Bri grabbed her things and stood up from the couch.
Becks shot a calculating glance between her and the TV, but didn’t say anything. Bri quickly ducked into her room, before Becks could come to any conclusions.
One especially blustery Saturday afternoon, Bri pressed herself against the wall of the dance studio, trying to avoid the late November wind. She had just finished an afternoon ballet clinic and was debating whether or not to stick around for the hip-hop class that started in an hour, when her phone rang. She pulled her phone out of her bag and froze, but it had nothing to do with the icy wind pounding into her. After a breathless moment, she forced her unsure fingers to lift the phone to her ear.
“Hello?” she whispered anxiously.
“Hi, Bri,” an equally anxious voice replied.
“Seb,” she breathed, her eyes closing in relief at the sound of his voice. She slumped back against the wall, her racing heart. She couldn’t believe it was really him. It’d been a year and a half since she’d last spoken to him, and not a day went by that she didn’t think and wonder and worry about him. She’d wanted so badly to call him so many times, but she’d promised to give him the time he needed. The only time she’d contacted him was to give him her new phone number, just in case he might need it. But that had just been a short text, to which he hadn’t replied. She hadn’t heard anything from him for a year and a half, and now here he was- her best friend whom she’d missed so terribly, calling her out of the blue.
Bri’s heart stopped for a moment. Seb was calling her. This was either really good news and he was ready to come home, or something really bad had happened. She suddenly couldn’t seem to breathe.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he finally responded, and she could hear the sad smile in his voice.
“How are you? Where are you? What…?” she stuttered, her brain not able to form coherent thoughts at the moment.
“I’m good, Bri. I’m still in Spain, and football is going good.”
“Oh, good,” she replied, the small bit of hope inside her fading. She didn’t want him to still be in Spain, she wanted him back home with her.
“How are you dong?” he asked, and Bri could hear the tension and weariness in his voice. Something was definitely wrong.
“I’m good. I’m living in New York now, and things are… good,” she finished lamely.
“New York, wow. That’s awesome.”
“Yeah.”
They sat in silence for a moment, and Bri’s heart hurt that a simple conversation was so awkward now. They used to be able to talk for hours, about anything, and now even small talk was nearly impossible.
“Um, look Bri. There’s actually a reason I’m calling. Something has happened.”
All other emotion fled, and fear roared through her, hot and potent.
“What?” she whispered, but deep down she already knew. There was only one reason Seb would be calling.
“It’s Cole. He’s been in an accident. It’s… It’s pretty bad,” Seb’s voice cracked, and Bri’s heart refused to keep beating. Her legs were suddenly unable to support her, and she slid down the wall to the cold sidewalk. She didn’t notice the streams of people rushing past her, didn’t see their questioning glances as she sat huddled on the ground. She didn’t even feel the wind anymore. The ice that rushed through her veins made her numb to everything around her.
“What happened?” she managed to whisper, dread threatening to suffocate her.
“He was out on his motorcycle, and was hit by a car. He…” Seb paused to clear his throat, and Bri realized just how hard he was fighting to keep his emotions contained. “It’s bad. Jimmy just called me a few minutes ago. Cole’s in the ambulance heading to the hospital. He’s unconscious, and he’s got multiple broken bones and internal bleeding. They won’t know the extent of his injuries until they get him into surgery, but they’re worried about brain trauma and swelling.”
“Oh god,” Bri whimpered, her stomach twisting to the point she worried she’d be sick.
“Jimmy didn’t have your number, so he asked me to call and let you know what happened. He thought you’d want to know.”
“Seb,” warm tears trickled down her frozen cheeks, “where is Jimmy? Is anyone there with Cole?”
“Jimmy was just getting on a plane to Salt Lake when he called me. I guess Layla and Devon are going to meet the ambulance up at the hospital, and stay with him until Jimmy can get there.”
“Okay. Okay, good,” Bri breathed, finally picking herself up off the ground. Her panic was threatening to overwhelm her, but she forced it back. She couldn’t loose it yet.
“Bri, I… I’m trying to get out there, but I’m not going to be able to get a flight until the morning. Is there anyway you could… that you could fly out there and stay with him until I can get there?” Seb’s voice broke, and all the fear and anxiety and despair he’d been holding back came rushing out in a half sob that rocked Bri to her core. Seb was scared. Seb, who was always so strong and in control, was so afraid for his best friend that he was actually breaking down. It hit Bri then just how dire Cole’s situation was.
She quickly scanned the street, but not seeing a cab anywhere, she ran off for the nearest subway entrance.
“Of course I will, Seb,” she choked, brushing away tears from her face. “Like you even have to ask.”
“I do though.” He seemed to have gotten himself back under control. “With the way things are between you and him, I wasn’t sure if this was too much to ask of you.”
“Of course not. I’m heading home right now to pack a few things, and then I’ll be on the first flight out of here. I’ll call and let Jimmy and Layla know I’m on my way. I’ll be there, don’t worry.”
“Thank you, Bri. I’ll feel much better knowing that he isn’t alone, that you’re with him. And, if anything happens before I can…” his voice broke again.
“Don’t,” Bri let out her own sob as more tears streaked down her face. “Nothing is going to happen, do you hear me? Cole will be fine. He’ll be awake and waiting for you when you get there.” She made herself say it, for her benefit as well as Seb’s. Deep down she was worried that she was already going to be too late, and that fear almost paralyzed her. But, if she was going to survive the next few hours, she had to believe that Cole would pull through, that he’d be all right, that she wasn’t going to walk into her worst nightmare come true. She made herself believe it.
“You’re right,” Seb drew in a deep breath. “Of course he’ll be okay.”
“He will,” she prayed. “Listen Seb, I’m about to head down to the subway, and there isn’t great reception down there, so I’m going to let you go. Please, try not to worry, and get there as fast as you can. I know Cole will do much better if you’re there with him.”
“I will. You try not to worry too, okay?”
Bri laughed, knowing that was impossible. She and Seb would do nothing but worry until they saw for themselves that Cole was okay. “Yeah, I’ll try.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Please hurry,” she whispered, unsure if she could handle this alone. The thought of losing Cole was so debilitating she couldn’t let herself even consider it. She needed Seb to lean on and cry on, and to keep her from falling apart. And from the sound of his voice, he needed her, too.
“I will. I’ll call you when I land.”
Bri hung up the phone and dashed into the subway.
Chapter 13
Bri was restless. Which, when stuck on an airplane for six hours, isn’t a convenient condition to be in.
She’d managed to get a last minute direct flight to Salt Lake, though it had cost her, and she’d packed and headed off to the airport in record time, with a brief explanation to Becks on her way out. Her friend was understandably confused at the rush and chaos, and Bri promised to call and fill her in later. But she had to get on that plane and she didn’t have a moment to spare. She had to get to Cole.
Right before she boarded, she’d called Jimmy, but his phone had gone straight to voicemail, which she figured meant that he was probably still on his own flight. Layla thankfully had answered when Bri called, and said that Cole was in surgery and that they hadn’t heard anything from the doctors yet. After making arrangements for Layla to pick her up from the airport, Bri had hung up and rushed onto the plane.
That had been hours ago. Up at 35,000 feet with no cell service, anything could’ve happened by now, and the uncertainty was tearing her apart. She oscillated between anxious fidgeting and silent tears the entire plane ride, and judging from the dubious looks he gave her, the person sitting next to her obviously thought she was completely crazy.
She couldn’t help it, though. Her chest was so tight she could barely breathe as a single terrible thought kept spinning through her head, despite her best attempts to banish it. What if she was too late? What if Cole had died on that operating table, and she had no idea? The ramifications of that were too staggering and devastating to even contemplate. And mercifully, her mind shut down those soul-shattering thoughts before the guilt of everything unsaid and unresolved between them could smother her.
After what seemed like an eternity, her plane finally touched down in Salt Lake. Fear knotting her throat, she turned on her phone to check for any messages, letting out a relieved sob when her voicemail was empty. But then she realized that Layla could just be waiting to deliver the bad news in person, and her heart started pounding double time. She grabbed her carry on and tore through the airport, dialing Layla’s number as she pushed her way past the other travelers. Cursing when Layla didn’t pick up, Bri shoved her phone in her pocket and ran the rest of the way to the baggage claim.
She entered the pick up area and scanned the crowd. Layla was sitting a carousel down, and she jumped up when she saw Bri. Layla’s pale, tired face was inscrutable, and Bri found herself rooted to the floor with fear. She couldn’t make herself move any closer to the devastating news she dreaded.
Layla walked up, and they stood there a moment, just looking at each other before Bri summoned all of her remaining courage and made herself ask.
“How is he?”
Layla’s face creased with sadness and Bri’s knees threatened to give out beneath her.
“He’s okay,” Layla sighed.
Bri let out the breath she’d been holding since she’d left New York. Cole was alive.
“He got out of surgery just a little while ago. They were able to stop the internal bleeding, and repair the damage to his organs. But he shattered his right leg, dislocated his shoulder, broke quite a few ribs, and broke his clavicle. They don’t think there’s any permanent brain damage, but he’s still heavily sedated, so they won’t know for sure until he wakes up. Jimmy and Devon are there with him.”
Relief and guilt and joy and worry, and too many other emotions for her to pinpoint, flooded through her, and Bri could only sob as she threw her arms around her friend.
“Thank you, Lay. Thank you for being there for him when I couldn’t.” She pulled back and tried to smile. “I owe you big time for this.”
“You don’t owe me anything. You’d have done the same for me. Plus, Cole is my friend, too. I couldn’t not be there.”
“Can I see him?” she asked, trying to hide the trembling of her hands.
“I’ll take you to him,” Layla smiled, and led the way to her car.
Instead of marveling at the dark mountains towering around her, or gazing at the lights of downtown Salt Lake, Bri spent the ride to the University of Utah hospital trying not to hyperventilate or burst out into unstoppable tears. She knew Cole was still badly injured, and she tried her best to prepare herself for what might meet her at the hospital. But she couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that he was alive. Nothing else mattered. He was still here, he was still with her.
“Bri,” Jimmy smiled as she walked into the waiting room. He pulled her into a tight embrace, tears in his eyes, and she found she couldn’t hold back her own anymore. “I’m so glad you’re here. I know it will mean a lot to Cole that you came.”
Nodding, she stepped back, wiping her cheeks. “How’s he doing? Can I see him?”
“He’s still in recovery in the ICU, so he can’t have visitors yet. But, you can peek in through that window over there and see him if you want.”
Bri glanced over at the small window next to the door to the Intensive Care Unit, and anxiety flooded through her. Forcing her feet to take her over, she slowly moved to the window. Her heart stopped at what she saw.
Cole was there, strapped to a bed and covered in tubes and monitoring equipment. The piles of blankets covering him couldn’t hide the myriad of bruises all over his face and body, the cast on his leg and arms, the wrap around his ribs. Bri’s hands flew to her mouth to stop the sob that wanted to escape. He was deathly pale, his black hair a shock against the starkness of his face. His eyes remained closed, not a twitch or a movement to indicate that he was conscious, and Bri was glad that he was still blissfully unaware of reality.
The severity of his accident, of his injuries, hit her like a punch in the gut.
“He’s still in pretty rough shape,” Jimmy walked up next to her. “But he’s damn lucky to be alive. No matter how bad the rest of it is, that’s something to be grateful for.”
“Yeah,” Bri sniffed. “Yeah, it is.” She turned away before she completely broke down.
“They are keeping him in the ICU for the rest of the night. In the morning, if he’s stable, the
y’ll move him to a private room, and we can see him then. The doctors are keeping him heavily sedated, so he won’t be awake for a while.”
“Would it be all right if I stayed?” she asked, suddenly not sure if she had any right to be there, not after what she’d put Cole through. “At least until he’s out of the ICU?”
“Of course,” Jimmy hugged her. “You stay as long as you want. But,” he looked around the small waiting room. “If you want to hang out somewhere more comfortable, that’s okay too. I can call you when they move him.”
Bri shook her head. “I’ll stay here. I want to be close.” Jimmy nodded. “Seb’s on his way,” she offered. “He’ll be here as soon as he possibly can.”
“That’s good. It’ll be good for Cole, having you guys here. He needs all the support he can get.”
Speaking of Seb, Bri thought she’d better call him and let him know how Cole was doing. She got his voicemail, which hopefully meant he was finally on a plane, and left him a message with the good news. She then plopped into a chair next to Layla and Devon.
“Hi, Bri,” Devon smiled. His face was lined with worry and fatigue, and Bri wondered just how long he and Layla had been at the hospital.
“Hey Dev,” she leaned over and gave him a hug. “Thank you for watching over him. I know you guys have been here for a while.”
“He’s going to be okay,” he assured her before pulling back. She gave him a grateful smile.
“Why don’t you two go home and get some rest? They won’t be moving Cole for a while, and I’ll be here in case anything happens.”
Layla and Devon exchanged a glance.
“Are you sure?” Layla asked. “I can stay if you need me.”
“No, go home. You both look exhausted, and you’ve had to bear the brunt of the worry by yourselves. I can take over for a bit.”