Our Lady of 121st Street
Page 3
(BALTHAZAR smiles.)
BALTHAZAR: I hope you took her, Norca.
NORCA: Took who?
BALTHAZAR: “Took who”?
NORCA: I ain’t stuttered. Took who, mothahfuckah?!
BALTHAZAR: You’re very smart, Norca. You always been smart. That brain of yours, it hurts to carry it around, doesn’t it?
NORCA: It’s been five seconds, Balthazar, don’t you need another drink?
BALTHAZAR: The next time I take you into custody, Norca, I won’t slap you on the wrist. No, the next time, Norca, I’m gonna send your ass to Bellevue—
NORCA: Fuck you—
BALTHAZAR: And when you get to Bellevue, you gonna bug out, Norca! You gonna hit somebody, or wild out somehow, and they gonna start medicating your ass. Then, you gonna be real fucked up, and they gonna send you to Creedmore for mental rehabilitation! You know you can’t sign yourself out of Creedmore, right?
NORCA: Why you fuckin’ with me?
BALTHAZAR: You must’ve visited Creedmore, right? Half your family passed through there, no? That brain of yours, Norca? That brain you love so much even though it’s killin’ you? Creedmore gonna snatch that brain, Norca. Snatchy, snatchy, no more brain! No more Norca. They gonna snatch your brain, and before you know it, you gonna weigh three hundred pounds, have hair where God didn’t intend, and you gonna have one of those faces—you know those faces I’m talking about, right Norca? The institutionalized face? The “no more brain, smile like a three-year-old” face? The “I’ve been downgraded from a human to a mammal” face. No more Nasty Norca, you’re gonna be a mammal!
NORCA: I ain’t no mammal!
BALTHAZAR: Then tell me where she is!
NORCA: Where who is?!
BALTHAZAR: Where is she?
NORCA: Where is mothahfuckin’ who?!
BALTHAZAR: Where is she?
NORCA: I don’t know what you talkin’ ’bout!
BALTHAZAR: You’re lyin’.
NORCA: No I ain’t!
BALTHAZAR: You’re a fuckin’ liar.
NORCA: Don’t be breathin’ up on me!
BALTHAZAR: Liar.
NORCA: Liar, what?!
BALTHAZAR: Where is she?
NORCA: Where is who?!
BALTHAZAR: Where is she?
NORCA: You want me to bust you in your mothahfuckin’ face?!
BALTHAZAR: Yes. I would like very much for you to bust me in my mothahfuckin’ face, Mammal Girl. Please hit me. Please.
NORCA: I’ll do it, ya drunk-ass bitch!
BALTHAZAR: Please.
NORCA: I will!
BALTHAZAR: Hit me. Right now, Norca. Hit me now!
Scene 5: Edwin and Pinky, funeral home waiting room.
EDWIN: (To himself) “Sister Rose Marie was a very special person. I, personally, had her for Homeroom for First Grade, and for Second Grade, and then for Second Grade again, and then for Second Grade one more time, which is why I respected (no, not respected), which is why, even though she beat my ass wit a shillelagh (nah, dat ain’t right) …
PINKY: Edwin—
EDWIN: “We always loved her, even when we didn’t.”
PINKY: Edwin—
EDWIN: Shut up, Pinky, I’m tryin’ ta put my thoughts in place—
PINKY: Oh … okay.
EDWIN: Put that cigarette out, you can’t smoke in here.
PINKY: Sorry—
EDWIN: Wait. Gimme a drag first … “We loved her ‘cuz” …
PINKY: You want a fresh one?
EDWIN: Nah … Yeah. Whatchu smokin’?
PINKY: Kool Breeze.
EDWIN: Kool Breeze? What the fuck kinda brand is dat?
PINKY: Two dollah eighty-five.
EDWIN: Fuck dat … You got any chocolate?
PINKY: I could get some.
EDWIN: You could get me two packs a Yodels?
PINKY: You wanna juss split a box?
EDWIN: Nah … Yeah. You need money?
PINKY: Maybe juss like four dollahs.
EDWIN: In other words, you need money.
PINKY: I guess.
EDWIN: So juss say dat then.
PINKY: I didn’t wanna upset your concentration.
EDWIN: Well, it’s upset.
PINKY: Sorry.
EDWIN: Not on account a you, Pink, all right?
PINKY: Okay.
EDWIN: Are you sayin’ “okay” like you believe me? Or are you juss sayin’, “okay”?
PINKY: Like I believe you.
EDWIN: Are you sure? I doan wanna see you start cryin’, ’cuz I juss couldn’t handle that right now.
PINKY: I ain’t gonna cry.
EDWIN: I mean, if you feel like cryin’, cry. ’Cuz I doan wanna stifle your feelin’s or nuthin’—
PINKY: I ain’t stifled.
EDWIN: It’s juss, I need you strong over here.
PINKY: I’m strong. Wanna feel my muscle?
EDWIN: Look, here’s a twenty-dollah bill, okay? Wit the Yodels? Get a quart a milk.
PINKY: Okay.
EDWIN: Regular, not skim or some shit. The red one.
PINKY: I know.
EDWIN: And check the date. On the Yodels too. Grab the milk from the back.
PINKY: I got three girlfriends, Edwin.
EDWIN: That’s great. Bring me the change.
PINKY: They’re all pretty … except one.
EDWIN: I gotta get back to this, Pinky.
PINKY: Okay. You’re gonna make a great analogy, Edwin.
EDWIN: Eulogy, Pinky. Not analogy. Eulogy.
PINKY: I’m gonna tell her all about it when I get home.
EDWIN: Great … Tell who?
PINKY: Sister Rose.
EDWIN: Pinky … Bro … Sister Rose is dead, you know dat, right?
PINKY: I know.
EDWIN: Dead, like, dead.
PINKY: I know.
EDWIN: Like Mom and Dad, right?
PINKY: Yeah. And the super, Mr. Regal.
EDWIN: Yeah … Dead like them, right?
PINKY: In Heaven.
EDWIN: Dass right.
PINKY: Eatin’ cheeseburgers …
EDWIN: Watchin’ Pay-Per-View for free with the Blessed Mother and Saint Anthony, and Mom and Dad …
PINKY: And Mr. Regal.
EDWIN: Yes. Now, Pinky, when Balthazar’s partner came in here and asked us those questions, you answered the truth, right?
PINKY: Whaddya mean?
EDWIN: I mean, if I were to go up to our apartment right now, I wouldn’t find anyone that ain’t supposed to be there, right?
PINKY: You mean like Mrs. McNulty’s cat?
EDWIN: Never mind. Go get the Yodels now.
PINKY: I wantcha to meet my girlfriends.
EDWIN: I’m lookin’ forward to it. Yodels. Go.
(Pause)
PINKY: I didn’t mean to upset your concentration, Edwin.
EDWIN: I know that, Pinky.
PINKY: I think … Can I say something, Edwin?
EDWIN: Is it sumpthin’ short?
PINKY: Pretty short.
EDWIN: So say it then.
PINKY: Actually, it’s two things.
EDWIN: I didn’t agree to hearing two things, Pinky.
PINKY: I’ll make it quick.
EDWIN: Juss fuckin’ say it already.
PINKY: Okay. Do you think that girl Norca is gonna be here today, and can I have a hug please?
EDWIN: How many hugs have I given you today?
PINKY: Only like six.
EDWIN: So go get the Yodels and milk, bring me the change, and I’ll give you another hug. How’s that?
PINKY: A long hug?
EDWIN: Would you just get the fuckin’ Yodels already?!
PINKY: Oh. Okay … What about Norca?
EDWIN: Forget about Norca. She don’t like you. Eat some Yodels and forget about that shit.
PINKY: I really would feel better if you—
EDWIN: Oh, fuckin’ “Jesus fuckin’ Christ” Pinky! Co
me over here!
(PINKY crosses to EDWIN. They hug. MARCIA enters.)
MARCIA: Oh, excuse me.
PINKY: Hello, lady.
MARCIA: Hi … (smells) Was someone smoking in here?
PINKY: You wanna be my girlfriend?
MARCIA: Uh, I don’t know. Maybe? …
PINKY: I’m going to get some Yodels for me and my brother Edwin.
MARCIA: Oh.
PINKY: You look like Sister Rose.
MARCIA: She was my aunt.
PINKY: I’m getting Yodels now.
MARCIA: Well, nice to meet you.
PINKY: Can I touch your butt?
EDWIN: Pinky! Go get the Yodels.
PINKY: Okay. Bye, lady.
(PINKY exits.)
EDWIN: Hello, sorry for that. I’m, uh, Edwin Velasquez.
MARCIA: Marcia Cook, could you open up that window, please?!
EDWIN: It’s closed ’cuz of the A.C.
MARCIA: So smoke outside!! I’m sorry, but I’m an asthmatic!
EDWIN: Ass-what?
MARCIA: Asthma? Hello! I have asthma. I mean the sign says: “Prohibido Fumar,” right? But, of course, I’m the bitch, just because other people don’t give a hoot about anyone else except themselves, so they have no goddamned—
EDWIN: Hey, look—
MARCIA: I mean, I could die! Okay?! I could literally have an asthma attack and drop dead right here! So I’d appreciate it if you would stop gawking at me and open the damn window before I start to really get upset!
EDWIN: It’s open, it’s open!
MARCIA: I’m really sorry—
EDWIN: Apology accepted.
MARCIA: Apology? See, that’s the whole problem right there. I shouldn’t have to go off on people and get labeled some kind of overreacting person just to get them to obey a damn law which they’re supposed to just obey because it’s the goddamn law! I shouldn’t have to even ask!
EDWIN: You’re very right—
MARCIA: I mean, I didn’t put up that “No Smoking” sign.
EDWIN: No, you didn’t.
MARCIA: ’Cuz if there was a sign here that said “Smoking: Mucho Gusto!!” I would’ve just not said a word and suffered silently and possibly died; or I would’ve just found another place to sit, like outside in the stifling humidity or something, okay, because—Don’t look at me like that!
EDWIN: Like what?
MARCIA: Like I’m some kind of lunatic, or bitch, or rabble rouser!
EDWIN: What’s a rabble rouser?
(MARCIA collapses.)
MARCIA: Oh, my God!
EDWIN: What’s wrong?
MARCIA: Palpitations!
EDWIN: Palpi-who?
MARCIA: Danger! Danger!
EDWIN: What should I do?
MARCIA: My inhaler … please … my bag!
EDWIN: What? This?
MARCIA: Oh, God … Yes … Thank …
(MARCIA inhales deeply several times.)
EDWIN: Should I call 911?
MARCIA: No! Oh, God! Danger! I’m—“count ten, Marcia”—ten, nine, five—
EDWIN: Eight!
MARCIA: Eight?
EDWIN: (helping her) Seven …
MARCIA: Six?
EDWIN: Dass right—
MARCIA & EDWIN: Five … four … three … two … one.
(Pause)
MARCIA: Oh, my God.
EDWIN: That was scary.
MARCIA: Oh, my God.
EDWIN: It’s okay.
MARCIA: Hold me?
EDWIN: Yeah … Yeah, sure.
(EDWIN cradles MARCIA. A beat.)
MARCIA: You saved my life.
EDWIN: Actually, I was one of the smokers that caused your conniption.
MARCIA: Look, I rarely feel grateful for anything, so could you just shut up and let me be grateful for a second?
(Pause)
EDWIN: You’re a very strange lady.
MARCIA: Ssh.
(Pause)
EDWIN: Are you sad about Sister Rose’s body gettin’ vicked?
MARCIA: No.
EDWIN: Do you think—
MARCIA: Pipe down! People get so intimidated by silence, they just wanna talk, talk, talk—
(Pause)
MARCIA: Are you touching my breast?
EDWIN: That was accidental.
MARCIA: Oh.
EDWIN: You were very nice to my brother.
MARCIA: Well, I was raised to be kind to the disabled. I mean …
EDWIN: That’s okay.
MARCIA: I didn’t mean to imply—
EDWIN: He ain’t retarded, he just suffered a accident when we was little. I accidentally threw a brick out the window which ended up on his head.