Coffee, Cream and Curry

by Judy Powell

  Beth sucked in her breath sharply. His words were like a slap in the face. This was all it had been to him, brief moments of pleasure, release for his desire, nothing more. She could have kicked herself for believing that there could have been anything else between them. She was nothing more than his little downtown, ghetto girl.

  The confirmation came when he blurted out, “In fact, the few times we did it, I don’t even think anything happened. I think you’re trying to pull a fast one on me. You know I’m in my final year at college. You think I want to be trapped with a child right now? If that is your way of holding on to me, you can forget it.”

  Beth listened to his callous speech and remained silent for a long while. Finally, she spoke. “Devon, leave my house. Never come back here. In fact, don’t even bother coming by the bar anymore. You told me one time that you and I are from different worlds. Well, now I understand what you mean. You go back to your world, free and clear, and don’t worry ‘bout nothing. I will stay in mine.” With that, she rose from the chair, went to the door and opened it wide. She stared coldly at him as he looked sheepish and shuffled his way out the door. She closed it behind him with a click.

  By the time Leonie was old enough to start asking about a father Beth had devised the best story she could. She told the five-year-old that her father had been killed on a fishing trip before she was even born.

  That story kept her quiet until her teens when more questions came. Where was her grandmother? Where were her father’s relatives? Why had she never met any of them? It was at that point that Beth decided to tell Leonie the truth. And it was only then that she let herself feel the pain of rejection from the only man she had ever loved.

  Leonie was her saving grace, keeping her sane all those years she was struggling to survive. The child was her reason for living. Her family had rejected her, then Devon had done the same. Why should she expect anything more from the world? But she was determined to give her child everything that she never had. And no matter what, she would never abandon her.

  Mr. Williams, the owner of the bar, had been kind enough to let her work until her stomach started to show and then he had let her come back after her baby was born. She had survived during those months without work because she had saved every penny that she could. Mr. Williams also got the workers at the bar to put together and buy her baby supplies. They even gave her an envelope with some money.

  When Beth returned to work she left the baby with a neighbour but it soon became too much and, to her regret, she had to give up her job at the bar. But Mr. Williams had connections and he was able to secure her a position in a factory nearby. During the days when she went to work she left the baby at the church daycare center and, understanding her situation, they never pressured her for money. She paid when she could.

  Beth was relieved when Leonie was old enough to go to school. At least she knew she would be safe and occupied until three in the afternoon. This was fine for her as she had requested to be on the morning shift and she got off work at two. Beth’s life was finally falling into place.

  It was also because of Leonie that Beth decided to go to night school. She knew that, if she were going to be able to provide for her child and give her the type of education she wanted, she would have to get better jobs. Working in a factory was never going to pay her enough to send Leonie to private school.

  Her daughter turned six in August of nineteen forty-four and by September Beth had signed up for classes. It took her five years of study, on and off, but at the end of it she had a diploma in secretarial studies and a certificate in business management.

  By the end of the programme she was full of ideas on setting up her own business but she knew it would take time and money, and so she used her new qualifications to go job hunting.

  By the time Leonie was in the third grade Beth had secured a position as a representative in Barclays Bank. Nine years later Leonie finished high school and was getting ready to enter teachers’ college. Beth was now a senior supervisor in her department.

  By the time Leonie was in the classroom teaching, Beth had had enough. She had worked hard all her life, first to survive on her own and then to ensure the education and survival of her child. She was sick of working for other people. It was time to move on.

  At the age of forty-one Beth packed up and moved back to the country to start her life all over again. She had made it. On her own. Without a fancy education and without the help of family. No-one could ever say they had done it for her; she had done it all on her own.

  Quick tears burned her eyes and she blinked. She stared at her mother’s sleeping form then her face crumbled. Silent tears ran down her cheeks. She was a grandmother now but she still could not get over the hurt. She could not understand why this woman, her own mother, had rejected her, turned her out. She had never explained why. All she had said was that she could not manage all those children. But why her?

  With a sniff, Beth pulled herself together and dabbed at her tears. If her mother had been awake she would not have broken down in that manner. This was forty-six years later. What did it matter now? She was a sixty year old woman, for goodness sake. What could an eighty-seven year old woman approaching senility tell her at this stage in life?

  Beth got up and leaned out the window, feeling the country breeze drying her cheeks. The green hills and trees were soothing. With a soft, sad smile, she turned from the window went back to her mother and shook her gently.

  “Ma,” she whispered. “Wake up. It’s time to eat.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  1987

  Princess watched as the elderly woman poured the balance of the coconut milk into the dutch pot. This was the last Sunday dinner that she was going to have in Jamaica before she headed out for New York. Her grandmother was making her favourite dish - steamed fish and okra with rice and peas. She was also going to get fried plantain on the side. Her mouth watered just thinking about it. She could hardly wait.

  Lionel and her mother would join them in a little while and they would all sit down to her farewell dinner.

  “Grandma, you must take good care of yourself while I’m gone. I don’t like to have to worry about you, you know. Why don’t you move in with Mommy, like she said?”

  “Aah, me chile. I’m glad you think about your grandmother, but I will be alright. I may be getting up in age but I not fool-fool yet.”

  “Grandma, is not a matter of fool-fool. I’m just thinking about your safety.”

  “I understand, Baby, but I been on my own since I was fourteen years old. I have my independence for so long I can’t give it up now. I like it this way. I’m not going to live under somebody else’s roof unless I absolutely have to, not even if is my own daughter. And may the good Lord take me by the time I have to go depend on somebody else.”

  “Lord, Grandma, don’t talk like that.”

  The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. Princess got up and went to open it. It was the little girl from next door. She was sucking on a lollipop.

  Princess held the door open and she entered. She popped the lollipop out of her mouth and walked over to where Beth was stirring the contents of the heavy pot. “Mother Beth, Mama say to ask you if you have any cake soap, you can len’ her one.”

  Princess rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath, “Think is shop we have over here.”

  Beth frowned briefly at her granddaughter but smiled at the little girl and said, “Yes, dear, just wait a minute.”

  She went to the back of the house, leaving Princess with the little girl.

  “So, what is your name?” Princess asked just to kill time until her grandmother returned.

  “Jennifer, Mam.”

  “Why you calling me Mam? I look like old woman to you?”

  “No, Mam.”

  Princess sighed in disgust and turned away. She was glad to see Grandma Beth returning, cake soap in hand.

  “Remind your mother to send back my waiter that she borrow fo
r the wedding, you hear?”

  “Yes, Mam.”

  After the little girl had left Princess sat down again at the kitchen table and pulled on her ponytail. “It’s a tray, Grandma, not a waiter,” she said, grinning. “And why these people always have to send to you for things?”

  “Is so you must live, chile. No man is an island. And, by the way, just check your dictionary and you will see that I can use the word ‘waiter’. Sometimes you jus’ too smart.” Beth smiled and pinched her granddaughter’s plump cheek.

  They heard the sound of a motor vehicle approaching. “Mom’s here!” Princess yelled and went out unto the verandah. The car was parked at the bottom of the hill so she ran down the pathway to meet her mother. The path was lined with Joseph Coats, Crotons and Zinnias. Her grandmother loved flowers and had planted them all over the yard.

  Her prize possessions were her roses which she had planted right under the window sill. They were blooming red, white and yellow and they were beautiful. As Princess ran the dogs followed her, barking and yelping and playing. They scared the goat which was tied to the breadfruit tree by the front gate.

  “Move! Go back to the house!” Princess threw pebbles at the dogs but they dodged

  the tiny missiles and kept on running and barking. She gave up chasing them away and stopped, instead, to comfort the skittish goat.

  Lionel and their mother came up the pathway towards her. Her mother was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a white shirt. Her hair had been cut short and she was wearing curls. Now in her fifties, Leonie had put on weight, and was now over a hundred and forty pounds. Her face still looked fresh and pleasant and it was easy to see that she was a happy woman.

  Lionel was tall and lanky, as usual, and the girls called him handsome. His moustache suited his slim face and his curly black hair gave him a very young appearance although he was already in his late twenties. The only resemblance he had to their mother was her long, straight face.

  They all three walked together, back to the house.

  As they entered, Grandma Beth said, “Welcome to my humble abode.”

  “You say that every time, Grandma,” Lionel said, smiling, then they all sat around the kitchen table, their favourite meeting place.

  “So, Lionel, how is the work at Shell? You managing alright?”

  “Yeah, Grandma. The work is good but the hours long, though. The good thing is that the pay not too bad. But still, if I come back in a next life, I probably would not choose to come back as an engineer. Maybe as a DJ.” They all laughed.

  He put his arm around Princess. “Little Sis, how you feel about going so far away to study? Excited?”

  “Yeah, but…kinda scared, too.”

  “Don’t be. You did well to get that scholarship and we‘re all proud of you.”

  Leonie beamed as she gave Princess a pat on the shoulder. “We know you will excel.”

  “Well,” Beth cut in, “I imagine we all ready to eat now. Princess, come help me share the food, Baby.”

  As they sat at the table and Grandma prayed for her safe travel, Princess’ heart swelled with pride and with love for her family.

  ******

  Princess gripped the arms of the seat and closed her eyes as the plane took off. It was her first flight, she was alone and she was scared. She hoped no-one was watching her. This was so embarrassing. When the plane finally leveled off she opened her eyes and heaved a sigh of relief. She was still in the sky, but at least she was not hearing the engines roaring in her ears.

  “Are you alright?” The Air Jamaica flight attendant smiled warmly at her and Princess smiled back weakly.

  “I’m okay, thanks.”

  “Would you like a glass of water?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “First flight, huh?”

  When Princess nodded she whispered, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

  Her uncle picked her up at John F. Kennedy Airport and soon they were on their way to his home in the Bronx. ‘America,’ Princess thought, ‘I’m finally here!’

  She had heard of the United States all her life – who in this world had not? – and she had always hoped to one day visit the land of American apples, Disney World and Michael Jackson. Many of her friends from high school had been to the ‘States’ several times to visit relatives or to go shopping.

  She, however, had never really believed that she would make it here, not until she was a grown woman and was working. Her mother would never have been able to afford to send her on such trips – not on a teacher’s salary with two mouths to feed. She never complained, though. She knew her mother did her best for them and she was grateful. There were so many children in school who were in a worse position than they. Finally, her patience paid off – now she was on terra firma in the land of the ‘green bucks’.

  “So, how have you been doing, Princess?”

  Uncle Robert’s voice broke into her thoughts. He was her father’s brother, not a relative she knew very well, but her only family contact in New York. He glanced over at her as he drove. “Last time I saw you, you were just a little girl – just about six or seven years old. Now you’re all grown up. Time certainly flies…”

  “Yes, Uncle,” she replied. “I’m eighteen now.”

  “And how is your mother?”

  “She’s fine, thanks, Uncle.”

  After that there was silence. They really did not have much to say to each other. Princess hardly knew him, having met him maybe only two times before. In fact, she had hardly had any contact with anybody on her father’s side of the family. Her father had been more like a distant uncle who would send them checques in the mail from time to time. Her contact with him had been sporadic and her relationship with his relatives had been non-existent. But Princess did not mind the silence at all. With less conversation she could really focus on seeing the famous New York City at night.

  New York City was not exactly what Princess had expected. Of course, she was impressed by the huge buildings and wide streets and so many different cars. What she had not expected to see was men and women in heavy coats with scarves covering everything except their eyes, standing around bonfires burning in metal drums, trying to keep warm. Neither had she expected to see huge cardboard boxes on the sidewalk, and on enquiring what purpose they served, to be told that people lived in them.

  ‘In the winter?’ she thought. ‘They’re going to freeze to death.’

  At least in Jamaica it was warm all year round so the homeless did not have to deal with the bitter cold. And that was the other thing – why were there so many people on the streets? This was America, the land of plenty! So many people back home were dying to come here. Those who had worked here were able to return home and buy big houses and live in good neighbourhoods. All she had ever heard about was all the Yankee dollars that could be made. No-one had ever told her about this side of America. ‘The grass may look greener on the other side,’ she thought, ‘but if you come close enough you can still see some patches of brown.’

  Robert Ramjeet lived on the fifteenth floor of a beautiful apartment building. There was even a doorman to let them in. She had a moment’s concern when they approached the elevator. She had been in one only once before when she had attended a ball at the Pegasus Hotel in Kingston. Elevators made her nervous. She gasped as it jerked then ascended. Her uncle looked at her quizzically but she averted her eyes. Her stomach almost felt like it had when she was on the plane. She was glad when the door opened and they got off.

  That night she lay in bed for a long time, staring at the ceiling, thinking. She had had so many new experiences – her first airplane ride, her first view of America, her first night in bed in the great U.S. of A. The excitement kept her awake for a long time but when she finally drifted into slumber her thoughts were on the soft warmth of her grandmother’s farewell hug.

  ******

  Princess was nervous. The bus ride from the Bronx to her new school in upstate New York had been long and she ha
d had lots of time to think about what lay ahead. What if she could not manage the school work? What if she ran out of money? What if she did not like her room-mate, or worse, what if her room-mate did not like her?

  This last concern was foremost in her mind as she tapped nervously at the door to the room she would share with Stephanie Lowinski. Lowinski sounded like a white person’s name. She had seen lots of white people when she was back home. She’d had a white teacher from the Peace Corps when she was in the eighth grade and the principal’s wife had been white. And, of course, there were always lots of tourists visiting the island.

  But she did not really know any white person well; she certainly had never had one for a friend. Now she would have to live with one. Not that she had a problem with that – it was just that she had seen so many movies about prejudice and discrimination in America that she was just a little bit scared. Well, she would just have to be tough and deal with it, she thought. With a sigh, she rapped on the door again.

  “Come in.”

  The voice was muffled by the heavy door. There was the sound of a latch opening then a small, blonde-haired girl with sleepy blue eyes was peeking around the door.

  “Yes?” She rubbed one eye and looked up at Princess through the other. She made Princess, at five feet six inches, feel like a giant. This girl did not even look like she was five feet tall. Neither did she look old enough to be in college.

  “I’m Princess Ramjeet, your new room-mate.” She tried to smile at the girl but she was too nervous.

  The girl rubbed her eyes again then her face softened in a smile. “Oh, yes, the Resident Assistant told me to expect you.”

  She stepped back, pulling the door open, and beckoned to Princess to enter. “Sorry I seemed kinda grumpy but I was still half-asleep. We were out partying last night and I was beat.” Her smile was both apologetic and mischievous at the same time. “Do you like to party?”

  “Uh, yes,” Princess said quickly, caught off-guard. Then she said hurriedly, “I mean no, not really.” She watched the girl for a negative reaction but all she got was another grin.