AZU-1: Lifehack

by Joseph Picard

  Regan stood, stunned. She didn’t think she was convincing, but you can’t argue with results. She still felt that something odd had happened. “Mm, no. That was all. Just, uh.. thank you. For today.”

  Alisia smiled ever so slightly. “What are friends for?”

  Wordlessly, Regan backed out and closed the door. She then spotted the dog tags. She considered not taking them... it’s not as if she was digging through the garbage or anything. She picked them up and hugged them in her hand.

  Alisia looked at her bear as if to ask what Regan did in her room, but the bear told no secrets.

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 30: Old Chum

  ~~~~~

  The next morning found Alisia and Regan on a teleconference with the General.

  “Ladies, without question you two are the authority on fighting the creatures that lived in Autar. Since we doubt we’ve seen the last of these things, I’ve gone ahead and authorized the use of an airlimb to be the base of operations for a unit specifically for combating this new threat. Major, you’ll be the C.O. of this new unit. Ms. Grier, if you wouldn’t mind, we’d like you to stay onboard as a civilian consultant.”

  Alisia was blown away. Airlimbs were for the elite.

  Regan nodded to the notion of being kept on as consultant. It’s not like she was going anywhere without Alisia, or had anywhere else to go.

  The General continued. “Very good, Ms Grier. In that case, I have a surprise up my sleeve if I can pull it off. Oh, and Major, you’ll need a zipper gunner.”

  “I’d like to request Corporal Parker, if he’d accept.” Alisia didn’t have to think about it.

  “Done. I’ll send word to him tonight. In the mean time, your airlimb is already docked at Yute base. Familiarize yourself with it, and make it home. Have fun, ladies.” And with that, and no chance for questions, he was gone, disconnected.

  “Wow.” Alisia said, stunned.

  “Man, this will be like my third move in a row.” Regan mused.

  Alisia mulled the new position in her head while chatting with Regan on mental autopilot. “Moving again, yeah. I’m gonna have to move all my crud again.”

  “Why? You’re a Major for crying out loud. Make some grunts do it.”

  By noon, the two of them and Parker were moved into the airlimb. For a mobile unit, the quarters were pretty roomy, bigger than their previous ones. At least the first two were. Parker was stuck with one of the ten smaller ones. “On the plus side, no room mates.”

  In general, the airlimb interior was dark and a little cramped. While well lit, most of the walls and fixtures were of a dark metal. No one complained though, being either too impressed with the slickness of the airlimb, or deciding the cramp was... ‘cozy’.

  This was Alisia’s and Parker’s first time on an airlimb. It was Regan’s first time being on one that wasn’t ripped in half. Remembering the fancy toy she salvaged from the last one she was on, Regan went looking in the storage lockers for something similar. Something to even the firepower a little between her and Alisia with her bad mojo. Alas, this airlimb wasn’t currently stocked with anything besides rations and medical kits.

  “These things are made for about a dozen troops.” Alisia said, seeing Regan take interest in the storage lockers. “Some units can spend more than a week in the air, just waiting for orders. With this few of us, I guess we all get a lot of closet space.

  “Hm.” Regan wandered down the hall a bit. “Too bad most of my wardrobe’s gone up in flames. I had some really hot stuff in Autar.” She got almost to the aft of the airlimb, and saw the doorway to the two washroom/showers. One labeled ‘men’, the other labeled ‘women’. “Holy fuck! This thing has shower rooms?!” That was definitely something that she didn’t see on the last airlimb she was in. “Leesha, Leesha! Let’s try out the women’s showers!”

  Alisia sighed, and rolled her eyes. “Don’t say things like that. If Parker hears you, he’s bound to have a stroke or something.”

  Regan giggled, resisting the urge to make a comment about stroking.

  In the late afternoon, Alisia was called to the base Colonel’s office to do some paperwork and other administrative garbage.

  Alisia got back to the ‘limb late. She was a little surprised to see a maintenance crew working on the airlimb at this hour. The General must really be excited to get things going. She made her way to her cabin, and on opening the door, saw Regan curled up asleep on her bed, clutching her teddy bear tight. Alisia’s first notion was to yell at her, but it was late and she was tired. She walked over to Regan and nudged her. “Hey. What are you doing in my cabin, with my bear?”

  Regan moved a bit and let out a satisfied little purr.

  “You can get back to your own room now.”

  Regan sheepishly peered out at Alisia, and groaned meekly. Despite her disappointment that Alisia hadn’t decided to just curl up, Regan dragged herself off the cozy bed, patting the bear on the head, and picked up her blanket. She toddled towards Alisia on her way out, sneakily planting a small kiss on Alisia’s cheek. Alisia rolled her eyes. It could have been worse. Regan was soon in the hall. Alisia peeked her head out and spoke to her.

  “You do realize we’re not a couple, right?”

  Regan just kept going, and made some kind of grunt. Alisia couldn’t tell if it was an angry sound or a sarcastic laugh. Maybe both.

  Alisia closed the door and quickly got ready for bed. As she slipped under the covers, she noticed it was still warm from Regan. Already nearly asleep, she reached over to the night stand to set the alarm, but her hand first hit a folded note, standing like a tent. It had Alisia’s name on the front.

  She dreaded to open it, but instead of the expected dirty, suggestive come-ons, it was almost all doodles. At the top, it read ‘Alisia-‘ as if to start a letter, but the rest was filled with little drawings of Alisia, the teddy bear, little hearts, and things like that. At the bottom where one might expect a signature, there was a doodle of Regan. It was far away from the other happy doodles, and looked sad.

  Alisia stared at it for a bit and imagined Regan trying to come up with words, but not knowing what to say. The sweet little ‘note’ angered Alisia somehow. “How dare you impose this on me?” she thought. She crunched the note and threw it in one motion, and turned over to try to sleep. She could still feel the warmth of the bed’s previous inhabitant, and hated the fact that it felt nice.

  Regan slowly made her way back to her own cabin, when something familiar struck her. A scent. A familiar scent. “No....” Regan thought to herself, “can’t be.” She continued to her room, and went to bed.

  When Alisia woke, the events of last night were gone from her mind until she stepped out of bed and felt the crumpled note under her foot. Her heart sank. She picked it up and smoothed it out a bit.

  Regan’s crude little face was there. It was still looking at the other doodles, but it felt like it was watching her. She put the note in her nightstand drawer, and got ready for the day.

  Alisia could hear the airlimb engines running. They sounded great, the airlimb must be nearly ready to go. She saw someone out of the corner of her eye and followed the motion to the cockpit/ops room. When she caught up, she was surprised to see a woman with blonde hair and glasses, making herself at home in the central control seat.

  “Eh? Soldier? Who the hell are you?”

  The woman turned in the chair to face Alisia with a smooth smile and bedroom eyes. “Captain Kris Taylor, reporting for duty as operations officer, Sir.”

  “Ah,” Alisia said, almost forgetting that this Captain was now lower rank than her. “Well, I guess the General assigned you. Welcome aboard.”

  Just then, Regan appeared. She stopped in her tracks, and pointed at Kris. “No! Demon! Back to hell with you!” Regan stormed off, nearly bowling over the emerging Parker. Everyone just sort of stared back to Regan’s door as it slammed. Parker and Alisia then slowly looked back to Kris.

  “Hm.” Kris said, “She r
eally needs to get over it. Too bad.”

  “You... know each other, I gather.” Alisia said.

  “Yeah. We used to.. hmm.. be a ‘thing’.”

  Parker huffed in disbelief, but didn’t seem to mind the whole thing terribly.

  “What?” Alisia said, “Oh... the General. You’re his surprise for Regan.”

  ~~~

  “Your surprise is here, General.” Alisia later said in a comm conversation.

  “Ah! Yes, record shows that before the Captain enlisted, she and Ms. Grier were room-mates. Maybe Ms. Grier will take better to military life if she had an old buddy around.”

  Alisia considered telling the General everything. About Kris and Regan. And about Regan hitting on her. But then she reconsidered. The General was an old man, no need to give him a coronary so close to retirement. “I see. Ah, well, it seems they didn’t part on such great terms. Hopefully I can smooth it out.”

  “Oh? That’s a shame. I guess I should have researched it further. But Captain Taylor seemed eager to take the assignment. Can you handle it?”

  “Oh, probably.”

  “Good, good. By the way, your unit is designated “AZU-1”. Anti-zombie unit one.”

  “Cute one, Sir.”

  Alisia later went to check up on Regan.

  “She’s a slut,” Regan seethed, “An evil, evil slut!”

  “I thought that was your description, Regan.”

  “I’m flattered you think so, but no. I’m just.. aggressive. Kris is an ev-“

  “Evil, evil slut. Right. Got it. Well, if you hate her, and I’m straight, we won’t have to worry about her sluttiness.”

  “Yes, yes, again with the straight talk. Just promise me when you realize you’re not, that you’ll come to me first.”

  Alisia sighed. “Fine.”

  “We must also warn Parker.” Regan darted her eyes around as if the evil Kris could pop out of the walls at any moment.

  “What? She’s BI??”

  “Like an old airplane. Hell, she probably did half the base crew on her way here! Damn it, I knew I smelt her perfume last night!”

  “Aren’t you over reacting, Regan?”

  “Listen to me.” Regan grabbed Alisia by the shoulders and stared into her eyes with the intensity of fire. “She converted a girl in half an hour without alcohol!”

  Alisia blinked.

  And blinked.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  Alisia shook her head, accepting the stupidity at face value just to try to get to the point. “Which is what you’re afraid she’ll do to me.”

  “Listen. I love you, Alisia. She does not love you. She does not love. She is not human, and cannot love. She will try to consume you, and kill you from the inside. Good lord, we must warn Parker!”

  With that, Regan ran out the door. Alisia, weary and confused, flopped down on Regan’s nearby bed. Regan was insane, of course. It was becoming increasingly clear. If the General only knew, she’d be gone, yesterday. Into some funny farm.

  Moments passed, and a shadow darkened the doorway again.

  “Reg-“ Alisia started to say, sitting up. She gasped to see that it was Kris. “Oh, hi.” Was Kris’s blouse unbuttoned that low before?

  “I was looking for Regan, but... hmmm, whatever.” Kris said. “Are.. you two an item? If you don’t mind me asking?” There was a distinct predatory tone in her voice. “I mean... Sir?”

  “Huh? No! Good lord no.” Alisia was jumpy.

  “Oh... good.” Kris stepped forward a step before Alisia blurted out “Ah, that is, I’m straight and... yeah. So..”

  “...hmm. Interesting.” Kris leaned back, her midriff showing. Oh good lord, that was Regan’s move. It just got worse and worse. Regan didn’t need to go to a funny farm, they were already in one.

  Then, a timely mixed blessing. The situation was disrupted by a comm call. Zombies had been spotted outside the city of Hatre. It was time to go.

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 31: Something Different

  ~~~~~

  Alisia stood by the airlimb bay door, watching the urban sprawl pass below. How many lives met her eyes as she flew past? Thousands. Each with their own stories, their own lives. Each one the center of a grand story, that was the sum of their experiences on this earth.

  Each one was a vulnerable target.

  It hadn’t taken long. Even if it seemed inevitable that zombies would pop up somewhere again, Alisia hoped that the world would at least give her a little time off. Alisia closed the door and headed toward the airlimb’s little mess, where Regan was found doing nothing in particular, sitting at the table.

  “Hey Regan.” Alisia said, nearly in a sigh. Regan smiled softly, feeling encouraged that Alisia had greeted her first. Sometimes Regan had a bit of difficulty starting conversation with Alisia. Regan found herself doubting herself, wondering what she could say that would be the appropriate balance of affection and respect. These were not the kind of cautious thoughts Regan was used to.

  After a moment she decided that it was too late to say anything, and just maintained her smile as Alisia sat down across from her.

  “So,” Alisia said, tapping a finger twice on the table, “Records show your birthday quickly approaching.” Regan silently continued her soft smile and obsessed over the green in Alisia’s eyes, and the light spread of freckles found just below.

  “What would you like for your birthday?” Alisia asked. Regan smirked and raised an eyebrow.

  “Besides that.” Alisia couldn’t help but crack a bit of a smile herself. Regan was nothing if not persistent. And not that Alisia would ever admit it, but it was still just as flattering. Regan thought for a moment. Coming up with nothing else she wanted, she gave a casual shrug, never breaking her gaze into Alisia’s eyes. Alisia looked back. “You’re being awfully quiet. Something up?”

  Regan leaned forward and took Alisia’s gloved hand, now affixing her gaze there. She took the glove off of her and touched her skin. “Alisia,” she said in a dream-like voice, “You don’t know what you put me through.”

  Alisia cocked back, reclaiming her hand. “What I put you through?” She knew very well. Regan wore her heart on her sleeve. And everywhere else for that matter. It made Alisia feel very guilty. No, not guilty. Responsible. Maybe both. Maybe something else.

  Their comms popped to life and Captain Kris Taylor’s voice reached them. “Major? Everyone? We’re about five minutes out from the target area. Local police are on scene and they only see one zombie. Two civilians down, but the area is contained.” Regan ground her teeth at the sound of Kris’s voice.

  Alisia spoke to the comm nestled in her ear. “Check, Captain. Parker, you ready?”

  Sergeant Robert Parker’s voice manifested. “Roger, Major.”

  Alisia stood, preparing to go arm herself. Regan slowly followed. “You’d think the cops could handle one freakin’ zombie. We could be somewhere getting a tan or something.”

  The ‘or something’ carried extra suggestion in her voice, but such subtleties now just rolled off Alisia’s back. “Well, they don’t have all the information. We’d rather handle it ourselves rather than risk further infection. They’re just following the procedure that I myself wrote.”

  The actual information bored Regan to tears, but the way Alisia spoke about it was entertainment enough. When the job was on, Alisia got very... ‘professional’ sounding. Commanding. It was something Regan marveled at. Regan was well versed at being bossy, but Alisia was by contrast, a leader.

  As Alisia opened an arms locker, Regan latched onto her arm affectionately. Alisia froze, and turned her head to Regan. “Not now.” She said dryly.

  Regan gave a last little squeeze, then let go. “Later?” Hope springs eternal, after all. “No.” Alisia responded as coldly as she could muster.

  The airlimb slowed as it approached an industrial and warehouse complex. Police cars were seen surrounding the back and front of one of the bays, a ty
pical two floor warehouse/office facility. “Kris,” Alisia spoke into her comm, opening the bay door again, “What do you think about landing?”

  “Eh...” Kris mulled, “Yeah, alright. But I’m going to have to drop you almost half a block out if we don’t wanna cook the cops with the jetwash.”

  “I think we can manage a walk.”

  “Roger.”

  Alisia and Regan hopped out as soon as they neared the ground. Regan followed Alisia’s example and jogged with her towards the target building.

  “Kris,” Alisia comm’ed up, “Get up and put Parker in position to fire onto the back of the building. Be ready to bring him out front if I say so. Parker? You know your job.”

  Parker aimed his bulky zipper gun down, and brought up the VTags on Alisia and Regan in its scope so he could track their locations.

  “Tag ladies, you’re it.” Parker’s playfulness earned him a playful middle finger from Regan.

  Alisia walked over to the police line. “Who’s head of this mess?”

  The police chief stepped forward. “You are now, ma’am.”

  “Alright. You’re sure no one’s come out?”

  “Not since we got here. Not unless they dug a tunnel.”

  “Checked the blueprints?”

  “No sewer access or anything like that.”

  “Good. Tell your people to keep on their toes. If a zombie does come out, feel free to shred it, but keep your distance even after it’s down.” Alisia changed to a yelling voice as she stepped back, looking to all the other officers. “Be damned sure to check your targets first! Zombies don’t move fast, so it’s not like they’re going to run up to you before you can get a good look! Neither of us need an ass full of lead! Got it?”

  The police chief replied, “Of course, ma’am.”