After Loving You

by Ashelyn Drake

  “I’ll try.” I mean it, too. Mark seems like a really nice guy. “I’m taking it slow, though, so get all thoughts of me and Mark getting freaky out of your head.”

  “Hey, I’m not dating anyone at the moment. My thoughts are all I have. Don’t deprive me of them.”

  Mark returns and Taneesha stands up. “Well, Mia, I’m leaving you in Mark’s very capable hands.” She turns and grabs his hands, inspecting them—for what I don’t know. “Yeah, I’m sure they’d do fine.”

  Oh God, Tee! I resist the urge to slam my head against the table. The girl has no shame whatsoever. She gives me a small wave and walks away.

  “She must be fun to live with,” Mark says.

  “You have no idea.” He’s still standing, so I assume he has a class to get to. “Oh, um, thanks for the coffee. I guess you should head to your next class.”

  “You don’t have one to get to?” he asks.

  “No. I’m off until 3:15.”

  “Ugh, the 3:15 classes are the worst. That’s usually my nap time.”

  “Mine too, but I couldn’t avoid it this semester. It’s the only time they offer impressionist painting.”

  “Well, then we have plenty of time to go hunt down that spider.” He holds his arm out to me, waiting for me to loop mine through it. “Shall we?”

  What? He had to know Tee was making that up. Unless… Oh God! He thinks I’m going to have sex with him. No! I thought the universe was giving me a nice guy.

  “Are you okay?” He drops his arm to his side.

  “Um, I think you got the wrong impression.”

  “I know there’s not really a spider,” he whispers with a smile.

  “Yeah, that’s kind of the problem.”

  His posture goes rigid. “I thought we’d hang out. You know, talk.”

  “We’re talking now. Here.” With lots of people around.

  “Okay.” He sits down. “Here is good, too.”

  I eye him for a moment, trying to figure out what he’s thinking. Damn it, I can’t. “What is this?” I ask, totally being the girl who asks to define a relationship that’s been going on for all of an hour.

  “I’m not a psychology major, but I’m pretty sure it’s two people getting to know each other.” He takes another sip of coffee. “I could call my older sisters and ask though if you’d like.” He smiles behind his cup.

  His sense of humor is going to be my downfall. I love it. “What would your sisters say if they found out I brought you to my dorm room right after we met?”

  He puts his coffee down and furrows his brow in mock thought. “Let’s see. Leslie and Courtney would probably smack me upside the head, while Erica kneed me in the groin. They’d totally be on your side and think I corrupted you.”

  “What about you? What would you think of me?” Why did I ask that? I can’t bring him back to my room. I can’t. It’s not me at all.

  “I’d think you wanted to show me some of your artwork, which I’d love to see.”

  I wish I could tell if this was another line. I want to believe he’s a nice guy, but he’s a college senior. What college senior doesn’t have sex on the brain twenty-three and a half hours out of the day?

  “Or some other time. No rush.” He leans forward, resting his foot next to mine again.

  “What is that?” I have to ask. No guy has ever foot-spooned me before.

  Mark’s cheeks blush. “It’s something my dad always does with my mom. They sit at the dinner table and he always has his foot right next to hers like this. I’ve never tried it before, but I couldn’t help doing it now. I guess it seemed safer trying it on a girl I barely know than someone I was dating.”

  “In case she thought it was weird?”

  “Exactly.” He moves his foot away. “Sorry. The good news is that I’ve repaid you for the coffee and now you don’t have to see me again if you don’t want to.”

  “Well, actually Tee bought me the coffee you spilled, so I sort of do owe you, especially since they don’t give free refills.”

  “I guess I better go kill that spider then. I don’t want to owe Taneesha anything. She looks like she might be able to take me in a fight.”

  “You really want an invite, don’t you?”

  He shrugs one shoulder. “I room off campus and I’m stuck here until a 5:35 class. I’ve kind of got nowhere to go.”

  “You could drink a lot of coffee between now and 5:35. That would be one hell of a caffeine high.”

  “Save me?” Something about the way he says it melts my heart. God, please don’t let him be a major player who’s totally pulling one over on me.

  “Let’s go,” I say, getting up from the table.

  I lead us to my dorm across campus. It’s considered the upper-class dorm because every room is a suite. No freshman or first-year transfers. Only juniors and seniors who don’t want to pay for the on-campus apartments or off-campus housing. I personally like the convenience of being on campus.

  “Is your apartment nearby?” I ask. It’s the first time there’s really been a lull in the conversation.

  “Unfortunately, no. I sort of crash at Leslie’s place during the school year. She and her husband live about twenty minutes away.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize she was that much older than you.”

  He tosses his empty coffee cup in the trashcan as we walk by. “She’s twenty-six and a newlywed. Her husband loves having me around.” He winks.

  “Cramping the newlyweds’ marital bliss, huh?” I sip my coffee, letting the hot liquid warm my insides. It’s unusually cold for September.

  “I sleep on the futon in the basement, so I don’t see how. I don’t even drink the guy’s beer.”

  “Do I sense you don’t approve of your sister’s new husband?” Being protective of his sister would be a good sign.

  “He’s fine. Nobody is good enough for any of my sisters, so I have to accept who they want to be with.”

  “That’s sweet.” I don’t mean to say it aloud, but I’m glad I did because it makes him smile.

  “Why are you so easy to talk to?”

  “I was wondering the same thing about you.” I smile at him and remove my key card from my pocket. I swipe it and open the door to my dorm.

  Mark follows me to the elevator. “Not going to check your mail?” he asks as we pass the mailboxes.

  “I don’t get mail very often. Everyone I know texts.”

  “When was the last time you checked your box?”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure I have at all this semester.”

  “You’re not even the slightest bit curious? I’d think your parents would send you a package on occasion.”

  Now that he mentions it, Mom did say she mailed the jacket I forgot to pack. I take two steps toward the mailboxes and place my key into the hole. There is a package inside. Only it’s not from Mom.

  “See, you did get something.” Mark smiles.

  “Yeah.”

  “Who’s Jared?” Mark asks, reading the name off the package. “Your brother?”

  Somehow I don’t think telling Mark my ex-boyfriend sent me a package is a great way for us to get to know each other better.

  “One of my friends from back home.” It’s not a lie, and it’s much safer than the full truth.

  Mark doesn’t comment, and I’m grateful. The elevator opens and I say, “Shall we?” Mark motions for me to go first. The silence is unbearable as the elevator climbs to my floor. I’m clutching the package, which is a small manila envelope, to my chest. I have no idea what Jared would send me after two years of being apart. Sure, I still have one of his sweatshirts, but I have no intention of returning it. What did he find of mine? And why give it back now?

  “Mia?” Mark asks, and I notice the elevator door is open on my floor.

  “Sorry. I guess I still need more caffeine to wake me up today.”

  “Caffeine junky, huh? I know the feeling.” He holds the door open as I pass. “I’m going to stop in the restr
oom if you don’t mind.” He gestures to the bathroom right outside the elevator.

  “Go right ahead. I’m the second door on the left.” I point up ahead and he nods.

  As soon as I get in the room, I tear the package open. Inside is a note and three photographs.

  Mia,

  Remember that summer when we found that hidden lake while hiking? That was probably the best and worst summer of my life.

  J

  That was the summer we broke up. I flip through the pictures. The first one is Jared doing a cannonball into the lake. The second is a selfie Jared took of us kissing. And the third is us lying out on the grass, my limbs intertwined with his.

  Mark knocks on my open door. “Can I come in?”

  I shove the photos and the letter back in the envelope and blink back the tears that are burning my eyes. “Yeah.”

  “You okay? Bad news in the package?” He gestures to the ripped envelope on my desk.

  “You know how sometimes a few years ago can seem like a lifetime away?”

  He nods. “I think this place does that. It makes high school seem like elementary school in so many ways.” He steps toward me. “We’re not kids anymore, Mia.”

  “Sometimes I wish we were. When you’re a kid, you don’t overanalyze things. You act.”

  “Then let’s be kids. At least for right now. Let’s stop thinking and…” He steps toward me and cups my cheek in his hand, but he doesn’t kiss me. He waits for me to make the next move.

  Only I’m not sure I can.

  Chapter Five

  Jared

  Mia must have gotten my package by now, yet she hasn’t mentioned it and she’s not answering my chat messages either. It’s been three days since we talked. I know it’s odd to talk to my ex-girlfriend so much, but that’s how it’s always been with Mia and me. We talk about everything—everything but who we’re dating. I can’t stand the thought of her with some other guy, and I’m sure my Facebook profile picture is annoying the hell out of her. Or maybe I’m hoping it is. I’d hate to think I’m the only one left with such strong feelings.

  I never wanted to break up with her. I never wanted to say good-bye. But long-distance relationships don’t work. I saw what my older sister Stephanie went through when she and Brian tried to stay together while attending different colleges. She fell for some other guy, right under Brian’s nose. It’s not like I’m taking Brian’s side or anything—I love my sister—but what she did was wrong. She should’ve been upfront with him about it, and when I confronted her, she cried to me for hours saying she missed Brian so much and that the other guy had been so nice to her. I hated that she’d been so weak. Brian loved her. Of course, he might have been off doing the exact same thing at his school and kept his mouth shut about it. Either way, it wasn’t going to happen with Mia and me. I wouldn’t let college destroy everything we had.

  That’s why we still talk so much. She’s my best friend, and I’m hoping once we graduate and we’re living in the same state again, things will go back to the way they were. Kind of like we both took long vacations. We’d welcome each other back as if nothing had changed. Deep down, I thought that’s what Mia wanted too, but if that’s true, then where is she? Why isn’t she answering me? I’ve seen her logged on Facebook. She must have seen my messages.

  I pick up my phone, debating whether or not I should call her. God, I’d love to hear her voice. Especially since I know she likes to take late afternoon naps and her voice is low and sexy when she wakes up. I picture her sleeping in her cami top and shorts with the lace trim. No other girl has anything on Mia. Faith is beautiful, sure, but Mia is in a class all her own.

  The door opens and I spin around in my desk chair, expecting to see Justin. Instead, Faith walks in. What the hell? She walks over to me with a big smile and sits down on my lap.

  “Hey, handsome. I have an hour between classes and thought I’d stop by.” She kisses me, her tongue teasing my upper lip.

  “Why didn’t you call?” I’m annoyed, but I’m also horny as hell from thinking about Mia and Faith is pressing against me in all the right places.

  “I wanted to surprise you,” she whispers in my ear, giving my lobe a quick nibble before sitting back and staring into my eyes. “That’s okay, right?”

  “You didn’t knock. What if I was in the middle of something?” Like fantasizing about my ex.

  “In the middle of what?” She slides her body forward so there’s no space between us. “You wouldn’t date anyone behind my back, and if you were doing other things…” She grabs the back of my hair hard. “I’d help.”

  I don’t know what’s come over her lately. It’s like she’s trying to prove something. Or maybe she thinks this is what I’m into. Mia never tried to be sexy or to make me want her. She didn’t have to. I’m not sure I’m into the whole throwing-herself-at-me thing Faith has going on. I’m torn between my hormones and my feelings for Mia.

  Faith yanks my head to the side and kisses my neck. Nope, definitely not into the seductress thing. I pick her up by her waist and place her on her feet.

  “What? Can’t handle letting me take charge?” she taunts.

  “You always take charge.” I turn away, grabbing my jacket off the back of the chair, and head to the door.

  “Where are you going?” She looks at the clock on my desk. “It’s too early for dinner.”

  “I have plans. If you had called first, you’d know that.” I turn and walk out the door. Yeah, I feel like a complete ass because Faith has no idea what she did to set me off. Hell, I don’t even know. All I can think is that she’s not Mia. Can’t say that’s her fault, though. God, I hate myself right now.

  It’s warm today, too warm for the jacket I brought. I clench it in my hand and walk faster, needing to burn off some energy. I head to the basketball courts, hoping someone will be looking to play one-on-one. My cell rings in my pocket and a glance at the caller ID shows Faith’s picture. I should answer it, apologize for running out and acting like a total dick. But I don’t. I send the call to voice mail and pocket the phone again.

  The rhythmic thump of basketballs hitting the backboard draws my attention to the courts up ahead. Just my luck. A gym class is out here. Seriously, who wants to take phys. ed. in college? Why they make it a requirement is baffling to me. I lean against the metal gate around the courts, waiting not-so-patiently for the class to end. It’s not like anyone is trying. If anything, it reminds me of elementary school when the teacher gave everyone a basketball and we all dribbled until our arms were going to fall off. Only these guys actually keep control of the balls instead of bouncing them off their feet and having to run after them.

  I take out my cell and play Faith’s message, closing my eyes and gripping the bridge of my nose in anticipation of the verbal lashing she’s about to give me.

  “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, Jared Grande, but if this is how you treat a girl who says she loves you, then you’re nothing more than a dick. And walking out on me like that when I’m… You have no idea how infuriated I am. Who does that? Ugh! Don’t think I don’t know what this is about. It’s that girl, right? The one you said you were only friends with. I knew that was bullshit. I knew it, but I let myself fall for you anyway. I thought maybe I could help you get over her, move on to someone who’s more than willing to make you happy. But I guess you like misery. So go be miserable without me, because I’m done.”

  She got it all out without stopping for air. Impressive, and I deserve every word of it. She’s completely right. I’m screwed up and I have no one to blame but myself. I did this. I broke up with Mia and tried to pretend we could be friends until college was over. I’m an idiot. A fucking idiot.

  I slam my head back against the gate as hard as I can, and one of the plastic-coated wires slices the back of my head. I reach up, pressing my hand to the back of my head and feeling the warm blood trickling down my hair. “Shit!” I walk into the locker room next to the courts and sit do
wn on the bench. I’m sure I need stitches. The gash is huge.

  I squeeze my phone in my hand. Do I call an ambulance? That seems excessive. Still, my head feels spacey. I don’t know if it’s from blood loss or the impact of the hit. I dial the one number that’s always been my go-to. The one person I can always count on to answer no matter what. I hope that’s still true.

  “Hello?” Mia’s voice shakes. We haven’t spoken on the phone in a while, so I’m sure she’s surprised I called.

  “Hey, beautiful.” I swallow hard, hoping I don’t sound as awful as I feel. My head is throbbing, and I most likely need a tetanus shot. Did I get one of those before freshman year? Maybe I did. I can’t think straight.

  “Jared, are you okay? You sound…funny.” The concern in her voice makes my heart melt. My Mia. God how I want her to be here right now. She’d wrap her arms around me, and I’d feel better with her touch alone. But she’s four hours away at a campus with tons of other guys. She might even be with one right now for all I know.

  “I sort of tore up the back of my head.”

  “Oh my God! Where are you? Are you at the hospital?” Her voice is frantic, and the questions come out in one big blur.

  I smile, grateful she still cares so much. “No, I’m in the locker room. I think I need stitches, but I’m feeling kind of woozy. Talk to me until I’m up to walking to the hospital?” Luckily the hospital is right next to campus. No way would I go to the university health center for this. Knowing them, they’d amputate and replace my head with a pumpkin or something. Yeah, I might be getting a little delirious. Or maybe finally hearing Mia’s voice again is making me insane with happiness.

  “You need to call an ambulance. You shouldn’t be walking anywhere on your own.”

  I want to lie to make her feel better, but I never could lie to her. Never wanted to. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. There’s a gym class right outside. I’m sure the instructor will take me to the hospital himself when they finish up.”