After Loving You

by Ashelyn Drake

  She takes a swig of water and nods. “I bet he won’t even care after I left him with the bill.” Her mouth breaks into a smile. “I can picture his face when he realized we’d left.”

  “Think he stayed to eat or do you think he bailed immediately?”

  “Probably bailed. Poor waitress. I hope he at least paid for the drinks first.” She fluffs the pillow next to her and leans back on the couch. “I have a food baby going on.” She rubs her stuffed belly. How she polished off her food that quickly is beyond impressive.

  I cover the rest of my chicken fingers and put them in the mini-fridge. My laptop chirps with a new chat message, and I freeze in place. Is it Jared?

  “Don’t you dare,” Tee says, getting up and blocking my view of the laptop. “You said you weren’t going to do this anymore, remember?” She takes me by my shoulders, her eyes boring into mine. “Be strong, Mia. There are other guys out there for both of us. Keep the past in the past.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “You’re right.” I turn away from the laptop and sit on the couch, hugging a throw pillow to my chest. My stupid olfactory memory betrays me and I swear I can smell Jared’s cologne. I push the pillow aside.

  “You going to be okay?” Tee asks, sitting down next to me.

  “Yeah.” I have to be. I should be already, but my heart is apparently a slow healer. “Do you want to call Shawn now?” I ask, turning the conversation back on Tee.

  She groans. “I guess I should get it over with. She takes her cell from her back pocket, dials, and puts it on speakerphone.

  “What the hell did you—?”

  “Hey!” Tee yells back at Shawn. He shuts up, probably surprised Tee is actually standing up to him for once. “I called you, so I get to do the talking. This thing we have going on, it’s over. I’m done being your doormat. Find some other girl to mooch off of.” She hangs up and immediately deletes his number from her phone. “There. Out of my life.” She puts the phone down and takes a deep breath, her chest and shoulders rising and falling. “That felt good.”

  “I’m proud of you, Tee.” I pull my legs up under me. “I wish I knew how to fix my problem.” I can’t break up with Jared, because he already broke up with me. I could un-friend him on Facebook, but that’s so high school. Ignoring him doesn’t seem like the solution either.

  “I really do think you should take a good look around at the guys on campus. Albert was a douche, but there are good guys here.” She pats my knee and gets up. “I’m crashing early. These cramps are killing me.” She grabs her towel and shower caddy from her bedroom and heads to the bathroom.

  My eyes find my laptop again. Maybe it wasn’t Jared who messaged me. I have plenty of other friends from back home who could have been saying hi. I get up and walk to my desk. Letting out a long breath, I sit down and check the chat screen.

  Did you go out? My night sucked.

  My heart flutters. Stupid heart. I want to message him back, but instead I close my laptop. It’s time to get over Jared Grande. It’s time to find Mia Thompson again.

  ***

  Being an art major is pretty much like asking to spend my life scraping together enough to pay the bills, but my art courses are the only ones I really enjoy. Social psych and trigonometry are enough to make me want to steal a shopping cart and paints and start my life as a starving artist begging for money. I watch the minutes tick by as Professor Middleton drones on about human behavior. Maybe it’s because I’m messed up over Jared, but I don’t want to hear why people feel the need to be in relationships, even abusive ones.

  The second the big hand reaches ten of, I jump out of my seat and head to the art building. Middleton is used to my behavior, and since the art building is clear across campus from the social sciences building, I think I’m justified in my speedy exits. At the very least, I’m giving Middleton material for his latest book. I swear he only took a teaching job so he could force his textbooks on us and make some extra money off royalties. That’s human behavior for you. Money motivates most people. I just don’t happen to be one of them. And that’s too bad for me because otherwise I’d find a guy with an expensive car and full wallet and say “Jared who?” Not going to happen though.

  Taneesha is standing by the student union, holding a cup of coffee out to me as I pass by. “Love you!” I yell, taking the cup mid-stride and power walking away.

  “Love you too!” she calls after me.

  People must think we’re lesbians. I never date anyone on campus, and Tee and Shawn didn’t usually go anywhere since Shawn was broke. And most of the time Tee and I were either holding hands or saying “I love you.” I smile at the thought, because I could do a lot worse than Tee. I take a sip, careful not to spill as I turn the corner. The traffic coming in my direction is insane today. I step off the sidewalk and hug the dorm on my left. As I raise my coffee to my lips again, I slam into someone.

  The cup is crushed against me, spilling on my jacket and hand. “Ow!” I cry out as the steaming hot coffee scalds my fingers. The cup falls to the ground.

  “I’m so sorry!” The guy I walked into—or who walked into me, I’m not sure—bends down to pick up my cup, but it’s pointless. The Styrofoam is cracked in half. He stands back up and his eyes fall on my hand, which I’m cradling. “You should run that under cold water so you don’t blister.”

  “It’s okay, really.” I examine my hand for signs of burns. The skin is red but not blistered, which surprises me since I drink my coffee black. There was no cream to cool it down at all.

  The guy takes my hand in his, turning it over to check it out for himself. “I was reading a book for class, and I didn’t think anyone would be walking on the grass,” he says.

  “I was trying to avoid the crowd.”

  “Same here.” He meets my eyes, still not letting go of my hand. “Can I at least buy you another cup of coffee?”

  I shake my head. “I’m going to be late for my next class as it is.”

  He finally releases my hand and bends down to pick up his book. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to apologize. It was an accident.” I shake my hand, hoping the cool breeze in the air will ease the burn.

  “Where’s your class?” he asks.

  I point up the hill to the art building.

  “Art major, or are you trying to meet those pesky gen. ed. requirements they force on us?” He smiles, and a dimple appears on his left cheek.

  “Art major.” I shrug one shoulder. “I know it’s probably stupid as hell, but I love it.”

  “Then it’s not stupid at all. I’m majoring in business, mostly because that’s what my parents want me to do.” He raises the book in his hand and I see it’s a copy of Anna Karenina. “I wanted to be an English major.”

  I cock my head. “Really? Are you taking a women’s lit class?”

  He nods. “Yeah, I’m one of four guys in the class.” He leans closer. “And one of them is the professor.”

  I laugh, forgetting about the pain in my hand. “I take it you’re a big reader, then.”

  “Always have been. Can’t write to save my life, but reading I’m good at.”

  The crowd is completely gone, which means class is already in session. I sigh. “I’m guessing we’re both late by now.”

  He shrugs. “I don’t like the class anyway.”

  I cock my head. “I thought you said you wanted to major in English.”

  “I did.” He holds up the book. “This isn’t for my next class. I brought it to keep me from falling asleep while the professor tries to teach me how to become a successful businessman.”

  I laugh again, and it feels amazing. This guy is so easy to talk to, and yet I don’t even know his name. “I’m Mia, by the way.”

  He holds his hand out, but then remembers my burn and puts it back at his side. “I’m Mark.” He motions to my hand. “Since we’re both late as it is, can I convince you to put some water or a wet paper towel on your burn?”

  “D
o you always try to get yourself invited to the women’s bathroom? Is this some pickup line I’m not familiar with?”

  He stares at me blankly, not sure what to make of my comment. “I didn’t mean I actually wanted to go in the bathroom with you.”

  “I’m only teasing,” I say, letting him off the hook.

  “So, what do you say? Go take care of that hand and let me buy you a cup of coffee? I promise I won’t spill it on you this time.” He smiles, and I can’t say no.

  “Sure. Why not? I’ll tell Professor Tidwell I missed class because I had cramps. She won’t care.” My eyes widen. “Holy crap. I really said that out loud, didn’t I?”

  Mark nods. “Afraid so, but if it makes you feel any better, I have three sisters so it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” He motions toward the student union, and we walk side by side. “Imagine being the only guy in a household of women. Well, my dad technically lives there too, but he works so much you’d barely notice him.”

  “I guess that makes you the man of the house, huh?” We’ve fallen in step with each other, our feet moving in perfect time despite the different lengths of our legs. At five-seven I don’t consider myself short, but Mark has several inches on me.

  “I should mention that two of my sisters are older than me.”

  “Still not men, though.” I reach for the door, but Mark beats me to it, holding it open so I can step inside. “Thanks,” I say.

  “One of the perks of having older sisters—I was taught at a young age to always open doors for a lady.”

  “I like your sisters already.” I smile at him as I step into the union. It smells of coffee, which is like heaven to my nose.

  “I should mention they are very protective of their little brother. They’ve been known to interrogate every girl I date.”

  I turn toward him, wondering if he meant anything by that or if he’s making polite conversation.

  “Oh, not that we’re… I meant…”

  I smile and elbow his arm. “Don’t sweat it. One spilled coffee does not a date make.” I cringe at my words. “That sounded so much better in my head. Kind of poetic almost, but wow.”

  Mark gently touches my elbow, the warmth of his hand radiating up my arm. “It sounded fine to me.”

  I stand there staring into his eyes, which are the bluest blue imaginable. For the first time I let myself take in his features. His dark hair that curls slightly at the ends, the scar that seems to cut his right eyebrow in two, and the dimple I noticed earlier on his left cheek.

  “I’ll get us some coffee. You go take care of that burn.” He squeezes my elbow slightly before walking toward the coffee bar. I watch him go, realizing the long-forgotten stir in the pit of my stomach.

  I think I could actually like this guy.

  Chapter Four

  Mia

  After rinsing my hand under cold water and then wrapping a wet paper towel around it, which makes it look like I’m trying out possible Halloween costumes for next month, I walk back into the dining area. I expect to have to find Mark at one of the tables, but he’s waiting for me right outside the bathroom with two cups of coffee.

  “I wasn’t sure you got a good enough look at me to pick me out of a crowd.” He winks and holds out my coffee. His gaze falls on my mummified hand and he pulls his arm back. “On second thought, I’ll carry this for you.”

  “I do have another hand,” I say, raising my good hand and wiggling my fingers. “See, totally usable.”

  “Humor me.” He leads me to an empty table right in the middle of the room. It’s not exactly conducive to getting to know someone, considering we’re surrounded by people, but it’s prime coffee time around here.

  He puts the coffees on the table and reaches for my chair, pulling it out for me. “Another thing my older sisters taught me.”

  “Nothing wrong with a gentleman,” I say, sitting.

  He smiles. “Some girls think it’s old-fashioned or sexist to pull out a chair.”

  “Sexist? Have you been talking to some extreme feminists or something?”

  He laughs. “You never know what’s going to offend someone.”

  That’s true. Albert was certainly offended by my pale skin. That was a first for me. “Thanks for the coffee,” I say, taking a sip. As soon as the hazelnut flavor hits my tongue, my eyes widen.

  Mark smiles, noticing my reaction. “I could smell the hazelnut earlier,” he explains. “I’ve been told I have a good sense of smell. Would have been better if I smelled the coffee before I spilled it all over you, though.”

  I take another sip to keep from commenting on how adorable his sense of humor is. We just met. I don’t want to scare him away. “So, other than your sniffing superpower, being a gentleman, and hiding your love of literature behind a business degree, what else should I know about Mark…?”

  “Newberry,” he finishes for me. “Well, let’s see. I’m a senior, so I’ll be out of here in May, and then I’ll have to find a job doing something I’m sure I’ll hate for the next thirty or forty years of my life.” He takes a sip of coffee, nodding his head at the same time, which is kind of impressive since he doesn’t spill a single drop. “I guess that means you can call me a pussy for not standing up to my parents and telling them what I really want to do with my life.”

  “Which is?” What does one do with an English major?

  He drums his fingers against his cup. “I want to be a college professor. I want to read and analyze books for a living and share my love of the written word with others who understand how magical reading can be.” His cheeks redden, and he lowers his head. “And that’s one of the downsides to having three sisters. I sound like a complete pansy sometimes.”

  I reach across the table with my bad hand and rest it on top of his. “No, you sound passionate. Nothing wrong with that.”

  He turns his hand over and holds mine. I stop breathing and my stomach does a little flip. “Did your burn blister at all?” I exhale when I realize he’s only worried about my hand. Nothing more. This isn’t a date, so why would I think he was trying to hold my hand? I pull away, feeling silly for even thinking it.

  “No. It’s totally fine. No worries.” I down the rest of my coffee, burning the roof of my mouth, but refusing to stop drinking. I suddenly want to get out of here before I make a fool of myself.

  “You in a hurry to get somewhere?”

  I put the nearly empty cup on the table. “Thirsty, I guess.”

  “Then I’m glad you let me buy you coffee.” His foot slides into mine, but he doesn’t apologize or move it. It’s almost like we’re holding feet instead of hands. “Tell me more about you. Where are you from?”

  “Upstate New Jersey. It’s pretty much farm country.”

  “I’m from Cape May.”

  I sit up more in my seat. “Really? I love Cape May. You must miss the ocean.” Rural Pennsylvania isn’t a stretch for me, but it’s no Cape May. I’ll bet Mark is homesick.

  “I grew up around it, so it’s kind of lost its appeal for me. Besides, the view here is great too.” He smiles, and I’m not sure if Mark tried to pull off a really cheesy line. “Whoa, I’m sorry. That came out… Can I try that again?”

  I laugh, relieved he’s so bad at this. It means he doesn’t try to pick up girls very often. “No way. That was classic.” I raise my wrapped hand. “Tell me, is it the mummy look that you find sexy?”

  “What is this?” Taneesha says, walking up behind Mark. She’s smiling in approval as she takes him in. “You’re in my accounting class, aren’t you?”

  Mark looks up at Tee. “Yeah, I think so. Did I miss anything interesting?”

  Tee eyes me with a wicked smile. “No, I’m pretty sure you were the one with the interesting morning.”

  “How do you and Mia know each other?” Mark asks.

  “Taneesha’s my roommate,” I answer, finding my voice again.

  “Small world,” Mark says with a smile.

  “Small campus too,”
Tee says. “You know, Mia, there was a huge spider in our suite this morning. I’m talking tarantula big. Freaked me out.” She turns to Mark. “You aren’t afraid of spiders, are you?”

  He shakes his head. I’m guessing he’s the official spider killer in his house.

  “Oh good.” Tee puts her hand to her heart and sighs with exaggerated relief. “Mia, maybe you could take…”

  “Mark,” he says.

  “Mark to our room and he can get that nasty thing before I get back from my next class. What do you say?”

  My roommate couldn’t be subtle if her life depended on it. “I’m perfectly capable of killing a spider, Tee.”

  She shakes her head at me, assuming I missed her not-so-hidden meaning.

  “I’ll give you two a minute,” Mark says, getting up. “Need a refill?” He motions to my cup.

  “Yeah, sure. Thanks.” I smile as he takes my cup and walks away.

  Tee assumes his seat and leans over the table toward me. “What the hell? I set you up perfectly. Take that delicious specimen of male flesh back to our room and have your way with him.” Something I’ve noticed about Tee after living with her for two years is that having her period makes her extremely horny. And since she can’t have sex, she’s trying to live vicariously through me, which is not going to happen.

  “Um, how about no? I’m not a whore, Tee. I don’t take random guys back to our room and have sex with them.” I look around her at Mark. He’s in line, paying for our coffee, yet his eyes are on me.

  “Look at you blush!” Tee practically yells. “You so love him.”

  I’m about to say I don’t love anybody when I realize that’s not true. I still love Jared. I shouldn’t, but I do. “I just met Mark.” I hold up my mummy hand. “We collided and I spilled my coffee, so he bought me another one.”

  “How many people do you have buying you coffee? You’ve got me and now Mark.” She smiles at me and then looks over her shoulder to check on Mark. He gives a nod when he’s caught staring at us. Tee turns back to me, but this time her face is completely serious. “He likes you, by the way. Don’t let your Jared bubble stand in the way of this. Let go and see what happens. Promise me that.”