Transcending Regrets (No Regrets book 3)

by Noalane, Aimee

  Best friends. She was mine and I was hers. There was never a doubt…

  Who could believe that all it would take was a single second to change everything we both believed was going to be our entire life?

  I screwed up, Riley. I fell in love with her and I screwed up. I want her to see that I’m done running away from what I feel for her, but I don’t know how to get her to trust me again. I don’t want to live without her anymore and I don’t know what I can do to get her back.

  I need her, Riley…

  So if you’re really out there somewhere watching over us, will you help bring her back to me? Please?

  I love you Riley, there will always be a special place for you in my heart.

  Love, Dad. xxx

  Chapter 34

  Abbygail

  After reading Oliver’s letter to Riley, I went back to my house. I was surprised to see that Oliver didn’t leave, and when I walked in, I made my way to the first place I thought he could be. I opened the door to my bedroom and saw him lying on his side, facing the window. Without saying a word, I lied down beside him and wrapped my arms around his shaking body. I knew he and I had a lot to say, but somehow the silence between us said a lot more than any words could.

  My mother’s phone call woke us up early evening. She wanted to know if we were still joining her and Jacob for dinner. To be honest, I didn’t feel like it at all, but had no choice since Oliver had already agreed to go.

  “I still can’t believe you called my mother,” I complained, stepping out of my house. She was waving and smiling at us from the front porch when Oliver and I crossed the street hand in hand. As we reached her driveway, she walked back inside and left the front door open for us.

  “I wouldn’t have needed to call her if you would have taken your phone with you when you stormed out.”

  “I forgot it, Oliver.”

  My mother was taking the plates out of the kitchen cabinet when we crossed the threshold of my childhood home.

  “I left it on the counter when we came in Friday night. It’s not like I didn’t bring it on purpose.”

  “I know.” He leaned in and nibbled on my ear. Pleasurable shivers ran down my spine and I inhaled sharply. The mood between us had completely changed after we’d woken up, and I really wanted to go back to my house. “All I’m saying is that if you would have brought your phone with you, I wouldn’t have called your mom, and we could have been doing something entirely different right now.”

  Debatable. I probably wouldn’t have answered your call either, but let’s not get into that discussion.

  He shut the door and pushed me against it, imprisoning me with his strong arms. My heart raced as his thumb grazed my breast. The soft groan that escaped me made him smile, and he immediately took my lips into a passionate kiss.

  “Can’t we just go home and do this in my bedroom instead?” I whined as he pulled away.

  A wicked grin spread across his face. “Nope. Teasing you like this all evening is going to be a perfect punishment for not listening to me.”

  “Really? Well it just so happens that I like this kind of punishment.” I grabbed his ass and pulled him closer to me, increasing the friction between our bodies. “I might actually start defying you more often from now on.”

  “Don’t you fucking dare, Abbygail Evens,” he croaked. He lifted the skirt of my dress, and I stifled a moan as he rubbed the outside of my underwear. “I think these dresses are what I love the most about your pregnancy”

  I laughed. In addition to their comfort, I adored the longing gazes he kept throwing me every time I had a dress on. They definitely didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Hey, kids,” my mother called. “Just because we can’t see you, doesn’t mean we can’t hear you.”

  My eyes grew wide in shock while Oliver cracked a proud smirk.

  “Sorry Aunt Jen,” he replied kissing my cheek. He took my hand in his and led us to the dining room. “I’ll try to do my best and behave for the rest of our evening.”

  We walked up the steps and before going back to what she was doing, I saw her rolling her eyes at the both of us.

  “Oh, Abs,” Oliver said as Jacob greeted me in a warm hug. “I forgot to tell you that Ava called your cell this morning after you left.”

  “Is she back?” I asked excited. I hadn’t spoken to her in so long. The last email I’d written to her was about a month after I found out I was pregnant. When she replied, she informed me that due to a heavy rainstorm warning, there was a possibility she might be out of Wi-Fi services for a while. I never would have assumed that a while meant three months. She had a lot of explaining to do.

  “Apparently she’s been home for three days.”

  “She must have been pretty surprised to hear you answering my phone.”

  “She was.”

  I grinned. “What did she say?”

  “To me or to you?”

  “Oh I’m pretty sure I already know what she wants to tell me. I’m more curious about what she had to say to her favorite friend Oliver.”

  We took a seat facing each other and thanked my mother as she served our plates. By the wide smile on her face, I could tell she was happy to see us joining her for dinner.

  “Her exact words were ‘Oh my God, Oliver I can’t believe your back.’”

  That’s definitely not as bad as I would have thought.

  “That’s it?”

  “Oh no. Not even close. Those words were immediately followed by an intense three minutes of shouting. Basically what I actually managed to understand was: ‘What the fuck is wrong with you, the minute I see you I’m going to kill you.’”

  That’s my girl.

  I tried to muffle my laugh but who was I kidding, I was going to enjoy the hour of misery she would be submitting Oliver to.

  “So,” my mother asked after taking her seat, “what did you guys end up doing all weekend?”

  “Are you sure you want an answer to that, my love?” Jacob asked.

  A snort escaped me, and Oliver’s hungry eyes left his plate to meet mine.

  “No, you’re right, I probably don’t,” she answered. “Oliver I saw that you brought your dog with you when you got here, are you planning on staying the week?”

  “Actually we’re doing a trial run. Freckles will be living with Abby for now.”

  “Abby, as in my daughter?”

  “Mmhumm,” he responded with a mouthful.

  “You understand that she has a serious aversion towards pets, don’t you?”

  “I do not,” I retorted.

  “Yeah, I know. She gets it from you.” He winked, teasing her.

  “Whatever,” I huffed. “You’re just jealous. Freckles and I are like best friends.”

  Oliver leaned in closer to the table and the tip of his fingers skillfully trailed up my calves. I bit my bottom lip to challenge his teasing. The game could definitely be played both ways.

  “We’ll see how long it lasts,” he answered smirking. I just wasn’t sure what he was referring to, the dog, or the teasing.

  “She’s not going back to staying alone at your house, Oliver.”

  “Well you and I can definitely agree on that.”

  My eyebrows furrowed together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I think it means that Oliver is planning on moving in,” Jacob intervened.

  My fork was stuck halfway to my mouth, and I cocked my head to the side to look at him. Neither one of us said a word. My mother and Jacob stared at us in silence waiting for some sort of response; one they surely wouldn’t get.

  “So?” my mother asked.

  “So what?”

  “Well, is Oliver moving in or what?”

  “Well the thing is, Aunt Jen, we haven’t had the time to discuss this yet.”

  “How can that even be possible? Abby is due in just a few weeks.”

  “Mom. Please.”

  “Don’t Mom me, young lady. Don’t you guys think that this has b
een going on long enough? At some point you’re going to need to stop playing cat and mouse. Either you decide to be together or you don’t.”

  “Things aren’t just as black and white as you think they are, Mom. Just because you want something, doesn’t make it right.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Oliver asked, frowning at me.

  My phone started ringing and I looked at the screen to see who was calling, but didn’t recognize the number on the caller I.D.

  “But you have a child to think about now,” my mother insisted. “You can’t continue to go back and forth to each other when it pleases you. It isn’t healthy for you or your baby. You of all people should understand what I’m trying to say here.”

  “I do.” I stood up grateful for the unexpected phone call. It was the perfect escape to flee the dining room table, especially its conversation. “I’m sorry, but I have to take this.”

  Oliver

  “Who was on the phone?” I asked stepping out through the patio door.

  Abby’s head was tilted backwards, looking at the sky. Dinner was definitely a bust, and I knew very well that Abbygail wouldn’t be coming back to sit with her mother. Whatever Jenna had said may have rattled things between us, but she was right on one thing, we definitely needed to have a serious talk. Abbygail needed to understand that I was done playing.

  “Millie.”

  I frowned, surprised. “What did she want?”

  “She says she needs someone to talk to, so I’ll be meeting her in about twenty minutes.”

  “Are you sure that it’s a good idea?”

  “Yes.”

  I exhaled loudly hoping she’d understand that I didn’t like the fact that she was going to see Millie alone, but I should have known that it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I came down the steps and sat with her.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything,” she replied looking back at me.

  “When I left last November, why did you tell me that you drank the blue raspberry slushy?”

  “I guess it was my way of helping you move on. Why?”

  “What if I didn’t want to move on? What if giving you both drinks was my way of wanting you to choose what made you happy?”

  “What if I wanted you to make your own decisions based on your own desires instead of mine?” She looked at me. “You know, Oliver, you’re always blaming me for not talking, but you don’t share much about yourself either. In fact, you talk even less than I do, but I can still read you. When you left my house that morning, you told me that you wanted me to let go of my pain and find love. The only glitch in your plan was that I had already told you that I could never love anyone else like I loved you. I made a point of telling you that I didn’t believe in love anymore.”

  “It still doesn’t explain why you lied.”

  “I wasn’t lying. I was hiding. You’re constantly reproving my choices of holding back on my happiness, but what have you done in the past six years that was any different from me? I told you I drank the slushy because you swore that if I tried to find my happiness you’d find yours. Telling you that I choose the blue raspberry instead of the root beer was my way of showing you that I’d try. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

  “Maybe I was hoping that you’d change your mind.”

  “About what?”

  “About love. About us.”

  “So spending one night together made you believe that I would change my entire perspective on love?”

  Yes.

  My jaw tightened, her answer wasn’t the one I was expecting. “What did it feel like when I left your house that day?”

  “It felt like I was reliving my own personal nightmare all over again, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You’re wrong, it means everything. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “Because I wanted to set you free from the guilt of leaving me behind, Oliver. I promised you––I promised myself––that I wasn’t going to ask you to stay, and that’s exactly what I did.”

  “But you could have.”

  “To what end?”

  “Because had you asked, I would have stepped off that airplane and come back. I didn’t want to leave, Abby. And when the plane landed in B.C. I was already planning on coming home.” I grabbed her face and looked deeply into her eyes. “If it’s what you wanted––”

  She shook her head away from my hold, and hid her tears. “I was confused, Oliver. I couldn’t wrap my head around what I wanted. Asking you to be with me wasn’t an option because I wasn’t ready. Period.” She wiped the tears that managed to escape her eyes. “If that morning you woke up wanting to stay, then you should have made that decision and come back by yourself. Not wait for me to tell you what to do.”

  “Fine then, what about now? Will your feelings ever be what they used to be?”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  She bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. I just wasn’t sure if she was refusing to answer, or if it was her answer.

  “I mean love, Abbygail. Will you ever be able to give into us? Will you ever be able to tell me that you love me? Will you ever want me to be your forever?”

  “Oliver, I––” her next words caught in her throat and my heart broke.

  Abbygail

  “I don’t get you.” His voice was shaking. “This. What we have going on. It’s what it’s supposed to be. It’s what we’ve both always wanted, yet you’re unable to give into it completely.”

  “I’m giving you what I can, Oliver. What more do you want?” I grabbed my hair with both hands. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Not ever.

  “Everything. I want all of it, Abs. I want the family, a home, a life––our life together. I want you. All of you.”

  “But you already have me.”

  He shook his head and looked at the ground, scraping the grass with his foot. “I don’t”

  “Oliver,” I growled. “It’s three words. Three stupid words shouldn’t make a difference.”

  “To me they do. And the fact that you are unable to tell me that you love me makes me realize that those words are just as important to you. I’m ready for this to be forever, and I need you to promise me that nothing will tear us apart. I need to hear you say the words because it’s the only way I know that you’ll trust that I will never leave you or hurt you again.”

  “I do trust you.”

  “Then tell me that we are forever. Tell me that you love me.”

  My heart hurt. I couldn’t get the words out. I tried but every time I did, they got stuck. They felt like small needles piercing my vocal cords. Saying ‘I love you’ meant being vulnerable to pain. Pain that I promised myself I would never submit myself to again.

  “Oliver, I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “You’re afraid that I’ll hurt you…you don’t trust me,” he accused or questioned, by that point I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Thanks to my mother a simple conversation had taken a bad turn very quickly.

  I shook my head.

  Oliver furrowed his brow and the silence took over once again. “What are you afraid of, Abby?”

  “I have to go,” I responded, ignoring his question. “Millie is waiting for me.”

  “You’ll go once we’re done with this conversation, Abbygail.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “Well tough shit because I do.”

  “Fine then. I can’t talk about this. Oliver, you don’t get it. I don’t want you to love me.”

  “But I do love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you––”

  “Love hurts.”

  “I won’t hurt you,” he argued. He was angry with me, and had every right to be.

  Tears ran down my cheeks. “Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. You jus
t don’t get it…”

  “Then explain it to me.”

  “I saw what love does,” I shouted. “I lived it. I breathed it and I suffered because of it.”

  “And you think that what? I haven’t. That I don’t know how painful a heartbreak can be? Because trust me I have. I know what it feels like to have your heart crushed and not being able to breathe. I know what it feels like to hurt so much you want to die, but guess what, Abs, I’m willing to take that risk.”

  Oliver

  “Abbygail.” I ordered while she started to walk away.

  She stopped only once she’d crossed the street and made it to her driveway. As she turned around, I could see that every single word she had just said was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me, but she fought her tears a lot better I did. Her eyes were swimming in tears, and so were mine.

  “Marry me,” I whispered.

  I couldn’t understand why my voice had gotten so unsure. It didn’t matter to me that everything between us was always rocky. I didn’t care that she was scared, hell I was petrified. But I was in love with her and being with her for the rest of my life was the one thing I knew I wanted. She was it for me.

  “Marry me,” I repeated.

  “Oliver.” She frowned. Her head was shaking, urging me to stop.

  “I don’t have a ring, and if you want me to go down on one knee, I will.”

  “Oliver, stop.”

  “Abbygail, listen to me.” I took a step towards her. “I know your dreams. I know your fears. I know your pain because I’ve lived through it just like you have. I know you’re hurt and I promise I’m going to spend my entire life making sure that you never feel that pain again. And I’ll do that because I love you. I’ve always loved you. I love your annoying quirks. I love how your bad temper always gets to me when you’re fighting with me. I love getting lost in what we have, even though sometimes it doesn’t make sense. I love the way that even though you know you’re wrong, you still argue with me. I love the way you always pay attention to what I have to say. I love the way you nibble on your bottom lip when you want me to kiss you. I love the way the color of your eyes change with your mood. Abby, I love you.”