In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  I reach up, taking his face between both of my hands. “Connor, I need you. I want this. I want you. Please.”

  “I don’t have any condoms with me, babe. I didn’t expect anything from you.” Connor’s eyes bore into mine.

  I look up at him, “I trust you.” And I’ve been on the pill for years. My cycles have always been irregular, but the pill helps fix that.

  Connor doesn’t ask any more questions. His lips crash down onto mine, consuming me in a raw and ravenous kiss. I rake my hands down his back, then under his shirt. His skin is warm and solid with muscle. His lips travel from my mouth over my jaw, then down my neck. Connor’s hand slides my camisole straps down my shoulders as he nips at the tender skin behind my ear.

  I tug at his shirt. I want it off of him. Connor lifts his head up, then reaches back grabbing the back collar of his shirt, pulling if off with one quick yank, tossing it off the side of the bed. I get my first glimpse of his broad chest without a shirt on. He is tan and chiseled. The tattoo that I always saw peeking out of his shirt sleeve on his left arm extends completely over the bicep and shoulder onto his chest. It’s a unique tribal design with the words “Shameful Regret” in a beautiful cursive script blended in perfectly.

  Connor shifts his weight to his knees, sitting up straddling me. He moves his hands down to either side of my waist, then slowly starts to peel my shirt up my body. He leans forward, dipping his tongue into my navel as his hands continue raising my shirt. Once the shirt has uncovered my breasts, he removes it all the way. I am left lying there in my denim shorts and black lace demi bra. Connor’s gaze shifts to my breasts where I’m sure he can see my nipples pushing against the fabric. “So beautiful.” He whispers moving his mouth to place a kiss to each taut peak over my bra. I moan in ecstasy.

  Connor scoots down my body, so that he is kneeling over my thighs. He takes one of his hands and gently grips my waist, while the other moves to unbutton my shorts. He looks at me questioningly. I simply nod. I am terrified, yet exhilarated at the same time. He unzips my shorts, then slowly peels them down my legs, his hands gliding along my skin sending shivers throughout my body.

  Now, left only in my black lace bra and matching panties, I feel completely exposed. My heart his beating so hard in my chest, it feels as though it may burst right through. The look in Connor’s eyes makes me feel as beautiful as he says I am. I feel desirable. Connor stands up from the bed to remove his jeans. When they drop to the floor, I see the large bulge in his boxer briefs. His erection is straining against the confines of the fabric. With Connor just standing there gazing at me, I begin to feel self-conscious. I move to cover my body with my arms, but he quickly lies down beside me, stopping me.

  “I could look at your body all damn day. My God, Sweetness, you are incredible.” Connor whispers as he nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck while his hand grazes down my abdomen, coming to rest just above the hem of my panties. I feel a warm tightness building deep within and moisture floods my panties. My body is starting to feel hot all over.

  “Please.” I beg. Although, I’m not sure what it is that I’m begging for. I just need more. I need Connor.

  Connor’s hand begins to descend further down, dipping into my panties. His large hand is now cupping my sex. His middle finger parts my slick folds, finding that hard nub that is aching to be touched. My hips buck off the bed when his fingertip brushes over my clit. “I’ve got you, Sweetness. I’m going to take care of you.” He purrs, slipping one finger deep inside my wet entrance. “Oh, baby. You are so fucking tight.”

  I press my head into the pillow. The feeling is so exquisite and intense, I’m not sure I can take any more. Then Connor slips another finger inside, curling them back and forth. His thumb begins to rub circles onto my hardened nub. “Ah!” I cry out out, my hips arching into his hand, my body feeling like it may rip in two. “Connor!” my voice sounds foreign to me. My sex starts spasming around his fingers. Connor brings his mouth over mine, kissing me deeply, swallowing my moans.

  When my body calms, Connor starts to remove my panties. He trails kisses down my neck, over my lace-covered breasts, and along my abdomen. He stops right there. “What are-’ I try to ask, but when his hot mouth covers my core, his rough tongue piercing my entrance then flicking over my clit, I loose my train of thought. “Oh God!” I moan.

  “Sweeter than any candy ever made, baby.” Connor’s hot breath over my super sensitive skin sends chills up my spine. I’m writhing wantonly on the bed. Undecipherable moans escapes my lips. Connor uses his elbows and forearms to hold my legs down and open as his fingers part my folds. He slips first one, then two fingers into my drenched sex as he sucks harder and harder on my throbbing clit. My body goes over the edge once again when he bites gently on my nub, then soothes it with a gentle kiss. When my body comes back down to earth, I open my eyes to see Connor leaning over me at my side. I can feel is hard length digging into my hip.

  “The sight of you letting go is the sexiest fucking thing I have seen in all my life.” Connor’s hot breath whispers over my lips.

  I gather the courage to reach my hand over to stroke him through his boxer briefs. He is hard as stone and very large. He groans as he rocks into my hand. I take a deep breath, then dip my hand under the waistband to grasp his shaft. He sucks in a deep and ragged breath. Connor’s cock is thick. My fingers barely wrap all the way around him. I glide my hand up and down the veined shaft that feels like a steel rod wrapped in velvet. When my hand comes to the tip, I jerk it away quickly. I feel two cool metal balls protruding from either side of the head of his cock.

  “Babe, you need to stop, or this will be over before it even begins.” Connor’s voice is strained and husky with lust. He opens his eyes, noticing the shocked expression on my face. “Are you ok, Sweetness?”

  I may be inexperienced, but I certainly know what an apadravya is. I hadn’t expected Connor to have one. He didn’t seem like the “pierced” type of guy. I guess in my mind, I only thought that people completely covered with tattoos and other piercings would pierce themselves down there. The idea of those metal balls along with his thick shaft moving inside me makes me squirm with need and fear all at the same time. I feel like I won’t be enough to please him. I force that thought from my mind and reach out to grasp his hard length once more. I place open-mouthed kisses along his neck. I can feel the vibrations on my lips as he begins to moan in pleasure again.

  Connor reaches behind me to unclasp my bra then pulls it from my body. I am completely bared to him. My breasts feel heavy with want and need, my nipples are taut and peaked, just the softest graze of his hand has my body shuddering. Connor shifts his body so he can pull his own underwear off, flinging them off the side of the bed onto the pile of our clothes on the floor. His body is utterly gorgeous. Rock hard abs, the tight “V” muscle cut into his hips leading to his thick cock with that piercing that is glinting as the sunlight peeks through the curtains. I’m suddenly afraid that he won’t fit. He’s that big.

  Connor gently pushes my shoulders back so I’m reclining flat on my back again. His head lowers to my chest and he sucks one hard nipple into his mouth, while showing attention to the other with his fingers. His other hand reaches down between us to rub and pinch my clit again. “I want you so bad, Sweetness, but I’ll stop if you want me to.” He says between kisses on my breast. “But please don’t ask me to stop.”

  I want this. I need this. This is my choice. I can feel Connor slowly picking up the pieces of my heart and putting me back together again. “I am broken. Please, make me whole again.”

  Connor locks his gaze with mine as he slowly starts to sink into my core. He pushes inch by glorious inch in until he completely filled me. Tears prick my eyes. There is an extremely tight burning sensation as he starts to pull back slightly, the balls of his piercing gliding along my inner walls. “Am I hurting you? God! You’re so tight and hot!” Connor hisses through gritted teeth. “I want to move. Are you ok if I move?”<
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  “Yes. Just go slow.” I pant. “Oh, God!” I moan as he pulls back so that he is almost completely out, then starts to plunge back inside me. “Connor!”

  I arch my back, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as my hips tentatively start to move with him. This encourages Connor to move a little faster and harder. I begin to feel that now familiar building deep within me again, only this time, it feels so much more intense. “Please!” I pant.

  Connor changes the angle of his thrusts, his piercing is rubbing along that magical spot that is making the room spin. His pubic bone is grinding along my clit, causing the most delicious friction. In the next instant, like a guitar string that is pulled to tight, I snap. My body spirals out of control. Hot waves of molten pleasure cascade over me, radiating from my center out to my head and toes. Two more thrusts, and I can feel Connor growing impossibly larger inside me, reaching his climax, screaming “Holy fuck!” as he pumps into me. Just the feel of his cock twitching as he comes is enough to make my own orgasm extend unbelievably long.

  As we lay there catching our breath, I realize that I really do feel whole again. I feel safe and protected. Connor’s head is resting on my chest. He leans up, looking at me smiling softly. “Lynae. Sweetness, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  My heart couldn’t possibly feel more full than it does right at this moment. “I think I already have.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  A knocking at the door stirs me from my slumber. I feel Connor move slightly in his sleep. I open my eyes to see that I am in Connor’s arms wrapped tightly, and my head resting on his broad chest. He lifts his head to look at me. “Sweetness, you ok?” he asks.

  “Someone is at the door.” I murmur.

  “You just stay here. I’ll go see who it is. It’s probably Sly coming to check on you.” Connor gets up, pulling on his jeans without his boxers.

  It takes a second for my mind to clear. Oh my God! Sly! His mom! The cemetery! I’m naked! “Connor, don’t let him in! I’m not dressed!” I leap out of the bed searching for my clothes.

  Connor turns around to watch me scramble as the knocking on the door continues and Connor’s cell phone starts to ring. “Lynae, I’m not letting Sly in until you have clothes on. Don’t think I’d let another man see you like that.” He continues to the door, to look through the peephole. “It is Sly, I’ll tell him to hang on a minute.” Connor cracks the door open.

  I manage to get my panties, bra and cami back on when I hear Sly’s voice as he barges in the living area of the suite.

  “Damnit, Sly! I told you to wait a fucking minute!” Connor walks to stand in front of me to hide my body from Sly.

  I’m sitting on the side of the bed picking my shorts up off the floor when I see Sly’s face. He has a bruise starting to form on his left cheek, his eye is swollen, and his lip is busted. I immediately forget about my shorts, jumping up running to him. “Sly, what the hell happened?” I reach my hand up to his face. He winces a little when I touch his cheek, but doesn’t pull back. His eyes are full of pain.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Hell!” Sly pulls me to him in the tightest embrace I think he as ever given me. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I should have known something happened back then.” Sly starts crying and shaking into my shoulders.

  My heart breaks and the tears flow from my eyes again. “I’m sorry too.” I can’t say anything else. I never told Sly or anyone because I was ashamed of what had happened. I push away from him, grasping his shoulders in my hands. “Sly, I couldn’t.” I look away. “I couldn’t deal with you hating me for that.”

  Sly lets out a groan. “Lynae, I could never hate you. I hate that fucker for hurting you. And I let him know that too. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He tips my chin up with his hand. “You know that right?”

  Connor is standing to our side. He’s watching us cautiously. The way he is looking at me makes me think he is afraid that I may break even more.

  Slipping into nurse mode is the only way I can deal with things right now. “Sit down over there, I need to look at your lip.” I motion for Sly to sit down on the sofa. I turn to look at Connor. “Can you get me some ice and give me a few minutes to talk with Sly private?”

  “Whatever you need, Sweetness. There’s ice in the minifridge already.” Connor kisses me on the top of the head. “Just please put these on.” He’s holding my shorts out for me. “I know you two have a lot to talk about. I’ll be back in a little bit. You want something to eat?”

  My stomach grumbles at the thought of food. We ate late last night before leaving home, and only had a few snacks on the road. I didn’t eat anything at Sly’s house before I took off running. “That would be great, baby. Thank you.” I walk into his arms, squeezing tightly. I am trying to draw strength from him to have the difficult conversation that I know I need to have. Sly knows now, I need to let it out.

  Connor reaches down to the floor to pick up his shirt, and puts it on before he leaves Sly and I alone in the suite. I quickly pull my shorts up and move to sit beside Sly on the sofa.

  “Lynae, I-“

  “I’m so-“

  Sly and I try to talk at the same time.

  “Lynae, seriously. I’m so sorry. I should have known something was wrong. Why didn’t you tell me?” Sly looks directly into my eyes, “And don’t give me that shit about me hating you. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong. I swear I would have killed that motherfucker if I knew what happened. When did this happen?”

  I take a deep breath. Words and emotions that I have kept bottled up for eight years bubble to the surface. “You remember that Matt and I went on a few dates my freshman year? Towards the end of football season?” My voice cracks.

  Sly nods his head. I can see his jaw muscles clenching as he grinds his teeth. “Yeah, I remember now. I’m the one who gave him your phone number to call you. He had asked all season. Kept saying he wanted to take you out.” His voice is gravelly and full of pain. “This is all my fault. I should have known not to let him go out with you.”

  “No, Sly. It’s not your fault.” I take his hand in mine, holding it in my lap, I need to continue before I lose my nerve. “Matt and I, we went to the movies one night. We didn’t really watch the movie. We were sitting in the back row making out pretty hot and heavy. I probably led him on. It was my fault he thought he could do that.” I hold my other hand up stop Sly from trying to respond. “When we were walking back to the car, he cornered me, shoved me in the backseat and that’s when it happened.” I shudder remembering the fear from that night. I felt that same fear in Sly’s kitchen this morning. “It was stupid of me to be out on my own with him. I was only fourteen.”

  I can feel the tension radiating from Sly’s body beside me. “Damnit, Lynae, there wasn’t anything you did to make it ok for him to-“ Sly stops speaking for a moment. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Sly tugs on the hand holding his, pulling me onto his lap. “You are my best friend. I should have seen that you were hurting. I should have seen that your light went away. If I hadn’t given him your number, this wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Listen to me.” I say gripping his face between my hands. “I didn’t tell anyone. Not Daddy, not Momma, nobody. I got good at hiding my feelings and I shut myself out. You were always there for me, I love you more than you could ever know.” I try to convey my sincerity through my eyes.

  “I love you too. I just wish I would have known. You wouldn’t have had to go through it alone. We could have done something.”

  “It’s in the past. We can’t do anything now but move on. I have you and Connor in my life, I’ll be fine. I’ve lived my life so far on my own without any problems.” I stroke his bruised cheek. “Now, please tell me what the hell happened to your face.”

  Sly shifts me so I’m sitting beside him again, and no longer on his lap. “After Connor got you in the car, I headed to the hospital to check on Mom. I had a voicemail from the nurse that Mom was awake, moved to a regular
room and asking for me.” Sly clenches and unclenches his fists at his sides. “I sat with her for a few minutes, talking to her, trying to calm myself down, then that motherfucker walked in her room and I lost it.”

  Shit! That is the last thing Gina needed to deal with. Watching her son get into a fight when she is recovering from major surgery. Judging by the look of Sly’s face, Matt got several hits in. Sly is a big guy, but Matt was and still is bigger than him. I feel awful that my past is causing trouble for those that I love. “Oh, Sly.” I sigh.

  “Security pulled us apart. I went for a drive, then went home. Matt’s cleared all of his shit out. I told him to stay the fuck away from you, and to never step foot in my house again.” Sly reaches out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I swear that if I had known, I would have done something back then.”

  I shudder hearing his name again. “I know you would have tried, but there’s nothing you could have done. It was all my fault, and-“

  “Damnit! Lynae, it’s not your fucking fault. I want to kill him.” Sly looks deep into my eyes. “Baby, you weren’t living. You were just existing, and I was foolish not to see it.”

  Sly’s right. I guess I haven’t really been living. I was just going from day to day. I went to school, studied hard, worked and spent time with him and the few people I’ve let get close to me. The only time I actually feel alive is when I’m with my patients, but that’s different. When I’m at work I’m so focused on taking care of others, that I can shut out my demons. It has only been since Connor has come into my life that I have felt my heart beat again. Sure, Gabbi and Michelle are always trying to get me to open up, and being with them is so easy, they are like my sisters, but it’s not the same as Connor. Connor makes me want to see and feel the world around me. Giving myself to him today was the most freeing moment of my life. Connor made my body and soul feel alive. It made me feel like I had the choice in what I was doing. I lean my head into Sly’s chest as he wraps his arm around me. “The pain is starting to go away.”