Dismantled (Girls on Top #2)

by Yara Greathouse

  Today I was at the receiving end of one of those calls you really never want to get. The sun had started to set as I was getting ready to go out and have a careless evening with my friends. Notso called to tell me that an armed woman had shown up at his place and had locked herself inside the house with Traxx. He was still on the phone as I grabbed my purse, keys and headed to my car.

  I’m used to keeping control of myself even as the worst type of situation comes my way thanks to my past years in the Army, but I would be lying if I said I was not shaking inside. Many scenarios were going through my mind. My friends are my family. Traxx is one of my best friends. I care deeply for him and I also harbor an inner desire that we could be more than friends one day. I buckle my seatbelt and take off doing sixty in less than four seconds.

  As I shifted my car through the backstreets of our town, everything’s a blur. I brush my right eye with my hand, to realize a lonely tear was running down my cheek. Dammit! Please let him be okay. In less than five minutes, I enter the subdivision, slowing down only when I see blue lights flashing on top of at least three police vehicles. There is a fire truck and an ambulance on the street as well. I park as close as I can, as I get out of the vehicle, I feel my feet moving faster as I approach the door. My heart is also beating fast. It’s like a drumline has taken residence inside my chest. Suddenly, a policeman stops me by grabbing my arm. I try to shake him off.

  “Excuse me ma’am, but you cannot go in. This is a crime scene.”

  “Please, sir, remove your hand.”

  “I can’t let you through quite yet. The paramedics and the coroner are on the scene.”

  “And who, exactly, needs the paramedics?” If he doesn’t take his hand off me, he may need to call his own paramedics. Asshole.

  “That is confidential information, as the incident is being investigated.”

  I look around to see if my best friend, Brianna is around here. She could get through to this guy. I’m sure Notso called her too, especially because she’s a cop. But it’s dark already and all I notice is the eerie sound the tree branches are making against the wind. Is that an omen of bad things to come? Turning to the other side of the street, I spot Notso’s truck. I excuse myself and shake the policeman’s hand off of my arm and start to move towards the giant blond guy who’s like my brother and whom I trust without hesitation. As I get closer to him, I notice he’s talking to a guy who looks like a detective. I also see Brianna and Colton approaching from the opposite direction.

  “Notso! Please give me an update.”

  “Ciara… He’s okay. Traxx was not hurt. Physically, at least. This is the detective in charge, Cutter Hall. He was asking me a few questions since I was on the phone when all of this went down.”

  I looked at Detective Hall and extended my hand in order to introduce myself. “Detective… I’m Ciara Collins. Can we please get an update on what’s going on? By that time Brianna and Colton had reached us, so I introduced them to the detective.

  “Detective Hall, I’m with the local police department,” Brianna showed her badge. “Can I please get a debrief on the incident and the current situation?”

  “Sure, Officer Gilmore. Please follow me.”

  As the detective was turning, I touched his arm. “Detective Hall, can we please see Traxx Maxwell?” My eyes and voice were pleading.

  Looking at me with compassion, Detective Hall replied in a low, sympathetic tone, “Sure, Ms. Collins. As soon as the paramedics clear him, I will send Ms. Gilmore to come get you guys. But please, know that there is a chance he may have to be taken to the hospital for further treatment. Some people are unable to come out of shock right away. It takes them some time. Keep that in mind.”

  I nodded and forced my hand to release him. I crossed my arms in front of me to act as a barrier for any bad news that may come our way. I felt Notso’s arms wrap around me and I let his familiar cologne soothe my fragile soul. Notso knows my feelings for Traxx. He knows how I have not been in a serious relationship for months… No – correction – years, because I keep hoping that Traxx will see me differently. That he would want to take a chance with me - to let me love him. Now who knows what’s going to happen? Everything could be in turmoil, the unknown.

  Colton paced the street and shoved his hands in his now messy hair. He stopped and looked at me. We were both at a loss for words. “Ciara… He is a tough ass, he will be fine.”

  Looking at him, I gave him a small smile and whispered “I know.” Notso squeezed me harder. We heard steps come our way from behind us. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Keagan, Traxx’s cousin and one of my best friends, approach us.

  “Where is he?” She immediately asked.

  I was sure that Notso has been updating her via text messages until she was able to get here.

  Keagan came to me and hugged me from the opposite side where Notso was holding me.

  “He’s still inside. The paramedics are with him.”

  “Dear God!” Keagan inhaled deeply and her trembling hands came up to her face to wipe the tears that had escaped her eyes.

  “The good news is that we don’t think he was hurt, well, at least not physically. Let’s think positive and hope for the best.”

  Suddenly, the front door opens, we see Brianna and Detective Hall coming out and behind them is Traxx, covered by a blanket and with a paramedic on each side. I turn and escape from Notso’s and Keagan’s embrace.

  Brianna stops in front of me when she reaches our group, and grabs my arm while giving me a sad look. I gently push around her so I can see Traxx, calling after him.

  “Traxx!”

  Slowly, he lifts his face to look at me. My eyes grow wide, when I notice his cheek and neck peppered in red. Instead of his usual cocky smile, I see sadness surround all his features and his brown eyes are spark-less, similar to the darkness found in a hollow tree. I gasp loudly and use my hand to cover my mouth so the scream that wants to escape stays secure inside.

  “Can we go with him?” I asked the detective.

  “Ciara… It’s better if I drive you.” Brianna says close to my ear. I look at her and shake my head from side to side.

  Detective Hall looks at me and says “I will be escorting him since our crime scene investigation team needs to gather evidence from his clothes and body, before he can be released.”

  I nod to make sure he knows I heard him. My tears are on full cascade mode now and I can’t speak. Traxx looks like a different person. He may not be physically hurt, but the Traxx I know is missing at the moment.

  “Come with us, Ciara. I’ll take you to the hospital. Give me your keys, Colton will drive your car there.”

  I can’t move. I stay standing there like a statue, watching the paramedics help Traxx inside the ambulance and close the doors behind him. Then, Brianna being true to her impatient self, pats down my jean’s pockets, but can’t find what she’s looking for.

  “Colton, she must have left the keys in her car. Can you go check? If they are there just text me and I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

  With a head nod, he is on his way.

  “Keagan, will you be okay to drive?” Brianna asks.

  “I’d rather ride with one of you, actually.”

  Notso immediately offers to take her and soon after we’re on the move to our vehicles. Colton’s text came in as we were buckling our seatbelts. We have to wait a bit before we can start driving, because some of the patrol vehicles and other first responders have started to clear out and move about the street.

  “Are you going to be okay?” Brianna asks me.

  “I think so.” I manage to whisper but knowing Brianna, I know she’s got something on her mind. “Why do you ask?”

  “Well, you have never been a ‘crying it out’ kind of girl. So I was wondering what’s up with the river of tears you’ve got going on this evening. No bullshit, please.”

  “I care about him, Brianna. What do you want me to say?”

  “I thin
k you more than just ‘care about him.’ Tell me.”

  Taking a deep breath I start to voice my thoughts. “I’m scared for what this is going to do to him. He was messed up before, you know how he never let anyone get close to him. That’s not normal. I can’t help the way I feel about him. I have always wanted it to be more between us, but stayed away because I didn’t think he was ready. Now, after this experience, I’m worried and scared that he will push me away even further. I don’t know. My head’s just rambling around all the possibilities. Bottom line is that I’m nervous about what tomorrow and the days after will be like.”

  Brianna lets out a sigh. “Yeah, you are right. But he’s not alone. He has us. You have us. We will figure it out. You’ll see.”

  I wanted to believe her. I really did – and even with all my doubts, I hung tight to her every word and kept quiet until we arrived at the hospital.

  Traxx

  I feel numb. I want to be angry. I want to feel sadness. I wish I could yell and scream and smash some things and throw others out the window. But all I feel is blank. My brain is not helping me make things happen. It’s like it’s tied or tethered to something stronger than itself. It still creates thoughts but it’s unable to act on them.

  The investigators swabbed and collected what they needed from my skin, hair and nails, took my clothes and gave me one of those half robes that cover your front and has the back wide open letting your ass get some air. The nurse came in and gave me some pills. I think she said they will help me rest. I don’t want to rest. Like a never ending nightmare, every time I close my eyes the scene replays in my head causing my body to shake. I feel cold, so I pull the covers higher up. The nurse tells me there are a lot of people in the waiting room, wanting to see me.

  “Do you feel up to some visitors?”

  Nope. “Sure.” I don’t know if I’m going to be able to deal with the pity looks that are about to come my way. I slowly lay my head back on the pillow.

  I close my eyes and visualize the one person that can help me build up some new memories. The one person whose innermost goodness can take away a slight amount of the bad I have inadvertently created. I also need my roommate. There is no way I can go back to that house. No way in hell. The thought of stepping foot in that living room makes me tremble.

  Keagan opens the door and leads all my friends inside my room. They stand around my bed, all eyes on me. Keagan squeezes my hand and leans over to kiss my cheek.

  “Hey, Traxx… we are so glad you are ok… How are you feeling?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Tired, I guess. They gave me something to help me sleep.” My eyes naturally look for her. I see her move from behind Keagan, flashing her sweet smile at me. Her warm hand touches my arm and soothingly strokes it.

  “Traxx… it’s so good to finally see you. We have been waiting outside for you to be ready. We want you to know that we will take care of everything.”

  Colton chimed in, “Yeah, man. No worries. You and Notso will stay with Brianna and me for the time being. Tomorrow we are going to your place to pack everything.” Brianna smiled at me and starts talking.

  “We will put what you guys don’t need in a storage unit – I know a great one, nearby Ciara’s place, climate controlled and accessible 24/7. Ciara and I keep some… stuff… there.” She gives Colton a knowing look and he looks at her with a crooked smile. A couple of years back, Brianna, Ciara and Colton had to face off with some bad people and Colton had told me about all the weapons that Ciara and Brianna had stowed away in storage. It didn’t surprise me, given they were Military Police while in the Army and Ciara was a weapons expert.

  Then it was Notso’s turn, “I’ll start looking for an apartment tomorrow. It will do us good for a change of scenery.” I nodded in agreement.

  My friends were staring and expecting some kind of sign that I will be okay. I’m not sure. How can someone get over what I witnessed today? Suddenly it’s hard to breathe. I feel nervous and agitated. I close my eyes and concentrate on the warm touch of Ciara’s hand on my arm. I change the rhythm of my breathing to match her hand’s movement. My chest is no longer tight, and I feel more relaxed. I believe the medication has started to work. I hear my friends discuss their taking turns and staying with me until my release. I don’t want to think about anything. I decide to just give in to the pull my mind is feeling. Slowly the voices just fade and I let the silence and blackness wrap around me.

  Chapter 2

  Traxx

  I’m not sure if I should be here or not. It wouldn’t feel right either way, I think. Ciara and I stand back to the side. I’m glad the day it’s pretty and full of sunshine. There was so much darkness in Marcy’s life she deserves to have light and brightness in her death, at least. The pallbearers gather at the back of the hearse, in order to pay their respect by handling and supporting the weight of the casket. The family plot is in a nice area, with big shady trees, towards the back of the cemetery.

  “Are you sure about this, Traxx?”

  Ciara’s whisper pulls me away from my thoughts. “Yes. Thank you for coming with me. The guys just don’t get it.”

  “Well, I really can’t say that I do get it, but I was not going to let you come here by yourself.” She looks up at me and smiles. I like her smile. It’s always genuine and it really highlights her natural beauty. She continues, “Brianna and Keagan would have come too, but they couldn’t get out of work.”

  After I was released from the hospital, Notso and I took residence at Colton’s and Brianna’s place. They had promised that I would never have to return to my house and luckily I haven’t had to. They are the best friends a person can have. They also had the place professionally cleaned and listed it for sale with a real estate agent. I didn’t expect it to sell for a long time, given what happened there, but that’s the thing about a good location – sometimes people don’t care about the history of the home as long as a new floor and a couple of layers of paint can cover it up. I’m sure whoever bought it has a morbid sense of humor.

  I haven’t been in the mood to go looking at homes for sale. My mother offered to come to town and take me with her or to take care of it by herself, but I haven’t felt up to that, either. To tell you the truth, the little I have felt lately has been drowned in whiskey. Notso has been giving me space. He could go buy his own place, if he wants, but he feels he’s not ready to commit to that or live by himself. I’m sure that Keagan wouldn’t let him be alone much, but I really don’t want to think about that either. So we compromised to rent a house for six months to a year and then we will figure out what to do. Timing has not been on our side, because we can’t find anything nice to rent that can be considered affordable.

  A couple of weeks later, Notso tells me he has rented an apartment. He said he was talking to the Manager at the apartment complex where Ciara and Keagan live and that they were running a special that could not have been passed up. Out of pure coincidence, the apartment is located in the same building as Ciara’s place, but one floor up from her. I have not decided how I feel about that. Sometimes it feels like too much pressure to be “on” and have a somewhat happy face for my friends and family when all I want is to lock myself in a room and never come out.

  We hear the priest starting his sermon. Everyone became very quiet and still. The priest’s words were gentle and reassuring. From my position across the crowd, I could see an older couple which I assume was Marcy’s parents. The lady was inconsolable. Perhaps I should not be here. Looking at the sad crowd makes me feel guiltier. Everyone is constantly telling me that it is not my fault. When Detective Hall came to visit to tell me I have been cleared from the investigation, he also mentioned they had discovered that Marcy had a past that consisted of many visits to a mental care facility and she was unstable. She also had a history of inconsistency on taking her medication, which had caused her more problems than given her benefits.

  That was obvious to me during the short time we were in front of one another, but
I can’t help to think “what if?” What if I had just gotten over the fear of being hurt by a girl? What if I would have not dated and used girls only to satisfy my male ego? What if I would have been a couple of seconds faster in my reaction when I saw her pointing the gun to her head? Could Marcy still be here trying to muddle through life in her own way, just like the rest of us? One thing is for sure, if I had made better choices I wouldn’t have to see her die again and again every time I close my eyes.

  When the service was over, I noticed Marcy’s parents looking at me. I wouldn’t know what to say since her daughter died because of me. I feel Ciara’s hand taking mine, and she gently pulls me away, as if she knows the thoughts that are going through my mind.

  Once we are in her car, she looks at me and softly asks if I’m okay. I nod, but inside my head, my own hell is burning me alive.

  Ciara

  We were able to drag Traxx out of the house in the hopes that he would get distracted, even if for a couple of hours. We are all at Twisted, our favorite bar, sitting at a table, chatting and waiting for the band to start playing. The guys are watching a live game on the bar’s TV. Well, I guess I should say that Colton and Notso are watching. Traxx is at the bar, drinking, yet again, a barrel of alcohol for what seems to have become his go-to reality escape. Girls come by the bar and hit on him constantly, but Traxx politely declines all their advances. He won’t even look at them. There is no interest on his part, he hasn’t gone out with anyone yet and to make matters worse he keeps himself in a perpetual bad mood.

  “Brianna, it’s been a couple of months since Marcy’s death, and I’m truly worried. I know we all agreed to let him deal with it on his own for a while in the hopes he will snap out of it but I don’t think he knows how to deal.”

  She nods to acknowledge my comment, “You are right. He’s not doing well. Colton finally agreed to speak with him and tried to get him to go see a counselor or psychiatrist, but Traxx was not very happy about it. He pretty much told Colton to shove it – you know where – and left the room. Also, Notso told Colton that Traxx has nightmares almost every night and he wakes up screaming, soaked in sweat. He hasn’t been able to rest.”