The Girl Who Lived Twice

by Tina Clough

  Maylene smiled. “Well that’s even better then - we can regard you as a blank canvas.”

  They discussed Mia’s new clothes and Maylene was impressed. “Sounds as if you’ve got some really nice styles, really different. I think we’ll give you a sophisticated natural look but very smooth and luminous and emphasising your best points.”

  Mia nodded, fascinated to be the object of such intense analysis and not at all sure what her best points were. “It would be great if my face could match my new clothes – they’re very different from anything I have, so I hope I’ll be able to carry it off. I am going out tonight to something that’s very important for me, and I want to make a certain kind of impression. A bit more assertive?”

  Maylene looked at Mia – an averagely pretty and not in the least glamorous kind of girl and speculated about love rivals or ex-partners. She turned a round mirror towards Mia and switched on the ring-shaped light round it. Mia watched her familiar face in the mirror, slightly thinner than it used to be, and in no way remarkable. Suddenly her mind was full of doubts. It’s hard to see how applying some make-up can change anything much, but never mind. I’m here now and I’ll wait and see how it turns out - maybe I’ll just go straight home and wash it all off.

  Maylene draped a cape over her shoulders and started a running commentary on her skin colour, eyes, lack of “brow definition”, her “rather wide mouth” and finishing with “lovely hair, no need to change anything there”. It was as if she was evaluating a third person, the girl in the mirror, and everything was stated factually and without emotion or apology.

  Every product applied, every brush and sponge used, every technique of application was explained, patiently and exactly. Slowly a transformed face appeared in the mirror, familiar but different. And when Maylene said: “There you are!” with a touch of satisfaction and removed the cape from round her shoulders, Mia stared mesmerised at herself. Wow! What a transformation! Is that really me?

  Maylene directed her to full-length mirror on one side of the shop. “Look at yourself as others would see you, from a slight distance. What do you think?”

  “I can’t believe it - I never knew that I could look like this!”

  Mia stared at herself in the mirror, fascinated. Her skin glowed with a smooth lustre, as if lit from within, her eyes seemed twice their normal size and sparkled, her mouth looked – lush, was the only word. “You are a genius! And it looks so natural, too.”

  Mia smiled at Maylene, who met her eyes in the mirror and nodded happily.

  “I love what I do and I know I’m good at it.”

  An amazing number of small expensive-looking objects were gently wrapped in tissue paper and placed into tiny, shiny carrier bags with plaited handles – Maylene remarked in an offhand way that she was adding two alternative products for day wear, and meticulously filled in a card with all the products and when to use them, morning, noon and night. “You can always come back if you want to experiment a bit more. I’ll be very happy to advise you.”

  Having filled in a form to become a “favoured Lancôme customer” Mia handed over her credit card, and then had a panic attack so vivid, that Maylene immediately picked up on it and looked at her with unspoken concern.

  Mia felt herself blush furiously under her wonderful façade. “I’m sorry, I don’t know - that is, I’m not sure – I mean I hope I have enough credit on the card to pay for this. I’m not completely certain what I’ve put on the card lately - it’s been a difficult time.”

  Her voice trailed off and Maylene could see conflicting emotions racing past behind those hazel eyes. She said calmly, as if taking for granted that everything would of course be in order. “I’ll get authorisation for it now.”

  Mia punched in her PIN and they both watched the little display until it came up with Accepted. Mia let out her breath and Maylene said “There!” in a neutral voice. Mia looked at her watch. “Heavens! Time to go - forget about new shoes, I must get home. Thanks so much!”

  She picked up the three little carry bags, and returned to Designers Boutique, but to her disappointment Lorraine was not there. “She’s finished for the day,” said the middle-aged assistant, who handed over Mia’s bags from behind the counter. “She won’t be on again until next Wednesday.”

  “What a pity! Can you please say thank you to her? She was so helpful and I really appreciate how much time she spent with me.”

  She walked quickly out of the mall and found that low clouds were racing across the sky and there was a threat of more rain in the air. The pavement was crowded and the street was a solid mass of vehicles. The thought of waiting for a bus while laden down with so many heavy bags was daunting. And then, as if by a miracle, there was an empty taxi caught in the stationary traffic in the middle lane. She waved wildly and managed to catch the eye of the driver who nodded. Risking life and limb she launched herself out among the cars and managed to reach the car before the traffic started moving. The driver reached back and opened the door behind him and she shoved her bags in ahead of her and slammed the door just as the traffic moved forward.

  “Perfect!” she gasped at the driver “Bet you’re the last one before the Friday evening rush.” The driver looked at her in the rear-view mirror and laughed.

  “Just plain luck! Friday gets busy by 3.30. They all leave early to get a head start on the motorway.”

  Mia sank back and contemplated the insane session of shopping and transformation that had just finished. Never in my life have I done anything so radical and totally selfish! Without those two wonderful helpers I could never have done it; I wouldn’t have had the mental energy or the vision to get it right. And they took it further than I would have dared go on my own too – I’ve been so lucky.

  Opening the door to the apartment she again noticed the changes from what she had become used to in that other time and it reminded her of the need to be cautious tonight. The greatest danger would be to know too much or expect others to share knowledge based on another year of news. She caught sight of herself in the hall mirror and stood for a moment entranced.

  “It’s just amazing!” she said aloud. “If I met myself in the street I’d turn round and have a second look.” She had never understood that skilful makeup could literally transform someone and what an asset that knowledge was. She dumped the carrier bags on the bedroom floor and pulled the curtains across. The bed was still unmade and looking at it now, thinking of how she had woken to chaotic terror this morning, she felt a shiver of fear.

  Am I insane? Will tonight be a catastrophe? Trembling she forced her mind to take another track, pulled the duvet up to make a smooth surface and emptied the bags one by one. Excitement conquered her fear. Just looking at it all made her feel changed and different from the person she had been. She went through to the living area, turned the TV on and poured a glass of wine from a half-finished bottle in the fridge. Ah yes, Brookfield’s 2005 Chardonnay – my favourite everyday wine in That Time.

  She returned to the bedroom and half listened to the TV news through the open door while she contemplated her purchases. I feel as if I’m acting out a role in someone else’s life - I can be daring and brave and take chances. I’ll use this opportunity and if it doesn’t work out I’ll do it some other way! She raised the glass to her image in the mirror and started taking her clothes off. Shall I wear the new short dress with tights or over black pants? I think I’ll opt for the ‘dress over trousers’ - totally different from anything I’ve ever worn before. Let’s go all out and really sock it to them, she thought as she contemplated her image. Lorraine would be proud of me!

  She chose a necklace she had not worn since Sarah gave it to her, because it had never meshed with her old look. Now the longish string of large black and silver beads fitted perfectly in the deep V-neck of the black and white dress and it all seemed to fall together neatly into a deliberate retro look. It inspired a bold surge of confidence, definitely not a mousy feeling. My God, she thought, I do hope this isn�
��t a dream - I want to wake up tomorrow and still feel just like this!

  There was a lot of traffic on the Harbour Bridge and just before the top of the rise a car on her left swerved into her lane without indicating. Mia slammed on the brakes and felt the Honda skid before righting itself to stay on course. That was a close thing! Thank goodness the road had dried a bit since the last shower of rain. In her other life she had gone for a new warrant of fitness for the Honda before she sold it in October 2006 and been told her tyre patterns were too shallow to pass the test. She had spent over six hundred dollars on four new tyres – she made a mental note to get new tyres next week. She might not be so lucky next time she needed to brake hard in a hurry.

  In a way going to Sarah and James’ place was like going home. The house they lived in had been Mia’s family home and Sarah used to say that she was the only adult she knew, who had never left home and probably never would.

  Their parents had been sailing a yacht from Christchurch to Queen Charlotte Sound with the girls’ aunt and uncle, when they capsized in a storm off the Kaikoura coast. Mia and Sarah’s parents had drowned and their aunt had been bashed against jagged rocks and badly injured. Mia felt the pain of it still - just thinking of that phone call from her uncle gave her a cold shivery feeling. Sarah had been nineteen and was in charge of her younger sister while their parents were away. Their father’s body had not been found for several days, which had added to the stress and trauma.

  Thank God Sarah had been old enough for them to be allowed to remain in their home and be together. Uncle Jim had been Mia’s legal guardian and there had been long discussions about moving the girls to the South Island, but in the end it was decided that they were better off where they were. Sarah was at university and Mia in her second to last year at high school and their parents’ life insurance had made the house mortgage free with considerable money to put in separate trusts for the girls.

  And it had been far better, Mia reflected now, that they had had no big changes or adjustments of place to make. They stayed where they were - Sarah took charge and did her best to make it feel like a home still. Inevitably they had struggled with the practical issues of how to re-organise the house, how to pack up and dispose of their parents’ clothes and to move forward. There was really nobody to ask for help. Their aunt’s injuries and long stay in hospital and the distance meant that the sisters tended to rely on each other and on various family friends, but the matter of taking a step forward and sorting out their parents personal belongings was the biggest obstacle to progress.

  And then one day Sarah had arrived home with a woman in her thirties, who was a grief counsellor. Diane Birch had visited them once a week for some time, guided them through the processes of grief and loss, and helped them decide when to start making changes. After a while Diane told them that she didn’t think they needed her weekly visit any longer, but they had remained friends and Sarah was still very close to her.

  Mia had gone straight from school to work as a junior clerk in a marketing company and had worked her way up to a reasonably interesting job before she decided to go to university and get a degree. They had stayed on in the house on the North Shore after Sarah married James until Mia met Greg and married him three years ago and though Sarah had paid Mia out for her share of the house it was still “home”.

  CHAPTER 3

  The bungalow at the top of Verbena Road was lit up for a party and someone had left the front door ajar. Mia walked in, out of the damp, cool evening air, and shut the door. She took her coat off and put it on a chair. A sudden surge of anxiety made her feel physically dizzy. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, put a smile on her face and walked through the double doors into the brightly lit living room.

  Sarah was standing at the far end of the long living room facing the double doors to the hall. Mia saw her sister’s face register nearly shocked surprise and Sarah’s voice was louder than normal as she called out a greeting. It made people turn round to look at Sarah and then swivel to follow her gaze. Mia found herself the focal point in the room and smiled at everyone in general, forcing herself to walk straight across the room towards Sarah, who had been talking to Him Next-door and Her Next-door – a childhood expression that Mia and Sarah continued to use about their neighbours. As she approached the group Mia felt as if the attention from various parts of the room was concentrated into a physical touch on her back. She continued looking at Sarah and tried to smile, as if there was nothing unusual going on.

  “Hi darling, what a gorgeous smell! I haven’t eaten all day.”

  Normal conversation resumed round them, and Mia ignored long enquiring glances from a couple of women friends of Sarah’s. She knew them of course, but she just nodded and turned to blend into the chit-chat between Sarah and the neighbours. She knew people were still looking at her. When James joined them to give Mia a glass of wine, he studied her intently and then his long narrow face lit up.

  “Gosh you look great, Mia. You look different - have you changed your hair?”

  “Good grief James! Her hair’s about the only thing that hasn’t changed,” said Sarah.

  Those round them laughed and others, led by Sarah, commented on her fantastic dress, her changed appearance, how gorgeous she looked. Sarah was visibly moved to see Mia wearing the necklace she had given her. “I thought you didn’t like it!”

  “But I love it! I just had to get the right outfit to wear it with.”

  “God, you look so different, so glamorous. I’ve never seen you wear anything like that outfit, you look like a different person!”

  Mia felt her resolve strengthen; confidence in her ability to change her own fate returned in step with Sarah’s admiration, and she tried to sound casual. “I thought it was time for a change - no point in sitting around and letting chance direct my life!”

  Her Next-door smiled in total approval. “You are so right! And it’s fantastic to see you looking so well, very positive.”

  Sarah thought: ‘I am thrilled she’s looking happy and making some changes, and please god, I hope she never ever finds out about Greg and Barb!’ For the last couple of months she’d been worried sick about Mia’s depression and listlessness.

  ‘It seems like only a couple of weeks since I really thought she might do something stupid, if I didn’t check up every day! Look at her now, incredible! The change is stunning - what happened to her to cause this transformation? It’s as if someone flicked a switch and her whole personality has been altered. And she seems so confident. I do hope this doesn’t end in tears.’

  But aloud she said: “Well done! I love the dress, and I’m pleased you like that necklace after all. Oh look - here’s Barb.” Sarah was looking towards the doors to the hall. Mia didn’t turn round until she heard Barb’s voice behind her, then she turned slowly with a smile on her face. “Hi Barb!”

  But she made no move to embrace her, and her stance made it perfectly clear that she was not inviting physical contact. Barb was clearly puzzled but said cautiously: “Mia, you look like a million dollars - so different.”

  At that moment Mia knew that she was going to be able to what she had to do and without rushing it. She looked at Barb’s blond bob, her pretty face, the girlie style emphasised by a top in pink and grey layered chiffon. This is the person, who created misery and agony for me in That Time, left me to struggle with no confidence, feeling betrayed and humiliated. I can handle this! I’m ready to go for the jugular - in a calm and controlled way.

  She waited while Barb and Sarah had exchanged greetings and then said casually, hoping her voice wouldn’t tremble: “Barb, I’m glad you’re finally back! I need to tell you right now, that when I got Greg’s phone back after the accident I turned it on.”

  Barb’s face slowly changed from puzzled smile to apprehension. Sarah was puzzled by the chill in Mia’s voice, but waited for Mia to continue. “And of course I listened to the saved messages.”

  Sarah instinctively reached out and touche
d James’s arm. Him and Her Next-door moved ever so slightly closer together and watched silently, a couple of people close to the fireplace picked up the tension and turned to listen.

  Barb was now visibly uncomfortable and a blush was advancing up her neck to her face, but she still said nothing. Mia looked at her without pity.

  “Anything you want to tell me? Or shall I tell you?”

  Barb’s voice was thin and brittle. “Mia, please! It’s not what you think - nothing happened! It wasn’t really serious...”

  The sentence trailed off into the silence round them. Mia thought: So this is what it’s like when a fight starts. Things get to a certain point and then the fight can’t be stopped. She forced herself to smile, though it was a tight little smile.

  “Barb, I know it all, you didn’t do much to cover your tracks. Booking into the Sky City hotel wasn’t a smart move. I heard about it nearly right away. I took a while to decide what to do about it, but those old phone messages on Greg’s phone, and the way you talk about me – well, it made up my mind for me! But I wanted to say it to your face, so I’ve waited all this time for you to come back. I’m not interested in your explanations - all I want now is for you to get out of my sight and stay out of it.”

  Barb turned, scarlet-cheeked and completely undone and walked straight across the room and through the doors to the hall - the sound of the front door slamming was like an exclamation mark.

  The silence was louder than an explosion. Mia imagined shockwaves rippling out from where she stood. She turned to Sarah and said reasonably, as if in private conversation: “Well, it had to be done, sis. I‘ve been waiting so long to tell her and it was getting on my nerves.”

  She turned to James. “Can I please swap this white for a red? Somehow it feels like the time to have a couple of glasses of a good red now.”