Perfect Imperfection

by Jennifer Preston

  “What?” She felt her face flush in embarrassment, but she refused to drop her eyes. “I may have wanted to kill him, but that’s all.”

  “Come on, Bri,” Adam scoffed. “I was there. You two were so focused on each other you didn’t even notice the rest of us were there. There were some pretty intense emotions flying between you two tonight.”

  “Yeah, hate and anger. That’s it.”

  “But you two are friends, have been for a really long time. I don’t understand why there would be that much animosity between you, or that kind of tension, unless…” He trailed off, looking at her calculatingly. “Bri, was there something more between you two? Did you… Were you two together, before?”

  “No, of course not,” she made herself reply, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. “Why would you even think that?”

  “Are you sure?” His eyes bore into hers.

  “Yes.” She felt her cheeks redden, and hoped it was too dark for Adam to see. She didn’t know why exactly she felt the need to lie to him about Cole. She’d never told Adam anything about him or their previous relationship. She hadn’t wanted to dwell on Cole anymore, and she thought it’d be easier for her to move past him if she didn’t have to dredge everything back up. All she’d told Adam was that she’d been with someone who had left her and broken her heart. This person’s name was inconsequential, and Adam had never pressed her for any more information.

  But then Cole had shown up and began pushing his way back into her life. She should’ve told Adam about him then, but still she’d hesitated. She told herself that she didn’t want Adam to feel intimidated or threatened by Cole, but honestly, she was afraid that if she told Adam, he might be able see all of her unresolved feelings and know their cause. Not only did she want to protect Adam’s feelings, but she also didn’t want to risk her own. She still wasn’t ready for the complication that the knowledge of her relationship with Cole would bring. So, Bri looked her fiancé in the eye and lied to him.

  “There’s nothing between us,” she almost choked on the words, but held firm.

  Adam watched her a moment longer, then let out a loud breath.

  “Okay,” he relented. “But this whole situation is frustrating, Bri. I know I promised I’d give you some time, but I don’t know how much longer I can continue like this. Not knowing what you want, worrying you’re going to change your mind, this weird thing with Cole… I can’t take it anymore.” His eyes pinned her in place. “I told you’d I’d give you until you graduate, but I’m not going to be able to wait that long. Either you want to marry me, or you don’t. You need to decide, now.”

  “What?” Ice slid through her.

  “You either set a date now, as in right now, or I’m done. I’m walking away and I won’t be back. My heart is telling me that if you really loved me, if this was what you really wanted, there wouldn’t be an issue to begin with. But my head says that you’re still young, and based on your past, you have some pretty good reasons to be little scared. I’ve been listening to my head, which is why I agreed to slow things down for a while. But I’m done being logical. I’m listening to my heart, and I want you to do the same. Do you want to marry me?”

  His eyes bore into hers, and she wanted to shrink under their intensity. Her mind was spinning with panic and guilt and anxiety. He was right, she was definitely afraid. She was afraid to listen to her heart, afraid that she wouldn’t like what it had to say. Her head told her that Adam was the logical choice. Even if he didn’t set her heart pounding like someone else did, he also wouldn’t hurt her like that other person had. Her heart be damned, she couldn’t let Adam walk away.

  She opened her mouth to reply, but it was so dry she had to try again.

  “Yes,” she managed faintly, ignoring the clench in her stomach.

  “Yes?” Adam’s face lightened.

  “Yes,” she nodded, more firmly this time.

  A smile beamed on his face, and he swept her up in his arms and held her tight. Feeling rather lightheaded, and needing something to ground her, she clung to him, too.

  “I have a date in mind,” he pulled back to look at her, “if you’re not opposed. We can get married wherever you want, you can plan the whole thing, but I’d like to offer a date.”

  “Okay,” she replied weakly, the clenching in her stomach turning into a nervous roiling.

  “June twentieth,” he smiled. “I know it’s really soon, but I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  “Um, why June twentieth?” She tried not to let her apprehension show, but she was pretty sure he could feel her heart pounding, pressed as it was against his chest.

  “It’s my parents’ anniversary. I always thought it would be a great day to get married. So,” he looked at her warily. “What do you think? Is that okay?”

  “Yes.” It came out as more of a question, though, so she tried again. “I mean that sounds great.”

  “Really?” his eyes sparkled. “So, we’re really doing this?”

  “Yes.” She made herself smile back at him. “We are really doing this. In two months.” Her breath came short, and when he bent to kiss her she thought she was going to pass out.

  “Okay.” Adam beamed down at her, and the joy on his face calmed her a little, but her stomach was still clenched precariously. “I love you, Bri.”

  “I love you, too,” she replied with a small smile.

  “Well, I’d better get home. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “You’ve made me the happiest man alive.” He gave her one last lingering kiss before heading down the street.

  She stood there watching him until he turned the corner and disappeared out of sight. Sucking in a fortifying breath, she turned, and froze.

  Cole was glowering at her from the front door of her apartment building. He stalked toward her, and the tension running through him had her backing up few steps.

  “Are you really going to marry him?” he demanded, stopping dangerously close to her. His eyes narrowed at her with a mixture of disbelief, anger, and pain.

  “What?” Her heart began pounding nervously. “How did you know…?” She looked up and recognized her own balcony just a few floors up above her. The balcony where she’d left Cole, before rushing out to catch Adam. “You listened to us?” She was both embarrassed and affronted at the intrusion.

  Ignoring her outrage, he closed the space between them, forcing her to look up at him. “Are you really going to marry him?” he repeated slowly, but forcefully.

  Looking up into Cole’s dark eyes, Bri felt her heart stutter. Something deep inside her cried out to reassure him, to reach out and smooth away the worry and concern creasing his brow. But she couldn’t do it. She’d made her choice. So she cleared her throat and answered, “Yes.”

  Disappointment filled those gray depths and he nodded once, as if to himself, before pushing past her without another word.

  Shocked, she watched him walk away, her heart crying out for her to stop him like she’d stopped Adam earlier. But unlike with Adam, she let Cole go without a word.

  Chapter 22

  It had been two weeks of hell. It seemed no matter which way she turned, Bri was disappointing or hurting someone, including herself.

  Due to their short timeline, Adam had insisted on starting the wedding plans immediately. Bri had barely gotten off the phone with her family to tell them the good news, when Adam pounced with reception venues and possible apartments they might rent. He was leaving the details of the wedding up to her, but when she wasn’t as quick to start making those decisions as he liked, he stepped in and offered ideas and advice.

  The problem was that she didn’t really know what colors she wanted, or what flavor of cake, or even where to have the reception. She didn’t have much of an opinion one way or another. Adam offered a suggestion, and she agreed, glad to have the decision made and done with. She knew she should care that she was basically turning the whole thing over to Adam, but she did
n’t, and that worried her.

  Adam didn’t seem to mind that he was making all of the decisions himself. In fact, he was so excited about their upcoming nuptials that he felt the need to tell everyone he met all about it. He’d told all of their friends and everyone he worked with, and he’d even been the one to tell everyone at Bedlam. At first Bri thought is was cute and sweet that he was so excited, but after a while it began to seem like Adam was actually just marking his territory, especially around Cole.

  Ever since the night of that awful dinner party, things between Adam and Cole had been tense. They’d never been particularly friendly before, but they’d at least been courteous and polite. Now, though, they were borderline hostile to each other.

  Adam had made it clear that he didn’t want to be around Cole, and he didn’t want Bri spending any time with Cole, either. He was at the pub every night Cole and his band played, and he always popped in when he knew Cole was over hanging out with Becks. On those occasions when they had to hang out with Cole, Adam was overly demonstrative in his affection and didn’t let Bri out of his reach. His male territorialism was driving her crazy.

  It didn’t help Cole’s mood any, either. He’d been in a particularly ornery mood since Becks’ dinner party. He had a permanent scowl on his face, and was short and curt with everyone around him. He had nothing but snide remarks and evil glares for Adam, and Adam was only too willing to return the favor. Bri knew she was the cause of the aggression and anger between them, but she wasn’t about the step into the middle of that pissing contest, her fault or no. She had enough to deal with on her own.

  Ever since setting the date, Bri had been suffering from sharp stomach pains and cramps. She had brushed it off as nothing, but after a couple weeks, Becks had finally convinced her to see a doctor. The doctor had brilliantly deduced that she had too much stress in her life and needed to simplify things, and had prescribed antacids and a vacation. The vacation was out of the question, despite how desperately she wished she could run away and leave the mess that was her life behind, and the antacids she downed like candy all day long. They didn’t seem to be helping, and Bri was beginning to worry that she was giving herself an ulcer.

  There was definitely something wrong with her, and not just physically.

  It shouldn’t be this difficult. Getting married was stressful, she knew. She remembered how crazy Layla had been with all the plans and details for her wedding. But Bri knew it was more than just the stress of planning that was causing her stomach to try and eat itself. No, her problem ran much deeper than that.

  But she’d made her decision, and she was determined to go through with it, no matter what. This was why she’d come to New York, after all: to get away from Cole and her past, and start a new life. Adam was her new life. She just needed to get her mind, heart, and stomach to accept that.

  Popping a couple antacids, she tied on her black apron, ready for her shift at Joe’s. It was Saturday night, and Cole was playing, which of course set her stomach clenching. The Hacks had become the regular weekend gig at Joe’s, and they were still drawing in large crowds of thirsty customers. Joe was in heaven, while Bri fell a bit further south.

  Walking out into the main room, she saw that the band was already setting up for their set. Her eyes scanned the crowd, and of course, Adam was there, sitting at a table in front of the stage. Sighing, she walked over to say hi to him before she got to work.

  “Hey,” he smiled at her, pulling her down onto his lap and kissing her rather inappropriately for their public position. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but she forced herself not to look in Cole’s direction. She could hear the sounds of the band’s final adjustments, and knew without looking that Cole was watching her.

  “You look great tonight,” Adam grinned. “I was thinking that maybe we could go back to my place later. You could stay the night,” he nuzzled her ear. He’d spoken loudly enough to be heard, and Bri’s eyes involuntarily flickered over to the stage.

  Cole was glowering at her, tuning his guitar rather angrily. Extremely uncomfortable, she pushed away from Adam and slid off his lap.

  “I don’t think so.”

  Adam’s smile dropped, and she rushed to come up with a plausible reason why she wouldn’t want to stay with him, anything but the truth. She couldn’t accept his offer with Cole practically breathing down her neck. She didn’t want to examine too closely why not, but she knew it had to do with more than just public propriety.

  “I’ve got my finals this week, and a group of us are getting together tomorrow morning to study and prepare. It’ll be easier if I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn and try to find a ride across the city.” She tried to smile reassuringly, but it felt a little stiff. Still, Adam seemed mollified, if disappointed.

  “Oh, okay. Can I walk you home tonight at least?” He smiled up at her.

  “Um, yeah, okay.” She did her best to suppress her annoyance. Adam was pouring it on a little thick tonight, and her ire was spiking.

  “Great. I’ll be here, so come find me when your shift is over.”

  “Okay. Well, I’d better get to work. See you later.” She stepped away, but Adam grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him for another demonstrative kiss. As he pulled away, Bri swore she saw him grin smugly up at Cole over her shoulder before turning to her.

  “I love you,” he smiled.

  “Yeah, love you, too.” She could feel Cole’s eyes on her back, boring into her, and she darted away as quickly as she could. She’d never been so acutely uncomfortable, and she couldn’t wait to put some space between her and Adam, and her and Cole. She knew what Adam was doing, and it was making her angry. He wasn’t being overly attentive for her benefit; he was doing it to prove to Cole that he’d won. This had been going on for weeks now, and Bri was getting tired of it. This rivalry between them was getting out of control, and she was tired of being stuck in the middle.

  Not wanting to deal with Adam, Bri passed his table off to Sarah. She went about her rounds, listening to Cole and The Hacks play as she took and delivered orders. The band had gone a little more aggressive with their song choices tonight, and as Reggie belted out a Rage Against the Machine song, Bri was hyper aware of Cole’s glare following her around the room. In fact, she was pretty certain he watched her throughout the whole angry set, like he was trying to show her just how upset he was with her. It shouldn’t bother her, she shouldn’t care whether or not he was mad at her, but she did care, and she hated it.

  After their set was over, Cole and the rest of the band hung out at the bar until last call had been made and it was closing time. Bri had managed to avoid any direct contact with Cole, though she could still feel him glowering. She’d also managed to avoid Adam, who was waiting for her as she walked out of the break room with her jacket.

  “You ready to go?” He wrapped an arm around her and led her to the door. She felt Cole’s eyes follow her, and she cast a surreptitious glance at him as she walked out the door. Their eyes met, and he held her gaze until the door closed, finally cutting him off from view. Her stomach clenched painfully, and she reached for some more antacids.

  Adam chatted lightly about wedding plans as he walked her home, and didn’t seem to notice that she was unusually quiet, only giving him one-syllable responses when prompted. They’d decided to be married in California, since most of Bri’s family and friends were there, and Adam went on about the reception centers he’d been looking into. Bri felt her chest tighten the more he talked. Finally, to her vast relief, they reached her apartment building. She pulled out her keys and turned to him.

  “Well, thanks for walking me. I’ll call you tomorrow during a study break.”

  “You’re not going to invite me up?” Adam wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him.

  “Not tonight,” she managed to smile. “I’m exhausted, and we’re meeting at the library first thing in the morning.” She opened her mouth to add, “Maybe tomorrow night”, but she c
ouldn’t bring herself to say the words. Ignoring that huge red flag, she kissed Adam goodnight, and sent him on his way.

  “Call me tomorrow,” he called, and she watched as he turned the corner. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, and turned to open the door.

  “Ambria.”

  Yelping, Bri turned to find Cole stepping out of the shadows.

  “Oh my gosh, you scared me,” she panted, putting a hand to her pounding heart, as if she could physically calm it. “What are you doing here?”

  “We need to talk.” He walked up the stairs to join her on the stoop, his eyes dark and stormy. He stopped just a few inches short of her, and her heart picked up again, with something quite different than fear this time.

  He was still in his “gig clothes”: a pair of worn in jeans and a tight Pearl Jam t-shirt. His hair was sticking up all over, and he was still oozing his sexy rock star vibe. She licked her lips nervously.

  “I don’t know what you want to talk about, but I’m far too tired tonight. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow.” Keys in hand, she went to unlock the door.

  “No, it can’t” he replied through his teeth, put a restraining hand on hers. The tone of his voice- serious and angry and brooking no argument, made her pause. “I have tried to be patient, tried to let you figure this out on your own, but I can’t do it anymore. We need to talk, Bri. And I’m not leaving until we do.”

  She felt the force of his words. He was tense and angry and serious. He would keep her out here until he’d said what he needed to. Sighing in resignation she relented.

  “Fine. You may as well come up, then. We don’t need to give the neighbors any more gossip.”

  Unlocking the door, she let him in. Gracie was on the couch watching TV. She took one look at Bri and Cole, and immediately gathered her things.