Major Feeding: A Piper & Payne Supernatural Thriller (Netherworld Paranormal Police Department Book 4)

by John P. Logsdon

  Did that make me insensitive?

  Probably.

  Did I care?

  A little.

  “We could set up another PPD building and just let ‘em keep this here one,” suggested Merle.

  See what I mean?

  How do you not judge that poorly?

  But everyone nodded and Kix added it to the list. Why? Seriously, WHY?

  The one thing I’d noticed throughout this riveting brain-bending session was that Pecker’s eyes were darting all over the place. I’d been around him long enough to know what that meant. He had a little plan starting to gel in that bulbous head of his. Now, it could be that the plan was for how to get away from Reaper in the event that Agnes wound up as the main ingredient for Keller’s evening soup, but there was definitely something brewing.

  “You’ve got something?” I asked in a direct connection.

  “Maybe,” he replied, glancing up at me. “Not sure if it’ll work yet.”

  “It’s got to be better than what these idiots are suggesting.”

  “I could hang glide in from across the way,” Leland was saying. “I’d crash through the main glass at the top over there and rouse a blasting firefight!”

  “See?” I added.

  “He’s kind of saying what I was thinking, though,” Pecker admitted.

  “Well, there went what little respect I had for you, Pecker.”

  “We could use the PPD Helidrone,” he said, obviously ignoring my dig. “By going up high, we could lower down on the roof without being detected. There’s an entrance to an elevator that goes down to the basement.”

  “If you’re talking about the lift that goes to the chief’s office,” I countered, “he told us it doesn’t go all the way to the roof.”

  “And he’s right,” Pecker agreed, “but I didn’t say we were going to step into the elevator from the roof. I said there’s an entrance to it.”

  So we’d have to climb down to the lift, take off the top of it or something, and then take it the rest of the way to the basement.

  That actually made a bit of sense.

  “Then we can get through, grab Agnes, set the building’s self-destruct sequence, and get back out before it explodes.”

  I blinked.

  “What if we convinced them we were door-to-door encyclopedia salesmen?” suggested Harvey, adding his nonsensical contribution to the brainstorming session. “We could ask to speak to the evil overlord of the house and…”

  “The building has a self-destruct mechanism?” I said, doing my best to push the rest of the crew out of my brain space.

  “Of course it does,” answered Pecker as if that were a dumb question.

  “Then why not just do that from here?” I asked, confused. “You have a computer, right?”

  His eyes held a look of contempt. That was an odd thing to see on a goblin.

  “Because it would kill Agnes, Piper!”

  “Ah, right. Sorry.” I sighed, realizing that what I’d said definitely put me in the Piper-is-not-a-nice-person category. “So we’re going to risk our lives to save a turtle.”

  “Exactly,” he replied. “Plus, it can’t be triggered remotely anyway.”

  I squinted at him. “Uh…why not?”

  “Because hackers would be able to set it if they broke into our systems,” Pecker explained. “The final switch is manual, and it’s hidden in my office.”

  “Okay.” Then I said something even I couldn’t believe I was saying. “We’ll have to convince the chief to let us go in and set the self-destruct, then.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so,” I replied. “There’s no chance we’re getting that building back from them, Pecker. We couldn’t even hold it from the inside.”

  “True, true.”

  I glanced over at Reaper, who was clearly fretting with worry over Agnes.

  “Besides,” I added with a grunt, “it’s not like the chief is going to authorize a turtle-retrieval mission, and it’s damn obvious we need to rescue Agnes, too.”

  The little goblin gave me a disturbing smile. “See, Piper? Deep down, you’re not such an uncaring bitch.”

  “Gee, Pecker. Thanks.”

  Chapter 17

  The chief had given us a suspicious look when we’d suggested our plan, but it took a good manager to know when it was best not to peel back an onion.

  I left our four topside recruits with the chief and raced over to the small supply building. There wasn’t much in there by way of weaponry, but the helidrone and a few smaller items were all we needed.

  “The chief knew something was up,” Pecker said as we approached the building. “I’ve seen that look on his face before.”

  “Definitely,” I agreed, “but he let us go, and that means we have a job to do.”

  Pecker tapped in the security code and the panel went green. Nothing needed to be said regarding the fact that Keller may have a few guards on duty in here. Somehow, though, I doubted it.

  “Everyone ready?”

  I didn’t wait for a response.

  Thankfully, Keller hadn’t put anyone in here. I couldn’t say I blamed him. It wasn’t like there was much of use in here anyway, and he couldn’t have expected us to employ our helidrone the way we’d planned, either.

  “There’s a problem,” Pecker said as he looked over the monstrous copter.

  Wasn’t there always?

  “What?” I asked with an edge.

  “We need someone to pilot this thing.”

  I squinted at him.

  “It’s a drone, right?”

  “Still needs someone to man the controls from the ground, Piper,” he pointed out, motioning at the massive console that housed various buttons and knobs. “There are no controls on the actual unit.”

  “Fine.”

  I looked from face to face. It was clear that Reaper was going after Agnes no matter what happened. Kix and Brazen were already irked about the fact that I’d left them to babysit our topsiders, and I wasn’t about to be left behind.

  “Well, it’ll have to be—”

  “Before you command me to stay behind,” Pecker interrupted, “remember that I’m the only one who knows how to set the self-destruct.”

  Damn.

  The greasy smile he was wearing made me want to smack him upside the head.

  “I suggest we get Leland over here to do it,” announced Kix. “I heard a lot of the discussion between him and Harvey when we were heading over to meet the rest of the PPD. He’s apparently versed in a lot of different gadgets and such…or at least that’s what it sounded like to me.”

  “I heard the same thing,” Brazen said, though he seemed to be hesitant. “Sounds like he knows what he’s doing.”

  I frowned.

  “Your confidence is infectious, Brazen,” I said, before hooking up a direct connection to the chief to tell him of our situation. “Okay,” I sighed a moment later, “the chief is sending Leland and Harvey over to help us. I told him to feel free to keep Cletus and Merle with him.”

  For reasons that should probably have been exceptionally apparent, the vibe in the building had turned from confidence to worry. Based on what I’d seen so far, I wouldn’t be surprised if Harvey and Leland lost their way just getting here. Considering that the building was literally directly in front of them, that was saying something.

  They strolled in about five minutes later.

  “Glad you could join us,” I snarked, though they just smiled in response, indicating they had no clue I was being facetious. “Leland, rumor has it you know how to pilot a drone?”

  “Of course,” he replied, creasing his brow in such a way that made me think he was trying to be sexy. “And I’m always prepared to help out a lady.”

  Reaper and Brazen grabbed my arms.

  “I prefer direct piloting of a helicopter,” Leland continued as he ran his fingers along the side of a shelf as if studying it, “but remote flight is acceptable under terse condition
s.”

  “The drone’s over here, dude,” Pecker called out.

  Leland swallowed. “Right, yes, I know. I was just…uh…”

  Reaper and Brazen released their grip. They’d obviously seen the smile on my face and knew how much I enjoyed watching pompous pricks as they fucked up.

  “You good?” whispered Brazen.

  “I’m fine,” I replied. “He’s just overcompensating for something. I’m not worried about him.”

  “All right,” he said, but I noticed he’d moved slightly between me and Leland, just in case.

  “He’s all yours, Pecker,” I announced, motioning for the James Bond wannabe to go and work with my goblin. “Harvey,” I quickly called out, “if you have a second, please?”

  “Huh…oh, yeah, sure.”

  “He talks a big talk,” I said, keeping my voice low, “but can he really do the things he claims?”

  “Well,” Harvey replied, matching my volume, “I’ve only been his partner for a short while, but I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that he cannot.”

  “Okay, good…” I paused and slowly glanced up at the man. “Sorry, did you say that he can’t do the things he says he can do?”

  “Mostly, yeah,” said Harvey. “That’s why I’m around. We make a good team. He steps in poop all the time, and I’m there to clean it up.”

  That sounded like most partnerships, to be fair. But we weren’t talking about taking out the garbage because your partner forgot to do it.

  This was a life-or-death situation.

  Not that I’d die from falling or anything, but it’d hurt like hell and I had no desire for that. I meant my team, and I wasn’t all that fond of losing my team. At least not like this.

  “So you know how to fly a helidrone?” I asked.

  Harvey rubbed his bearded chin. “A what?”

  That answered that.

  Without a word, I just gave him an ambivalent smile and motioned him to join his partner. The only thing I could rely on was that Pecker was going to be with us; that meant he’d do everything in his power to ensure that Leland knew what he was doing.

  “Do you trust this guy—” started Reaper.

  “No,” I cut him off. “Not even slightly.”

  “I had a feeling.”

  “With any luck,” I added, “Pecker already knows and will somehow affix Harvey to the flight controls instead of Leland.”

  Reaper merely nodded in response.

  Five minutes later, Pecker clapped his hands together and motioned for all of us to climb on the helidrone.

  It was a lot larger than I had expected, but there still wasn’t a ton of room. My biggest worry, though, was whether or not the damn thing could lift us all safely.

  Pecker had tried to sit on my lap.

  Twice.

  Both times, I pushed him away.

  “Maybe you’d prefer to sit on my fac…erm, lap?” he said while batting his eyes.

  “How about I just slap you instead?”

  “Sounds delightful,” he said dreamily.

  “Ew.”

  While it was likely inadvertent, Reaper squeezed in between us and looked down at the goblin.

  “Are you sure those two men can fly this contraption properly?”

  “Them?” Pecker said, pointing at Leland and Harvey. He chuckled. “Not at all. In fact, I’d say there’s a very high probability that we’re all going to die.”

  Everyone on my team stared at him incredulously.

  “I’m kidding, gang,” he laughed. “It’s nearly impossible to screw up flying one of these.”

  “It is?” I pressed.

  He grinned at me. “As far as you know.”

  Chapter 18

  The roof above the helidrone opened slowly and we were soon drifting straight up into the night sky. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was using a kung fu grip to keep myself stuck on the top of that damn flying machine.

  “Seems to be doing a decent job,” Pecker said as he hung over the edge like some insane skydiver. “Ah, Harvey’s at the controls.”

  I felt an odd sense of relief at hearing that. Not that Harvey was much more competent than Leland, but sometimes a little bit could go a long way.

  The craft jolted at that thought and I couldn’t help but release a small yelp.

  Everyone looked at me.

  “Fuck off,” I said, realizing that my skin was probably pretty pale at the moment. “Just not a fan of flying.”

  “Better than suddenly not flying,” noted Pecker. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ll be fine.”

  “Call me ‘baby’ again, Pecker,” I warned, “and I’ll personally kick your ass off this fucking thing.”

  His reply was to wink at me.

  Grrr.

  Everything finally settled down and the ride became relatively smooth, which was fine until I noticed that the buildings were getting smaller and smaller. I knew we had to get up to a decent height so we could come down on top of the PPD building, but this was getting crazy.

  And we were rising faster.

  The air was getting thin.

  “Pecker?”

  “I know, I know,” he said, and then opened a broadcast connection. “Harvey, I think we’re high enough.”

  “Yeah, about that,” he replied, “Leland…uh…accidentally flicked a switch and now I can’t control anything.”

  Pecker smacked himself on the forehead.

  “What?” I asked, fighting to keep from losing my cool.

  He held up a finger at me. “Did that switch happen to have the letters ‘AP’ over it?”

  “Yeah,” answered Harvey, “why?”

  “Because that switch engages the autopilot,” Pecker said with a groan. “Tell Leland to not touch shit!”

  “Yeah!” I added with a heavy dose of venom. “But now that he has,” I added, looking at our technician, “what exactly does that mean?”

  Pecker’s demeanor was one of a goblin who held serious reservations about being near me at the moment. I could understand that, seeing that I was damn near ready to strangle his little ass. Having left Harvey and Leland to manage this was clearly stupid, and he knew it. To be fair, I hadn’t exactly put up a huge fight about it, but Pecker gave the final GO that it would be safe…sort of.

  But here we were, getting higher up by the second, and we’d just learned that the guys on the ground had no control over the fucking thing.

  “It means we’re going to be headed wherever the helidrone was last programmed to go.”

  “And do we know where that may be?” I pressed.

  He winced.

  “Badlands.”

  I just sat there staring at him.

  My first inclination was to ask him why they’d been sending the drone out to the Badlands, but I honestly couldn’t have given two shits. The fact was that I rarely went to the Badlands. It wasn’t my jurisdiction. So what did I care about why the PPD surveilled the place?

  Then again, at the moment, my entire team was on a disc-shaped flying apparatus that was taking us on some mission to the place.

  That meant I had to care.

  At least for now.

  “And where exactly would that put us in the Badlands?” I asked calmly.

  “On the outskirts of the Hellions area.”

  I always found that descriptor to be ridiculous. “Hellions.” Even though I was primarily raised in the Netherworld, the teachings that battered my young brain before my parents were killed were ever present. Demons, according to my unconscious mind, were the evil ones that we were taught to fear. The majority of the demons I’d met over the years, though, seemed normal enough. They were tough, sure, but they were also just regular folks who tried to get ahead in life like anyone else.

  Now, if a demon ended up getting pulled topside by some asshole magic-user, that would be different. Demons were powerful, after all. One of them being manipulated by the wrong set of hands could be disastrous.

  Hellions were br
anched off the demon line as well, but they also had been infused with dragon blood.

  That made them power-hungry.

  They lived in a separate area of the Badlands. There were factions and ‘Houses,’ which were basically families who constantly sought to hold dominion over others.

  In a nutshell, hellions were really the beasties that made up the majority of the religious mythos topside.

  There had been countless Retriever calls over the history of the PPD that recorded the need to kill hellions who had gone topside. Their modus operandi was to possess people, do a bunch of nefarious shit, and then walk away. Sadly, the person who was overtaken usually died.

  Unlike demons, hellions didn’t share souls.

  They kicked them out completely.

  Every now and then a rare individual would be strong enough to keep their hold, which would allow an exorcism of sorts. It wasn’t the kind spoken of in religious doctrine, though. That was just a ruse so that the Retriever unit could try and save the person who was possessed from heading off to the Void. Priests were typically brought in to keep the mythology moving forward, but those who were called upon for exorcism merely put in a call to the PPD and asked for help.

  Then the doors were shut while we did our jobs.

  It didn’t always work, and even when it did that person was rarely the same again.

  I’d personally never been in a situation where I had to do an exorcism. I was trained in how to do it, but it’d never come up. With any luck, it never would.

  “Tell me we can turn this thing around,” Brazen said hopefully. “I have no interest in visiting hellions.”

  “Me neither,” agreed Kix.

  “Oh, they’re not that bad,” Pecker said, grunting. “Well, maybe they are to your kind, but they’ve always been decent with me.”

  “Because you’re a goblin?” asked Reaper.

  “No, because I helped them set up their computer network backbone.” He glanced over at Reaper. “It was pretty tricky, too. You see, there is a—”