by Maegan Abel
Closing the door after I dropped off my clothes, I started down the hall toward the kitchen, my mind completely occupied with the apartments we’d looked at today. We hadn’t come to any decision about what to do and I wasn’t sure we would. At least, not right away.
“Lili?” Paige’s voice brought me out of my thoughts and I paused, taking a step back toward her door. Leaning in, I spotted her on the bed. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
I nodded, staying cautious as I stepped into the room. “Sure.”
“Shut the door.” She motioned to it and closed her laptop, sitting up to place it on the nightstand as I did as she asked. “I know this is a stupid question but… are you okay?”
I nodded, knowing my face probably showed my confusion.
“After last night I just… I know what it’s like to drag up old memories and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Oh,” I said, shocked. Paige had been unusually quiet while I had talked last night and I was just realizing I hadn’t seen her much today either. “Yeah. A few bad dreams but no worse than they’ve been since Kaitlyn showed up.” I shrugged.
Paige ran a hand through her hair, nodding toward the bed to let me know I could sit. “What has Zane told you about our past?” she asked as I crossed my legs beside her.
“Nothing, really. All I know is what Tish told me when I first moved in.”
“What did he tell you?” Her voice was tighter now and I met her eyes, seeing a vulnerability I hadn’t noticed in her before.
“He told me that you guys had a sister who died and that your parents weren’t the greatest.”
“Yeah. Olivia. We never talk about her,” Paige sighed as she rolled onto her back, pressing the heels of both her hands against her forehead.
I nodded. “I kinda feel like that’s probably what my family did. I figured they assumed I was dead until Kaitlyn showed up.”
“I would give anything to have Olivia back,” Paige said, her voice small. I wondered for a moment if the point of this conversation was to make me feel guilty for sending Kaitlyn away but she continued before I could decide on a response. “I don’t really remember much of Tish in my early years. I mean, I know he was around but I was only six when my dad kicked him out. He was only someone I was told about. I always kind of thought of him as the guy who was used in threats, both good and bad. Olivia would always tell people about our brother, Tish, but my parents always used him like a bad example. Kind of like, ‘If you keep pushing it, you’ll end up living with Tish.’ Which was, as far as any of us knew, not a place we wanted to be.
“Olivia was six years older than me. Directly between Tish and Zane. So, naturally, as she got older, I saw less and less of her. By the time she was sixteen, she was barely ever at home. That was hard. I loved Zane but he was a boy and I wanted my sister to play with me. That year turned out to be a really bad one for me.”
Paige was quiet for a long time, her eyes closed and one arm bent over her head. I started to wonder what demons she was silently fighting off in her own memories but I stayed quiet, allowing her time to gather her thoughts.
“My… dad. He was a drunk. He would fight with Mom. A lot. One night, he came into my and Olivia’s room looking for Olivia but she wasn’t home. He found me instead…” Her voice trailed off and I felt my muscles tense as I held my breath, hoping, for Paige’s sake, that the story wasn’t headed where I thought it was.
“I learned that night just what a bastard my father really was. He didn’t… it didn’t go there, but it was bad enough. I didn’t tell anybody because I was scared. I was terrified, actually. I told myself that if it happened again, I would tell someone. I wanted it to be a one-time thing. A mistake he made while he was drunk. But that little voice in my head told me it would happen again. And it did. A lot.
“One night…” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat, moving to sit up against the headboard. I stared at my clenched fists, my own breath feeling like gasps as I fought my emotions back. “One night, he took it further. He told me to stay quiet but I got scared. I let out one cry. Just one tiny sound. But that was all it took.”
She curled her knees up to her chest, staring toward the window behind me rather than looking at me. I could see it in her posture, in her expression, the shame and bitterness I felt at my own memories.
“Zane came in the room and saw what was happening. He… he actually pulled our dad off me. He fought him. He was fifteen and he fought our father for me. He saved me.”
I could feel the tears as they fell to my cheeks but I didn’t dare move to wipe them away. My mind was too engrossed in what Paige was saying. What I’d experienced, my own nightmare, had been at the hands of someone I trusted. But hers? Hers had been by someone who was supposed to love and protect her.
“Zane spent the night in the hospital that night. He had a broken arm, cracked ribs, and a black eye. I wanted to tell someone what happened but I was too scared. Zane told the nurse that he’d fallen off a ladder and I don’t know if they believed him or not but I remember crying a lot. I felt bad that Dad had hurt him, and terrified that it would happen again. But it never did. Zane never left me alone at the house at night. He started dating Lizzie less than a year later and he would take me along a lot when they were hanging out. Either that or he made sure I had somewhere to go while he was out. And by doing that, he was saving me over and over again.”
I sniffled, fighting to hold in the sob that was trying to burst from my throat. The sound drew Paige’s attention back to me and her own tears spilled over. “He’s my hero. The one who constantly saved me. My very own Superman. To see him in a hospital bed again…” she trailed off, wiping away her tears.
“I should apologize to you. You really didn’t deserve any of the things I’ve said to you. I was scared that I would lose him too and… I don’t really know if I could survive that. And, to be honest, I was jealous. He has always been my Superman and there he was, nearly dead after protecting someone else.” She blushed and I noticed some of the light coming back into her eyes. “I guess that’s what happens with heroes. They make sacrifices that could, and usually do, end up costing them their lives.”
“I didn’t ask him to come for me,” I whispered. “I didn’t even know he knew where I was.”
“I know. And even if you had asked, I couldn’t hold it against you. None of it was your fault, Lili. I know that. I’ve always known that. But sometimes… sometimes it’s hard to remember that you’re not competition. Zane has a big heart, though most of the time he likes to pretend he doesn’t. I’m used to being the one he protects and the girl he looks out for, but he’s got enough love for us both.”
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of this entire conversation pounding against my skull. It was too much to take in all at once.
“I want you to know that you’re going to be okay. Zane… he’s good at what he does. He protects the people he loves. He saves them. Also, cut him a little slack when it comes to your safety. He doesn’t mean to be overprotective but it’s his way of showing that he loves you. Promise me you’ll keep that in mind?”
I stared at Paige, trying to find words but my brain was still too sluggish as it tried to process everything. I nodded after a few seconds and she let out a small laugh as she looked down at my hands.
“I guess we have more in common than we thought. You box?”
“I took kickboxing. I haven’t gone in a while though.”
She grinned, clearly trying to lighten the mood again. “Well, if you ever want to go and need a sparring partner, say the word. Might be kinda fun to kick your ass in a ring.”
“Keep dreaming,” I said, trying to give her a smile while my heart ached for both her and Zane.
After checking on Conner and Tish, I slipped into the bedroom. Kas started dinner and I knew I needed to wake Zane up soon to eat. At least, that was the excuse I was using. Really, I just wanted to see him. With my emotions still raw from Paige’s
story, I crawled quietly up onto the bed beside him.
I studied his face, noticing how much younger he looked when he was asleep. The pain that made his face seem so much harder as he tried to hide it from everyone was absent. The worry lines on his forehead, the tenseness of his jaw, all of it was gone and he seemed so relaxed. I tried, for possibly the first time, to put myself in his shoes. The insight into his past told me more about who he was and while I was lost in thought, I absently traced patterns on his arm where it rested by my crossed legs.
My childhood had been less than ideal. I’d been pushed away by the parents that I’d wanted to love me. I’d been forced to give up the one activity that made me truly happy for something they saw more value in. I wasn’t allowed to be myself but I pushed hard every day, trying to make them proud. It’s what kids do. We are filled with the desire to be accepted and loved by our parents.
I’d thought that my parents had betrayed me in the worst possible way. I was wrong. My life was a cakewalk compared to what Zane and his family had lived through.
The text message alert on my phone broke the silence and I cringed. His eyelids fluttered and I blinked, trying to clear the tears before he fully woke. He arched his back to stretch and cringed, slowly lowering himself back to the mattress before looking over at me. His hair was mussed and his eyes were still squinted with sleep. He gave me a lazy half smile and I felt my heart breaking as I remembered Paige’s words. I guess that’s what happens with heroes. They make sacrifices that could, and usually do, end up costing them their lives.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” His voice was thick as he tried to sit up. I leaned down, curling my legs under me as I pressed my face into his neck and tried again to stop the tears. He ran his hand up my back, sliding his fingers under my hair to rub his thumb soothingly along my neck. He waited patiently while I calmed my breathing. “Talk to me, Pixie.”
“I had a talk with Paige today about your family,” I said and immediately felt the tension in his body. I tilted my head up from his shoulder and found him staring at the ceiling, his jaw rigid. “She told me about your dad.”
His demeanor changed, the hand at the back of my neck balled into a fist and his eyes were hard when he looked at me. “What about him?” The words were almost a snarl.
I recoiled slightly, the unexpected hostility causing me to fumble for words. “I… she… just that you saved her from him. Kept him from… doing to her what happened to me.” My voice was barely a whisper by the time I finished.
Zane closed his eyes again and I watched as he tried to calm his anger. His jaw worked under his skin and I tentatively reached up, running just the tips of my fingers over the rough stubble. My touch had the reaction I’d hoped for and he sighed, leaning his head toward my hand but keeping his eyes closed.
“She said I should give you a break when you’re being overprotective because it’s just how you show you care,” I said, hoping to break down the anger still clearly visible on his face a little more.
When he finally opened his eyes, they were a little softer but the tension was still clear in his muscles. He sighed and carefully turned on his side to face me. He wrapped his other arm around my hip and pulled me flush against his body, leaning his forehead to mine.
“I love you,” he said the words with a quiet finality. There was something about his tone that unsettled me. He closed his eyes and I stayed quiet, a part of me certain he wasn’t finished talking yet.
My phone chimed again from my pocket but I ignored it, feeling Zane’s grip on me tighten. He didn’t want to break this moment either. I could feel it, whatever it was, building.
He took a deep breath and pulled his head back, keeping our faces close as he opened his eyes to look at me. A knock on the door had us both sighing. “Yeah?”
“Sorry. Um… there’s someone at the door for Lili. She said her name is Nikki?” Paige’s voice floated through the door and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I slid free of Zane’s grip. I tried to help him to his feet but he brushed away my hand, clearly still trying to prove he was fine.
When we walked out into the living room, Nikki eyed us from the couch, her smirk telling me all the things she no doubt wanted to say out loud. “Well, well, well. I see you’ve finally slept with the hotness monster.”
“Nikki,” I hissed the word, glancing around for Conner.
“Oh relax. They took him to the kitchen. They said to tell you that dinner is ready,” Nikki said, clearly enjoying the uncomfortable silence that followed.
I turned to Zane, wrapping my arms around his waist as I looked up at him. “Go eat something so you can take more medicine.”
He chuckled and bent down to kiss the tip of my nose. “I love it when you try to boss me around.”
“I love it when you listen,” I responded, raising an eyebrow. He laughed and stepped back, raising his hands as he conceded.
“It was nice to see you again, Nikki,” he said, winking at her and turning out of my reach as I swatted at him.
“Jerk,” I muttered and he laughed again as he disappeared down the hall. I turned toward Nikki, moving to sit beside her on the couch. “So, what’s up?”
“What’s up? What’s up is that I got called into work tonight because Shannon said you quit. What’s going on? Did Zane put you up to this?” She dropped her voice on the last question, her eyes drifting toward the hallway where the voices of my family filtered to us.
“No.” I shook my head, realizing she must have heard from either Shannon or Heaven about the fight Zane and I had at the bar. “No, I…” I sighed, realizing I had to tell her something. “My shitty past is rearing its ugly head and between that and Zane fighting for custody of Conner, it was going to come out that I’m not old enough to work there. I quit so Shannon wouldn’t get in trouble.” I told her the same story I’d told Shannon, knowing for Nikki at least, it would only be a temporary cover. She would know the truth eventually, I just couldn’t tell her now.
Her eyes flicked to mine and back toward the hallway. “You’re like, legal though, right? You’re not going to get Zane arrested or anything, are you?”
“I’m nineteen,” I said hotly.
“Oh. Okay. I was just going to say if you needed someone to pretend to be with Zane to cover for you…”
I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head at her.
“So, you’re sleeping in his bed?”
I nodded, grinning.
“And you’re using the ‘l’ word?”
I nodded again.
“Are you…” She wiggled her eyebrows as she trailed off suggestively.
“If I were, would it be any of your business?”
“We always talk about it,” she pouted and I shook my head.
“Well, we’re not, so there’s nothing to talk about.” I looked down at my hands, suddenly uncomfortable with the questioning.
“You’re really no—”
“No, we’re not. Okay? It’s… different now. I can’t… we’re just not.”
“Okay,” she said, apparently realizing she’d upset me. “I just came to check on you and make sure you were okay. If you need anything, you know I’m here. Right?” She reached over, rubbing my arm.
I bit the inside of my lip and nodded. I did believe her. Nikki had always been behind me, even when we first met. I wasn’t usually good at being friends with girls but Nikki was one of the solid few I knew had my back. It was crazy to think about where I was now from where I was two years ago. I had people behind me then but it was different. They didn’t really care what happened to me unless it interfered with their ultimate goals.
Now, though? Now I had a life. I had friends. I had a family.
After dinner, I gave Conner a bath and helped him into bed. I left the TV on for him, giving him a little time to doze off on his own once he took another dose of medicine. I wanted to stay with him but Nikki’s visit reminded me that I hadn’t heard from Jackson since I was released and I wanted to make
sure everything was okay now that the twins were home.
While I waited for him to answer, I slipped out of the bedroom and headed for the laundry room. I couldn’t wait for Lili and I to find our own place. It seemed like there was someone in every room of this house and I couldn’t go anywhere to have a private conversation.
“Hello?” Jackson sounded groggy and I pulled my phone from my ear to check the time. It wasn’t even nine yet.
“Hey, man. Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Yeah. No worries. I’ve been picking up some extra shifts.” He yawned through his response, clearing his throat as he woke.
“Oh. I was just calling to see how everything was going and how the twins are doing,” I said, feeling guilty that I wasn’t back at work. The way he’d said he was picking up shifts made me wonder if it was voluntary or if I was leaving them short-handed.
“The girls are good. Great. A handful but we love having them at home. Although I think Syd is just glad her mom finally left.” He chuckled.
“How is everything else? I barely remember seeing Syd and I never really got to apologize to either of you about everything that happened.”
“Don’t. It wasn’t your fault,” Jackson sounded almost pained. “None of it was your fault.”
“I just feel bad. None of you should’ve had to deal with any of that. Not even Lili. But I’m sorry your family was dragged into it.”
“Can we just move on? I really don’t wanna talk about it,” Jackson sighed. I heard something in his voice that sounded like nervousness. It only took a second to put the pieces together. He was worried about his family. Adam was unstable and on the loose still and while we had no proof he would go after them, he could. He was clearly far more disturbed than any of us realized.
“Yeah. Sure,” I conceded, leaning against the washing machine as I shook my head.
“How are things with you and Lili now that you’re home?” Jackson asked, obviously forcing lightness into his voice.