Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  Her back arched as she sucked in a breath. He kissed her, less frantic but just as demanding.

  She placed her hands on his chest again, needing to hold on to some part of him. Her world was turning, and he was her anchor, holding her in place.

  Reaching behind her, he unhooked her bra and tugged it free, then unfastened the button and zipper on her jeans. He pushed them over her hips and to the patio floor and she realized she was standing in Matt’s backyard wearing nothing but her panties.

  She pulled back and looked around the yard behind her. “Matt.”

  “No one can see us,” he said as though reading her mind. “The trees out back block the view from the neighbor behind me, and the privacy fence blocks out the neighbors on the side.”

  “You’re sure the boys are asleep?”

  “Sound asleep.” He unfastened his own jeans and pushed them down, taking his underwear with them so that he stood in front of her completely naked, his erection jutting out in front of him.

  She felt a thrill rush through her. She’d spent the last five years being Toby’s mother; it felt good to do something so wanton.

  His hand firmly grabbed her hip and pulled her to him. “Birth control?” he asked with a grunt.

  “The pill.”

  “I can get a condom…”

  “God. No.”

  His mouth lowered to hers again and his hand slid from her hip, over her butt cheek. He backed up and sat on the wicker love seat, tugging her down to straddle his thighs. Then he kissed her with over a decade of missed passion.

  She kissed him back, running her hands over his chest and his arms, wanting to touch him. She needed to make sure this was real and not one of her countless dreams of him.

  His hands cupped her breasts and a jolt shot to her core when he brushed both nipples with his thumbs. He slipped one arm around her lower back as his mouth left hers, sliding down her neck with a mixture of nips and licks, down her collarbone. He continued his downward trek until he reached her breast.

  Anna arched her back as his mouth covered her nipple, driving her crazy with his tongue and his teeth. His free hand slipped under the edge of her silky panties and into her folds, giving her even more blissful agony. Then he kissed his way to her other breast, resuming his torture.

  She ached for him, deep inside, more than just her core, her soul. She needed him. She’d always needed him.

  Anna rose up on her knees, reaching to her hips to tug off her panties, but Matt brushed her hands away and ripped the fabric from her body.

  She gasped, even more turned on than before, as though that was even possible.

  Still on her knees, Anna cupped his cheeks with both hands. She stared into his lust-filled eyes, and another ripple of want washed through her. He was holding back, she could see it in his eyes, and she smiled as she caressed his cheek with her fingertips, wanting to drive him as wild as he was driving her.

  He smiled at her, a combination of the good man she knew him to be and a man desperate to claim her. It only confirmed what she already knew—there would be no other man for her. She needed both sides of him.

  Anna slid her hand to his chin, running the pad of her thumb over his full bottom lip, and he surprised her when he sucked it into his mouth, his tongue playing with the tip.

  She closed her eyes and let out a low moan.

  Matt released his own guttural noise as he grabbed her hips and tugged her down, her opening over the tip of his erection.

  Anna moved her hands to his shoulders, her eyes locked with his as she slowly lowered herself over him an inch, then rose again until he was just at her entrance, then repeated, sliding down only a fraction of an inch more.

  “If the name of this game is Drive Matt Crazy, you’re succeeding, Anna,” he grunted as his fingers dug into her hips.

  Leaning into his ear, she sucked his earlobe into her mouth as she rose, then nipped as she lowered herself a tiny bit more. “You always used to love when I drove you crazy.”

  He grunted, his firm hands holding on to her to keep her from lowering again. Instead his mouth covered her nipple and mimicked what she’d just done to his ear.

  She moaned and he chuckled as he slipped his hand between her legs again and found her sensitive nub. She started to lower onto him, but his arm slid around her waist and held her up where he wanted her.

  “Matt…”

  His mouth moved to her other breast as his dexterous fingers had her on the brink of climax. But he sensed she was close, and he withdrew his hand as he lifted his head, looking into her eyes with an expression she couldn’t read.

  She used the opportunity to resume her previous task, but instead of her slow glide, she lowered and fully took him.

  His eyes widened as she squeezed her muscles around him and rose again.

  Twelve years ago, they’d been like a well-rehearsed orchestra, each piece knowing their parts to crescendo to a mind-blowing climax, and nothing had changed in the time they’d been apart.

  They found their rhythm, each thrust sending Anna higher and higher until she was so close she could hardly breathe. She arched her back to take him deeper and felt his hand on the middle of her upper back, giving her support. Her nails dug into his shoulders and he gave another thrust that lifted him off the seat, pushing even deeper, and she cried out, coming apart at her very core.

  This man was her undoing. She’d just made the second biggest mistake of her life…the first had been losing him twelve years ago.

  Chapter Sixteen

  As Matt came to his senses, he realized the only woman he’d ever really loved was naked and draped across his chest. It felt like a dream, but she was here. He felt the heat of her body on his, her warm breath on his neck.

  Anna’s head nestled on his shoulder, and he stole a glance at her face. Her eyes were closed and she looked so thoroughly satiated that his masculine pride grew. A short blond wave was pressed to her forehead and he lifted his hand to brush it away.

  Anna shivered and Matt wrapped his arms around her back, trying to keep her warm from the chill of the evening air.

  He felt like an idiot. So much time wasted. Why had he never tried to see her side of things?

  She stirred and looked up at him with a troubled expression, but it quickly faded, and she reached up and kissed him with such tenderness he felt like he’d been kissed by an angel.

  And that was when he knew he was in deep shit. He was stupid to think he could sleep with her and just let her go. He was going to be heartbroken all over again.

  “I have to go,” she said softly against his lips.

  He couldn’t keep the pain out of his voice when he said, “I know. I knew that going in.” But knowing it and knowing it were two different things.

  Her body stiffened slightly and she sat up. “I meant I have to get back to my dad.”

  She stood and grabbed her jeans.

  “Anna. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…” God, he was an utter idiot. And was even more of an idiot as he drove himself crazy, watching her pull her jeans over her bare thighs and her naked ass. Her ripped panties were over by the hammock.

  “It’s okay. It’s true.” She sounded resigned as she fastened the button of her jeans then grabbed her bra, turning her back to him as she slipped it on.

  He moved over to her and gently pushed her hands away, taking over the task of fastening the hooks. Her hands fell to her sides, her body tense as he quickly clasped the metal hooks and pressed his chest to her back. She leaned back against him and released a soft moan.

  She wanted him again. The growing erection pressed to her back proved he wanted her, too.

  His mouth lowered to the curve of her neck. He pressed a trail of hot kisses up to her jaw, then impatient, he spun her around, his mouth capturing hers, hungry to taste her again.

  Her hands wrapped around his neck, clinging to him as she kissed him back with an urgency of her own.

  But then she stepped back and shook her head, a
soft smile curving her lips. “I really have to go.”

  Breaking free of his loose hold, she moved over to her shirt, which was lying on the edge of the fire pit, only a foot from having ended up in the flames. “Good thing your aim was off or I might have had trouble explaining to my father where my shirt went.”

  She started to put it on, but Matt gently grabbed her forearm and stopped her, looking down into her face. “Tonight with the boys was fun, wasn’t it?” he asked.

  She laughed. “I fell asleep.”

  “You were exhausted.” He kissed her again. “But before, with the pizza and the boys. It was good.”

  “Yeah…”

  “So let’s have tomorrow. And as many days as we can before you go.”

  Her eyes turned serious. “I want this more than you know, but the deal was only tonight, Matt. I made that very clear.” She shook her head and looked away. “I knew this was a mistake.”

  He was scaring her off. “No, Anna. Even if this is the only night I get with you, it’s not a mistake. No regrets.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against his chest, kissing her as though this was his last time to do so. For all he knew, it was. “I’ve been waiting twelve years to touch you again. Kiss you again.” He leaned over and kissed her to prove his point. “If you get back on a plane tomorrow, I won’t have a single regret over this.” Then a new fear hit him. “Do you?”

  The emotion in her eyes flickered before she gave him a sad smile. “No.”

  He smiled back. “But what happened tonight has nothing to do with my invitation for tomorrow.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “You expect me to believe that?”

  “It’s a trip to the dog shelter. With two five-year-old boys. Nothing romantic about it.” When she didn’t disagree with him, he added, “Think how much Toby will love seeing the dogs. And you know he’ll have more fun if you go, too.”

  Amusement washed over her face. “You fight just as dirty as you used to.”

  You have no idea.

  He had to find a way to ease her fears over hurting or confusing her son. Toby and Ethan would miss each other when Anna and Toby left, but he wasn’t going to use it as an excuse to keep the boys apart. It would send the boys the message that it was okay to turn your back on a friend because his friendship had an expiration date. And he definitely wasn’t ready to give up on Anna. He may have agreed to only tonight, but now that he’d held her in his arms again, he wasn’t ready to let her go. Not while he still had time with her.

  She stepped back and pulled the T-shirt over her head, then bent down and picked up her shoes, the sole of one of them covered in sticky marshmallow. “Now I really have to go.” But she hesitated, casting a glance toward the house and reminding Matt that she’d never left Toby overnight before.

  He reached out for her arm, stroking lightly. “If he’s missing you in the morning, I’ll give you a call straightaway.”

  The tension in her shoulders eased. “I need to take Dad to run a few errands. It might be easier if Toby’s not with us.”

  “See? It works out.”

  She hesitated. “Okay. Thanks.” Opening the back door, she headed into the house.

  Matt started to follow her then realized he was stark naked. The boys might be asleep but he would be hard pressed to explain why he was chasing after Anna without any clothes on should one of them wake up.

  He jerked on his jeans, leaving the fly and button undone, then scooped up his shirt and walked in the still open back door.

  He panicked when he didn’t see her in the living room, and was just about to run out to the driveway when he saw her coming down the hall from the bathroom with her shoes in her hand.

  “What?” she asked in a whisper when she saw the panic on his face.

  He reached for her and pulled her close. “I thought you left.”

  A hesitant smile cracked her lips, and she ran her fingers through her tousled waves. “I figured I shouldn’t go home looking like a teenager slinking through the door after having sex with her boyfriend in the back of his car.”

  If he freaked out over the thought of her leaving tonight without saying good-bye, how was he going to handle it when she left for good?

  He was pretty sure she was thinking the same thing when her smile faded and tears filled her eyes. “Maybe this really was a mistake.”

  His head was suggesting the same thing, but deep down in his gut, he knew that wasn’t true. He needed her and he’d take her for as long as he could get her. “No.” He kissed her again. “You and I were never a mistake.”

  * * *

  The next morning Anna’s father wanted to know when she was going to pick up Toby, and none of her answers had satisfied him.

  She was helping him out of the car in the grocery store parking lot when he said, “You hardly let that boy out of your sight, yet you dropped him off yesterday evening and you’re not getting him until after lunch?”

  She was struggling with missing Toby, but she wasn’t about to let her father know. He’d always told her mother that she coddled Anna too much when she was younger, and Anna was much more of a helicopter parent than her laid-back mother had been. She couldn’t bear to hear it from her father right now, especially since things had been so much better between them this week. She shrugged. “It’s Toby’s best friend.”

  He leaned on the walker and started shuffling toward the store. “And how many kids did he spend the night with when you were living in London?”

  “None, but that’s beside the point. He’s older now.”

  “He’s barely five and you’re one of the most high-strung mothers I’ve ever known.”

  She tried not to let him see how much his insult hurt her. “He’s almost six, and I have to start cutting the apron strings at some point.”

  “Yeah, but I figured that wasn’t going to happen until he was twelve or twenty-one.”

  She cast a glance at him and saw his grin. “Okay, so I am a bit of a helicopter mother.”

  “Which makes it even more strange that you left the boy last night, and he’s still gone sixteen hours later.”

  “His best friend’s uncle happens to be his soccer coach.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  She resisted the urge to groan. “Ethan lives with his uncle.”

  “And who’s his uncle?”

  “Toby’s soccer coach,” she said, hoping to throw him off.

  “And what are you doing this afternoon?”

  She sure couldn’t tell him about the tour at the residential place, and she wasn’t sure confessing the rest of her plans was good either, but she refused to lie to him. “Ethan and his uncle are going to look at dogs at the animal shelter and invited us to come along.”

  His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “So it’s a date.”

  “No,” she said, becoming unnerved when she felt her face get hot. “Matt just thought Toby would like to come and invited me, too.”

  Now she had her father’s full attention. “Matt? Matt who?”

  Oh, crap. She hadn’t meant to let his name slip. “Dad…”

  He shook his head. “You could never pull one over on me when you were a kid and you’re still incapable of it.” He stopped his forward motion and turned to her. “But I’ll let it drop for now.”

  Had he figured out that Matt was her Matt? Surely not or he wouldn’t let this go so easily. Her father had never been a huge fan of Matt, but then her father had never been a huge fan of any of her boyfriends. Hell, when she thought about it, he wasn’t a huge fan of anyone.

  The shopping trip lasted an hour, with her father exhausted, and half the grocery list was still unpurchased. She tried to get him to use the motorized cart, but he refused, saying it was for invalids. He’d worn himself out and yet still insisted he didn’t need the rest.

  Once she got him and the groceries settled in the car, he said, “I changed my mind about the hardware store. I just want to go home.�
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  “If you tell me what you want, I can run in and get it,” Anna said. “You can wait in the car.”

  His head slumped against the passenger window. “No. I just want to go home.”

  “Dad, you’re making great progress. The physical therapist said so on Friday.”

  “But not fast enough. I’m still using this damn walker instead of a cane. And you’re leaving in a month.”

  He knew the stark reality, too. It might make the conversation about moving into a residential care apartment less of a shock, but she doubted it would be any easier.

  Tears welled in her eyes. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

  He didn’t answer, so she started the car and headed home.

  “I miss your boy,” he said gruffly. “We were supposed to play checkers this afternoon.”

  She cringed. How could she have forgotten? She was surprised he actually wanted to play with Toby, but then she wasn’t. Toby had wiggled his way into her father’s heart. “You can play after I bring him home.”

  He didn’t answer and she considered canceling the trip to the animal shelter, but then he said, “Don’t you stop that boy from going to see those dogs. He’ll have a lot more fun with them than an old fart like me.”

  “He likes being with you, Dad. I love seeing you two together.” Her voice caught and she took a breath. “Thank you.”

  He released a grunt. “I don’t want him to go back to England and remember me as an old shit.”

  “I’ll do a better job of calling,” she said. “How about I get you a smart phone, and I’ll teach you how to make video calls?”

  “Yeah. Maybe.”

  When she showed up in Blue Springs a month and a half ago, she thought she’d be chomping at the bit to leave. But leaving was becoming harder by the minute. How was she going to leave her father completely alone?