Mid-Life Crisis Diaries

by Solon, Geraldine

  Marsha washed her hands and pulled the little bathroom door open to return to her table, and much to her surprise, Blake was still standing there. He leaned against the little wall that separated the different areas and he didn’t look cross or happy. He just looked like he was patiently waiting for someone. Not sure how to react, Marsha straightened her back, and Blake extended the crook of his arm. Reluctantly, Marsha slid her hand through it and he walked her back to the table without a word. Just before they reached the table, he cleared his throat and Andre turned toward them. Without a word of response, he looked at their arms, interlocked, and stood to pull the chair out for her. She just giggled and took her seat. For a brief moment, she enjoyed the small gesture of swords swinging for her honor and tried not to think too much of it.

  As soon as they sat down, on opposite corners of the table from one another, she and Blake didn’t say a word to each other. It wasn’t to prove any point, really, it was just that Jessica and Andre kept up the entire conversation on their own. Andre being himself, and Jessica being completely enamored with him. She had a full on flirty pout going until their food arrived, and then barely touched her food because she was so enthralled at hearing Andre’s list of places he’d been. Any passer-by, judging by the way Jessica would stop and rest her chin on her hands and kick her legs under the table, would have assumed that Andre was telling tales of his adventures on the high seas.

  When they left, Andre reached out to shake Blake’s hand, there was only a moment of hesitation before he caught Marsha’s eye and then shook it forcefully, as if proving a point.

  Congratulations, dear. You can shake a hand. You want a cookie?

  Marsha decided not to rub it in as they were leaving the restaurant, and instead of holding Andre’s hand, she simply walked at a respectable distance from him, and of course, he was fine with that. Always content to make her at ease. They caught each other’s eye as they walked down the path past where Marsha had knocked the pie table over. The gentleman behind the table made a hand gesture at her and the language was so universal that she just nodded sheepishly and looked back at Andre. They shared the sweetest look for a few long seconds, and Marsha had never been more sure in her life…that she was unsure of what to do.

  Everything in me, professionally and common sense wise, tells me to wait for Blake to pull his head out of his ass and then take him back. He was so sweet to wait for me at breakfast, and that obviously means there’s something there…right? Then again, Andre has never once been anything but what I need in every moment that I’ve known him. And that’s a tall order, considering I was an uptight bitch a few weeks ago. He’s literally helped me transform into a better version of myself.

  She decided, without doing the typical movie thing of looking back over her shoulder to see if Blake was watching them walk away, to call Dr. Lee this evening and ask her advice. She was pretty sure it’d be vague, but helpful. And all she needed was a little perspective. Looking out over the horizon at the endless water, Marsha felt small and like her problems were just that…small problems in a big world. And she thought to herself that getting a little perspective on things might come easier than she thought.

  Turning back to Andre, she finally took his hand in hers, and they walked down the long rows of sculptures, food, and art vendors until their feet could take no more. It felt like the longest day of her life, and in the best way possible. Except for the pies.

  On their way back to the car, Marsha pulled her phone out of her purse to check the time. To her surprise, there was a new text message.

  You looked very pretty today. It was from Blake.

  ***

  By the time they reached the condo, both she and Andre were very tired, so they opted to turn on the television and relax for the evening. They’d already lightly touched on the fact that they’d both be comfortable with him spending the night, no matter what happened, so there was no pressure to do anything at all except enjoy each other’s company. And they did just that. But the silence seemed to be awkward and Andre kept studying Marsha’s expression.

  He cleared his throat. “I couldn’t help but notice how jealous Blake was today.”

  Marsha couldn’t look at Andre. Thoughts of Blake consumed her. How could he be so cold-hearted and nonchalant when he left her and now be so attentive to her? She pushed her thoughts aside, reminding herself of what he did to her. She wouldn’t be in Mexico if this never happened.

  Andre still had his eyes glued on her. “Are you considering going back to him?”

  Marsha picked up the remote and changed the channel.

  As if on cue, Andre didn’t press on the subject and instead wrapped his arms around her waist, bring her closer to his chest.

  Closing her eyes, Marsha made a mental note to never take Andre for granted.

  At about eleven, Marsha started to drift off to sleep. They were both lying on their bellies, facing forward toward the television like high school kids. Her head fell down into her folded arms and she lay there in between sleep and awake. She couldn’t stop thinking about Blake’s text, and how surprising and refreshing it was just to be noticed by him. No sooner did she shed a tear after she recalled that he was with a woman. She felt Andre brush a hair from her face.

  C H A P T E R 20

  When Marsha awoke the next day, she had rolled to her side and found she’d been covered with a blanket. Andre lay next to her, his back snuggled up to her belly. She giggled when she realized their legs were tangled up in each other’s. She couldn’t remember being more comfortable, even after a long, awkward night of sleep on the wrong end of a bed! She didn’t want to disturb Andre, who was still snoozing, so she fumbled around the blankets until she found her phone. Luckily there was still a bit of battery life left and she scrolled through her email. There wasn’t much to speak of from work. Her assistant had cleared her speaking schedule, as requested, and everyone seemed to be holding down the fort all right without her for a while. Sadly enough, she’d be returning there soon, but she certainly didn’t want to think of that while she was still half asleep. So she put it out of her mind. For the moment, she was still relaxing. Slowly wiggling one leg free, Marsha rolled onto her back comfortably and opened up her text messages.

  There were several from Dr. Lee. She was surprised to see that her messages had gone from spastic inquiries to the gentle curiosity of a friend. Instead of ribbing her for trying the pineapple as instructed, Dr. Lee wanted to know how she was getting along. She asked her questions with all the confidence of someone who had the right to say I told you so, but had the class not to. But then again, Marsha felt confused. She shouldn’t get carried away just because Blake showed signs of jealousy. She had to be wise and not give in to her emotions.

  As she was replying to her new unlikely friend’s messages, Blake texted her. Marsha Caufield, Love Guru, checked the time to see if it was appropriate that her husband be texting her. The irony of the situation, especially with Andre still lying on the other side of the bed, was not lost on her. Blake’s message simply said Good morning, and she couldn’t deny it gave her butterflies. She wanted more than anything to respond immediately, but she let it go for a few minutes, unsure how to proceed. Would it be rude to text her husband with Andre still sleeping? Surely not…

  Would it be rude to herself to succumb to Blake’s wishes? Or would it simply be giving him the benefit of the doubt? She looked at Andre and decided that if he were awake, he’d probably tell her to take care of her marriage in whatever way she wanted to. He really was perfect like that. Marsha kissed his shoulder and went to make breakfast.

  ***

  Later that afternoon, Marsha and Andre were both sunbathing on the beach. Andre had his hand twirled against Marsha’s hand.

  “I could get used to this, Andre,” Marsha said, staring at the sea. “This is the life. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow. Oh, how I wish life could be this simple.”

  “It can be.”

  “Easy for you t
o say. I have patients waiting for me. Bills to pay and Dr. Lee who wants to know the details of my trip,” she chuckled.

  He squeezed her hand. “Has it occurred to you that Puerto Vallarta has grown on you. I mean, look at you, you’re glowing, happy, and you could make a life here.”

  Marsha flashed a bright smile. “You make it sound so simple.”

  Andre turned serious. “Life doesn’t have to be complicated. Picture this, you wake up every morning with the ocean that welcomes you. After you see your patients, you still have the sea waiting for you. It’s therapeutic and...” he paused. “you have me by your side.”

  Her heart almost leaped out of her chest. Was Andre asking her to move in with him?

  Blasting music intruded her thoughts.

  “Oh, look who we have here? The two lovebirds.” Blake popped in with Jessica trailing behind.

  Andre rose from his chair and Marsha removed her sunglasses. “Are you following us, Blake?” She hated that he had to barge in on their conversation. Thoughts of Blake early that morning were now overshadowed by her anger towards Jessica’s thong bikini parading in front of them.

  Blake raised his eyebrows. “I don’t see a sign that this beach is exclusive for you.” He turned to Andre. “If you don’t mind, we’d like to sunbathe here as well.”

  Andre folded his arms.

  Jessica giggled and eagerly laid her towel on the chair beside Marsha while Blake sat beside her. To Marsha, she said, “Isn’t this place gorgeous? I would love to live here. I told Blake, we should get a time share or come here often. It’s a lover’s paradise.”

  Marsha felt her throat constrict. How can this bimbo be so delusional? What did Blake promise her? She picked up her novel and pretended to read, not realizing that the book was upside down.

  Blake overheard their conversation and stepped in, trying to study Marsha’s expression. “Can you put sunscreen on my back?”

  Jessica delightedly agreed. “Sure, honey.” She rubbed the lotion around his back, slowly caressing down his arms as she giggled away. “There you go... now my turn.”

  Marsha rolled her eyes. She wanted to puke.

  Blake massaged Jessica’s shoulders, but his eyes were glued to Marsha.

  If he thinks I’m going to show him that it bothers me, he can think again. This is not how I planned my vacation and Blake can’t keep barging in on us. Marsha kept trying to maintain her composure and she knew how awkward this felt not only for her, but for Andre. A few minutes ago, he was, if what she perceived it to be, professing his feelings for her and this was supposed to be their last few days together before she returned to San Francisco.

  “So, Andre, tell me, is this what you do all day? Take naps on the beach? Watch sunsets?”

  Before Andre could answer, Marsha cut him off. “Andre is a respectable gentleman, not the beach bum you think he is.”

  Blake grinned. “Didn’t mean it that way. I mean how many times can you say you and I actually watched the sunset in San Francisco, Marsha?”

  “This isn’t about me, Blake. You’re the one who left, remember?”

  “Maybe if you weren’t so busy, we could have done it more.”

  Marsha glared at him. “Really now? Mature adults talk about their problems and don’t just walk out. Look at you now with some bimbo.”

  Jessica gasped and dashed to the shore. “I’m not dealing with this, Blake.”

  Andre cleared his throat and rose from his chair. He folded the towel and squeezed Marsha’s hand. “We should go.”

  Raising her hands in the air, Marsha raised her voice. “I wish you went to Nepal, Blake, and you can go ahead and take your bimbo with you, because frankly, I don’t care!”

  Blake didn’t say a word while Marsha and Andre left. Marsha was fuming and Andre tried his best to stay calm and hold her hand while she took deep breaths.

  ***

  At the crack of dawn, Marsha bolted upright. She couldn’t sleep and kept tossing and turning. Upon checking her cell phone, Marsha noticed a text from Blake. Andre was fast asleep like a baby.

  It was really good to see you yesterday, he’d messaged, and she wondered if he would be paying her any attention if they hadn’t seen each other. She was still angry about what happened but also embarrassed at the childhood behavior she possessed. She should have acted like a lady.

  I never expected to see you.

  Sorry for acting like an ass. Wasn’t expecting to bump into you.

  I’m sorry too. We can’t keep acting this way. It’s childish!

  There was a pause, and Marsha thought she’d lost him out of boredom already.

  Yeah about that. I never went to Nepal…obviously. I just saw a brochure for it on the way to meet you for the ceremony that day, and that’s what I said. It sounded nice, so I went with it. Another long pause. Sorry.

  Marsha thought carefully before responding, not wanting to push him away or hurt his feelings. But also not wanting to roll over and have her face rubbed in the fact that he had a girlfriend, either. As it is, she was confused with how the events unfolded.

  It’s okay.

  It wasn’t okay, but she really didn’t know what else there was to say.

  Blake, I really am not mad. Are you?

  No.

  Okay. I was, of course.

  Because I embarrassed you. And I’m really sorry. Do I get to chalk this up to a midlife crisis?

  Marsha laughed out loud, quietly. Yes. Professionally, I think this qualifies!

  So where did you meet your boyfriend. Is that something I can feel good about at least? That you’ve had something on the side for a while?

  No. We just met.

  Oh…how did you meet?

  This could get weird real fast, but Marsha decided to roll with it.

  Well, remember Dr. Lee?

  OMG! You hate her. Yeah.

  LOL! Well, yeah. I did. She was unconventional at best.

  I never heard you call her anything as nice as that, but okay.

  Marsha relayed how it all began.

  There was a long pause, and Marsha didn’t know if he wanted any more details than that, and she certainly had no interest in knowing more about the other woman in the mix. Not at the start of a new day. Maybe she’d find out later if he was willing to share. And if not, then well, it was Blake. So she wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to know all about her escapade while keeping the one he was having to himself. At least they were talking.

  Did you have any other questions about it? She asked him after a few minutes had passed. Andre hadn’t moved at all so she felt safe in having a few more minutes of conversation if he were up to it.

  Not really. Just…are you okay? I treated you like crap. And someone else swooped in. I saw the way he looks at you…it doesn’t feel good.

  How did he look at me? I’m not being silly, I really want to know.

  Like you two had known each other for years, and had fallen in love.

  Marsha paused, remembering how Andre was opening up to her. She had to be more sensitive to Andre’s feelings. He must have felt so awkward meeting Blake and it wasn’t fair to put him in that position.

  Are you there? Blake sent a follow-up text.

  Oh. I thought you were going to say “Like he owned you.” Or “Like he wanted to devour you.” That’s what people usually say at this stage.

  Well, I dunno Marsha. He didn’t look like that. He just looked…content.

  The word made Marsha grin, with Andre snuggled up to her back, it wasn’t hard to imagine him giving off that impression at all. And it felt good that she was on the receiving end of it, and that it was being used to her advantage. Sort of.

  Well, even though we haven’t known each other long, we’re kind of kindred spirits, Blake.

  Like we were?

  She paused again. This wasn’t getting any easier. Although, she dreamed of getting back with Blake, she had a soft spot for Andre.

  I’d better go for now.


  Okay. Bye.

  Marsha couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about what Blake said. While Andre was still in dreamland, Marsha slipped on her sandals and stepped out of the condo to take a stroll on the beach. There were still a lot of tourists coming home from a late night rendezvous. There was something about this place that made her feel magical—alive and most of all content. She was definitely sad about leaving and couldn’t picture herself wearing a power suit again. A lot had changed in the past month. Was she wiser now? She’d like to think so. Thoughts of Blake consumed her. How long till he got over his mid-life crisis? Could she actually take him back and move on from where they left and put this behind them? What about Andre? Could she be falling for him too?

  Tears lagged down her cheeks. Marsha settled into the sand, removed her sandals and waited till the sun began to rise. This is so peaceful. If only life wasn’t too complicated!

  No sooner did she feel a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she spotted Blake. Their eyes locked for a moment. He sat beside her, his eyes filled with remorse. Marsha faced the sky, watching strong shades of yellow unfolding upon them. Blake followed her gaze and clutched her hand. They’re both transfixed at the beauty bestowed upon them. Marsha leaned her head on his shoulder, remembering the comfort and safety she felt with him. Together, they were like two old souls with no words to say, gazing at the most magical moment of their lives.

  Nothing could explain how she felt. She didn’t want to think about tomorrow—didn’t want to know what was out there for her.