This Child Is Mine

by Mildred Colvin

  He grinned at Beth’s struggle to disengage Stevie’s arms from the puppy’s neck and marveled at her loving patience with both girls. He tried to visualize Sharolyn in her place and couldn’t. Sharolyn hadn’t wanted a baby. Beth wanted both babies.

  “Oh, how cute!” An older couple stepped close and watched the babies and puppy for a moment. The woman’s lined face wore a big smile. “Twins. One baby is adorable, but when you have twins, you triple your fun. And both of yours are precious. Just as cute as they can be.”

  Beth smiled. “Thank you.”

  Jon nodded but couldn’t find his voice to agree. Why hadn’t he thought how much like a family he and Beth and the girls would appear to others? This was why Beth wouldn’t attend his church. He should have known better.

  “They’re almost twenty months old.” Beth’s voice barely penetrated his consciousness as she talked to the woman and man.

  How soon would it take Beth to decide marriage was the only way out of their unique relationship? A band of fear tightened around his chest. Never would he marry and again live in bondage to a woman who cared nothing for him. He could not trust his wife, how could he trust Beth? Two different women with two different purposes, yet he could trust neither. Sharolyn had put her life at risk to destroy their child. Beth would do what she could to take both his daughters from him. He realized that now.

  As soon as the couple moved away, Jon grabbed the puppy and put him in the pet carrier. He saw confusion in Beth’s soft blue eyes and turned away. He couldn’t explain what he hadn’t analyzed and didn’t understand. All he knew was that he needed to get away from the cozy, family activity they’d been having. They weren’t a family and never would be. He felt as if he’d been placed in a box with no air.

  “Is something wrong?” Beth kept watching him.

  He shook his head, trying to dislodge the hurt in her eyes from his memory. “It’s getting late. The girls need to calm down before supper.”

  Beth gave him a look that clearly said she thought he’d just lost what little intelligence he possessed. She began gathering toys then took them and Stevie to the SUV. Jon followed with Lexie and the puppy. When they had babies and puppy buckled into the vehicle, Jon ran back for the quilt, knowing he was in for a quiet ride home and thankful for it. His mind churned with unanswered questions and feelings that needed to be worked out.

  Chapter Ten

  Jon helped Beth carry the girls into the house and deposit them in the family room. He stepped to the door and turned. “I’ll take the puppy back to Brad’s now. Please, tell Mrs. Garrett I won’t be here for dinner.”

  Beth nodded and watched him walk away. She ran over the events of the afternoon and could think of nothing that might have caused him to be angry with her. Had she said something to triggered a memory or that he might have taken the wrong way? She didn’t think so. Maybe the problem wasn’t hers. In any event, she wouldn’t let it take away from a wonderful time with the girls. She ignored the voice in her mind that said, “And with Jon.”

  Somehow during the afternoon, she’d stopped thinking of him as Jonathan McDuff, her employer and competition for her girls. As they’d relaxed together and played with the girls and puppy, he’d become Jon in her mind. She lifted her chin. So what? If her feelings toward him had changed to friendship, he’d have to deal with his own problems. She refused to go back to the more formal name of Jonathan.

  She and Mary ate Sunday dinner with two wound-up little girls. Mary seemed unconcerned by Jon’s absence, but Beth’s gaze continually wandered to the empty chair at the head of the table. Even with Mary’s friendly chatter and the babies’ antics, she couldn’t keep her mind from Jon. While Mary cleaned up from their meal, Beth took the girls upstairs.

  Jon’s nightly routine with Lexie had become hers and Stevie’s as well. Beth put the girls in the tub. Lexie looked up with questioning eyes. “Dada?”

  “You miss him, too, don’t you baby?” Her heart sank. “Dada will be back soon.”

  Stevie hit the water causing a splash and mimicked Lexie. “Dada!”

  As she dodged the water, Beth’s heart dropped even farther. “No, Stevie.” She spoke harsher than normal. “We don’t splash water.”

  Stevie looked at her with a solemn face. “Dada bye-bye.”

  “No.” He isn’t your dada. She couldn’t say that. Of course he was Stevie’s daddy. Tears stung her eyes, and she wiped them away. She couldn’t fight the inevitable. Stevie would learn to call Jon “Daddy.” It was only right that she should if they were going to live in the same house. She should never have brought Stevie here in the first place. She should have known it would cause more problems than she could handle.

  Beth finished the girls’ baths and put them to bed then went into her own room, leaving the door ajar. She fell across the bed and thought of Jon and how he played with the babies. His love for both was evident in everything he did and said. She didn’t want to compete with him, yet every time she thought she was over the petty jealousy, it sprang up again.

  Two short weeks in the McDuff family home and she couldn’t love Lexie any more than she did at that moment. Probably Jon felt the same for Stevie.

  As she thought about their situation, Beth longed for someone to talk to. She had called Lori only once since she’d been in Kansas City other than the first short call to let her know she’d arrived safely. She needed to talk to Lori.

  Beth reached for the phone on her night table by the bed. Jon had told her to use it freely, yet she still hesitated. She could use her cell phone and probably should, but she didn’t want to rummage through her purse for it. She held the cordless receiver in her hand and stared at it a moment before pushing the first number. Afterward, her finger couldn’t push the other buttons fast enough.

  “Hello?”

  “Lori, it’s Beth.” Hot tears stung her eyes, and she dabbed at them with her shirt. Thankfully Lori couldn’t see her.

  They talked for a few minutes catching up on the progress of Beth’s sale.

  “The auction is scheduled for this Saturday. I wish you could come down for it and bring Stevie. I really miss you guys.”

  “I know. Stevie still thinks we should go see her Lori sometimes.” Beth’s breath caught in her throat. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her life in Bolivar until that moment.

  “What’s wrong, Beth? Remember who you’re talking to. I can hear the tears in your voice. Is that guy giving you a hard time?”

  Beth gave a short laugh. “No, Jon is fine. He couldn’t be nicer.”

  “Hmmm. Then you like him. The question is, how much do you like him?”

  “Oh, Lori.” Beth felt a flush move to the roots of her hair. She started to deny Lori’s implication and then shook her head. What was the use? Who better to unburden her heart to than Lori?

  “He’s wonderful with the babies. He loves Stevie already as much as I love Lexie. He’s a gentleman toward me, and I have free run of the place. I like him very much, Lori. More than I should, considering he has no feelings one way or another toward me. Does that satisfy your curiosity?”

  “Not completely since we’re talking like instead of love here. How long until you two fall in love and get married? You know marriage would take care of your problem with the children, don’t you?”

  Beth sat on her bed in stunned silence. How had the conversation taken this turn? She shook her head as if to clear it. “I won’t deny thinking along those lines, but you know that’s a fantasy. Life isn’t ordered into such neat fairy tale stories. Besides, I still love Steven and probably always will. There’s no room in my heart for another man. I’m sure Jon feels the same way about his wife.”

  “It’s still early, Beth. Just give it some time.”

  “Time is exactly what I’ll have to give it.” Beth forced a laugh she didn’t feel. “In the meantime, I’ve been asked out. Would you like to hear about that?”

  “On a date?” The excitement in Lori’s voice carri
ed across the line. “You never date. This must be good.”

  Beth’s laugh this time was real. She shoved her hair behind her ear. “Maybe I’m getting wild up here in the city. He attends the same church I do. The adult singles Sunday school class is holding a banquet, and he asked if I’d go with him.”

  “Well, are you going?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t decided.”

  “Oh, Beth.”

  Lori’s wail lifted Beth’s spirits as nothing else could have. She giggled. “I promise I’ll let you know almost as soon as I know.”

  ~*~

  Across town at the same park they had been to earlier, Jon sat by the lake and watched the gentle lap of water against the bank. After dropping the puppy off at his brother’s he stopped at a fast food drive-in and ordered the greasiest hamburger and fries they had. At least they felt greasy now on his stomach.

  Or was it the image of Beth playing with their babies that weighed him down? He watched sunlit waves shimmer across the water. Earlier the sun touching Beth’s dark hair had brought out burnished copper highlights. Like flecks of fire they danced through her long wavy hair, and he’d wanted to catch some to hold in his hand.

  He gave an impatient shrug and blinked his eyes to clear Beth’s image from his mind. What was the matter with him? He didn’t need any more complications in his life. He brought memories of Sharolyn to his mind so he wouldn’t have to think of Beth.

  Sharolyn had thrown a fit the day she discovered she was pregnant. At first he hadn’t caught on to her anger. He had been so thrilled with the prospect of becoming a father. Then her words penetrated his happiness.

  “I want an abortion, Jonathan.” She glared at him. “This is your fault. I told you from the start I didn’t want children, and I won’t have this one.”

  How anyone could make the word children sound like a dirty word, he didn’t know. But Sharolyn had. She ranted about getting fat and ugly. When she wouldn’t stop, he grabbed her and forced her to listen to him.

  He spoke with deadly quiet. His voice cold and hard. “You will not get an abortion. If you do anything at all to kill my child, I’ll take you to court. I’m an attorney, Sharolyn. My dad and my sister are attorneys. We’ll wipe the ground with you then leave you there to rot. You’ll find yourself divorced with nothing from me. You’ll have to get a job or live on the streets. Is that what you want?”

  His threat had worked for several months while Sharolyn’s anger boiled just below the surface of the calm face she displayed. As the baby became evident, she again approached him. When he denied her wish to end the life within her, he saw the hatred in her eyes and knew his marriage was nothing more than a joke. Sharolyn didn’t love him and never had. She loved his money. She feared losing her security of credit cards and ready cash and on that slender thread hung the life of his child.

  Again he reminded her she would be cut off with barely enough to survive if anything happened to the baby. And again she backed off. Until the night she ran out of the house. The night Stevie was born and Sharolyn died.

  A cool breeze stirred the surface of the water before him. Jon zipped his jacket and leaned back with one elbow on the ground.

  As he stared at the rippling water, Beth’s sweet image returned to drive away the ghosts of his past. She had enjoyed their outing, he was sure. She seemed to dote on anything the girls did. When Stevie claimed the puppy as hers and when Lexie overcame her shyness toward the wiggling bundle of fur, Beth’s eyes had shone with maternal pride.

  How could two women be so different? Sharolyn’s beauty held no depth, her veins flowed with ice water, and her selfish greed had known no limit. Beth portrayed a soft feminine appearance that, while not stunningly beautiful, was certainly pleasing to the eye. Yet beauty was not important to Jon. What he admired most in Beth was her patience and love for their babies and her obvious dedication to the Lord.

  Images of their outing earlier and other incidences over the past two weeks played through his mind as thoughts of Sharolyn faded into the past. Could things be different a second time with a different woman? Could God have sent Beth to him for a purpose beyond the little girls?

  No. He could not let down his guard in a moment of weakness.

  He’d stepped outside the will of God when he married Sharolyn. Except two be in agreement how can they walk together? He and Sharolyn had never agreed on anything. He would never tie himself to another woman and go through that same torture.

  A chill moved through his body where he lay on the cold, damp ground. The sun had long since gone down leaving the park shrouded in a gray blanket. Jon sat up and buried his face in his hands. He could never marry again. He could never trust another woman. Sharolyn had taught him well.

  He stood and moved with leaden feet toward his SUV. Although Beth seemed to be a sweet, innocent woman, she apparently had one goal in life. She wanted to take both children as her own. She would probably marry him in a minute to gain custody of Lexie. But he would not allow another woman to manipulate him into a loveless marriage.

  Jon inserted his key and started the vehicle. As he turned toward home, he promised himself he would keep Beth at arm’s length if it took every ounce of will power he had.

  ~*~

  Beth heard Jon come into the nursery to check on the babies. She had long since ended her visit with Lori and now sat reading her Bible. If Jon noticed her light, he didn’t let on. She heard his soft voice tell each of the girls he loved her and he would see her the next day. Then she heard the nursery door click as he left.

  Beth closed her Bible and prepared for bed. Whatever had been eating at Jon was none of her concern. No doubt he would return to normal the next day.

  But the next day, Jon gave her a brisk nod. “Good morning.”

  She stared at the newspaper he lifted to hide behind. “Good morning. I hope you slept well.”

  A grunt was his only response.

  She raised her eyebrows and turned away to help the girls with their cereal.

  That evening after supper, he took the girls outside to play, making it clear she was not invited. Not that she wanted to spend time with such a grouch. She took advantage of the quiet to catch up on some reading. Sometime later, Jon’s voice blending with the girls’ babble drifted to her from the hall. She lay her book aside and moved to the nursery door.

  He looked up and met her gaze. “Do you mind if I leave the girls with you for their bath time?”

  Surely her surprise showed in her upraised eyebrows. She quickly gathered her composure when Stevie ran to her and wrapped both little arms around her legs. “Mama.”

  Beth lifted her daughter and held her. “That’s fine. I can manage same as I did last night.”

  Hurt flashed in his eyes, but was quickly gone. “I’ll be up later to read to them before they go to bed.”

  “All right.” Beth nodded. “That will be fine.”

  ~*~

  Beth tried to not let his new attitude toward her hurt, but as the week passed and he continued to avoid her, she realized something was wrong. By Saturday morning, the friendship she thought they had a good start on seemed to be non-existent. She might as well tell Jon of the invitation she’d received from Bob Macklin to attend the singles Sunday school banquet at her church. If he had no reasonable objections, she would accept the invitation the next day when she went to church.

  While the girls took their afternoon naps, Beth went in search of Jon and found him in his den. She knocked on the open door, waiting until he turned to see her.

  “If you don’t mind, may I talk to you for a minute?”

  He nodded, turning back to some papers on his desk.

  She hesitated, but he didn’t look up. “I have been invited to attend a banquet at the church I’ve been going to.”

  Jon’s head came up and he frowned. “Invited? By a man?”

  She nodded. “Yes, Bob Macklin. Our Sunday school singles class is putting it on. I need to know if you have any objec
tions to me being gone for a few hours next Saturday evening. I don’t believe they’ll stay late, but someone will need to take my place with the girls.”

  Jon picked up a pencil and made a notation on the paper in front of him. Surely he had heard her. Maybe he hadn’t understood she was asking for his permission and needed an answer. She started to speak again when he shrugged.

  “I told you from the start that you may take off two days each week. To my knowledge, you haven’t taken any time since you’ve been here. Mrs. Garrett and I can take care of the girls. Don’t worry about them.”

  “You don’t mind then?” If only he would say he couldn’t get along without her. She held her breath.

  “No, of course not. Go on and have fun. You’ve been working too much and deserve a break.”

  Disappointment settled on Beth’s heart as she turned toward the door. She stopped and turned back, but he hadn’t moved. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She left the room and headed toward the nursery. Lexie was awake, standing in her bed when Beth stepped through the door. Tears stung her eyes as she eased Lexie back down and quickly changed her diaper. When she lifted her baby and gave her a hug she thought of Jon’s unconcerned shrug and a tear traveled down her cheek.

  Lexie’s tiny face scrunched into a frown. She reached out with her little finger and touched the tear.

  “Mama cwy.”

  “You called me ‘Mama.’” Beth felt as if her heart would burst. She held her daughter close and gave freedom to tears of hurt and happiness as they mingled on her cheeks.

  ~*~

  Jon sat at his desk and stared through the open doorway where Beth had been only moments before. The pencil in his fingers snapped in two and he jumped. Releasing the pent up tension in his arm, he threw the pieces across the room and stood to pace from one end of the room to the other again and again.