After Loving You

by Ashelyn Drake

  “Oh, no,” Leslie says. “You sit here and tell us about how you and Mark met. We want all the details.”

  “I heard he spilled coffee on you,” Erica says. “He always was clumsy.”

  “Are you guys embarrassing me already?” Mark returns and puts his arm around me, which makes me blush since everyone is looking at us. “Promise the naked baby pictures won’t come out until after dinner. I don’t want you ruining Mia’s appetite.”

  “Oh yeah,” Courtney says. “I’m sure it’s nothing she hasn’t seen.”

  Wow! I’m totally speechless, which isn’t like me at all. Normally I’m good at holding a conversation with people I’ve just met, but this is too much. “Um, could I get a drink?”

  “I’ll get it.” Mark moves toward the cider on the coffee table and opens it. He pours a glass and hands it to me.”

  I really wish it were wine so I could down the entire bottle to get through the evening. Why did I bring a kid’s drink?

  ***

  After dessert, Mark takes my hand and leads me toward the basement stairs. “Come on. I’m guessing you could use a break.”

  “What about the dishes? I should help clean up or something,” I protest.

  “Oh no you don’t,” Mrs. Newberry says, shooing me away from the table. “You are our guest and you sat through two and a half hours of our craziness. You deserve a break. Go on.”

  I smile. The meal actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Mark’s family is a little crazy, but in a totally endearing way. They’re close, which is really sweet. “Thank you, Mrs. Newberry.”

  She gives my arm a quick squeeze and then pats Mark’s cheek. “Take care of this one, Mark. She’s a keeper.” She winks at me and heads to the kitchen.

  Mark leans in to me and whispers, “She’s right.”

  Goose bumps form on my arms. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him or his amazing family. He brings me downstairs, closing the door behind us. I sit down on the futon, feeling totally stuffed. Mrs. Newberry made me try every dish. According to her, I need to gain a few pounds, which is funny since she and I are probably the same size. She must workout because she could give a lot of twenty-year-olds a run for their money.

  “You doing okay?” Mark asks, patting my leg as he sits next to me. “I know they can be a little intense, but they really like you.”

  “They’re great. You’re really lucky.”

  “Come on, you’ve told me you have amazing parents. I’m sure you’re used to this.” His fingers trace circles on my thigh.

  I was used to dating Jared, whose parents were never really in the same room together. They were great people, but they weren’t the type of couple who held hands or cuddled. Jared always loved being at my house and around my family, and I have to say I found holidays at his house to be awkward at the very least. “Today felt a lot like being home,” I say.

  Mark smiles and leans toward me, cupping my face. I lean into his hand, loving the way even the smallest touch makes my stomach flip. I haven’t felt this way about anyone but Jared in a very long time.

  “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” His eyes focus on my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He sits back on the futon, his hands leaving my body. “I didn’t want to bring this up, but I can’t help it.”

  Uh-oh. No good conversation begins with words like those. I sit up straighter and place my hands on my thighs to brace myself for what he’s about to say next. “Okay.”

  “Mia, I have to be honest with you.”

  Oh God, what if he was so upset about me kissing Jared that he went out and kissed another girl? He might be seeing her too. He must be, right? What else could he possibly have to come clean about? Was he introducing us both to his family to see which girl they approved of? Was this whole day a test? He pauses, and the wait is killing me. I dig my nails into my stockinged legs. “Mark, if you don’t tell me soon, I might have a heart attack right here in your sister’s basement.”

  He reaches for my face, pulling my lips to his. Not at all what I’m expecting, but I welcome the kiss. He leans back, bringing me onto his lap. The sudden change in the mood is confusing, yet his tongue is doing amazing things inside my mouth and I can’t pull away from his kiss.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and pull my body closer to his, which gets me a moan in response. Then he grabs my arms and breaks the kiss.

  “Stop.” He leans his forehead against mine. “We have to stop.”

  That’s supposed to be my line. I’m the one who always ends things before they go too far. Is that what this is about? Sex? “Did I do something wrong?” I ask, needing answers, like, yesterday.

  He raises his head and stares into my eyes. “God no, Mia. You’ve done everything right. I screwed up.”

  So he is seeing someone else. “Oh, I see.” I try to get off his lap, but his hands lower to my legs and hold me in place.

  “There’s no one else,” he says, reading my mind. “No one.”

  “Okay. You’re going to have to spell this out for me, because I’m getting more confused by the minute.”

  He nods and takes a deep breath. “First, let me say I’m sorry. I hate that I did this to you.”

  “See, that right there. How else am I supposed to take that? It sounds like you’re apologizing for cheating on me.”

  “Never.” He shakes his head frantically from side to side. “I’d never do that to you, Mia. I love you.”

  I freeze, my whole body tensing. No one has said that to me since Jared.

  “Please say something,” Mark says, his eyes searching mine for some reaction.

  “I—” I can’t say it back. I’m not ready. “I’m sorry.” I stand up, and his hands fall from my legs to his sides in defeat. “I’m so sorry.” I squeeze my hands in front of me. “Mark, I really love being with you. I do. It’s just that—”

  “You still love him.” His voice is small. “And that’s why I owe you an apology.”

  “What? Why?” He has nothing to apologize for. I’m the one screwing this up. Me and my messed-up feelings.

  “When I invited you here, I did it for selfish reasons. Yes, I wanted you to meet my family and they wanted to meet you. But I also didn’t want you going back home to him.”

  “Oh.” I guess I deserve that after last time. “That makes sense.”

  “No.” He stands up and takes my hands in his. “You don’t deserve that. I told myself I’d take things slow, give you time to make sure this is what you want. I knew you still loved him. I thought that maybe you’d love me, too.” He lowers his eyes for a moment, like he’s gathering courage to say what’s really on his mind. When his gaze meets mine again I feel sick. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but I have to.”

  “Do what? Are you breaking up with me because of Jared?”

  “I don’t know.”

  My heart sinks to my feet at the words I’m not ready to hear.

  “We’ve been together for a while now. Christmas is around the corner, and I really don’t want to spend it with someone who’s in love with another guy.”

  “What are you saying, Mark?”

  “You need to choose. Jared or me? And I need you to choose now.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jared

  There’s not much to be thankful for this year. Faith had to go home for some mandatory dinner with her parents to keep up with appearances. She was miserable about leaving and cried to me for two hours in the parking lot before finally driving home. I made her call me when she got there to make sure she was all right. I offered to go with her, but she was sure it would only upset her parents. Apparently, Faith is only allowed to date sons of other politicians. I don’t make the cut in her parents’ eyes.

  It kills me to think of them pairing her up with some rich snot, a son of one of her father’s friends for the weekend. She said she’s used to it though, and they all know better than to hit o
n her. She can handle herself. I have no doubt. She only breaks down around me. I’m the one she opens up to and exposes her true feelings to, and I’ve come to love that she depends on me that way.

  Mia’s family invited mine over for dinner. I have mixed feelings about that. I’m used to seeing Mia for Thanksgiving since her parents have always invited us, but it’s different this year. I’m different. So much has happened in two months. Faith and I are finally in a good place. I’m not sure if seeing Mia will change that.

  “You’re not wearing a tie,” Mom says with as much disappointment as she can muster.

  “We’re going to Mia’s, not to dinner with the president.” Though I wouldn’t wear a tie for him either. Ties and I don’t mesh. They make me feel like I’m on my way to a public hanging. Of course, this dinner may turn out to be exactly that.

  Mom shakes her head, but Dad comes downstairs before she can lay into me. “Let’s go. I’m starving.” He doesn’t tell Mom that she looks nice, even though she spent hours getting ready. I feel sorry for her, but I’m not entirely sure she’d care if he did pay attention to her. I don’t understand them. One thing they’ve taught me is that I need passion. I need to have the person I’m with want to be with me, need to touch me. Faith pops into my head. She has more passion than anyone I’ve ever met, even Mia. Mia loved me, but she never let go of her reserve around me. And not because we never had sex. I think she totally would have during the fall fest if I hadn’t fucked things up. Mia couldn’t be totally comfortable in her own skin, and that prevented us from getting as close as we should have been. I wish she could see how truly amazing she really is. I can only imagine what she’d be like then. No one would be able to compare to her.

  “Are you coming?” Mom asks, because I’m still standing in the hallway thinking about two very different women. Faith and Mia couldn’t be more unalike, and I’m in love with them both.

  “Yeah.” I follow her out and get into the back seat of Dad’s BMW. The only time I’m ever in this car is for holidays. I don’t really see what all the fuss is about. It’s a car. Sure, it’s beautiful, but it’s got nothing on women. Dad’s obsession with it is lost on me.

  When we pull into Mia’s driveway, I immediately notice her car isn’t there. “Where’s Mia?” I lean forward, yanking my seat belt off and pushing the car door open.

  “I’m sure she’s here,” Dad says, getting out and locking the car before Mom even opens her door.

  I pull my cell from my pocket and dial her number without even thinking. So what if we haven’t spoken? She’s supposed to be here. The call goes to voice mail, which is total crap. Is she avoiding me?

  “Don’t be long,” Mom says as she and Dad walk to the front door.

  I give them a wave, motioning for them to go ahead without me, and I call Mia again. “Answer the damn phone, Mia,” I mumble through clenched teeth. I’ll keep calling until she stops ignoring me.

  “Hello?” Her voice is strained.

  “Where are you?”

  “Um, at school, why?”

  I force out a laugh. “Why? Because I’m standing in your driveway, you know at Thanksgiving dinner where you’re supposed to be.”

  “Sorry, I had a change of plans.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me I’d be suffering through a meal with both our parents without you here?” I pound my fist against my left leg. “Damn it, Mia. You know holidays are torture for me. You’re the only reason I get through them. How could you leave me like this? I get that you’re pissed about fall fest, and I’m sorry about that. I know I hurt you. But you could have at least given me a heads-up. I wouldn’t have come back here if I knew…”

  “You shouldn’t have come back to see me. We broke up, Jared.”

  “Right. I fucked up. Yet again. That’s me. Jared, the fuck up.” I run my hands through my hair. “You and your roommate will probably have a great laugh at my expense over this, I’m sure.”

  “I’d never laugh at you. You know me better than that.” The hurt tone in her voice makes me pause. I’m angry, but I don’t want to hurt her.

  “Why didn’t you come home? Was it because of me?”

  She hesitates.

  “You don’t have to spare my feelings. I didn’t realize I screwed things up this badly. I knew you were mad, but I thought we’d talk through everything today. Face-to-face the way it should be.” Why isn’t she saying anything? “Mia, where are you right now?”

  “At dinner.”

  Shit. No wonder she’s quiet. “Can you excuse yourself to the restroom for a minute so we can talk?”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What is there to say?”

  “So that’s it? We’re done. Years of being together and then of—”

  “That’s just it, Jared. What do you even call what we were doing?” I hear footsteps, which means she’s on the move. She didn’t even excuse herself. “We both know it was insane. All we did was continuously hurt each other. You can’t be with another girl at school and come home to me. It sucks. You have no idea how much that hurt. I can’t take it anymore.”

  I know exactly how much it hurt. “What, so you think it didn’t affect me at all? That I was only after one thing from you? Is that it?”

  “No. God, I never would have been with you in the first place if I thought that was true.” A door closes and she sighs. “I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much.”

  “Because you still love me.”

  “Yes. I do. But you’re there and I’m here. You didn’t want that, remember?”

  Ouch. She blames me for all of this, and maybe she’s right. Maybe we could’ve made the long-distance thing work.

  “I have to go. Happy Thanksgiving, Jared.” She hangs up before I can say another word.

  “Ugh!” I pound my fist against the roof of Dad’s BMW and the alarm blares. I want to drive my fist through a window, but instead I take off at a run. Dad yells to me as I turn down the next block, but I keep going. I’m not sitting through this dinner. I need to talk to Mia, because I can’t lose my best friend like this. I can’t. Not on Thanksgiving and not over the phone.

  I run for the next thirty minutes, all the way back to my house where my car is waiting in the driveway. I get in and drive to Mia’s school. We’re going to fix this tonight. No more dodging what’s left between us. I’m done.

  My cell rings, the sound filling my car through the Bluetooth. Faith’s number is displayed on the screen. I press the button to answer the call. “Hey, you okay?” I ask, assuming the worst.

  “I wanted to let you know I’m heading back to school in the morning. I can’t take another minute of this place or these people.” She sounds like she’s been crying.

  “What happened?”

  “The same thing that always happens. Mom and Dad put on this big show that makes me so sick to my stomach I can’t eat. Then I have to deal with the anorexic accusations from some guy I don’t even know but who I’m supposed to pretend is the most amazing guy I’ve ever met because he’s a politician’s son, which means he’ll be a politician himself some day.”

  I grip the steering wheel tighter. “Did he touch you?”

  “He got a little handsy on the dance floor, but my heels got cozy with his balls. Not to worry. Although, Daddy went ape shit on me. Can you believe he told everyone I was in rehab for an eating disorder and was having a bad reaction to the medication they put me on? I mean, I’m almost positive you don’t medicate someone with an eating disorder, but that’s beside the point. He went right for the sympathy vote, claiming his daughter needed medical help. Can you believe that?”

  I wish I could wrap my arms around her right now and protect her from all this shit. “Families are the worst.”

  “I swear I’m never having kids because I refuse to become like my parents and torture my own children with my insanity.”

  “You wouldn’t be anything like your parents.” Plus, I can see Faith running after a toddler. I bet lo
ving someone else that much would be good for her. “I think kids of awful parents make the best parents themselves because they know what not to do.”

  “Yeah, I’ve had twenty-one years of experience with what not to do.” She laughs. “Thanks. I needed that. See, I knew if I called you, you’d make me feel better.”

  “I’m glad I could help.”

  “I wish we’d stayed on campus. We could have had a great Thanksgiving together.”

  I can imagine. Ordering in and eating in bed would have been amazing. “I won’t be making this mistake again next year. That’s for sure.”

  “You can say that again. I’m through with going home for the holidays. Let Mom and Dad pretend I’m in rehab and I’m not allowed to leave the facility. I’m sure that will win Dad lots of sympathy points, the bastard.” She lets out a long breath. “So what about you? What did your stellar parents do this time?”

  “Nothing I shouldn’t expect.”

  “Are you at dinner now? It sort of sounds like you’re in your car.”

  “I am. I had to get out of there.”

  “I know the feeling.” She shuffles on the other end of the phone. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.” When I say it, I realize how much I mean it. So why am I driving to Mia’s campus? “Tell you what, I’ll meet you at school in the morning.”

  “You’ll come back early with me?” Her voice perks up. “Really?”

  “Yeah. We can salvage the weekend.”

  “I bet we’ll be the only people on campus. Think of all the places I can do naughty stuff to you.” Her voice is low and sultry, and I’m tempted to tell her to meet me tonight, but I have to see Mia. I can’t keep putting this off.

  “Sounds like the perfect weekend.”

  “Good. Find me when you get back. I’ll be waiting.”

  “Hey,” I say before she can hang up. “You’re not going back to that dinner party with that guy, are you?”

  “Daddy says I have to apologize.” She scoffs.