Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  * * *

  Matt wasn’t surprised when he saw Toby watching for Anna in the window. Toby had been excited to find out that he was staying with Ethan until the afternoon, and even more excited to find out that he was going to the animal shelter, but by lunchtime it was obvious he was missing his mother.

  Matt could relate, not that he could tell Toby. He’d barely slept last night, alternating between replaying his time with Anna on the patio and trying to figure out a way for her to stay. He could hardly wait to see her again, and he had no idea how he was going to keep his hands off her when she walked in the door.

  “When’s my mummy going to be here?” he asked for the third time in a half hour. “How much longer?”

  Matt put the lunch plates in the dishwasher and turned it on. “It’s going to be at least another hour. How about we go in the backyard and practice some soccer passes?”

  Ethan had tried to cajole Toby out of his sadness, but with each time Toby mentioned missing his mother, Ethan became sadder, too. Ethan walked over to Matt and tugged on his arm.

  Matt squatted and looked his nephew in the eyes. “What’s wrong, big guy?”

  “I miss my mommy, too.”

  Well, shit. He wasn’t sure soccer was going to fix this. He considered taking them to the pet store to get supplies, but Anna hadn’t left Toby’s booster seat.

  “Somebody’s here!” Toby shouted, then added, sounding less enthusiastic, “But it’s not Mummy.”

  Matt moved to the window and pushed aside the drape. “It’s Grandma.” Thank God. Ethan loved her and hopefully Toby would be intrigued enough to forget about missing his mother for a bit. But he also worried about the reason she was here.

  Ethan raced to the front door and out into the yard. Toby followed behind him, but stayed in the doorway.

  Matt rested a hand on Toby’s shoulder as they watched Ethan greet his grandmother.

  “Grandma! Grandma! Guess what? Toby spent the night!”

  Matt’s mother’s eyes widened and a smile spread across her face. “That’s wonderful.” Her gaze shifted to the door as she noticed the boy in front of Matt. “Is that Toby?”

  “Yeah!”

  “Ethan,” Matt called out to him. “How are you supposed to answer a grown-up?”

  “I mean, yes, ma’am.”

  She laughed. “You’re becoming quite the gentleman. Will you introduce me to your friend?”

  Ethan grabbed her hand and pulled her up the steps. “Grandma, this is my bestest friend in the whole world, Toby. Toby, this is my grandma.” Then he looked up at Matt. “Did I do it right?”

  He grinned, pride and love filling his chest. “Yeah, big guy. You were perfect.”

  Matt’s mother’s eyes twinkled. “Nice to meet you, Toby,” she said with a huge smile. “I’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

  Toby watched her with wide eyes. “Hi.”

  Matt backed up, guiding Toby back into the house as Ethan and his grandmother walked inside.

  Ethan grabbed his grandmother’s hand and pulled her toward the sofa, then sat next to her while Matt and Toby moved to the love seat. “Grandma! We had pizza, and Toby likes cheese pizza so we got one for him.”

  She beamed at the boy. “Wasn’t that thoughtful of you?”

  Ethan’s mouth twisted. “It was Uncle Matt’s idea.”

  “Well, then both my boys were thoughtful.” She shot a glance to Matt and he tried to read her face.

  “Toby’s mom fell asleep during The Lego Movie!” he said in disbelief. “Can you believe it?”

  “I told you that Mummy gets sleepy at night,” Toby said, sounding defensive. “She can’t help it.”

  Matt patted Toby’s leg and the boy looked up at him. “It’s true.”

  “I know,” Matt said. “Ethan didn’t mean anything bad by it.”

  Matt’s mother’s gaze shifted to him. “Toby’s mother spent the evening with you?”

  Ethan laughed. “No, Grandma. Toby spent the night, but Miss Anna was gone when we got up this morning.”

  “Toby’s mother went home after the boys went to sleep,” Matt added so she didn’t read anything more into it.

  “She didn’t need to get home to her father?” his mother asked.

  Matt froze. Oh shit. How did she know about Anna’s father?

  His mother noticed his reaction then said, “I know Toby’s here while his mother helps her father convalesce. A broken leg, if I remember correctly.”

  “Yeah,” Matt murmured, realizing he was looking guilty as hell, although when he thought about it, what was there to feel guilty about?

  Ethan tugged on his grandmother’s sleeve. “Toby’s grandpa’s last name is different than Toby’s, just like you and me, Grandma,” Ethan said. “Toby’s last name is Robins and his grandpa’s last name is Fischer.”

  “Albert Fischer,” Toby added.

  She looked momentarily startled but quickly recovered. “Oh, well, I sure would love to meet your mother sometime.”

  “Okay,” Toby said. Suddenly overcome with shyness, he hid his face in Matt’s arm.

  Without giving it a second thought, Matt wrapped a comforting arm around the boy.

  “I brought you a present,” Matt’s mother said as she reached into her handbag and pulled out a small box.

  “Star Wars Legos!” Ethan shouted as he reached for it.

  Matt’s mother held it out of his grasp. “I didn’t know Toby would be here or I would have brought two. But I know you’ll be a good friend and share it with him, won’t you?”

  “Of course, Grandma. Toby’s my bestest best friend.”

  She handed over the box with a smile. “That’s my boy. Why don’t you and Toby take it to your room so I can talk to Uncle Matt.”

  “Okay!” Ethan took the box and showed it to Toby. “Look, Uncle Matt!”

  Matt glanced down at Toby, who was still plastered to his side. “What do you say, Toby? Want to help Ethan make his Legos spaceship?”

  Toby looked up at Matt. “Okay. But if Mummy comes, will you let me know?”

  “First thing.”

  Ethan ran to Toby and held out the box. “Come on, Toby. I’ll even let you hold it.”

  “Okay.”

  The boys disappeared down the hall, giving Matt several seconds to prepare himself for the impending interrogation.

  “You’re dating Anna Fischer,” she said in a tone he couldn’t read.

  What should he tell her? What had happened last night didn’t exactly qualify as dating. “It’s complicated.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

  “Complicated? Either you’re dating her or you’re not.”

  He started to answer then pressed his mouth together. The answer was a firm No, we aren’t dating, but he couldn’t stomach saying the words.

  “You’ve known Toby’s mother was Anna all along and you didn’t tell me?” his mother asked, sounding hurt.

  “No.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I found out about two weeks ago when Anna brought Toby to the first soccer practice. I didn’t tell you because at first I wasn’t happy to see her. At. All. But then…I guess I wanted to be more sure about where we stood before I told you.”

  “And do you know where you stand now?”

  “Not a clue,” he admitted, trying not to sound dejected.

  His mother studied him. “Last Saturday…Anna was the mother who watched Ethan when you came over to my house to check out the alarm.”

  “Yeah.”

  Her voice softened. “So you’ve forgiven her?”

  His eyes found hers. “Anna asked me to meet her for coffee this week so she could explain her side of things, but truth be told, I’d forgiven her before she walked in the door.”

  “That seems like a one-eighty.”

  He shrugged. “I pulled my head out of my ass and started remembering everything you said when we broke up.”

  She chuckled. “Not likely. More like you came face-to-face w
ith her and realized she wasn’t the ogre you painted her to be at the end.”

  He was embarrassed over the things he’d said about her in the past, and his mother dredging it up wasn’t helping. “I realized we were young, too young to get married. Anna was right to want to go to England before she settled down.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “It can’t be easy seeing Anna with a son. Not after she told you she didn’t want children.”

  He swallowed and shifted in his seat. “I admit it was hard at first, but she’s a great mother.”

  “She’s a single mother?”

  He frowned. “If that’s your way of asking if she’s still married, the answer is no. She was divorced when Toby was a baby.”

  “I know you better than that, Matthew Michael Osborn,” she said with a hint of disgust. “I know you would never knowingly have an affair. I was asking if she had him as a single mother.”

  He cringed, realizing he was handling this badly. “Shit. Sorry.”

  She was silent for several long seconds before she asked, “Isn’t she going back to London?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you want to go with her?”

  His head jerked up, her question catching him by surprise. “I have a business here.”

  “Businesses can be bought and sold.”

  “But I love my business. It was Dad’s.”

  “Do you love it more than Anna?”

  He shot out of the seat, becoming frustrated. “That’s not fair, Mom. I haven’t seen her in twelve years.”

  “It’s perfectly fair. What else is holding you here, business aside?”

  “You.”

  “I’ve always wanted to visit London,” she said in a breezy tone.

  He turned to look at her. “Ethan.”

  Her grin faded and she gave him a slow nod. “He’s the biggest reason, isn’t he?”

  “He might not be a reason at all. He’s Abby’s son. Not mine.”

  “Abby wants to give you full guardianship. For at least the next three years. Maybe longer.”

  He blinked, sure he’d heard her wrong. “What?”

  “I spoke to Abby this morning. She’s exhausted and frazzled, and she’s torn between what’s best for Ethan and whether to continue with school.” She paused and tears filled her eyes before she looked down at her lap. “But she knows how good you are with him, and she wants that for him.”

  He shook his head in disbelief.

  She glanced back up at him. “She’ll come home this summer to be with Ethan, but she’ll go back to school in August and leave him with you. After she graduates…she’s thinking about a surgical residency. Her hours will be just as crazy, if not worse.” She paused. “You need to give this serious consideration, Matt. He could be with you until he’s in high school.”

  He sat on the love seat, resting his elbows on his knees as he cradled his head. High school? Was it wrong to want that?

  “This is a lot to think about. It’s a huge commitment. Especially in light of Anna showing back up in your life.”

  “Yeah…” he mumbled, trying to wrap his head around his sister’s decision, let alone what it meant in regard to Anna.

  “But, Matt,” his mother said, “her one condition is that when she’s not in school, she’ll come home and live with me, and she’ll get Ethan. Breaks included.”

  He nodded, still in disbelief. “Yeah. Of course. She’s his mother.”

  “That means Christmas. Spring break. Summer breaks until she starts her residency.”

  “Of course.”

  His mother looked at him with sorrowful eyes. “But you can’t take him to England, Matt. She’ll never agree to that.”

  His eyes widened. “I hadn’t planned…”

  “I think you should take some time to think about it. When we discussed custody before, I take it that Anna wasn’t an issue if you’d only just seen her a few days before?” his mother asked quietly.

  “No.” It hadn’t been a factor, but was it now? He’d never given any thought to moving to England to be with her—he loved his life here. Besides, they’d slept together one time. He had no idea if Anna was even thinking along these lines. But what if she was? “For argument’s sake, if I did decide to move? What would happen to Ethan?”

  “Abby would probably quit school. Or try to figure out a way to bring him out there.”

  His head jerked up. “What about you?”

  “There’s something else you should know.” She offered him a strained smile. “I’ve decided to buy a condo in Florida with Roger.”

  “What? What do you mean you’ve decided to buy a condo in Florida with Roger?” he shouted.

  She patted her hands toward him. “Matthew, calm down.”

  He stood. “You just told me that you’re buying a condo in Florida with your boyfriend of a couple of months. How do you expect me to calm down?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Ten months.”

  Ethan came running into the room, wide-eyed, and stopped next to his grandmother. “Why is Uncle Matt yelling?”

  Matt’s mother shook her head and smiled. “Uncle Matt’s just a little excited. How’s your Lego project coming along?”

  Ethan cast a worried glance toward Matt. “I already made it, but we took it apart and now Toby’s putting it together.”

  She tugged him close and kissed his forehead. “You’re a very good friend, Ethan. I’m proud of you.”

  Matt forced himself to calm down. “It’s okay, big guy. Grandma and I are just having a lively discussion.” He forced a smile. “Why don’t you go check on Toby?”

  Ethan’s eyes scrunched up. “Why do you look like you’re pooping?”

  “I do not look like I’m pooping.”

  “You do. You get this face…” He hunched his shoulders up to his ears, gritted his teeth, then lowered his brow so that his eyes nearly looked closed.

  Matt tried to nonchalantly shake the tension from his shoulders. “I’m not pooping. Go check on Toby.”

  Ethan didn’t seem to buy it. “Okay.”

  As soon as the boy left the room, Matt said, “How did this happen?”

  His mother shrugged with a playful look in her eyes. “Ethan must have walked in and seen you pooping.”

  “Not that,” he grunted. “When did you decide to move to Florida?”

  “Roger asked me while we were on the cruise, but with Ethan and Abby…it wasn’t the right time. Then when I came back, you were doing so well with Ethan, but it still didn’t feel like the right time. It was last weekend, after our discussion about Ethan’s custody, that I knew you were ready.”

  “Ready for you to shack up with your boyfriend?” he asked defiantly. “Definitely not.”

  She chuckled. “Ready to be a parent. That this wasn’t just you pretending to be a dad.”

  A parent? That hit him in the gut. “Mom…”

  She held up a hand. “You can do this, and I’ll only be gone half the year. We won’t move until next fall. But I need you to be sure, Matt. I need you to be sure you’re ready to commit to Ethan, so think about it for a few days, or even a week or two. Once you say yes, there’s no turning back.”

  You mean like Abby turned away? was on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t sure that was entirely true. Abby was doing the best she could, and as her brother, he would support her and take care of her son. Besides, having Ethan was a blessing. Matt didn’t need a few days or a week to decide if he wanted custody of his nephew, but his mother was right. Anna cast everything in a whole new light.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Toby ran out the front door when Anna arrived, nearly tackling her to the ground.

  “Did you miss me?” she asked, her heart full of happiness as she pried him loose and squatted in front of him so she could see his smile.

  “I missed you bigger than the moon, Mummy.” He threw his arms around her neck and squeezed, nearly knocking her to the ground again.

  She hugged him back, bre
athing in his little boy scent.

  “That’s a very large amount of missing.” She grinned and lowered her voice. “I missed you that much, too.”

  He broke free and looked into her face. “Really?”

  “Really. I almost came and got you about fifty times. Did you have fun with Ethan?”

  “We had the bestest time. And Ethan’s grandma showed up and brought him Star Wars Legos. Can I see Star Wars sometime?”

  She gave him a warm smile. “I think that would be fun. We should see if Grandpa wants to see it, too. The first time I saw it was with him when I was a little girl.” How had she forgotten that memory?

  “Really? No way.”

  She caught a glimpse of Ethan and Matt in the doorway and leaned her head closer to Toby’s. “Do you still want to look at the dogs? We can go home if you need a break.”

  His eyes narrowed in a worried look. “You’re coming, right?”

  “Of course,” she said with a huge grin. “I wouldn’t miss it. I love dogs. But if you’d rather go home…”

  He vigorously shook his head. “No. I want to pet the dogs.”

  Tapping his nose, she said, “Then let’s go see some dogs.”

  She stood and grabbed Toby’s hand then let her gaze land on Matt. She’d felt him watching her before she’d caught a glimpse of him. She’d forgotten that part, the instinctive knowing when he was close.

  “Hi,” she said softly as she walked to the front porch, unsure how to greet him. She felt like a teenager with a crush—down to the blush on her cheeks. Only this was no crush, but she was too scared to dwell on what it really was.

  His gaze swept over her, a combination of warmth and longing. Her own body combusted, remembering the night before.

  This was a stupid idea. How would she ever keep her hands off him? If she continued sleeping with him, things would get messy. How did she find the strength to do the right thing? She had to think of Toby and Ethan. Ethan was part of this, too.

  Matt walked down the steps toward her. “Hi.”

  They stared at each other for a moment.

  “Uncle Matt,” Ethan said, “why are you acting weird?”

  That seemed to snap Matt out of his daze. “What are you talking about?”