Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  Devon looked at his watch. “We could go grab a couple hours sleep and still be back before they move Cole.” He looked to Layla.

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Layla pushed, eyeing Bri for a moment, before a huge yawn split her face.

  “I’m positive. Now, go get some sleep before you pass out right here on the floor. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Okay,” Layla finally relented. “We’ll be back in a couple hours. Call if anything changes.”

  “You got it.” Bri stood and gave Layla and Devon a hug goodbye. “Love you guys.”

  “Love you, too.” Layla kissed the top of her head and turned for the door. “Call me if you need me,” she looked at Bri meaningfully. “I’m serious.”

  “I will,” Bri promised. But she had no intention of having a complete emotional breakdown in the middle of the hospital waiting room. She could hold herself together for Cole’s, Layla’s, and her own sake.

  Some time later, Bri jolted awake to the ringing of her phone. She didn’t even remember dosing off in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, but she rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she pulled out her phone.

  “Hello?” she answered groggily.

  “Bri? What happened to Cole?”

  “Matt?” she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

  “I just saw a news report that Cole had been in an accident. What’s going on? Is he okay? What have you heard?”

  Matt’s frantic voice caused a surge of guilt within her. In her mad dash to get to Cole, she hadn’t even thought about calling his friends, or hers, to tell them what happened. She’d been too blinded by her own panic. Some friend she was.

  “Yeah, he was hit by a car while riding his motorcycle. He was injured pretty badly, but he’s alive. He just got out of surgery, and they were able to stop the internal bleeding and set his broken bones. He’s still in pretty bad shape, but he’s okay. He’s still here.”

  “Thank god,” Matt breathed. “Where are you? Are you there?”

  “I’m here with him. I flew out as soon as I heard. I’m so sorry I didn’t call to tell you. I just… I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”

  “It’s okay. I know how worried and upset you must’ve been. A phone call would’ve been the farthest thing from my mind, too.”

  “Thanks, Matt.” Relief flooded her. “So, it’s on the news already?”

  “Yeah, I saw it on Sports Center this morning. Scared the hell out of me. How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay, all things considered. Cole’s still unconscious, the doctors are keeping him sedated a while longer. He’s in recovery in the ICU, but they’ll be moving him to a room pretty soon. After that, we wait for him to wake up.”

  There was a murmur on Matt’s end. “Bri? Stacie’s here and wants to talk to you.”

  “Stacie’s there with you?” Bri’s shock quickly melted to a satisfied smile. Had Stacie and Matt gotten back together? “Matt, Matt, Matt. Someone’s been holding out on me,” she chided.

  “Yeah, well.” She could practically hear him blushing. “Here’s Stace. Hold on.”

  “Bri?” Stacie’s worried voice poured over the phone.

  “Hi, Stace,” she replied with a smile. It had been too long since she’d talked to her friend.

  “Oh my gosh, how are you? Are you okay? Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I should have called to let you all know Cole was okay. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

  “Of course I’m upset about Cole, and I’m glad he’s okay. But frankly, it’s you I’m worried about right now. You’re there, at the hospital? How long have you been there? Have you gotten any sleep? When was the last time you ate?”

  “Um,” Bri began.

  “You have to take care of yourself, Bri. You can’t go all catatonic on us again, not when we aren’t there to help you.” Stacie’s voice broke, and the guilt came back in force. She was worried that Bri would withdraw again, like she had after Cole had broken up with her back at Duke.

  “Stacie,” Bri heard Matt say in the background. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring that back up right now.”

  “Cole almost died,” Stacie snapped back at Matt. “If them breaking up was enough to send Bri into spiraling depression, what is this going to do to her? And this time, there’s no one there to take care of her.”

  “Stacie,” Bri tried to get reclaim her friend’s attention before she and Matt could launch into an argument. “Stace, I’m okay. I promise I’m not going to fall off the deep end again. I’m keeping it together. You don’t have to worry.”

  “Are you sure?” There were tears in Stacie’s voice. “Because I can fly out there if you need me.”

  “I’m sure.” Bri felt her own eyes fill. “It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve never been so scared in my life, but I haven’t fallen apart yet. Who knew I was stronger than I look?” she tried to joke.

  “We’ve all known that,” Stacie replied with a sniffle. “But seriously, you call me if you feel yourself slipping away. I’ll smack some sense into you, even if it’s only through the phone.”

  “I will,” Bri smiled. “Thanks, Stace.”

  “Okay. Well, here’s Matt again. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” Bri wiped her stray tears away.

  “Hey, Bri.” Matt’s soothing voice made her smile. “Is there anything we can do for you?”

  “Actually, can you and Stace call everyone and let them know Cole’s okay? I don’t know if I have the energy right now to make all those phone calls.”

  “Of course. Stacie says she’s on it. Is there anything else you need?”

  “No, I’m good. Thank you.” She hoped he could hear her sincerity.

  “I’m glad Cole is okay, and I’m really glad you’re there with him. Keep me posted on what’s happening. And if you need anything else, anything at all, you call me.”

  “I will,” she promised. “And later, when everything has calmed down, you and I need to talk about you and Stacie, and what is going on there. No more holding out on me, I want the details.”

  “You got it,” he laughed. “Talk to you soon. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Matt.” She hung up, the tightness in her chest loosening a little.

  Unable to go back to sleep, she crept over to the window to check on Cole. She’d only been out about an hour or two, and not much had changed. He was still asleep, covered in the monitoring equipment. Sighing, she decided she’d better take Stacie’s advice, and make sure she took care of herself.

  She turned to Jimmy. “Hey, how about we go try and find something to eat before they get ready to move him?”

  He looked up at her with tired, bleary eyes. “Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea.”

  Jimmy stood, putting his arm around her shoulder as they walked to the elevators. Bri wrapped her arms around his waist, and for a moment she just held on.

  Chapter 14

  Sometime before dawn, exhaustion claimed her, and Bri dozed off again. Cramped in her chair, she was roused sometime later when someone wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a warm wide chest. Still half asleep, her arms automatically went around his waist as she snuggled into his warmth.

  Her eyes shot open as her groggy brain finally registered the fact that some stranger was holding her, and she jerked back, confused and panicked.

  Warm brown eyes met hers, shaggy brown hair, and a familiar wry smile. He didn’t move, didn’t speak as she just gaped at him, sure she was dreaming.

  “Seb?” she finally managed to whisper, her panic melting into shock.

  “Hi, Bri,” he returned. The sound of his voice snapped her out of her momentary paralysis, and she couldn’t help reaching up to touch his face.

  “Are you really here?” But the face beneath her fingers was solid, the skin warm and soft as she tentatively brushed it.

  Seb chuckled, and the sound of it was so real, so good, that she let out a small squeak and threw her arms around him.


  “I’m here,” he whispered, squeezing her back.

  Seb. He was here, and real, and holding her, and he was back. For how long, she wouldn’t let herself think about yet. All that mattered now was that he was here and he wasn’t pulling away.

  Suddenly, she felt herself cracking. The wall she’d been hiding behind, the one she’d used to keep herself together, to keep her emotions from overwhelming her, crumbled. All of the worry and fear over Cole, the shame and guilt she felt for what she’d done, feeling like his accident had somehow been her fault, the abandonment she’d felt when Seb left, how much she’d missed and needed him, her jealousy over Layla’s happiness, the aching loneliness inside her, and the desperate longing of her heart for the man fighting for his life in the next room; it all finally bubbled over, the pressure of it all at last released, and she began to weep. She’d been so strong for so long, but she couldn’t be strong any longer. So she cried and cried, wretched, ugly sobs torn right from her soul. And Seb just held her tight, reassuring her with his comfort and his solid presence that everything would be okay.

  When she’d spent everything inside her and managed to pull herself back together somewhat, Bri pulled back just far enough to look up at Seb. He had tears shining in his own eyes, and she hadn’t missed the fact that he’d been holding her as desperately as she had been him. There was a question in her eyes, but she couldn’t face that conversation yet. Instead she gave him a watery smile.

  “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

  He looked down at his now tear soaked t-shirt and laughed. “I have another one. I’m sorry I woke you up. It just did not look at all comfortable, you all curled up in your chair. I thought you might like to stretch out a bit.”

  “I’m glad you woke me up. I’m glad you’re here.” Another tear threatened to escape, but she stubbornly held it back.

  “Me, too,” he smiled. “Here,” he readjusted them so she was lying against his chest again. “You still look exhausted. Why don’t you go back to sleep.”

  She tipped her head up, giving him a critical look. She hadn’t missed the bags under his eyes, or his rumpled clothes, or the overall weariness in his face. “You look pretty exhausted yourself. You could use some sleep, too.”

  He grunted. “You’re not wrong about that.”

  She snuggled back into him. “You’ve seen him?” she asked quietly, knowing Seb would’ve checked on Cole first thing when he arrived.

  “Yeah,” he let out a long breath. “He’s okay.”

  “Then sleep. He’ll still be okay when you wake up.”

  He didn’t reply, but a moment later he rested his chin against her head, and she felt the tension release from his body. She squeezed him once, and then let her eyes drift shut. Cocooned in Seb’s strong, warm arms, she fell deep asleep.

  She’d been right; Cole was still okay when she and Seb woke a few hours later. The doctors were in with him, running their final tests and examinations before they cleared him to be released from the ICU.

  After changing her clothes and cleaning up as best she could in the rest room, Bri and Seb sat together, making small talk while they waited. He told her about living in Spain and traveling all over Europe, how amazing and beautiful it had been, and how much he’d enjoyed it. She told him about moving to New York, about her new life there and how much she loved the city. There were still questions hanging over them, so many things going unsaid, but Bri wasn’t going to risk ruining the tentative comfort rebuilding between them. They had both been a little awkward at first, not having spoken in so long. But as they talked, the tension began to dissipate, and their easy friendship quickly returned.

  It was so good to have Seb back, to be sitting next to him, talking and teasing like they used to do. She noticed that the tension that usually ran under his skin when she was around was gone. She didn’t feel any regret or bitterness or dejection from him. He seemed calm and content, at peace with himself for the first time since she’d known him. He seemed happy, and it made her hopeful.

  There was a lull in the conversation, and deciding this was as good an opening as any, Bri summoned her courage, took a deep breath, and met Seb’s eyes.

  “I’ve missed you so much. So much.” She finally whispered the words she’d been too afraid to say before. She wasn’t sure if she was crossing the lines of separation he’d said he needed before, but she couldn’t hold it back anymore. There were things she needed to say, answers she needed, and it was time to stop skirting around their issues.

  “I’ve missed you, too,” he smiled at her, and she could see the loneliness in his eyes, too.

  She wanted so badly to hug him, to snuggle into his chest again and let him hold her. But she held herself back. She refused to let herself push the boundaries between them, to confuse or mislead him anymore. She had taken too many liberties with Seb in the past, and that was a mistake she wasn’t going to make again. But she still owed him the truth.

  “It’s been so hard without you,” she swallowed. “Layla getting married, all the back and forth with Cole, and then you leaving for Europe… It was devastating. I felt like I’d lost my best friends, and I didn’t have anyone I could turn to.” She didn’t want him to feel guilty, but she needed to be honest with him, and she needed him to be honest with her. She needed to know where she stood, if he was ready to be her friend again. “I don’t want you to apologize for leaving, because I understand why you had to, and I’m not angry about it. I just want you to know how I feel.”

  “It was hard for me, too,” he said softly. “Being away from my family, being in a new country where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t even speak the language. It was hard. But not as hard as being away from you and Cole. You guys are my best friends, and it killed me not being able to call you when I was lonely or upset or miserable or so damn sure I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I could’ve called, I know. But I knew if I did that we three would be stuck in the same circle for the rest of our lives, and I just couldn’t do that.”

  Bri nodded, her heart aching at how utterly alone he must have felt. She knew exactly what that isolation felt like, and how hard it was to endure.

  “I’m so sorry, Seb.” She had to swallow around the lump in her throat. “I’m sorry I did this.”

  “Hey, stop it right there,” he snapped. He forced her to meet his eyes before continuing. “I told you before that this wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Falling in love with you wasn’t wrong. There is no wrong and there is no fault and there is no blame, so stop feeling guilty or responsible or whatever it is that’s making you want to cry right now. It was my decision to leave. It was something I needed to do, and it was the best thing I could’ve done. I would’ve ended up resenting Cole, and you, if I’d stayed, and I didn’t want that. I love you both, and I didn’t want our relationship to turn into something ugly. So, I left. And it turned out that space was exactly what I needed.”

  “So,” she ventured, “you don’t hate me?”

  “Of course not,” he grinned.

  “Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

  “I could never hate you.” He pulled her to him, tucking her under his chin, demolishing the invisible boundary between them.

  “So, does this mean… Do you think we can be friends again?” She held her breath. This was the one answer she feared most. She didn’t know how she would survive if he couldn’t ever let her back into his life.

  He took a deep breath and let it out before answering. “Yes. I want us to be friends again.”

  Bri’s heart almost leapt out of her chest, knowing what that concession meant. She wanted to jump up and shout for joy, but she didn’t want to move. Seb hadn’t loosened his hold on her, and she was completely content to stay right where she was. So she just nodded, a smile tugging up her lips.

  “So, what are your plans now? Are you going back to Spain?” Another loaded question.

  But before Seb could reply,
Cole’s doctor stepped into the room, and everyone’s attention turned automatically to him. Seb released her, and they both stood up and moved closer, along with Layla, Devon, and Jimmy. The air was suddenly heavy with nervous tension.

  “Mr. Marra?” the doctor asked, looking up from his chart.

  “Yes?” Jimmy stepped forward.

  “Hello, I’m Dr. Hopkins. I was part of the team that operated on your son. Cole’s vitals all look good, and we’re about ready to move him out of the ICU. But before we do that I wanted to explain his injuries and talk to you about what to expect with his recovery.”

  Jimmy swallowed visibly and nodded. Bri stepped up to his side to give him support. Seb flanked his other side, and Layla and Devon moved in closer as well. They all seemed to know that they would need each other to get through the next few minutes.

  “Well, as you know, Cole came in with multiple broken bones and damage to a few internal organs. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the internal damage, and we reset and casted his wrists. There’s not much we can do for his cracked ribs, but they should heal just fine on their own in about six weeks. These were the minor injuries, and easily repairable. For his clavicle we had to use a couple of screws to hold the reset bone in place while it heals. These will be permanent, but they shouldn’t cause any discomfort after the initial pain from the injury and surgery fades. Now, his leg had multiple fractures, and he was very lucky they didn’t sever his femoral artery. We were able to reset the bones, but we had to place a plate and screws to keep the fragments together so they can heal. These too will be permanent.”

  The doctor paused, and Bri realized that she’d been holding her breath. Concentrating on filling her lungs, she braced herself as he continued.

  “Now, as far as any brain damage, we can’t be sure there won’t be any cognitive problems, at least not until he wakes up, but we don’t expect this to be the case.” A collective sigh went out of the group. “His CT scan and MRI both look good, and we don’t believe there is any permanent damage. We are optimistic that there won’t be any lingering effects. That being said though, Cole’s recovery will not be an easy one. Unfortunately, due to the extensive damage to his leg, I’m afraid that his NBA career is over.”