Losing a Piece of Me

by K. B. Andrews

  “Are you having second thoughts?” I ask, taking her hand in mine.

  “No, not second thoughts. Just… I don’t know. I’m kind of scared.”

  “Scared of what?”

  “Well, before I knew that I could’ve come home whenever I wanted. If I let this secret go, I may be disowned completely and no longer welcome. I really could lose my family once and for all.”

  “I can just drop you off if you want. I don’t have to go in.”

  She shakes her head. “No, we’re doing this.”

  I park the truck and take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s do it then.”

  We walk into the country club hand in hand. When we enter the breakfast room, all eyes fall on us.

  It seems every wedding guest has attended. One big table holds the bride and groom, along with their families.

  Lex straightens her back and raises her chin before pulling me along behind her.

  Suddenly, I’m nervous for her. I don’t give a shit what these people think of me, but what they may say to her worries me because if they hurt her, I will hurt them.

  The people at the table who don’t know me don’t pay any attention to me. Her parents, on the other hand, are throwing daggers at me. I sit back in my chair and smile, waiting for them to erupt.

  “Alexis, what do you think you’re doing? Where is Jeff?”

  Lex places her napkin in her lap and takes a small sip of her orange juice. “Jeff and I are just friends. Striker and I have been seeing each other for a while now.”

  Her mother gasps and whispers something to her father.

  He clears his throat and whispers something back. I don’t know what he said, but it’s enough to shut her up. Not another word is exchanged while we all eat in awkward silence.

  Just as the table is being cleared and everyone is about to say goodbye, the door opens and something in the air changes. Nobody knows what it is, but we all feel it. Everyone at the table sits a little taller, craning their necks trying to see what catalyzed the whole atmosphere.

  I don’t have to look for the change though. I see it as soon as he comes in.

  His face is swollen from the beating he took. He lets the door slam behind him as he looks over the group of people.

  He’s not swaying, he’s standing big and tall. I don’t know what he’s doing, but whatever it is, he made sure to stay sober for it.

  His eyes land on me, then move to Lex at my side. I cover her hand that’s resting on her thigh with my own, hoping to comfort her or prepare her for whatever is about to happen.

  My dad storms over to our table and I stand, thinking he’s coming after me.

  “Sit your ass down, boy.”

  My brows raise as a response. Boy?

  He points at Lex. “I told you what would happen, didn’t I?”

  She stands, her chair screeching across the floor. “Please don’t. Not here, not today.” She’s shaking her head as she squeezes my hand tighter.

  “What is the meaning of this?” Lex’s dad, Gary, stands. “Our daughter just got married and we are trying to enjoy a family meal before she leaves for her honeymoon.”

  But he knows what this is about. His forehead is covered in a sheen of sweat and he loosens his tie.

  Lex’s mom, Emily, doesn’t know what to do. Her hands are grasping the arms of her chair, just waiting for something to happen.

  “I think…” He starts walking around the table. “Today, right now, is the perfect time for this.” He’s looking at Lex as he walks. He reaches in front of her to grab a grape, popping it into his mouth.

  He looks at Emily as he continues his journey around the table. “I know something you don’t know,” he practically sings while smiling.

  Emily looks around at all of us, not sure what to do.

  “That’s about enough,” Gary says.

  “No, it’s not enough.” My dad shakes his finger at him. “Was it enough when you carried on an affair with my wife?”

  The whole table gasps. Emily is frozen in shock.

  “Was it enough when you got her pregnant?” My dad is serious now, almost shaking in anger. “Or was it enough when you paid her to take the baby and run?”

  Gary is suddenly at a loss for words. Emily is crying and she quickly pushes her chair back and walks calmly from the room.

  “Are you happy now? You’ve upset my wife on what should be a happy day for our family.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. At least you have a family. I don’t! You and your whore of a daughter took my family!”

  “That’s enough!” I let go of Lex’s hand and rush around the table, grabbing him by the back of his shirt to walk him toward the exit. He goes willingly, satisfied since he got what he came for.

  When we reach the doors, I shove him out. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  He stumbles, but doesn’t fall. He steadies himself and turns for me. “That fucking family is my problem. And you’re in there having some fancy-ass brunch with them. My own fucking son!”

  "I'm not your fucking son!" I scream back.

  Realization washes over him. "You too good for me now? Is that it?" He pushes me.

  I stumble back but don't take the bait. He's nothing more than a drunk. He's not even worth my time. "Yeah, something like that." I turn and walk away from him.

  He grabs my shirt and swings, but I duck and shove him off of me.

  He spins me back around to face him. "Don't you fucking get it?" I hold my arms up at my sides. "I'm not fighting you. Never again. Whatever we had, it's gone."

  "So you're going to abandon me just like your whore of a mother?" His eye are bloodshot, nearing tears.

  "Yeah, I guess so." I turn and walk inside without a look back.

  Chapter 17

  When Striker takes Ken outside, my dad’s eyes find mine. He is seething mad. His face is reddening as the vein in his forehead pulsates.

  “Is this the outcome you were hoping for, Alexis?” he asks me.

  “What? No! How could you even think that?” I feel my face heat up under everyone's eyes.

  “Why did you bring him here? You had to be hoping for some kind of reaction from us.” His hands are on his hips, holding his jacket open. His tie is loose and he looks angrier than I've ever seen him.

  “I didn't want this to come out!” I stand up to square off with him. “Why do you think I ran away or stayed gone as long as I have?”

  He looks taken aback. He straightens his tie around his neck and walks away from me.

  The whole table watches him go. My head slumps forward and then I slowly look at everyone around the table. Most have the decency to act like they didn't notice the exchange, and some are just starting with their mouths hanging open. My sister, on the other hand, is watching me with unshed tears in her eyes.

  I sit down and reach for her hand on the table, but she pulls it away. “You knew about this? About Dad and his mom?”

  I close my eyes and nod my head. Please don't make me say it.

  “And you didn't tell me?”

  With my eyes still closed, I shake my head no.

  “How could you do this? This is why you left? You left me here with those people so you could hide from the truth?”

  My eyes snap open. “No, it's not like that. I didn't want to leave.” Well, I did, but not the way that it happened.

  “Mom is right. You don't care about anyone but yourself.” She stands and runs away from the table. Striker is behind me now. He touches my arm and I stand beside him.

  “Come on, let's go. These people don't deserve you. They only think of themselves.”

  He takes my hand and leads me away from the table, in the same direction the rest of my family stormed out in.

  As we’re walking through the lobby of the country club, I see my sister yelling at my father across the room. He’s trying to control the damage that has already been done, holding her by the arms and softly rubbing them up and down to calm her.

  She pushes hi
s hands off her and my dad’s eyes lock on mine. His back is stiff and his shoulders are held high.

  I drop Striker’s hand and start toward them. They need to know that I wasn’t wanting this to come out. It wasn’t some plan I had formed just to hurt my family. It hurts me that they would even think that, but I have to make sure they understand.

  As I’m approaching, my dad starts to turn away from me. “I’ve heard enough from you, Alexis.” He starts knocking on the door to the ladies’ room.

  I’m guessing my mother locked herself inside.

  “No, you haven’t heard anything yet.”

  My sister looks at me with tears running down her cheeks. “Why did you do this? On today of all days?”

  I feel my anger diminish just a little. “I didn’t know he was going to show up. This wasn’t my plan, trust me.” I look back at my dad who still has his back turned toward me. “Can we please go home and talk about this?”

  “You are no longer welcome in my home.” His voice is cold - so cold, it feels like my heart freezes and shatters.

  He’s the one that screws up yet I am the one that gets disowned?

  “Fine, this is how you want it?” I place my hands on my hips and feel Striker come up behind me. “We can do this here.”

  “Lex.” His voice is calm and controlled. It’s rough, filled with emotion and warning. He reaches for my hand but I jerk it away.

  “No, I’m not going anywhere until they know everything.”

  My dad rubs his temple and closes his eyes. “Let’s hear it. Tell me what you think you know.”

  “I know everything. I know how you carried on an affair with Striker’s mom. I know that you got her pregnant and when she refused to terminate the pregnancy, you paid her to leave.” I scoff. “You’re no better than he is.”

  Everyone is stock-still for a long moment.

  “Is that true, Dad? Did you carry on an affair with his mom?” my sister asks. Her voice is shaking. She doesn’t know what to believe.

  He spins around to face us all. “There was no affair! It was business!”

  Striker stiffens at my side. “What does that mean?” I can tell by his tone of voice that he’s offended. My dad carried on a relationship with Striker’s mom, got her pregnant, and paid her to leave, but he’s saying it was just business?

  “None of you know a goddamn thing!” He looks directly at Striker. “Your father’s drinking problem goes back further than you think.” He places his hands on his hips again, holding back his jacket.

  “He only started beating you after your mother left. Before that, she was the target.”

  Striker starts pacing. “Are you saying my mother was beat by my father? If that’s true, why did she leave me to be treated the same way?” He stops and looks at my father.

  “She barely made it out alive. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have. I helped her. She wanted a divorce and custody of you. When your father found out, he went mad. He beat her and left her to die.”

  We all stand completely still, listening intently.

  “I had an appointment with her one afternoon. When she didn’t show up, I was worried. I went looking for her. I found her lying on the bathroom floor, beaten and bloody. I called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.” He pauses, looks at his feet, and rubs his forehead.

  When he looks up, his eyes are bloodshot, like he’s holding back tears. “I did everything I could. I got her away from him, but you…” He shakes his head. “There wasn’t anything I could do. Your mother could have fought for custody, but then he would’ve known where to find her.”

  He takes a step forward. “I gave her money, yes. But it was so she could get away from him and start over. Not to bribe her to leave because of a pregnancy.” He looks at me and my sister. “I’ve never carried on a relationship with anyone other than your mother. Ken is just…” He takes a long breath. “Ken is just Ken. He’s pissed off at me because I helped her escape him. There was no affair, no pregnancy. Only his drinking and abuse.”

  We’re all in shock. My dad didn’t have an affair. Ken lied to me to get me away from Striker, and it worked. For six years, it worked.

  I turn to look at Striker, who is pacing again, chest quickly rising and falling. His jaw is set and a scowl darkens his face. He’s hurt and pissed off.

  I move into his path and he stops, looking at me with hurt-filled eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper before moving in to hold him.

  His heat sinks into me and warms even the deepest, darkest parts of me.

  I feel betrayed. But him? I can’t even begin to imagine what all is going through his head right now.

  “I know where she is, Striker,” my dad says.

  He pulls away from me and looks at my dad. “You’ve known where she was this whole time?”

  My dad nods. “Yes, come by the house later and I will give you all the information I have. And, Alexis…” He looks at me. “You can come to the house any time you’d like. I didn’t mean what I said.”

  It seems like he’s going to say more, but he spins around when the bathroom door opens and my mother steps out. Her eyes are swollen and bloodshot. Her makeup is smeared and her hair is a mess, but she doesn’t care. “I heard what you told them. I’m sorry for acting the way I did.” She looks up at my dad. “When I heard what Ken was saying, I believed it so easily because I remember when you were spending so much time with her. I thought you were having an affair too. I never asked because I knew I couldn’t handle the truth.”

  My dad wraps his arms my mom and leads her toward the door. My sister heads back to her husband. Striker and I stand there in silence, wondering how our lives could be turned upside down in a matter of minutes.

  Striker is behind the wheel of his truck, neither of us speaking as we drive down the road. I can feel the tension rolling off of him. I know his mind must be reeling, so I ask, “Are you okay?”

  He lets out a puff of air and quickly looks at me. “No.” He looks back at the road. “Yes.” Then he runs his hand through his short, dark hair. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anymore. I just accepted that your dad took my mother away from me, now I’m finding out that he didn’t take her, he helped her. He helped her to escape the shit I’ve been living my whole life. I’m so fucking confused about it all.”

  “Maybe you should talk to your mom and ask her…”

  “No! I can’t do that. Not right now.”

  “Okay, what do you want to do then?” I keep my eyes trained on him. Anger and sadness tense every muscle in his body.

  He lets out a short laugh. “Right now, I just want a drink.”

  I shrug. “Let’s go then.”

  He looks back over at me. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  He nods before turning in the direction of the bar.

  I know Striker. He doesn’t drink much, but if he’s saying he needs a drink, by God we’re getting him one.

  We sit in the bar all day. I had no intention of drinking since I planned on staying sober to take care of him, but once he got a few in him he wouldn’t let up. We both lean back and take shot after shot - which means we’re walking home.

  Once his head starts buzzing, all the anger and pain seem to leave him. He is laughing and joking. His muscles aren’t tense anymore and he has a smile glued to his gorgeous face. His drunken good cheer is contagious and much needed after today.

  Everything suddenly seems lighter. For the first time in a long time, my chest doesn’t hurt. All secrets are gone. I don’t have to worry about coming home to see my family, I don’t have to worry about running into Striker, or him making me feel something I’m not ready for. I can just be me.

  No more secrets.

  No more lies.

  Just me.

  Just him and me.

  Two A.M. rolls around too fast and we’re kicked out. Time to start walking. Striker refuses to put down his half-empty beer but the bartender doesn’t care. He sho
ves us out the door anyway.

  We trip and sway our way down the sidewalk. We’re both strongly intoxicated and feeling nothing but love for one another. He grabs my hand and spins me into his arms. I hit his chest hard with my own.

  When our eyes lock, I freeze.

  His green eyes are dark and glassy.

  “You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?”

  I smack his chest and try pulling away out of habit. “Come on.”

  He doesn’t release me. Instead he shakes his head and holds me tighter. “Not this time, Lex. You’re going to feel this. No more of those walls you build up around yourself. You’re mine and I won’t let you keep me out any longer.” His lips crash to mine and his fingers tangle into my hair, pulling me closer.

  I feel him harden against me and something snaps. I give into him.

  I tear my walls down and revel in the dirt and rubble that remains. Those walls are down and are never coming up again. I’m finally free.

  This is me, completely bare for him to see, to feel, to love.

  We fall into the grass and he moves above me, sliding between my legs so his hardness is pressed just where I need it.

  His lips travel down my neck while his teeth scrape along my skin. I’m shaking with need for him. My fingers find his waistband and snake beneath. When my hand finds him, he takes a sudden breath that almost sounds like a hiss.

  “I love you so fucking much, Lex.” His fingers move to the button on my jeans and just as he slides his hand down the front, we hear, “Alexis Grant and Striker Murphy.”

  We freeze and look toward the voice. It’s Barney.

  Fuck.

  “Stand up slowly with your hands in the air.” He’s aiming his gun at us.

  “Come on, you’re not really going to shoot us,” Striker says.

  “Not if I don’t have to. Now both of you move to the side of the police cruiser with your hands behind your backs.”

  We both move to the side of his car. Once we’re pressed against it, we move our hands behind our backs to be cuffed.

  “What are you arresting us for?” I ask.

  “Public intoxication, public indecency. You pick.” He starts reading us our rights.