Sapphic Cowboi

by K'Anne Meinel

  Maggie had worried about keeping money with her even if it was hidden in her saddle. Perry and several others had warned her of light fingers and she was already missing a comb she used on the horses but that could be from just misplacing it. So she thought to transfer the money was the best idea and she swallowed her fears, painfully signed her name where the bank teller told her to and received a receipt for the cash she gave him. She stared uncomprehendingly at the receipt as the bank teller condescendingly explained it to her. It was humiliating but she did it anyway.

  They did a few small shows, two nighters, where they got in late one night, worked all night to set up, and did business the next day with a show that night, breaking it down afterwards to get on the train and go on to the next stop. These types of shows were exhausting to everyone involved. But the money was there and they couldn’t afford to pass it up. Best were the shows where they had a couple of days’ worth of shows and carnival for the spectators to spend their money at.

  Maggie was surprised how much time Ariana was giving to helping her. She claimed she loved horses but didn’t know that much about them. Maggie, eager for a friend her own age gladly told her anything she wanted to know about them.

  “I heard someone ask if these were from Arabia?” Ariana was brushing Ashes who was nibbling at the sleeve of her dress showing her affection and ruining the fabric at the same time but Ariana didn’t care.

  Maggie chuckled, not only at the question but at Ashes antics, he was such a flirt. “No, these aren’t Arabians although I wouldn’t mind getting a touch of that in their bloodlines. These are mostly Friesians with a bit of Mustang in them at one time and a few unnamed breeds but we carefully bred them until they were all blacks with the stamina and size you see here.”

  “We?” Ariana swatted at the playful Ashes as he nibbled at her neck tickling her.

  “My granddaddy, my daddy, and myself, we’d been breeding horses for over eighty years between us” Maggie told her proudly.

  “How’d they feel about you going off to join the circus” Ariana said with a smile, every kid wanted to join the circus.

  “They’re dead, they didn’t say a word” Maggie grinned at the distasteful joke and then laughed when Ariana wrinkled her nose at her.

  They were both enjoying their friendship and Ariana was ecstatic when Maggie taught her to ride properly.

  “Keep your elbows in, you’re not going to fly on him” she told her as she let her ride Shwartzie with her saddle.

  Round and round in the pen they now carried for the horses, not every event had a convenient corral or paddock available, it was one of the things the horses hauled from the rail car to wherever they were setting up for the show, the second car put aside for the horses now kept gear such as the temporary fences, a wagon to carry the fences, ribbons, feathers, and other festive ornaments for the horses, hay, and grain. There was room for more and Maggie wasn’t sure what they would need but at every show Cecil had brought them more things to attach to the horses either in the form of bridles, halters, or other leather contraptions. They had broken the horses into two groups as the full dozen was too overwhelming he felt except for the really big venues and it gave the six left out of that show something to look forward to as they would be used for the next one.

  “How am I doing?” Ariana asked.

  “Real good considering what a girl you are” Maggie teased her. Ariana was a good sport and hadn’t balked about riding astride versus riding side saddle.

  “My balance is improving too” Ariana told her later as she rode without a saddle, astride, and then sitting sideways.

  “Schwartzie is giving you a good ride cause he adores you and you keep bringing those carrots” Maggie joked but she was happy with her friend’s progress.

  Maggie had taught her how to ride astride bareback by taking up before her, Ariana was amazed at the muscles she could feel in Maggie’s legs as she held onto the horse and guided him. It was incredible the control she had over these horses.

  “Any luck on finding her a looker?” Carlton asked as he smoked a cigar and watched Ariana practice in the makeshift paddock.

  “I’ve been thinking since she asked that Ariana might give it a go” Cecil put to his brother, holding his breath slightly.

  “That’s not a bad idea” Carl Bigelow put in clapping Cecil’s shoulder with his hand. “Keep it in the family as it were.”

  Carlton, who had looked forward to another looker that he could chase was not amused, he was sick of Martha and her carping and now that she was well enough to shift for herself had planned to leave her in a local motel while the rest of the troupe moved on, he hadn’t told her that though. “It’s dangerous, look at what happened to Martha” he chomped on his cigar annoyed at his brother and his infernal planning.

  “Martha was drunk” his father stated and he knew that that was final. If Ariana wanted to be the partner in the horse act, she would be the partner the act needed.

  “You tell her” he snarled at his brother around the cigar and walked off wondering if Martha would be good for one more tumble before he dumped her.

  Cecil did just that and Ariana was thrilled. Maggie was stunned, she had helped her friend out of the fun of it but to do it for work, and she wasn’t sure.

  “Think you can teach her all the things you and I planned back out on your farm, the tricks, the costumes, everything?” Cecil asked her.

  Maggie was flattered to be consulted, but they were her horses after all. She knew them, all their foibles, all their tricks, all their personalities. Ariana was getting to know them too but to trust them like Maggie did would require some attention, to train Ariana to do the tricks Cecil had in mind would take some time. “We’ll work on it” she promised and then wondered what she had gotten into.

  They started with easy tricks like Ariana lying on the back of the horses. The horses didn’t mind and Ariana grew more comfortable and more confident as time went on. When she stood on the back of one and managed to go around the arena without falling off they celebrated with a hug but that was a long time in coming, in the meantime she got bruises, she got bumped, and she laughed herself silly at the accidents they had. Maggie wasn’t as amused because she was responsible if Ariana broke anything.

  “Are you okay?” she rushed to pick up Ariana followed by Feathers who was watching with her good naturedly when she took a particularly nasty fall from the back of Beau.

  “Jeez, that hurts” she said rubbing her backside and then blushing at the intimacy of it. Since they had been working so hard at every opportunity Ariana had begun to wear dungarees like Maggie to make it easier to ride. The tightness around her derriere and the bruising that was sure to be there felt a little odd to her at the moment.

  “Are you hurt anywhere else?” Maggie fretted.

  “Help me up and we will see” Ariana held out her hand so Maggie could pull her up from the ground. As she did so they ended up nose to nose practically. Ariana caught her breath being so close; Maggie took an immediate step back and began looking her friend over turning her from side to side and brushing off stray pieces of hay. “Hey, careful there” Ariana objected as she brushed at her derriere which was badly hurting right now. The intimacy of that brush was what she objected to, not the pain of the bruise. Maggie stopped her hand immediately thinking she had hurt her friend but when they looked into each other’s eyes there was a strange look in Ariana’s that confused Maggie who blushed and turned away.

  “Nothing broken, you want to go again or should I turn him loose” Maggie asked as she whistled at Beau who’s ears twitched at the call and he looked at her like ‘are you serious?’ She whistled a second time and he immediately came towards her.

  “I don’t know if I should, if I can handle that again” Ariana rubbed her own backside, ostensibly to rid it of hay and debris from the ground but more to emphasize the pain.

  “Sure you can” Maggie encouraged her.

  “You show me!” Ariana tau
nted her.

  Maggie smiled as she did just that. Ariana watched in wonder as Maggie, dressed in dungarees and a button down blouse got on the waiting Beau. Beau, sensing the difference in weight immediately and smelling Maggie, his Maggie, immediately starting behaving differently, or at least that was how Ariana viewed it as she watched Maggie, seemingly effortlessly control the horse, ride him, lay on him, lay across him, even lay under him as he trotted, walked, and even galloped around the make-shift arena. It was incredible to see, Maggie’s slim body in poses that Ariana could only hope to achieve. It moved her; she wasn’t the only one as others from the circus gathered near the fence line to watch the impromptu show.

  “Can you do that?” one of the children asked Ariana in wonder.

  Ariana shook her head as her breath caught watching Maggie gracefully dance around the body of the horse which didn’t seem to mind and in fact was showing off with his tail held high and his neck cocked to maximize the wind through his mane. “But I will” she said determinedly, it was too beautiful not to want to emulate it.

  Weeks and shows later Ariana, while never as good as Maggie was able to do some of the tricks as she learned under Maggie’s watchful eyes. The first time she managed to curve her body around under Ashes she was so excited as she got off his broad back and ran to give Maggie an exuberant hug. “I did it, I did it!” she said excitedly.

  Maggie laughed with her “see, it wasn’t so hard after all” she teased.

  “Hard?” Ariana pretended outrage, “piece of cake!” she said as though she did it all the time.

  They laughed together.

  Ariana had several of the seamstresses making fabulous costumes for her too. There would be a cowgirl outfit that would allow her to pretend to be Annie Oakley, another harem outfit, which while initially made Maggie cringe, the skin colored pieces she had to admit made Ariana look fantastic against the black of the horses, and then there was an Indian outfit that with her black hair made her look authentic. The horses too had all sorts of costumes now too; some to match Ariana’s own, feathers, leads, capes, and new equipment were added to their luggage.

  It was when they were in Denver that Ariana suggested they go to the movies for the afternoon. “C’mon, you never take a day off, I want to see this!” she encouraged her friend.

  “But I’ve got to brush the horses…” Maggie began feeling the temptation of taking an afternoon off, but most of all of spending time exclusively with Ariana.

  “They are shined, spit, and polished, they are ready, how about you?”

  “I don’t know, I’ve never seen…” began Maggie only to be interrupted by her exuberant friend.

  “Of course you haven’t seen it! Gone with the Wind only came out this year!”

  “No I meant I’ve never seen a movie” Maggie said quietly.

  Ariana stared at her in shocked silence for a moment before her beautiful smile split her even lovelier face “then this is the movie to see…” she told her. Ariana arranged to borrow Cecil’s Model T and drove them into town to find a movie theater. As it was Maggie’s first time in an automobile, much less a truck, she was stiff in the passenger seat beside Ariana. “Relax, I know what I’m doing” she said as she effortlessly shifted the truck as she drove.

  Maggie nodded and tried to comply, used to riding her horses everywhere she needed to go or walking on her own two feet, it wasn’t like she hadn’t been around cars and trucks. They had them in her small town but she had never actually ridden in one and she felt she could have avoided this new experience except that the thought of leaving one of her precious babies outside a movie theater for hours where it could have been stolen hadn’t thrilled her. Besides, Ariana was having so much fun showing her new things for a change. She was relieved when they pulled up in front of the movie theater and then her stomach started fluttering at the idea that she was going to see a real moving picture show and in color! She was so excited.

  “Two please” Ariana stated at the ticket booth. Maggie was in awe as she looked up at the big bulbous lights that circled the marquee with what Ariana assured her read GONE WITH THE WIND.

  “Here, let me pay you back” Maggie reached into her dungarees to pay for her ticket.

  “Nope, you pay for the popcorn” Ariana said with a grin as she took Maggie’s arm to lead her inside and handed their tickets to the ticket taker standing inside the door, his little monkey hat perched jauntily on his head, the strap under his chin, his matching uniform making him look dapper.

  “Good afternoon … ladies” he hesitated over the last word taking in Maggie’s appearance of her customary but clean dungarees and button down shirt as well as Ariana’s sun dress and sandals.

  Maggie was shocked to find how much they charged for popcorn, candy, and drinks, all things that Ariana insisted they needed to get them through a movie. She shrugged it off and followed Ariana’s lead since she had never known what it was like to be in a movie house before. She mentally calculated the pennies though knowing that she would have less to send back home at the next show.

  Ariana was right; they wouldn’t want to leave the theater once they sat down. Maggie never did taste the popcorn, the candy, or her drink once the movie started. She was enthralled, she fell in love with Vivian Leigh and Clark Gable was to die for. She felt the character of Ashley played by Leslie Howard was just like Peter. She hadn’t met many black people despite living in the south and the characters of Mamie and Sissy fascinated her. She was totally enraptured.

  Ariana loved the movie but she enjoyed watching Maggie more. It was apparent she had never seen a movie before and the delighted wonder on her face was a sight to behold. She jumped when the explosions were heard, she cried when people died, it was amazing to see the mix of emotions on her face and Ariana felt herself falling in love with her best friend. She’d realized the attraction early on, working with Maggie had been a delight, but seeing her react to the fantastic movie moved her heart in a dangerous direction.

  Ariana had realized early in life that while she liked boys and then men she wasn’t physically attracted to them. In the circus world you met a lot of odd people, people who wouldn’t be considered normal in regular society. Ariana’s attraction to women didn’t go unnoticed in their close knit family, it wasn’t discouraged, but it wasn’t encouraged either. Her first amateur forays into acting on those attractions were firmly rebuffed by the showgirls in the circus who didn’t play on both sides of the fence. The one who finally reciprocated nearly broke Ariana’s gentle heart, in fact her games caused a lot of problems in the circus crowd who closed ranks on their beloved Ariana who had been raised among them. The problematic showgirl was soon ousted and left in town on their circuit, causing Ariana to cry desperately over her loss. A sympathetic older woman, taking on the role of mother to the distraught girl kindly explained things to Ariana and later showed her things about herself so she could understand her ‘unnatural’ attraction to women. She explained that some women and some men were just different from societies definition of ‘normal’ and that she should accept herself, be careful of who she gave her heart to, and keep it hidden from outsiders who wouldn’t’ understand. Ariana had taken her advice to heart, her lessons she learned well, it took her a long time to recover, but her friends and family were behind her, except perhaps her father who continued to ignore her.

  Ariana hadn’t minded his ignoring her; it allowed her a freedom in their circus troupe that was unprecedented. She perhaps grew up a little quicker and faster than most young women but her uncle and grandfather saw that she was educated and a young lady. They accepted her as she was and were proud of the woman she had become, if they lamented her ‘unnatural’ attraction to women, they kept it to themselves.

  They had seen her attraction to Maggie long before Ariana was willing to acknowledge it. In the guise of admiring the freedom that Maggie so unconsciously showed and then later as friendship, Ariana had been drawn to the southern woman. What others might attribute
as manly attire and manly mannerisms Ariana saw as confidence and a disregard for society’s norm, something she had had to deal with herself on a different level. She desperately wanted to know how Maggie felt but wasn’t willing to jeopardize what they did have to find out. Watching Maggie and learning from her turned a crush into full blown love. Seeing her in the theater was almost as fascinating as watching the movie. She was enraptured, she was in enthralled, and not with the movie, but with the woman watching it with her.

  “That was incredible” Maggie breathed when they had watched all the credits, she had refused to leave until she saw it all, every bit of it and while she stared uncomprehendingly at all the words she stayed until the bitter end.

  “It was” Ariana had to admit and while she had watched the movie she wasn’t certain she was agreeing about the movie.

  They walked outside and it was odd to realize it was still daylight after their matinee. The movie had taken them through several years, days and nights, and they still felt out of this world at the moment.

  “Would you like to get a soda at the soda fountain?” Ariana asked.

  “I haven’t eaten any of this” Maggie gestured at what she still had in her hands and laughed.

  Ariana laughed with her but knowing they had to get back to the circus got in the Model T, holding the door for Maggie whose hands were still full. It felt like a date to her, she had been on several on her journey of discovery, first with boys and men, and later with her first girlfriend who expected things like this, not unsimiliar to Martha and how she treated Carleton.

  They were quiet for a while on the trip back to where the circus was set up and then they began to discuss what their impressions had been about the movie. They found each other saying what the other was thinking, finishing sentences, laughing at each other, enjoying the last few moments they had together before returning.