Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  Everyone looked up at her as she walked over. She plastered a fake smile on her face and willed her hands not to shake.

  “Everything go okay?” Jimmy asked. He gave her such a kind smile she almost winced.

  “Yeah,” she managed. “Thanks for giving me some time. Um, now that Cole is settled, I’m going to go find me a hotel. I’m about ready to keel over, and could use some rest.”

  “You could come stay with Devon and me,” Layla immediately offered. “It’s not much, be you could crash on our couch.”

  “I couldn’t do that to you,” Bri shook her head. “You two need your privacy. It’ll be better for all of us if I just get myself a room. You forget how ornery I get without any sleep,’” she joked lamely.

  “Are you sure?” Layla pressed, and Bri nodded. “Well, let me get the car and I’ll drive you.”

  “Oh, no,” Bri startled. “Um, I can just take the light rail. It goes all through the campus and downtown. Plus,” she added when Layla was about to press her case, “I could use a little time alone, to process everything.”

  Layla’s features smoothed into pity and understanding, and Bri felt horrible. Add lying to her best friend to her list of evil deeds today.

  “What?” Seb interjected. “That is stupid. Let Layla drive you to a hotel if you don’t want to stay with her. But don’t go wandering around a strange city by yourself. Especially not in your condition.”

  “My condition?” Bri glared at him. “I’m not some damn damsel in distress. I can take care of myself, thank you.” She grabbed her bag and hurried to the door. “I’ll see you all later,” she called as she pushed through the doors and practically ran out of the hospital.

  “Bri, wait!”

  She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn’t slow her pace. She’d made it halfway through the parking lot before her pursuer finally caught up with her.

  “Bri, stop!” Seb grabbed her arm and spun her around.

  Layla came huffing up a moment later, questions in her eyes.

  “Where are you going?” Seb demanded, not looking the least bit out of breath after chasing her.

  “I told you. I’m going to go find a hotel and crash for a few hours.” The lie rolled easily off her tongue, but she couldn’t meet his eyes.

  Both Seb and Layla watched her for a moment. Bri tried to shrug out of his grip, but he refused to let go of her arm.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, his eyes boring into her. She squirmed under their scrutiny. She’d always been a terrible liar. Could he see it on her face?

  “I’m going to…”

  “Don’t give me that crap,” he cut her off. “You were running through that hospital like hell itself was chasing you. What is going on?”

  Layla’s head tilted to the side, and then her eyes went wide with understanding. “You’re leaving,” she gasped.

  “Of course I am. I’m going to a hotel.”

  “You are not going to a hotel, and we both know it.” Layla crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing. “You are running away.”

  “What?” Seb turned to her.

  “Don’t even try to deny it,” Layla stepped closer.

  “Fine,” Bri snapped. “Yes, I’m running away. Now let me go,” she glared at Seb.

  “Why? Why are you leaving?” Seb’s eyes filled with hurt, and Bri had to swallow the lump in her throat. She hadn’t planned on breaking Seb’s heart as well, not when they’d finally settled everything between them. But, as hard as this was going to be, she knew she couldn’t stay, not even for Seb.

  “Because, Seb, I can’t do this any more.” Her guilt made her defensive, and she wrenched out of his grip. “Cole and I, we can’t keep running back to each other every time something happens. Whatever we have between us, it isn’t healthy. It’s slowly destroying both of us, and I refuse to let that happen. So yes, I’m leaving. I’m giving Cole the chance to move on with his life, so he can stop pining for a future that is never gong to exist.”

  “But, you love him,” Layla stated, like that was the solution.

  “Yes, I love him,” she shot back. “I’ll always love him. But just because I love him doesn’t mean I can be with him. If I stay I’ll just be building up his hopes, and then I’ll end up leaving anyway. This way I’m gone before he even knows I was here.”

  “But you are here,” Seb pulled her to face him. “He needed you, and you did come. That must mean there is still something there worth fighting for. Why won’t you stay and fight?”

  “I’m tired, Seb.” And it was true. She felt the weight of years’ worth of weariness pressing down on her, and it was all she could do not to crumble beneath it. “As much as I’m doing this for Cole, I’m doing it for me, too. I can’t keep living this way. I can’t keep hanging on to something that is tearing us both apart. And neither can he. So, I’m done. I’m making a break, swift and clean, and giving me and Cole the chance to move on with our lives.”

  Seb and Layla just looked at her like some one else had taken over the body of their friend, like they didn’t even know her. The hurt and betrayal in their eyes killed her, but Bri was immovable in her decision.

  “Don’t tell Cole I was here.” She turned her head so they wouldn’t see the tears forming there. “It’ll just be that much harder on him. It’s better he thinks that I was too indifferent to come.” Rather than that I was too selfish to stay, she finished silently.

  “So, that’s it then?” There were tears in Layla’s eyes, as well. “There’s nothing we can say to change your mind?”

  “No,” she sighed. “You may not think it now, but this really is the best thing for Cole. For both of us.”

  “If that’s what you want, then go,” Seb snapped, and the dismissal in his voice almost broke her. But, she steeled her nerves and raised her head.

  “Sometimes love isn’t enough, Seb.” She met his eyes and held them. “You out of anyone should understand that.”

  “That is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard,” Layla glared at her. “But this is your choice to make, your life to screw up. I told you before that I would support you in whatever you decided, even if I vehemently disagree with it.”

  “Lay,” Bri began, but stopped, shaking her head. She knew that nothing she said would soften this blow. “I’m glad Cole will have you both there to help him through this. And even though you hate me right now, I love you guys, and I am so very grateful for you.” A stray tear escaped down her cheek.

  “Damn it, Bri,” Layla choked before throwing her arms around her. “I may hate what you’re doing, but I don’t hate you.”

  Seb gave a huff and wrapped his arms around both of them.

  “I don’t hate you, either,” he grumbled, and Bri laughed mirthlessly. “Man, this sucks,”

  “Yeah, it really does,” she agreed.

  “Well, at least let me drive you to the airport,” Layla pulled back, wiping under her eyes.

  “I’ll come, too,” Seb nodded.

  “You guys don’t have to do that,” Bri shook her head.

  “Hey,” Seb made her look at him. “You are our friend, too, just as much as Cole is, and you need our love and support just as much as he does. So stop trying to be this bastion of solitude, and let us help you.”

  “Bastion of solitude?” Bri laughed despite herself. “When did you get be so poetic, Seb?”

  “Are you serious?” he scoffed. “My verbal eloquence is unparalleled among my contemporaries. You should know that by now.” He grinned.

  “How obtuse of me to have overlooked it,” she smiled back.

  “Yeah, well, don’t forget it.” He ruffled her hair before reaching out to take her bag from her. “Come on, Bri. Let’s get you home.”

  Grabbing Layla’s hand and Seb’s arm, she let her two best and oldest friends lead her away.

  Chapter 16

  One year later.

  Bri was running late. She was supposed to meet Adam down at Joe’s Tavern ten minutes ago, an
d she’d just left her apartment. She quickened her pace as she rushed down the sidewalk, despite the protest from her Louboutin pumps. She hated being late.

  She and Adam had been together now for over nine months. He was a wonderful guy who took very good care of her, and she really cared about him a lot. He was fun and attentive, kind and giving, basically everything she had ever wanted in a partner, but something was holding her back. For whatever reason, she wasn’t ready to take the next step in their relationship.

  Adam definitely was. He had asked her to move in with him a couple months ago, and she’d almost had a panic attack right there. Her hesitance was kind of ridiculous since she practically lived at his apartment anyway. Having two roommates didn’t lead to a lot of privacy, so she and Adam usually ended up back at his place most nights. He had his own small but cozy apartment a few blocks south of Central Park, and she had clothes in his closet and toiletries in his bathroom, for those mornings she didn’t have time to stop by her place before school. But still, she balked at the thought of making this permanent.

  Adam’s apartment was too far away from Columbia for her to commute daily, she’d told him, despite it being much closer to Bedlam Publishing than her apartment. And she couldn’t just abandon Becks and Gracie. It had taken some time, but Gracie had finally come around and accepted Bri. She couldn’t force Gracie to get used to a new roommate again, not when Bri would be finishing her master’s degree in May and moving out then anyway. She’d told Adam she’d think about moving in with him after she was done with school.

  All of these reasons were good and valid in her mind. But, the real reason she couldn’t agree to move in with him was that she was terrified.

  She had wanted to move on with her life. She had left Cole behind for that very reason. But if she took this step, it all seemed so final. Not that she couldn’t change her mind and move out, and there was a chance that she and Adam wouldn’t even last anyway. But moving in with him, taking that next step would mean letting go of Cole, for good. And despite that being what she wanted, her heart just wasn’t ready for it yet.

  Adam had taken her rejection graciously, as she’d known he would. He had been disappointed of course, but said he understood her reasons, and agreed not to bring it up again until she graduated.

  That was one of the things she loved about him: he was always putting her needs above his own, making sure she was happy and content. And she did the same for him, except in this one instance. Because she did love Adam. It would’ve been impossible not to. He was the best person she knew. She wanted him to be happy; she wanted to make him happy. She was trying her best to do just that.

  But while she may love Adam, she knew she didn’t love him like he deserved. She couldn’t give him her whole heart because a very large and prominent piece still belonged to Cole. Despite months of trying to banish him, his claim on her had never lessened. The love she felt for Adam was warm and good and comfortable, but it paled in comparison to what she still felt for Cole. That love was a raging inferno that dwarfed the small flame she felt for Adam. She felt guilty that she didn’t love Adam more, and that she couldn’t love Cole any less. She even sometimes felt like she was deceiving Adam in a way. But she had to try to carve out some sort of life for herself romantically, despite the fact that she would always be missing half her heart. And Adam made her happy. She hoped that eventually she would grow to love him as much, if not more, than she loved Cole. It would happen, she kept telling herself. She just needed more time.

  Suddenly anxious, she rushed into Joe’s, quickly scanning the bar for Adam’s waiting form. Puzzled, she didn’t see him, and a seed of worry began sprouting. Uncertainly, she slid onto a barstool to wait for her usually punctual boyfriend. Glancing around, she didn’t recognize any of the people at the few tables that were occupied. In fact, the crowd was surprisingly sparse, considering it was a Friday night. Of course, the empty stage in the corner might help explain the practically empty bar. Joe usually had live music on Friday and Saturday nights that drew in big crowds. Apparently who ever he’d booked tonight fell through.

  Speaking of Joe, Bri didn’t see him, or Sarah, around either. Something was going on.

  “Hey, Dave,” Bri called over the bartender.

  “What’s up, beautiful?” Dave flashed her a perfect smile. He had been working at Joe’s for a few weeks now, and he was probably the most outrageous flirt Bri had ever met. Not that any of his customers complained. With dark brown hair and light blue eyes, he could have just stepped right out of a magazine. Which, in fact, was what he was in New York trying to do.

  Smiling, Bri just shook her head. “Where is everyone tonight? This place is dead. Where are your usual groupies, clustering around the bar vying for your attention? Don’t tell me you’re losing your appeal already.”

  “Ouch,” his hand went to his heart in mock injury. “That hurts, Bri, really it does.”

  “Right,” she rolled her eyes. “Can you get me a water, please, while I try to figure out what the heck is going on?” It didn’t make any sense: Adam being late, the bar being empty, Joe nowhere to be found. Something was definitely up.

  “Sure thing, sweetness.” He pulled a bottle of water from behind the counter and twisted off the cap. “This one’s on the house. And if you’re interested, I can give you a little something else on the house,” he winked.

  “Oh my gosh. That’s it, get out of here,” she shooed him away with a grin. “Go try to find someone that line will work on.”

  “Oh, it works,” he laughed, moving down to the other end of the bar. “Very well, I can assure you.”

  Dave was lucky that she didn’t take him at all seriously. He’d be wearing a couple of black eyes right now if she thought he actually meant anything he said. Shaking her head, she took a sip of her water.

  “Hello, Ambria,” a familiar voice slid in next to her.

  Startled, she whipped around and it was all she could do not to choke on her water in shock. Instead, she froze, eyes wide, as she looked at the person next to her.

  No, it wasn’t possible. There was no way he could be here. Her mind kept trying to convince her that this was a dream, or a hallucination, because after the way she’d abandoned him a year ago, there was no way Cole Marra would be sitting next to her right now.

  His head cocked to the side, watching her reaction. “You doing okay? Do you need some help?” His eyes danced with amusement but his face remained impassive.

  “No,” she finally managed. “I’m fine. What… What are you doing here?” she asked, her eyes wide with apprehension.

  He leaned in closer to her, and her frozen heart started pounding. His nearness set her blood buzzing, and the faint hint of cologne that hit her almost made her moan. Dang, she loved that smell.

  “That’s the question, isn’t it?” His lips turned up in a cocky smile, and Bri’s heart clenched. It had been such a long time since she’d seen that smirk, and yet it still had the ability to turn her insides to jelly.

  He leaned back into his seat, and she could finally breathe again.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, a teasing gleam in his eye.

  “Um, I live here. I mean, I work here,” she stuttered, totally thrown off by his sudden appearance. Her Cole-free utopia was crumbling around her. “I mean I’m meeting someone here tonight.” Smooth. She mentally smacked her forehead.

  “Oh? Who are you meeting?” His eyebrow rose as he took in her black cocktail dress. “Your boyfriend?”

  “No!” she immediately blurted, and then wanted to smack herself again. “I mean, yes, I am meeting my boyfriend. He’ll be here any minute, so you should probably go.” She needed to get Cole out of there. Not only could she not seem to think straight or form a coherent sentence, his sudden presence was stirring up emotions that were best left buried.

  “No,” he replied thoughtfully. “I think I’ll stick around and meet this new boyfriend of yours.”

  “What?” Cole�
�s nonchalant mood was beginning to grate on her nerves. Here she was, having a slight internal panic attack, and he just sat there, smug and confident. He was not getting away with that. “This is my city, my pub, and my life. You don’t get to call the shots here.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

  “But, this is my city now, too. So you don’t get to call all the shots.” He sat back and winked at her. Actually winked! The man had the audacity to tease her.

  “What?” was all she was able to get out before an arm slid around her waist, and another familiar voice greeted her.

  “Hey Bri, sorry I’m late.” Adam leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the temple before she fully registered his presence. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long?”

  “Um, no.” She sat back and gave herself a mental shake to clear her head. She turned and smiled up at him. “I haven’t been waiting long at all.”

  “Good,” he smiled back at her. Adam’s attention then turned to Cole, and his eyebrows rose in surprise. “Oh! Who’s this?”

  “Oh, um,” she stalled, completely at a loss of how to introduce her ex-boyfriend to her current boyfriend.

  Cole just sat there, a smug grin on his face and a challenge in his eyes.

  “This is Cole,” she finished lamely. “He’s… He’s an old friend from Duke.”

  At this, Cole’s eyebrows rose. “An old friend from Duke?” he eyed her dubiously. “Cole Marra,” he turned to Adam and shook his hand. “And you are?”

  “Adam Dupree,” he smiled, oblivious to Bri’s discomfort. “Oh wait,” his eyes grew wide in recognition. “You’re the Cole Marra! Oh man, I’m so sorry about the accident. You had such a promising career ahead of you.”

  Cole gave Adam a discerning look. “Yeah, well, life happens, you know? The only thing you can do is try your best to weather the storms.”

  “Very true,” Adam nodded. “So you and Bri are friends from Duke? I don’t remember her mentioning you.” Adam turned a quizzical look on Bri.

  Cole also turned to watch Bri. “Actually, we knew each other in high school, before going to Duke together. We’ve been… friends for a long time. Funny that never came up.” He raised an eyebrow at her.