AZU-1: Lifehack

by Joseph Picard

  “I’m not talking to you, chief,” Alisia said with a smile, then going back to yelling. “I was talking to all you holding the guns! Did you GET that?”

  Shouts came out in the affirmative. Alisia turned back to the building and saw Regan chomping on the bit. They readied their P90s and approached opposite corners. They peeked into the widows from all angles as they met by the doors.

  “All clear?” “Yeah.” They opened the front doors and headed in. To the police, this was a little strange. Their training would indicate a much more aggressive entrance, but zombies don’t carry guns, so going in with a careful eye was more important than going in with quick aim. The front office was as wide as the bay, and about seven meters long. A smattering of blood was seen on the back wall behind a desk. The door in the back corner hung open lazily, also showing traces of blood at hand height.

  Regan approached the desk by way of the side wall while Alisia kept an eye on her, and the door.

  Regan made it behind the desk to find a young woman on the floor. Most of her skull was caved in, and her long blonde hair was matted with it. There were a few ragged gashes in her side as well. The blood on the floor and wall mimicked the patterns one might expect a child to leave around a mud puddle.

  “Yeah, she’s good and dead.” Regan said with revulsion and pity. This was the first fresh zombie kill she had seen in a long time, and it hadn’t gotten any prettier.

  “Burn the wounds.” Alisia said. “We’ll pull her out after.” Regan pulled out a flask, doused the wounds, lit it, and let them burn out. “Did I do it right?” Regan asked. “Looked OK. Let’s go.”

  They entered the back door and found a narrow stairway up, another door, and an open path to the large back area. Small traces of blood were seen on the stairs.

  “Keep an eye on the stairs,” Alisia said, “I’m just going to secure the bottom. You see anything, yell.”

  “You too.” Regan’s voice betrayed her worry for Alisia wandering alone.

  Alisia quickly opened the door to find a dingy little washroom. Nothing unusual for a poorly kept bathroom. She walked slowly into the back area. There were cardboard boxes everywhere, stacked neatly. No blood or damage was to be seen. Alisia made it through to the back door and yelled out to the cops in the back parking area. “Lower floor secure. Goin’ up.”

  Alisia met back with Regan and took point as they edged up the stairs. They were narrow, steep and creaky. Stable enough for use, but surely not up to code. The side walls made of press-wood seemed to consciously surround them, but holding out her hand for support quickly made Regan reconsider. They seemed to be fastened with all the strength of thumb tacks.

  They emerged into the upper office, roughly the same size as the one below. It was the only room on the second floor and was a clutter of office paraphernalia. In the middle of the floor was a fresh body. The chest cavity had been opened and the contents were arranged ‘neatly’ around it. There was enough damage to the rest of the body that they could not even tell the gender.

  Across the room, someone was sitting at a computer facing away from them. The hair and clothing were messy, but this was secondary to the soaking of blood.

  “Hey asshole!” Regan called out to him. He turned around in his chair. He moved like a human but the sagging and colour of the skin made it clear that this was a zombie. It was a rather fresh zombie. It still looked mostly human. One like this hadn’t been seen in a long time.

  It looked at them with a spark of intelligence, and then turned back to the computer to make a few quick keystrokes.

  “What the hell is going on?” Alisia growled. The zombie turned back towards them, as the spark of intelligence faded. It lunged at them sluggishly, moaning. “That’s, uh.. that’s better.” Regan commented, “Stupid thing.”

  It stumbled on the body as it came towards them. Alisia opened fire and cut out its knees. If fell to the ground but continued to claw towards them slowly. The girls walked around it as it floundered helplessly to get at them. Alisia looked at the computer screen it was working on. “It’s a nanite server. Running solo though, not like the networked ones in Autar.” Feeling experimental, Alisia reached for the back of the computer, and finding the power cord, yanked it out.

  The computer fizzled out, and simultaneously the wounded zombie fell limp and unmoving.

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 32: Poor Parker

  ~~~~~

  Three hours later, after taking a lot of photos and collecting evidence, the scene was turned over to the disease control people, and all were back aboard the airlimb. The main bay was now host to three sealed body canisters. Two human victims, one ex-human. The salvaged computer was there as well.

  After setting course and doing all the little things that needed doing, Kris put the airlimb on auto and turned her chair towards Parker, who had idly watched her work the airlimb’s systems. Having decided to hold off discussing the day’s action until the meeting, conversation had somehow gravitated towards social affairs.

  “So, you’re saying you’re persecuted as a straight male. Poor baby.”

  “I’m serious!” Parker snapped, “Here I am, assigned to this tin can with Alisa and Regan, and their little tension war, and then here you come along, perfectly happy with the title of an ‘evil slut’, all of you friggin hot, I might add. If I happen to get a little distracted I get labeled a pervert!”

  “Boo. Hoo.” Kris said, grinning. It was fun to egg him on. He was an open book. And he considered her hot. Useful data, but in Kris’s mind… who in their right mind wouldn’t? “You are a pervert, so?”

  “Shut up! You are a pervert. Regan is a pervert. Alisia and I are the only normal people in this unit!”

  Kris raised her eyebrow. Her coy smile disappeared. “What, because you’re straight?” She hadn’t encountered gay discrimination for a long time, and if she had to tear this little boy a new one in the cause of re-educating him, she was well prepared to do so.

  “No, it’s because me and Alisia don’t throw it all around! We wear clothes! Properly!” He pointed at the garter belt showing beneath Kris’s skirt, and the open buttons on her blouse showing bits of her black bra.

  Well, that was different. Kris was quite happy to hear that she was rattling this poor boy. “Well, nothing says you can’t dress more revealing.” She said, grinning with bedroom eyes.

  “What? Ha. Yes there is, we have a dress code in this army, and they give us uniforms for a reason! Besides, a guy dressing revealing is like a nice paintjob on a toaster.”

  Kris was broken abruptly from the ‘tease mode’ she was sliding into. “What the fuck?! A toaster?”

  “Yeah!” Parker staggered, coming out of his indignant rant. “Look, a guy’s body at best, is dull as hell. We have one part that’s a bit of fun, but overall it just does the job needed of a body and that’s about it.”

  “This poor stupid straight guy,” Kris thought, “Someone should teach him the proper use of a male body.”

  Parker continued. “But the female body...” he paused, glancing Kris up and down, “At its best... it’s... art, it’s sacred, best stuff on earth.”

  “That’s just because you’re straight. If you were a straight girl, or gay, you might say the opposite.”

  Parked scuffed his boot. “Maybe. But I doubt it.” He got a little quieter. “Girls have all the fun stuff.”

  This was too damn easy. Kris stepped forward, formulating a plan to torture the poor lad.

  Their comms sparked to life. “Guys”, Alisia said, “Meeting time. Someone bring that computer. We’re gonna crack the sucker open.”

  The four of them congregated in the airlimb’s small mess hall, and Kris began fiddling carefully with the screws on the back of the confiscated computer case.

  “So, what was with that zombie? It was acting almost normal for a few moments.” Regan looked to Alisia, even though she didn’t expect a solid answer.

  “I thought for a moment it was just in the m
iddle of being taken over, but that makes no sense. If he was in his right mind before we got there, why kill the other two?”

  “Well maybe it drove him mad before taking full control..?” Kris offered.

  “Eh, I don’t know. He was the freshest zombie I’ve seen in a hell of a long time,” Regan said, momentarily forgetting her hatred for Kris, “But it wasn’t that fresh. I’d guess a week or two.”

  Alisia leaned back. “Parker? Thoughts?”

  Parker perked up. He hadn’t been paying extremely close attention and didn’t expect the teacher to call on him. “No thoughts here, Major. I just shoot things.”

  Alisia smiled a bit. He could be such a brat sometimes. Kris finally popped the case of the computer. “Damn proprietary screws. Okay. Let’s see. Wireless network card of course, to transmit to the nanites and control the zombie.. no mana receiver, good to know.”

  “I should hope not.” Alisia said, “So, nothing unusual in terms of hardware then?”

  “No, not really. But...”

  “But what?”

  “Well, there’s a standard network card in here too. It was hooked up. Why a wireless network card too? It could have just been part of the original machine.... I don’t know. The wireless card’s a pretty new model. Newer than the computer...”

  “So it was added recently?”

  “Probably.”

  “Would it be reasonable to guess that a non-zombie may have installed that to control the zombie? Would that mean there’s a normal person out there who’s responsible for all the zombies?”

  “Holy shit.” Regan said quietly. “We’re having that place dusted for prints right? Oh shit, Kris! Stop touching the computer! You could be wiping off prints of this guy!”

  “Relax, hon,” Kris said, “I’ve been handling it minimally. I doubt I’ve done any harm.”

  “Hope not...” Regan scowled.

  “Anyway, the lab guys at Yute might know better. I wanna get a look at the software. Can I boot it up?”

  “I guess so. Regan, Parker, cover the zombie before we do this. It’s legless, but just to be safe...”

  Parker and Regan stood guard over the zombie’s canister while Kris hooked up an extension cord. It booted up right into the nanite server program.

  “Huh.” Kris mused, “Replaces the OS. Right from the POST to the server. Tight code. Very specialized.” The others had only half an understanding of what she meant.

  The zombie stirred. Through the frosted plastic lid, Parker and Regan could see it moving. It pressed its face against the top and tried to look around, making mumbling moans. It left thin smears of blood against the lid.

  “Cute.” Alisia said, “Okay, shut it down.”

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 33: Friendly Fire

  ~~~~~

  The airlimb powered down, nestled in its docking bay on the roof of Yute base. Base crew soon unloaded all the collected evidence.

  Regan snagged Alisia by the arm as they were leaving the airlimb. “Hey leesh, got a minute?”

  “Well, not really. I have to go report to the General. Can it wait?”

  “I just wanted to know if you have any vacation time stored up.” Regan asked.

  “Yeah, tons, why?”

  “I decided what I want for my birthday. I picked out a little tropical spot, and I wanna go on vacation there. Like a weekend or something.”

  “Well, I guess we could survive without you for a couple days. If something popped up though, we might have to come grab you.”

  “No no...” Regan’s face went a little pale. “I asked about your vacation time. Please come with me? Please?”

  Red flags popped up in Alisia’s mind. Regan wanted to take her away for the weekend? She must be mad. But then she looked at the uncharacteristically innocent, pleading look on Regan’s face. It reminded Alisia about the time they tried to go into town. Regan had something akin to a panic attack that day, overwhelmed by all the people. If she was brave enough to go to a resort after that, then it would be cruel to send her alone.

  “Fine. I’ll see what I can do. But again, if anything pops up, vacation’s over.”

  Regan’s face radiated relief and joy. She mouthed the words ‘thank you’, then quietly returned to the airlimb. There were preparations to be made. She walked briskly towards her room, but was confronted by Kris.

  “Get out of my way, demon!” Regan stood as if ready for combat if necessary. Kris put a ‘wounded’ expression on.

  “Come now hon, I know we’ve had our rough spots, but isn’t there any way I can make it up to you?”

  “Yes. Die.” Regan stormed past and opened her door. “Oh, and don’t call me hon.” She slammed the door shut, closing out the evil, evil Kris in the hall. Regan sat down at her terminal, trying to force Kris out of her head. She had to get to work if she had any hope of doing the vacation this weekend.

  The other day she had converted all her looted cash into online accounts. The Yute base’s office had minor banking capabilities, so that was convenient. Now it was just a matter of doing some online shopping. No having to deal with the public at large. Noisy chaotic public. It reminded her of the first fall of Autar. The yelling and screaming, the trampling of other people, wild shots fired by frightened troops, and of course the ever-pressing mob of zombies.

  No, no need to think of that any more than need be. Shopping time.

  Kris considered going in after Regan. No, she needed to cool down. It had only been what, two years and change? Give her another couple days. In the mean time, maybe she could find that Parker fellow. He seemed susceptible.

  Kris sauntered over to his door and prepared herself. Blouse unbuttoned enough to reveal a bit of bra? Check. Skirt high enough to show some garter and skin? Check. What else does a girl need? She opened the door in one smooth, confident motion.

  Parker was startled. He had been lying on his bed watching a movie on his terminal. In his fatigue pants and tank top, he leapt to his bare feet and saluted. “Captain, Sir!”

  Kris eyed him slowly. Yeah, he was a bit on the naive side for her tastes, but that had its appeal too. He was built well enough. She slithered closer.

  “No need to stand so erect, Sergeant. I only require that from Privates.”

  Parker either failed to get, or chose to ignore the innuendo, and stood easy. “Uh, what can I do for you, Captain?”

  “Mmmm, no need to be so formal off duty, Parker. Call me Kris.”

  “Ah, alright.” He said hesitantly.

  “Say it.” Kris’s tone had a hint of demand.

  “Uh, alright... ‘Kris’.”

  “Better.” She wondered what other tones of voice she could get him to say it in. “Have a seat, Parker. Or may I call you Robert?” She moved in such a way that he had little choice but to sit on the bed, and not the chair.

  “Uh, no one calls me that, Si- Er, Kris. Everyone just calls me Parker.”

  “Yes, I noticed,” She said, sitting next to him, and leaning in just a tiny bit. “But that’s not what I asked. I asked if.... I... could call you Robert.”

  Parker blinked. “Uh, whatever turns you- ! I mean, Whatever you want, Sir. Kris.”

  This was great fun. She leaned back onto the bed, and in a swift motion flung one leg around behind Parker. She now sat behind him with her legs around him and her hands joining over his abdomen. “So, Robert,” she whispered. “Would you like to play?”

  “.....play?”

  “Oh, don’t be silly. You know what I mean.”

  “Sir, I-“

  “I told you. It’s ‘Kris’. And don’t turn this into a rank thing. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

  “Kris… it’s just that I really don’t know you all that well, and-“

  “And rumor has it that I’m an evil, evil slut, right?” She said it with such pleasure, almost purring.

  “Well, true, but...”

  “Oh, Robert,” her voice melted into a sigh-like, innocent tone, “Do you really care
that I’m a bad girl? I know you’re a good little boy but you need to relax some time.”

  Parker was quiet. Kris’s soft warmth pressed against him. He could feel his body reacting to her. It was difficult to breathe, his heart was pounding, and all the other physical effects one might expect.

  “Robert...” Kris cooed, “It’s alright. Alisia won’t know. You and her have something, don’t you?”

  “The Major? No! Absolutely not!”

  Interesting. “Mmm, then come on. Don’t make me try to get convincing.”

  Some time later, Regan confirmed the last of her hefty orders. Delivery rushed for overnight. Hungry now, she began to step into the hall. She saw Kris’s back sticking out of Parker’s door. Kris was giggling. What a fake little giggle from a fake little slut. So... she got Parker. Regan ducked back into her room and waited. Soon she heard Kris wander off. She waited an extra minute and then went over to Parker’s. She knocked quietly.

  Parker took a minute, but answered, fully dressed. Regan pushed him in and closed the door behind them. Parker was shocked to say the least, and half expected Regan to come on to him despite knowing her orientation.

  “She fucked you, didn’t she!?” Her words came out almost in a hiss. Regan knew that when Kris was involved, she dominated. Always.

  “I- I- “

  “Ugh.” Regan calmed down a bit. “Look, I don’t want you in trouble. Don’t you know she’s an evil, e-“

  “Yes, I know...”

  “Then what were you thinking?” Bah. Regan knew what he was thinking. Kris had a way of blurring rational thought in others. “Ah, forget it. Look, what do you think is going to happen between you and her?”

  “I- I don’t know, I haven’t really had time to think of it!”

  “Hm. Well, don’t get too attached. As soon as you’re not convenient, or she’s grown tired of you, bam, it’s over.”

  Parker sobered up a little. “She’s really like that?”

  “Tip of the iceberg.” Regan stared into Parker with ferocity, trying to drive home her point. “I’m not kidding when I say she’s evil. Do you understand?”