Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  Matt started the movie then sat beside her, his thigh brushing hers.

  He’s playing dirty. Yet she didn’t object. His warmth spread into her leg, traveling to other parts of her body that had no business getting heated from the mere touch of his jeans-covered leg.

  The movie started and the boys quieted. She’d been up since three, and she’d been stressing over what to do about her father when she went back to England. The soft cushions and the rhythmic crunching coming from the boys soon made her drowsy, and Matt’s warm body next to her just made her even more relaxed. Laying her head back against the seat cushion, she closed her eyes just for a moment, then drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Did you see Batman, Mummy?” Toby asked. When she didn’t answer, he leaned forward to look at her. “Mummy?”

  Matt glanced down at Anna, confirming that she was still asleep. Her head was leaning against his upper arm, and it had taken everything in him not to wrap his arm around her. “Shhh,” he said quietly as he lifted his finger to his lips. “Your mommy’s asleep.”

  “She fell asleep during the best part,” Ethan said in disbelief.

  Toby shrugged. “She does that a lot.”

  “Falls asleep in movies?”

  “We snuggle together in bed and watch TV before I go to sleep,” Toby said. “She falls asleep before I do, but she gets up before the rooster crows.”

  “You have roosters?” Ethan asked.

  Toby started to giggle.

  “Is that an English saying?” Ethan asked. “What does it mean?”

  “I don’t know. My grandpa says it,” Toby said, “but her clock says three-zero-zero when the alarm goes off.”

  Anna got up at three every morning? But then Matt remembered she said she was working while she was here, and with the time difference, it made sense.

  When the movie ended, Anna was still asleep and the two boys had droopy eyes. He considered waking her, but decided to put the boys to bed first. He slid out from next to her, relieved when she shifted and leaned her head against the back of the love seat.

  He convinced them to quietly brush their teeth then go into Ethan’s bedroom. After they were tucked into Ethan’s full-size bed, Toby’s grin fell.

  “Mummy didn’t tell me good night.”

  Matt was torn. Anna obviously needed her sleep, but he doubted she wanted to spend the night sleeping semi-upright on his love seat. Should he wake her now and let her tell her son good night, or see if Toby could go to sleep without her? Which would Anna prefer?

  “I can tell you good night,” Matt said as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I have lots of practice with Ethan.”

  Toby shot a questioning glance to his friend.

  Ethan nodded. “It’s true. He was bad at first, but he knows what to do now.”

  “Okay.” Toby sank back into the pillows and looked up at Matt with trusting eyes.

  This was Anna’s son. While he could choose to see Toby as an example of what he’d lost with her, he decided to look for the good. Toby was proof that Anna was a remarkable mother. Just like he’d known she would be.

  “When she falls asleep with me at Grandad’s, she snuggles me close,” Toby said. “But back in our condo, she tells me a bedtime story.”

  “Oh!” Ethan said. “Uncle Matt reads me part of a story every night. We’re reading Percy Jackson.”

  “What’s that?”

  “What’s that?” Ethan asked. Then he launched into an excited explanation about the middle-school-aged demigod.

  Matt almost picked up the Percy book, but instead grabbed another book off the shelf. “Let’s read this one tonight…The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane.”

  “Why can’t we read Percy Jackson?”

  “Because it’s not fair to Toby to start in the middle of the story.”

  Ethan seemed to accept his decision and lay back on his pillows.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, Matt began to read about the china rabbit, Edward, and his ten-year-old owner, and how she loved Edward but he was too selfish to love. He stopped after the third chapter and set the book on top of the nightstand. “Time to go to sleep.”

  “Why didn’t the rabbit know how to love?” Ethan asked.

  “I guess he was too selfish.”

  “Will he stop being selfish and love Abilene?”

  “I guess we’ll find out.”

  Matt glanced down at Toby, worried at the way his mouth tilted into a frown.

  “Does your mom do anything else when she puts you to bed?” he asked.

  He nodded then shot a worried look to Ethan before looking back at Matt. “My bunny,” he whispered, and his eyes darted to his small bag on the floor.

  Matt squatted next to it and pulled out a small light blue bunny. “This guy?”

  He nodded, casting another concerned look at his friend.

  Matt handed the stuffed rabbit to Toby and tucked the covers around him.

  “Is his name Edward?” Ethan asked.

  “No,” Toby said, burying his face into the animal. “His name is Mr. Whiskers.”

  “Ethan,” Matt said, “aren’t you missing someone, too?”

  Ethan nodded then reached behind his pillow and pulled out a worn-looking stuffed bear. “This is Douglas.”

  A look of relief spread across Toby’s face.

  “Okay, time for sleep,” Matt said as he leaned over the bed and kissed Ethan on the cheek.

  He started to rise, but Ethan pulled him back down. “What about Toby?”

  “Toby might not want me to kiss him good night.”

  “I do,” the little boy whispered.

  Matt pressed a kiss to his forehead.

  He rose and walked out of the room and heard the boys’ voices.

  “I wish I had a dad,” Toby said wistfully.

  Ethan’s voice quickly followed. “I have a dad and Uncle Matt, and Uncle Matt is better. You should wish for Uncle Matt.”

  Overwhelmed with emotion, Matt headed back to the living room. He needed to wake Anna up so she could go home to her father, but he was surprised to find her sitting upright on the love seat.

  “I just put the boys to bed. Toby seems to be doing okay, but if you want to check on him…”

  She gave him a soft smile. “I heard.”

  “You did?”

  Embarrassment tinged her cheeks. “Not everything. You finished reading and then got Mr. Whiskers. Thank you.”

  He sat down next to her. “He’s a good boy, Anna. You’re lucky to have him.”

  “I know.” She glanced down. “I should go.”

  “Can you stay for a little while longer?”

  Her blue eyes looked into his. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “How long was your dad’s friend going to stay?”

  “Until ten or so.”

  “It’s barely past nine. Which means you have more time.” He scrambled to find a reason for her to stay. “I can build a fire in the pit on the patio and we can roast marshmallows.”

  She laughed softly. “Are you trying to tempt me with s’mores?”

  He grinned. “Maybe…”

  Still chuckling, she got to her feet. She gave him a reluctant look, and he was sure she was going to tell him good night, but then she stared into his eyes. Her reluctance faded and a small smile replaced it. “You know that’s my weakness. Lead the way, oh tempter…”

  Was it wrong that he hoped to tempt her into so much more?

  * * *

  They went outside and he gestured for her to sit while he started the fire. “I’ll get the stuff to make the s’mores,” he said once he’d gotten the fire going.

  He left her alone with the roaring fire and her thoughts. She was tempted, so tempted, to take him up on his offer to make the most of her five weeks, but this didn’t affect only her. It affected Toby, too. If she started something with Matt, wouldn’t it be selfish to give her son a taste of a wonderful father figure, only t
o take him away?

  He returned a few minutes later, juggling a box of graham crackers, a bag of marshmallows, a couple of chocolate bars, and two metal sticks. “I checked on the boys, and surprisingly, they’re already asleep.”

  “Then you’re magic.” She was about to tell him that she’d decided to leave, but what harm could there be in a few more minutes? She took the roasting stick he offered.

  He laughed then tossed her the bag of marshmallows as he put the box of crackers and chocolate on the small table between them.

  “Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked softly.

  He glanced up in surprise. “Yeah.”

  “How did you get custody of Ethan?” When he didn’t answer after several seconds, she said, “If it’s too personal or painful or…just forget I asked.”

  He shifted in his seat as he opened the box of graham crackers. “No. It’s no secret. I was just thinking about the difference between you and Abby.”

  “Where is Abby?”

  “In Oregon. In medical school.”

  “Really?” Anna asked in surprise.

  “Yeah.” He shoved a marshmallow on the stick, and considering the amount of force he used, she wondered who he was imagining skewering. “When she graduated from college with a premed degree, she was only a few months from delivering Ethan. Her shotgun marriage lasted three years, and now she’s back to pursuing her dream since a premed degree won’t get her a decent job.” He paused. “The plan had been for her to go to a med school close to home, but the only school she was accepted to was in Oregon. Med school and rooming with another med student meant bringing Ethan would be difficult. So…he stayed here. He was with Mom at first then she went on a trip and he stayed with me. He’s been here ever since.”

  “That’s a big commitment.” Not that she was surprised. Matt had always been loyal to his family and friends.

  “Maybe,” he conceded. “But I don’t mind. I love having Ethan.”

  She stabbed her own marshmallow and put it in the fire. “But he’s had some trouble adjusting?” Then before he could misconstrue her comment, she added, “Toby’s had trouble adjusting to our move. He’s finally feeling like he’s found his place here and…”

  “You’re about to move him again.”

  “Yeah.” And it always came back to the fact that she was leaving.

  He put his marshmallow into the flames, keeping his gaze on the fire. “Do you ever think about fighting your ex on your divorce decree?” he asked, then he shook his head. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

  She didn’t answer, mostly because her brain was flooded with questions. She hated her son being tied to a man who didn’t care about him, yet she wasn’t sure she should risk upsetting the apple cart. “I can’t stay, Matt.”

  “I know. That’s not why I mentioned it.” He glanced over at her. “You and Toby deserve better, Anna.”

  She wasn’t so sure she did. Matt may have forgiven her, but she wasn’t sure she’d forgiven herself.

  Her marshmallow caught fire, and she jerked it out of the fire, blowing on the flames to put them out. The marshmallow drooped from the metal stick and fell on the concrete.

  “Oh, crap,” she said with a grin, hoping to lighten the mood. “I’ll clean that up.”

  He laughed. “One more reason to get a dog.”

  “Are you really going to get one?” Anna asked. “Toby won’t stop talking about it.”

  “Yeah,” he said while he grabbed the marshmallow bag and fished one out. “I’m thinking about going to the animal shelter tomorrow.” He handed her a marshmallow and asked, “Want to come?”

  “Matt…”

  “Anna, I know I’m pushing—”

  “Matt.”

  “But it could be fun and—”

  “Matt! Your marshmallow’s on fire.”

  “What?” He turned and saw the fiery blob, then jerked it out of the fire. It flew through the air and landed on the cushion of the chair next to Anna. The cushion began to smolder.

  “Oh, shit!” he exclaimed then ran into the house.

  While the cushion hadn’t burst into flames, the smoke was increasing and the smell of burnt plastic filled her nose.

  Anna tugged off her canvas loafer and started beating the cushion, but the melted marshmallow stuck to the bottom, producing long strings of burnt sugar.

  Matt emerged with a pot in one hand and a lid in the other, and before Anna could ask what on earth he thought that would accomplish, he tossed the pot filled with water on the smoke.

  The water splashed off the water-resistant cushion and onto Anna’s jeans.

  “Oh, shit,” Matt said, tossing the pot into the grass then covering the smoke with the glass lid.

  Anna gasped as the cold water hit her legs, then she started to laugh.

  Matt looked up at her like she’d lost her mind, then he grinned.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

  “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

  She gestured toward the pot lid. “It’s obvious you were never a Boy Scout.”

  “Hey,” he protested with a laugh. “In my defense, I seriously doubt there’s a badge for putting out marshmallow fires.”

  She grinned. “I’ll give you that, but I’m pretty sure there’s a badge for dealing with fires in general.”

  “If I remember correctly,” he said in a low voice, “I was convincing you to come to the animal shelter with us.”

  “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

  “No,” he said, shadows from the flames dancing on the side of his face. “I’m definitely not letting go.”

  Was he talking about the trip or her? She took a step back, suddenly flustered. She wanted him to be talking about her, and that was a very bad idea. She had to think of Toby. “Don’t you want to make it a special trip for just you and Ethan?”

  “No, Ethan seems happier when Toby’s around, and right now, I’m looking for anything to make him happy.” He took a step closer and his voice took on a sultry edge. “What would make you happy, Anna?”

  What would make her happy was standing right in front of her, and she was struggling to remember why this was a bad idea. “I have an appointment at one,” she said. “Another assisted living center tour. With the friend you recommended.”

  “We can work around it.”

  She should turn him down. She knew she should, so why was she saying, “Okay.”

  He smiled, looking more like good-natured Coach Matt and not Alpha Male Matt, the man she’d gotten to know well in her bed twelve years ago.

  Damned if she didn’t want Alpha Matt.

  He was less than two feet from her, watching her with an intensity that suggested he knew he was making her squirm and loving every minute of it.

  “Great,” Matt said, as though he hadn’t made the air temperature rise twenty degrees just from the timbre of his voice. “If you want, Toby can stay with us when you go to your appointment, and then we’ll all go after you’re done.”

  “Yeah.” It was a great plan, but standing this close to him made her nervous. She didn’t trust herself to walk out the door without doing something foolish, like kiss him, because right now that seemed like a real possibility. “I should go.” She took a step back and lost her footing.

  Matt reached for her, snaking an arm around her back and pulling her upright against him.

  Anna sucked in a breath at the contact. Her hands rested on his chest, and she realized it was just as solid as she’d remembered. Shivers ran up her arms and she found herself molding her body to his.

  His hand stayed in place on her back, pulling her even closer.

  She knew she should back away, but she wanted this, wanted him, and that was dangerous. She was a mother now. Her son had to come first.

  “I can’t stay, Matt,” she said again, feeling like a broken record, but she had to make sure he didn’t feel deceived by her again
. He deserved full honesty. “I have to think about Toby. I can’t hurt him.”

  He looked surprised. “Anna, I would never willingly hurt Toby.”

  “But this…us…if we do this…” Did she confess her son’s deepest desire for a father to love him and her worry that this would only confuse him? Was it her secret to tell? “I have to think about Toby. And Ethan.”

  “We’re not going to hurt them, Anna.”

  “We might. If we get too close.” I might get hurt if we get too close.

  Too late for that…

  He kept his hand on her back, and lifted the other to the side of her neck. He didn’t answer, at least not with words. He lowered his face, his lips gently brushing hers.

  Her breath caught. His touch was like a jolt of electricity to her heart, bringing her back to life.

  “Then just tonight,” he whispered. “They’re sound asleep. They’ll never know.”

  They wouldn’t know, but she would. Could she sleep with him and walk away?

  She should leave right now and forget he kissed her, forget feeling his arms around her, forget the longing stirring deep inside. Only she couldn’t forget. Now that she’d had a taste of him, she couldn’t walk away.

  She looked up into his eyes. “Just tonight?”

  “Your rules, Anna. I’ll take whatever you give me.” His words could have come across as resentful, but he looked far from it. His eyes were hungry. “Just tonight.”

  What harm could come from just tonight?

  She lifted her hands to his face, holding him close as she pressed her lips to his.

  As though released from his restraint, he took over and his tongue tangled with hers.

  Anna clung to him. She’d forgotten how he could kiss her so thoroughly and leave her breathless and begging for more. And she wanted more. Now.

  Blindly reaching down, she grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and lifted it over his head, momentarily breaking contact with his lips, before finding him again. Her hands slid over his bare shoulders, then down his upper back as she reveled in the muscles beneath her touch.

  Matt’s hands were at her waist, tugging on her own shirt and lifting. She laughed when he pulled it free, leaving her in her boring ivory bra. She expected him to kiss her again, but he kept his hand on her lower back, pressing her firmly against his growing erection. He lifted his free hand to her shoulder, his fingertips tracing a slow trail down the rise of her breast, then dipping under the edge of her bra until he found her nipple.