Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

Confusion and frustration swirled through her as she walked home. She’d been so certain that she’d known what she wanted. She’d been perfectly happy and content with Adam, right up until he decided to propose. She thought back to what had changed around then, trying to find a reason for her fear and reluctance. A vision of gray eyes and dark tousled hair filled her mind, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

  Could this all be Cole’s fault? Had his reappearance in her life thrown everything into chaos? She’d thought she’d gotten over him, but she’d almost kissed him back in London. Worse yet, she’d wanted to kiss him. Something had come over her, something that had been simmering for a very long time, and she had almost given into it. Even now, as she remembered the look in his eyes, his hands on her back, she shivered. What would have happened if he hadn’t pulled back? What would that have meant for them, or for her and Adam? She shuddered to think of it, though with relief or regret she couldn’t tell.

  Angry at herself and her own weakness, she picked up her pace, putting as much distance as possible between her and the confounding, impossible mess that was Cole Marra.

  She had to get over this hold he had on her. She had to get her crap together and grow up. This childish infatuation was only going to ruin her. It was stupid and pointless to dwell on it any longer. She was risking her future with Adam, a future she should be happy and content to share with him, by letting these emotions confuse her. It was time to end this, now.

  But as her footsteps echoed on the pavement beneath her, her heart pounded over and over that she deserved more than to just be content.

  Chapter 21

  The bone chilling cold of winter faded to the fresh warmth of spring, and as the trees blossomed and the days grew longer, Bri, and the rest of New York City, reveled in the warmer weather and looked forward to the coming summer. But the changing of the season also brought on an increase of anxiety. Bri was running out of time. Graduation was less than a month away, and that life changing decision that had seemed so far away, was now looming on the horizon. The problem was that Bri wasn’t any closer to a decision now than she’d been four months ago. If anything, she was even more confused, more uncertain. All thanks to a very aggravating ex-boyfriend who refused to fade into obscurity.

  Cole had become an almost constant presence in her life. Between his band playing at Joe’s every weekend and he and Becks becoming inseparable, Bri saw him at least every other day. He was always sweet and charming, teasing and attentive, and more and more often she found herself slipping back into their old rhythm before she’d catch herself. She had to be constantly on her guard. She knew what he was doing. Cole was trying to wear her down, slowly eroding her hesitations and objections until he got what he wanted. He was persistent, she’d give him that, but she was equally as stubborn, and she wasn’t going to let him in. She couldn’t let him win.

  Unfortunately, the fight just kept getting harder and harder.

  Cole had decided to expand the foundation he’d started in L.A. to help underprivileged kids, to New York. He’d organized a huge fundraising event and invited her and Adam to come. Seeing Cole so passionate and excited about what he was doing again brought back all those memories from their first couple of years at Duke, when the sky was the limit for both of them. She hadn’t seen Cole this happy or energized since he became a starter on the Duke basketball team, before the pressure and expectations placed on him killed all of his joy and enthusiasm, and their relationship, as well. Watching him that night, she could almost pretend that nothing had changed, that they were still the same people they used to be, that there had never been any hurt or betrayal to drive them apart. She was so overcome, so caught up in the past, that she had momentarily forgotten about her fiancée. She’d felt so guilty she couldn’t even look at Adam the rest of the night.

  She felt terrible for what she was doing to him, not being able to commit to him fully, and for thinking about and having feelings for someone else. It was wrong, and she was a terrible person, but none of this would have happened if Cole hadn’t waltzed back into her life and turned everything upside down. Her frustration with him was reaching new heights.

  Her frustration with Becks was also growing exponentially. Becks and Cole were BFF’s now, and she’d been all too happy to assist Cole in his little schemes. Bri’s patience with her meddling friend was wearing thin.

  As a peace offering, Becks offered to host a dinner party for Bri and Adam. Becks’ current boyfriend was coming, and she had invited Seb and whomever he was dating now, too. She promised that they could have a nice Cole-free evening, just the six of them, and that she’d be extra nice and attentive to Adam. Slightly mollified, Bri had agreed.

  The doorbell rang, and Bri checked the mirror one last time before rushing to the door. Feeling bad about the distance between her and Adam lately, she wanted this to be a special night for him. She’d decided to stop worrying over Cole and focus on Adam. He was her fiancée, he was her future, and it was time for her to accept and embrace it. She’d been dragging her feet, waffling back and forth long enough. As a token of her new resolve, tonight she’d chosen to wear a lavender floral printed midi dress Adam had bought her last summer. It wasn’t something she’d have picked out herself, but Adam had seen it in a shop and said it reminded him of her and he just had to buy it. She hadn’t worn it in months, but decided that tonight was the perfect time for it to make an appearance. She hoped he’d appreciate the gesture.

  She pulled open the door, and the surprised, awed smile on Adam's face told her the plan had worked.

  “Hi,” she smiled at him, suddenly feeling a bit nervous.

  He just stood there, taking her in. Somehow this felt more like a first date, than just another night in their yearlong relationship.

  “Would you like to come in?” she finally asked when he didn’t move.

  “Oh, yes, of course.” He looked up at her, his dazed expression clearing slightly. Stepping inside, he pulled her to him, placing a soft kiss against her lips.

  She felt… nothing. She waited for her heart to pick up, for that rush of arousal and adrenaline, but it didn’t come. Feeling slightly worried and disappointed, she pulled back from him. Maybe she’d inadvertently put too much distance between them.

  Needing some space, and not wanting to take advantage or use him, she hadn’t been staying with Adam as often as she used to. Every once in a while he’d convince her to spend the night after a date, but it had been less and less often. She knew it was hurting Adam that she was pulling back from him, but her guilt and uncertainty were a lot easier to live with when she wasn’t sharing his bed. She felt she was cheating on him somehow, even though technically she wasn’t and had no intention to. With the exception of that almost kiss with Cole, she had been completely faithful to him, physically at least. Mentally and emotionally, well, there may be some gray area there.

  “You look lovely,” he smiled at her.

  “Thank you.” She led him to the living room couch and they sat down.

  “I thought you’d forgotten about that dress. I’m glad you’re wearing it.”

  “Well, I wanted to look nice for you, so I pulled it out,” she blushed.

  The doorbell rang again, and she opened it to find Seb and his date, along with Becks’ boyfriend. Letting them in, she called out to Becks, who was still in her room getting dressed, before offering drinks to everyone.

  “Alright, I’m here,” Becks came bounding out of her bedroom. “The party can begin.” She sauntered up to her date and planted a rather inappropriate kiss on his all too willing lips.

  “So,” Bri turned to Seb, “are you going to introduce me to your… friend?” She stumbled over what exactly to call Seb’s companion.

  Clearing his throat, Seb turned to his date. “Ellie, this is Bri. Bri this is Ellie.”

  Bri and Ellie exchanged a brief hello. Ellie looped her arm through Seb’s and he visibly tensed. She just smiled up at him, oblivious.

  “So, ho
w long have you two, um, known each other?” Bri tried again at polite conversation. She didn’t know why this was still so weird for her, but she never knew how to address the girls Seb brought with him. He never seemed too interested in any of them, but he seemed especially uncomfortable with this one. Watching her friend visibly squirm, Bri didn’t know what to make of the girl in front of her.

  “Ellie and I met through a mutual friend. This is our first official date.” Seb smiled tightly.

  “Wow, the first date and he brings you to a dinner with his friends,” Bri turned to the blond girl attached to Seb’s arm. “You’re very brave.”

  Ellie just shrugged and beamed up at Seb. “I don’t mind. I’ve been trying to get this one’s attention for a while now. I can handle a night with his friends. Lucky for him, I don’t scare easily.”

  Bri bit her cheek to hold back her laugh. Seb looked like he was slowly being strangled by his shirt collar, and his eyes begged her to save him. Obviously this wasn’t a date he was hoping would go anywhere. If he had hoped that an evening with his friends would scare Ellie away, he was sorely mistaken. Bri felt a pang of sympathy for her friend. His date seemed pretty formidable.

  Finally pulling herself away from her boy toy, Becks announced that dinner was ready and everyone took their seats. Adam sat next to Seb, and pulled him into a conversation about work and cars and other manly topics to keep him occupied and out of Ellie’s long-nailed clutches. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to deter the tenacious blond.

  Becks had just brought the last dish over to the table when the doorbell rang again. Her brows creased in confusion and she turned to Bri.

  “Would you get that, luv? Maybe Gracie forgot something.”

  Gracie had declined Becks’ invitation to stay for dinner, stating that as she was neither a part of a couple nor interested in spending her evening listening to “intolerable drivel”, she’d rather spend her evening at the library doing something productive. Becks hadn’t tried to change her mind.

  Bri stood to get the door, but Seb held up his hand.

  “I’ll get it,” he generously offered. But Bri saw Emily’s hand slip out of Seb’s lap as he stood, and she knew his offer wasn’t quite so chivalrous.

  She leaned in to say something to Adam, when Seb’s voice cut through the room.

  “Cole! I wasn’t sure you were coming.”

  Bri froze mid lean, and whipped her head towards the door. Cole stood there, looking cool and calm, and absolutely dashing in a black dress shirt and dark jeans, a bottle crooked in his arm.

  “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He sauntered in and assessed the group around the table. Stepping over to Becks, he held out the bottle of her favorite wine. “A gift for the hostess.”

  Becks eyebrows were in her hair as she automatically accepted the bottle, surprise clear on her face. Bri shot her a withering glare, and Becks raised her shoulders in confusion.

  “It looks like we’re a chair short,” Cole mused, pulling up another chair and squeezing in between Ellie and Becks, placing him directly across from Bri. “I also seem to be missing a plate as well. Don’t worry, I know where they are.”

  He moved to the kitchen and Bri turned on Becks.

  “I thought you said you wouldn’t tell him about tonight,” she hissed, trying to keep her voice from carrying.

  “I didn’t,” Becks hissed back. “I swear I didn’t utter a word. I don’t know why he’s here.”

  “Is there a problem?” Adam glanced warily between the two girls.

  “Yeah, is there a problem?” Seb echoed, looking worried. “I was the one who invited Cole. I didn’t think you would mind. We were all getting together, and even though he wouldn’t have a date, I told him to come along. Should I not have done that?” He paled slightly under the two pairs of glaring eyes that turned on him.

  “No,” Bri fought to keep her voice low. Cole was rumbling through the silverware drawer, so she hoped he couldn’t hear. Come to think of it, why did she care if he heard that she didn’t want him here? “Becks promised he wouldn’t be here. It was the only reason I agreed to this in the first place.”

  “Why would you not want Cole here?” Adam queried, his confusion turning into calculation. “I thought you two were friends. Why would it matter if he showed up, invited or not?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Bri snapped back, but was prevented from saying anything else by Cole’s reappearance at the table, a full place setting in his hands. As angry as she was at him, she didn’t miss the clipped way he arranged his plate, or the tightness in his eyes and mouth. He was upset as well.

  On top of the fact that he waltzed right in and inserted himself into the middle of their party, seeing that Cole was angry, set Bri off and pushed her over the edge. Any attempts at civility she may have made before went flying out the window, and she and Cole spent the meal exchanging menacing glares and snide comments- Bri trying her best to get him to leave, and Cole having none of it. Even Seb’s earlier discomfort was forgotten in the tension created by their animosity. When Becks asked for help clearing the table, everyone but the two offenders jumped up to help, rushing off to the safety of the kitchen. Not wanting to fight in front of an audience, Bri pointed to the balcony and glared at Cole.

  “Outside. Now.” Throwing down her napkin, she moved to the sliding glass door without waiting to see if he was following. The angry scrape of a chair told her that he wasn’t far behind.

  Once outside, with the door safely closed behind them, she rounded on him.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing here?”

  Even on the dark balcony, she could see his eyes darken with incredulity and anger.

  “What am I doing here?” he threw back. “I was invited. Is it a crime now to show up to a party you’ve been invited to?”

  “Seb invited you, not Becks. It wasn’t his call to make.”

  “So what? What difference does it make who invited me? I don’t understand why you’re so damned angry about it.”

  “Because I don’t want you here,” she shot back, her voice growing. “I don’t want to have to deal with you.”

  “I can tell that,” he laughed bitterly. “You’ve been doing your best to shut me out for days now. You’ve been ignoring me, refusing to even acknowledge me, and now you’re pulling Becks and Seb into your little scheme. They are my friends too, and I have just as much right to be here as you do. You can’t just push me out and cut me off like I don’t belong here. I do.”

  “No, you don’t,” Bri seethed. “Becks was my friend first. New York was my city first, until you just barged right in and made yourself at home. This was my life, and I was happy until you showed up and ruined everything.”

  “Ruined everything? Right,” he scoffed. “Because things were so perfect before. How exactly have I ruined everything?”

  His blatant sarcasm was too much. He didn’t get to mock her on top of everything else. Her temper erupted and she couldn’t hold back. The truth came spilling out.

  “Because I can’t think straight when you’re around,” she yelled. “Because now everything I thought I wanted and everything I had planned doesn’t make sense anymore. Everything was perfect. I had a future with a great guy, until you showed up and made me start doubting it all. Now all I want is for things to go back to the way they were before you got here, when there wasn’t all this confusion and anxiety and doubt. That’s what I’m trying to do. That’s why I don’t want you here tonight, why I’ve been avoiding and ignoring you. You barged into my life without even bothering to ask if I wanted you there, and destroyed everything I’d worked so hard for.” Her chest was heaving with the effort to hold back her emotions. “This isn’t about you hanging out with Becks, or Seb, or hell, anyone else. This is about me, and what I want. And I want you gone. I want space. I want peace. And I want my life back.”

  Turning on her heel she tore through the door, slamming it shut loudly behind her, leaving Cole staring
after her.

  Taking a few steps into the living room, she was brought to an abrupt halt at the cluster of people standing in front of her, gaping at her.

  “What?” she challenged defiantly.

  “I think it’s time for me to go.” Adam eyed her angrily before storming out the door, leaving her stunned.

  Turning to Becks, she asked, “What was that about?”

  Sympathy softened Becks eyes. “We could hear you, luv. Every last word.”

  “What?” Suddenly the room didn’t have enough air. “You mean… He heard what I said? Everything?”

  “Yeah, and it was pretty entertaining,” Becks boyfriend jumped in, laughing. “You sure know how to make a party interesting.” Becks elbowed him angrily in the ribs and he promptly shut up.

  “Oh crap.” Bri tore out the door and rushed down the stairs after Adam.

  Damn Cole, this was all his fault. Again. If he hadn’t shown up and ruined her night…

  Pushing out the front door, she looked up and down the street frantically before spotting him a little ways down the sidewalk. “Adam!” she called, running after him. “Adam, wait.”

  He stopped, his shoulders slumping as he slowly turned to face her. The light from the streetlamp glinted off his blond hair. The sidewalk was deserted and they were all alone. As she got closer, she could see the steely glint in his eyes, and approached him cautiously.

  “Adam, where are you going?” Up close, she could see the tension in his neck and shoulders. His jaw was clenched, as were his fists. She moved to put a hand on his arm, but his glare had her changing her mind immediately.

  “I’m going home, Bri.” His voice was colder than she’d ever heard it, and she realized that he was really angry. Not just upset, but furious. She hadn’t ever seen him this angry before, and her stomach dropped nervously.

  “Adam,” she pleaded. “Please, come back inside and we can talk.”

  “Talk?” He eyed her incredulously. “Talk about what, the fact that I got to hear your little fight with Cole? Or the fact that I got the enjoyable pleasure of watching you two try to vaporize each other with your eyes all night? The tension between you was so thick, I wasn’t sure if you were going to kill each other or tear each other’s clothes off and go at it right there on the table, audience or no.”