Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  His hand rose to the back of her neck and began to massage her tight muscles. “Then we’ll hope for the extension.”

  Her gaze jerked to his.

  A soft smile spread across his face. “I won’t lie. I’d love to have you a few extra weeks, but I would never want you to be anxious about your future.” He glanced into the yard, and she turned to see what he was looking at.

  Cinnamon was lying on his back, and the two boys were huddled over him, rubbing his belly.

  “Anna,” Matt said, and she turned to face him. “I love you. I always have and I suspect I always will. I was an idiot in the past but I’m not going to let history repeat itself. This isn’t what either of us would choose, but we’re stuck in it. I need you to know that I would never be selfish enough to find joy in your pain.”

  “Oh, Matt…” She couldn’t believe this was real. Every day since the night he left her at her apartment door after the disastrous proposal, she would have given anything to hear him say he loved her. But she was going back to London and he was staying here. How could something that made her so happy fill her with so much sorrow?

  He leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “We’ll figure out something, okay?”

  She knew they were destined for heartbreak, but she found herself nodding anyway.

  “Mummy?” Toby asked from across the yard.

  Anna jerked back, worried her son had seen her kiss his best friend’s father. “Yes?”

  “Can we get a house in London like Ethan has? Then we could get a dog.”

  She faked a smile. “That would be lovely, wouldn’t it? But houses with yards are hard to find and very expensive. We’d have to move out of the city, and that’s where my job is and your school. If we found a house, I’d have to take the train, and I’d be gone even longer.”

  Toby walked over and stood in front of her. “I like spending time with you,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to go back.”

  Her throat burned and she took a breath as she tried to figure out what to say. This only drove home that this glimpse into suburban life—complete with the father and the dog—might be hurting her son more than helping. She set the brush on the patio next to her. “You know what? We need to go.”

  “What?” Toby asked in disbelief. “Why?”

  “Grandpa is probably getting hungry. And while it was very kind of Matt and Ethan to let us tag along to the animal shelter, we need to let them get Cinnamon and Sugar settled into their new home.”

  She gave Sugar one last pat on the head, and put her on the concrete before standing.

  Matt stood, too, and she half expected him to protest, but he gave her a sad smile that radiated, I understand.

  But Toby didn’t. “I don’t want to go.”

  Ethan had joined them, and Cinnamon had followed, standing between both boys and looking up at them.

  “I know you don’t want to go,” Anna said quietly, “but Cinnamon and Sugar are Ethan and Matt’s dogs. I’m sure Matt will let us come back and see them very soon.”

  “You can come back tomorrow,” Matt said. “Maybe you want to bring your dad.”

  “What?” she asked in shock. “My dad?”

  “Why not?” he asked as he seemed to be thinking on the fly. “I can invite Kevin and Tyler and their wives. And I can invite my mom. Your dad always liked her. We’ll call it a welcome to the family party for Cinnamon and Sugar.”

  “Matt.”

  “Yay!” Ethan shouted. “A party for the dogs!”

  “I want to come to a dog party!” Toby said, tugging on Anna’s arm.

  “It would probably be good for your dad to be around other people, right? And the weather’s supposed to be perfect tomorrow. We’ll have a cookout and sit outside.”

  What was he doing? But she knew. He’d just told her that he loved her. Any man in love would want to spend as much time with the woman he loved before she left. But she had to think about Toby. He was getting too attached. She glanced down at her son. “I don’t know…”

  Matt’s gaze landed on Toby and he lifted his eyes to hers, guilt washing over his face. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry, Uncle Matt?” Ethan asked, his face scrunching in confusion.

  “Remember how I told you it was impolite to ask me if someone could come over while they are standing right there? That it puts me on the spot and makes them uncomfortable if I say no? Well, this is one of those situations. I should have asked Anna when Toby wasn’t listening so he wouldn’t be upset with his mommy if she says no.”

  Ethan looked even more confused. “Why would she say no? Toby has to be here for the party. He helped pick them out.”

  “But they might have plans,” Matt insisted. “It was rude of me to ask.” His gaze shifted to her face. “I’m sorry.”

  She needed to say no, but Toby was looking up at her, pleading with his eyes. She felt like she was always letting him down. Which was worse? Not letting him come and hurting his feelings, or continuing to let him get attached?

  But there was another issue to think about.

  “What about Tyler and Kevin? How will they feel if they see me here?”

  Matt shoved his hands in his front jeans pockets. “They already know you’re back in town, and they’ll be fine.”

  That news surprised her, then it didn’t. Matt had always been close to his friends. She should say no, she knew it, but sadly, she was lacking self-control. “Okay, we’ll come.” The boys cheered. “But make it potluck. Let me know what time and what to bring.” She needed to be strong after this and insist this was the last time they socialized outside of soccer.

  Matt blinked, looking as though he was sure he’d heard wrong. “One o’clock and whatever you want.”

  “But there’s one problem,” she said. “Ashley and I were going to take Toby to the park. I hate to cancel.”

  “Ashley Ternary? Your best friend?” he asked in disbelief. “Ask her to come, too.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “The more the merrier.” He glanced down at the boys. “Ethan, why don’t you and Toby go inside and get his things ready to take home.”

  “Yes, sir,” both boys said as they ran inside.

  “Yes, sir?” she parroted. “You’ve been teaching my son Southern manners?”

  He gave her a halfhearted grin. “We can discuss my awesome parenting skills later.” He turned serious. “I really am sorry, Anna, that I put you in a difficult position. I don’t want to make things more difficult. Obviously I wasn’t thinking.”

  She slowly shook her head. “Matt…”

  “Uncle Matt,” Ethan shouted from inside the house. “We can’t find Toby’s toothbrush.”

  Matt leaned his head back and groaned. “It’s in his bag, remember?”

  “Ohhhh…”

  Matt looked back down at Anna. The love and lust in his eyes sent a wave of hot need through her body. “It’s killing me that I ran you off.”

  “You didn’t. I just really need to go.”

  “I understand.”

  Common sense told her that she needed to walk out the door and make sure she avoided him until she got on a plane in four weeks. But her heart—oh, her heart—it begged her to stay. She’d spent most of the last twelve years thinking with her head, and now that she’d woken her heart, it refused to go quietly back to sleep. She studied his face. “You’d really invite all those people over as an excuse to see me?”

  Matt wrapped an arm around her back and tugged her closer, her chest pressed against his. “I’d invite the whole damn town if that’s what it took. Never underestimate a man in love.”

  There it was again. His declaration of love. She loved him, but she’d never stopped while he’d spent much of the last twelve years resenting her. How had he flipped so quickly? She’d been so protective of bringing men into Toby’s life. She couldn’t stop now. Especially now. “It’s been over a decade, Matt. How can you be sure you still love me?”

&
nbsp; He lifted a hand to her face, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb. “Because you’re still the same woman. Sure, you have more life experience now—we both do—but the woman who couldn’t bear to leave a small, sad dog alone…that’s the woman I fell in love with thirteen years ago. I’ve been so stupid, Anna. I wasted so much time. I don’t want to waste any more.”

  Her heart overflowed with emotion and she parted her lips, about to tell him that she loved him, too, when she realized two little boys were standing in the open doorway, their mouths hanging open in shock.

  “Uncle Matt?” Ethan asked. “What are you doing?”

  Chapter Nineteen

  After Matt came up with the weak excuse of looking for something in Anna’s eye, she practically bolted from the house with Toby in tow. Ethan moped around the house for a half hour after Toby and Anna left, not that Matt could blame the boy. Matt was doing his best not to show how much he missed Anna. He was facing a countdown and every minute counted, yet he knew and understood her hesitation. But it didn’t make it any easier to accept.

  He and Ethan jumped on setting up the dogs’ crate and putting out their food and water bowls. Matt finished brushing out Sugar’s mats—although Anna had gotten most of them out already—then he and Ethan gave the two dogs a bath.

  Matt made them a quick dinner, and while he and Ethan sat at the kitchen table with the dogs lying at their feet, he realized he’d never told Anna about his sister giving him legal guardianship of her son. Was it because he was considering following Anna to London? His heart was breaking. He knew that he would never love another woman like he loved Anna. Seeing her again proved that. How ironic that fate had finally brought back the woman he loved when it had also offered him a child. Was this his punishment for abruptly ending their relationship when it hadn’t fit within his parameters?

  But it made him understand Anna’s dilemma. Once you had a child, they always came first, and Ethan might not be his biological child, but there was no doubt he’d wiggled firmly into his life and his heart. Ethan needed him. In the end, it wasn’t even a choice.

  * * *

  Anna tucked Toby in bed and went into the living room to tell her father about the assisted living center. He was in an unusually good mood after playing several games of checkers with Toby and eating his favorite dinner of fried chicken and mashed potatoes, which Anna had cooked for him.

  He sat in his chair, his eyes glued to a history documentary on the television.

  She sat on the sofa and crossed her legs.

  “You’ve got a good boy, Anna.”

  “Thank you, Dad,” she said. “He had a good time and wants to play with you again tomorrow. I’m really grateful you’ve been getting to know him.”

  He shook his head. “I was an ass. I was pissed at you and taking it out on him.” He turned to look at her. “And I’ve been an ass to you. You had a life in London, yet you dropped it all to come help me, even after I’d said some terrible things to you. I’m sorry for that, too.”

  She stared at him in shock. “Dad…thank you.”

  “I wish you could move back, but Blue Springs isn’t fancy like London.”

  “That’s not why I can’t come back, Dad. I’ve loved being here and I’d give anything to spend more time with you and Toby like I have since I’ve been back, but I can’t. When I divorced Phillip, his family fought hard to make sure I couldn’t move out of the UK. The irony is that they haven’t seen him since he was two, Phillip included.”

  Her father’s jaw set. “That Brit isn’t taking care of your boy?”

  She smiled. “We’re better off without him, but the order still stands.”

  “Well, if the prick isn’t gonna see the boy, then sue him and do whatever you want with him.”

  “I’m not sure it’s that easy.”

  “So you’re just gonna let the prick dictate your life?”

  “According to the divorce, at least until Toby turns sixteen.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not right. That boy needs to be around people who love him, not some stuffed-shirt London folk.”

  She laughed. “How do you know they’re stuffed shirts?”

  “They’ve got money, don’t they? Isn’t that how they got that part in your divorce?”

  “Yeah.”

  He gave a sharp nod.

  Since he was being so surprisingly supportive, she decided to come clean. “There’s another reason I want to come back.”

  His expression softened. “Matt.”

  She blinked. “What?”

  “I know you’re seeing Matt Osborn. I may have trouble getting around because of this damned leg, but I’m not senile.”

  A laugh erupted before she could stop it. “I never accused you of being senile.”

  “Damn good thing, too.” He grinned and then it faded. “You want to move back for him?”

  “If you’re asking if Matt is the only reason I want to move back, the answer is no. If he wasn’t in the picture, I’d want to move back anyway.”

  “It’s been a lot of years, Anna. People change.”

  “I know,” she said softly, glancing down at her lap. “But like Matt said today, we’ve both lived through a lot of life experiences, but we’re still the same people.”

  He nodded. “Good. I always liked that boy.”

  “Matt Osborn?” she gasped in shock. Her father had never given her the impression he liked him. In fact, it had been the opposite.

  “Yep. Can’t stand that Phillip prick.”

  She shook her head and laughed. “You never met him.”

  He pointed his finger at her. “Which tells you a lot about his character. Remember when you brought Matt to meet us?”

  The memory warmed her heart. “He was so nervous. He knew you were a force to be reckoned with.”

  “And yet he came anyway. Nice and polite boy. But I understand why you turned him down when he proposed.”

  “What?”

  He waved his hand. “I know your momma didn’t approve, but she had selfish reasons. She didn’t want to lose you. But you’d always felt stifled here. You needed a chance to spread your wings and find out who you are.”

  “But you were so angry with me when I came back for Mom’s funeral.”

  “I was mad at the world, Annaliese. I was bitter and I hurt you in the process.” He pushed out a heavy breath. “Life’s too damn short to give in to selfish pricks. I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with Matt. If he’s who you want, you need to fight for him.”

  She stared at her father in disbelief. What had happened to him?

  As though reading her mind, he gave her a soulful look. “Spending six years alone is bad for a person. Turns out a certain five-year-old boy is the antidote.”

  Anna fought to keep from bursting into tears. How was she going to leave her father, too?

  His eyes filled with determination. “Fight for what you want. For the man and the life you want. Don’t give up and don’t give in.”

  “But I have to think about Toby. I can’t let him get hurt in the process.”

  “You can’t protect him from everything, Annaliese, no matter how much you try.”

  Still, it seemed irresponsible to knowingly put her son in a situation that would undoubtedly lead to heartbreak. She’d call the attorney Ashley had told her about, but she refused to dangle a life her son so desperately wanted, only to snatch it away. “I know. But some things are still in my control.”

  In light of this conversation, was the next part right or foolish? “Dad, Matt is having a cookout at his house tomorrow. He’s inviting several people, including his mother. He’d like for you to come, too.”

  He shook his head and waved his hand. “No. You and Toby go. I’ll stay here.”

  “It’s going to be a beautiful day, and you won’t even have to talk to many people.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “Toby would be excited for you to come.” She grinned. “He could sh
ow you the dogs he talked about nonstop all night.”

  “That boy doesn’t care if I go.”

  “I think you’d be surprised, Dad.”

  “Fine, if he wants me to go, I will.” He paused. “There’s a box of things your mother kept for you on the floor in my bedroom. I should have given it to you before but…” He shrugged. “I guess I was waiting for the right time.”

  Her heart caught in her throat. “Mom left me something?”

  “Somethings. It’s not much, but…it’s on the floor in front of the closet. I would have put it in your room but I couldn’t pick it up.”

  “You shouldn’t have gotten it at all,” she scolded lightly. “You could have hurt yourself.”

  He shrugged again.

  Anna stood then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Dad. I don’t ever tell you that, but I need you to know it’s true.”

  He glanced up at her with glassy eyes. “I love you, too, Annaliese. I’m proud of the woman you’ve become.”

  “Thank you, Dad. That means more than you know.”

  She found the small box where her father said he’d put it, then carried it into her room. Toby was asleep, but a soft light glowed from the lamp on the bedside table.

  Anna sat on the floor and opened the box, excited to see a pile of photos on top. She spent the next ten minutes going through them, and found a photo of her mother, holding a then preschool-age Anna, and her father next to them. Her mother looked up at her father with adoring eyes. How had her soft and loving mother loved the hard-edged father Anna remembered? Maybe she’d seen the softer man her father was just now showing her—and Toby.

  Under the photos were programs from Anna’s old school plays and concerts, and at the very bottom was a ring box. Had her mother left Anna her wedding rings? She was pretty sure her mother had been buried with them. She reached for the box and opened the lid, gasping when she realized the ring was the engagement ring Matt had given her. After Matt had left it on the table, she’d picked it up and put it in her purse, intending to leave it in his car, but she was so upset she had forgotten. Then she’d brought it back six years ago when she’d rushed home to see her mother, hoping to give it back to Matt and apologize. And if she were honest, she’d wanted to see if he was open to trying again. She’d been seeing Phillip, but she’d begun to suspect he was conning her, and she’d become nostalgic for Matt.