Major Feeding: A Piper & Payne Supernatural Thriller (Netherworld Paranormal Police Department Book 4)

by John P. Logsdon

  “They’re from the Little Rock Paranormal Police Department.”

  “The where?” asked Brazen, scratching his head.

  “Some place in Arkansas,” Pecker answered.

  Brazen looked down at the goblin. “That doesn’t really help much.”

  I snagged the datapad from Kix and stared at the connector identifiers for each of these officers. As if by magic, which was probably somewhat accurate, the connector conferenced both of them in with me.

  “Merle Williams here,” answered a voice that had an American Southern accent.

  “You got Cletus Coltrain on the line,” another Southerner chimed in.

  “Hello, gentlemen,” I said, spotting from their records that they were both incubi, “this is Officer Piper Shaw from the Netherworld PPD. I’m sorry to bother you, but our precinct is under attack and we have been trying to round up topside help.”

  “A’ight,” said Cletus.

  “Well, as you know, it’s not easy to get authorization for topside cops to work the Netherworld.”

  “Ain’t that bad,” argued Merle. “Just takes a couple days.”

  “We don’t have a couple of days, I’m afraid,” I remarked. “We need help now.”

  “But we can’t…” Cletus trailed off. “Wait a snip here. You want us to go through reintegration, don’t ya?”

  I nodded, though I knew they couldn’t see me. “I do.”

  “Shit.”

  Chapter 14

  Looking at them, I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that they were incubi. Honestly, it had to have been a typo.

  Cletus had a beard and wore a baseball cap. He was medium height and build, and looked to be chewing tobacco. Merle was taller and a bit pudgy. He had marginally buck teeth and his brow appeared to be permanently creased.

  “Okay, gentlemen,” I said to our four new helpers, “you need to get your reintegration done so you can assist us. They won’t let you out of here until you do that.”

  “I ain’t all that happy about this part,” Merle pointed out.

  “Nope,” agreed Cletus.

  “The last time I went through the process,” groaned Leland, “it took me nearly two weeks to get my mojo back.”

  I gave him the once-over.

  Mojo?

  “It’s not that bad,” Harvey chimed in. “You just have to go with the flow. If you fight it, it’s rough. My last three times went pretty easy, though, because I just zoned out.” He looked down suddenly. “I did end up shitting in the woods for a few days afterwards, but at least I was in bear mode.”

  That was an admission I could have done without.

  “Right,” I said before anyone else could share their own lovely stories. “I’m going to leave Officers Brazen and Kix here to escort you back to our offices when you’re done.”

  “What?” said Kix.

  “Yeah, what?” agreed Brazen.

  “They’ll be done within an hour or so,” I pointed out. “If you’re not here to sign them out, they will just be sent back topside. I need you two here to take care of it.”

  “So just leave Kix,” Brazen stated.

  “Hey!”

  Better for them to be irked at each other than irked at me. Too bad that wasn’t going to last.

  “You’re both staying,” I commanded. “Deal with it.”

  They looked less than happy about my proclamation, but that’s what happened when you weren’t on the top of the food chain. Chief Carter often gave me shit to deal with that I didn’t much care for, too. Brazen and Kix, for example.

  “I like the cut of her jib,” Merle mused.

  Cletus nodded. “Yep.” Then, he spat across the room, depositing a wad of tobacco into the dirt of a flower pot.

  “That’s disgusting,” I pointed out, fighting to keep myself from retching. “How can either of you two actually be an incubus?”

  “Them?” Brazen gasped, pointing. “No way.”

  “We could show ya,” Cletus replied with a wink.

  “Last time we did that,” Merle interjected, “we ended up in front of the chief for indecent exposure.”

  “Dang, yer right.” Cletus winked at me. “Chief don’t like us much.”

  “Nope,” agreed Merle.

  I couldn’t even say anything else, mostly because I was unable to speak. There was too much bile to contend with at that moment.

  Fortunately, Reaper caught on to this fact and motioned for everyone to move along. He then grabbed my arm and we headed toward the doors, with Pecker in tow.

  The Reintegration Center was only a couple of blocks down from the Netherworld PPD building.

  “Chief,” I said through a direct connection, “we were only able to grab four additional bodies to help, and they’re currently in reintegration.”

  “Blast,” he replied with some heat in his voice. “Should have just left them topside. Four cops aren’t going to be able to do much, especially after their brains get a light scrambling.” A few seconds later, he asked, “Maybe they have special skills?”

  The image of all four men standing with their various outfits came to mind.

  “Human shields,” I answered.

  It wasn’t like I’d gone topside with the intention of recruiting an army. And even if I had been, the bureaucracy required would have made that a pointless exercise. We got a few people who may or may not be able to help out. I didn’t know each of their skillsets, and I honestly didn’t care. They had to have been able to fire a weapon or they wouldn’t be cops. If the shit hit the fan and Keller’s crew attacked, we’d have four extra guns with bullets flying out.

  “Anyway,” I said as we showed our badges and passed through the police line, “it’s better than nothing.”

  “Agreed,” the chief said, bypassing the need for the connector since we were now within earshot of each other. “As you can see,” he said with an irritable nod, “they took the building.”

  “More casualties?”

  “Seventeen dead,” he sneered. “More injured. We’re going to have to get back in there somehow.”

  “Any ideas?”

  “Aside from brute force?” the chief said. “Not a one.” He tightened his fists. “And seeing as how we got kicked out of our own building, I don’t see forcing our way back in as such a great option either.”

  I studied the front of the building. It was still a bit roughed up from when the fae had attacked it.

  “Are there more officers coming in from their routes to help, Chief?” Reaper asked.

  “Only a handful left,” he replied. Then, he sighed and shook his head. “The bastard was turned away a lot more easily the last time he attempted this. Never expected we’d have a mole…” He groaned. “I should have known better.”

  “Nah,” Pecker said, stepping into our conversation. “These guys are trained to be good, Chief. Even if you could keep an eye on everyone, they’d probably slip through.”

  That was spoken like someone who had significant knowledge on the topic. Obviously, that person wasn’t Pecker, since he’d just essentially pointed out how…

  Maybe it was Pecker?

  I tilted my head at him.

  “It’s not me,” he said incredulously. “If you keep up this attitude of yours, Piper, I’m going to quit hitting on you.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Promise?”

  “No.”

  A loud screeching sound pierced my brain and I quickly brought my hands to my ears. Everyone in the area did the same.

  ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF THE NETHERWORLD. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY?

  IT’S SUPER EASY TO DO.

  JUST KILL A PPD OFFICER AND YOU’LL GET PAID.

  FOR EACH ONE YOU PERSONALLY KILL, I WILL PAY YOU ONE THOUSAND CREDITS.

  FOR EVERY TEN YOU KILL, YOU’LL RECEIVE AN ADDITIONAL FIVE THOUSAND CREDIT BONUS.

  HAVE FUN!

  “Son of a bitch,” I hissed, grabbing my gun. “That guy is such a fucking dick.”
r />   “More than you know,” replied Reap as his eyes began to glow.

  Chapter 15

  Chief Carter had all of the cops lined up in a split-formation. Some were facing the building and the rest were facing out. Essentially, he was covering our asses on both sides.

  Fun.

  “Hello?” came a voice through the connector that I’d not heard before. It was a voice that sounded like it belonged to a young woman. “Is anyone there?”

  “Agnes?” Reaper said, jolting slightly. “Is that you?”

  “Yep. Where am I?”

  Reaper turned to Pecker and motioned at his backpack. Pecker pulled it free and gently set it on the ground before starting to dig through it. He said “hmmm” more than once and I swear he was starting to sweat, which was not a common thing to see a goblin doing.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Reaper without the connector.

  “She’s…uh…not here.”

  To Reaper’s credit, he didn’t freak out.

  “Can you explain precisely what that means?” my partner asked in a tight voice.

  Pecker squinted at him.

  “Well, there’s this backpack here, right?” He held up the pack. “Your turtle isn’t in it.”

  “Then where is she?”

  “If I knew that, Reap,” Pecker said, “I wouldn’t have looked in the backpack in the first place.”

  “I think I’m staring at the bottom of a desk,” Agnes announced. “Yep, definitely a desk.”

  “How is she looking at the bottom of a…” Pecker started but trailed off. His eyes shot open. “Shit. When I went after that bitch who shot Brazen, my backpack was thrown and I’ll bet Agnes launched out of it. Since she wasn’t conscious, she couldn’t say anything.”

  “Why does the desk have lines etched on the bottom of it?” Agnes asked.

  “That means she’s under the electronics station,” Pecker said. He then looked up, clearly noting our stares. “The lines were there before I joined the force. No idea what they mean.”

  “Wait a second,” I said, “didn’t you say the connectors didn’t work because of your lockdown stuff?”

  “I did say that, yes,” he answered, “and they don’t…normally. I couldn’t configure Agnes’ until she’d woken back up, so it doesn’t have all the base security.”

  “Ah.” I pointed at him. “Doesn’t that mean she’s giving her position away, then?”

  Reaper’s face grew taut.

  “Actually, no,” Pecker replied before Reaper could strangle him. “The way these things are built, she’s on free relay until I hook in all the connections.”

  “So?”

  “So it’s like an unregistered phone number, Piper.”

  “But how does she know our connector identifiers, then?”

  “The same way you do,” Pecker said in such a way that signaled he was judging my intellect. “She knows our names.” He then rubbed his nose. “Plus, I told her that she could always just use the TEAM PAYNE channel to get to the rest of us.”

  I wanted to ask why it was called TEAM PAYNE and not TEAM SHAW, considering it was my team, but my guess was it was due to Agnes belonging to Reaper. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less at the moment, anyway.

  Reaper crossed his arms tightly.

  “So you’re telling me that Agnes is stuck in that building with all the people who are trying to take over the world?”

  “Sorry, Reap,” Pecker said with a gulp. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Yeah, Reap,” I put in, coming to Pecker’s defense, “he had to do what he did to protect you guys.”

  “Thanks, Piper.”

  “You bet,” I said and then shrugged. “Of course, he could have made sure that his backpack was properly zipped up before he threw it over his shoulder, but shit happens.”

  “Thanks, Piper,” Pecker said again, this time sarcastically.

  “Here’s another problem,” Agnes announced. “Since I’m looking at the underside of this desk, that means I’m on my back. Now, I don’t know if you guys know this or not, but a turtle on her back on a shiny floor is a turtle who isn’t likely to flip over.”

  Reaper’s face was currently made of stone. This was weird for me, because I wasn’t what you may call a ‘pet person.’ And even if I were, I certainly wouldn’t have selected a turtle, particularly one that talked. Dogs were okay, I guess. The small ones anyway. Not that I had anything against big ones, it’s just that I always saw them as though they’re werewolves. Yes, I realize that was dumb. Werewolves looked nothing like regular dogs, even Great Danes, but when you’ve battled wolves as much as I have, you can judge me then.

  “Damn, I’ve got a headache,” Agnes added.

  “That’ll be there for a few days,” Pecker explained. “It’s all part of integrating the connector into your brain.”

  “I sorted that out already,” she snarked, “but thanks. So, where are you guys?”

  “We’re thinking of how to get to you, Agnes,” Reaper told her.

  “We are?” asked Pecker. Then he glanced into Reaper’s high beams and quickly added, “I mean, yeah, we are. Uh—”

  “That’s good,” remarked Agnes. “Now, where are you again?”

  “We are…uh…” Reaper looked to me for help.

  I’m sure he wanted me to concoct some story that would put her at ease, but I wasn’t going to play that game. If I were in her…shell, I guess…I would want the truth.

  “We were attacked by Keller and his goons while you were out,” I stated as Reaper’s jaw dropped. “You were shoved into Pecker’s backpack, but he ended up in a fight and you got launched out. Apparently, you ended up under a desk and we didn’t know it.”

  “Is this Piper?” she asked.

  “Yep, it’s me.”

  “I figured as much since you didn’t sugarcoat it,” Agnes said. “Thanks for that, by the way.” I gave Reaper a smug look. “So I’m in Pecker’s office,” Agnes continued, “under a desk, and there are bad guys all around the building?”

  “Right.”

  “Got it. Now, again, where are you guys?”

  “We’re outside the building,” I replied. “Keller’s gang took over everything, forcing us out, and we’re trying to figure out what to do next.”

  “You just need to remain calm, Agnes,” Reaper said in a comforting tone.

  There was a pause.

  “I’m on my back, under a desk, in a building with the enemy, Reap,” she replied. “Oh, and I have the worst fucking headache you can image. So, how do you propose I remain calm, exactly?”

  I found it interesting that she called him ‘Reap,’ but it was even more interesting that she used foul language. At first I wasn’t a fan of Agnes. She seemed to be a terse and opinionated know-it-all who had some personal interest in making me look bad. But based on this little conversation, I’d have to say the damned turtle was shaping up to be all right with me.

  “We’ll think of something,” he said strongly. “Won’t we, Pecker?”

  “Uh…yeah, sure.”

  “That sounded less than confident,” Agnes chided. “Just give it to me straight, guys. Is this the end for me or what?”

  “Probably,” Pecker and I said in unison.

  Reaper gaped at us and boomed, “Of course not, Agnes! We will figure something out. We just need a little time to think.”

  There was no response from the turtle.

  Chapter 16

  Brazen and Kix arrived with our four new recruits just as the chief was coming over to speak with us. Reaper was obviously worried about Agnes, but I had a feeling that an evil overlord would not be all that concerned with hunting down a turtle, especially since they didn’t know she was in there and they certainly weren’t aware of her intellect.

  After Brazen introduced Cletus, Merle, Leland, and Harvey to the chief, the planning started.

  “We can’t get in there with a full frontal attack,” Chief Carter said. “They’d pick us off too e
asily.”

  “Which makes me wonder why they’re not sniping at us right now,” I noted.

  “Because Keller wants to get the community involved,” the chief answered. “That’s why he made the announcement regarding killing cops.”

  “He’s a real di…” started Brazen. Then, he looked at the chief with wide eyes. “A real gem, I mean. That guy’s a real gem.”

  If that didn’t tell you about the power a man like Chief Carter carried, you’re missing something. Brazen was a big dude who could probably turn our old leader into a pretzel if he really wanted to, but even he was leery to use foul language around the man.

  “That he is,” the chief said, acting as though he didn’t really notice Brazen’s near use of the word ‘dick.’ He grunted. “There has to be a way in there.”

  “How’s about the sewers?” suggested Cletus. “Ain’t like them bad guys is gonna want to swim around in them.”

  “Neither do we,” I pointed out.

  “Aw,” laughed Merle, “it ain’t all that bad. We’ve been through worse, ain’t we, Cletus?”

  “Yup.”

  I merely stood there with a look of distaste. What was worse than swimming through a pipe of sewage? They were purportedly incubi, so maybe there were some strange things they’d dealt with over the years. But worse than sewage?

  My only response was to shudder.

  “Wouldn’t work anyway.” Pecker waved at us. “The pipe’s too small for humans to get through.”

  “What about goblins?” Reaper asked in such a way that made it clear he had no qualms about Pecker swimming through sludge at the moment. Obviously, he was seriously pissed about the Agnes incident. “Will you fit?”

  “No,” Pecker replied, looking hurt.

  “Pixies?” asked Kix.

  “They’d die from the fumes,” Pecker answered, tearing his disappointed gaze off of my partner. “Just like sticking a bird in a mine to see if there’s gas. Pixies aren’t exactly robust in that way.”

  Everyone started throwing out their various ideas, most of which were ridiculous. Kix volunteered to keep track of them all.

  It reminded me of a training seminar we’d been forced to attend a few years back. The topic was brainstorming. They were teaching you how to do it effectively. One of the key tenets was that you weren’t supposed to judge anyone’s idea contributions. But, I’m sorry, some ideas are just dumb as shit. Not only should those ideas be judged poorly, but so should the idiot who suggested it.