AZU-1: Lifehack

by Joseph Picard

  Parker was quiet for a moment. “So.. what would you have me do?”

  “Ideally? Make her fall in love and then dump her ass. But that won’t happen. She can’t feel love, and you’re too nice. I can understand if you want to ‘see’ her again. I just advise against it.” Regan left Parker to think. She stepped into the hall and made sure the coast was clear before she went back to her room and tried to sleep.

  Alisia was having such a nice dream. Of what did she dream? Nothing. No zombies, no nanites, no Regan and Kris making nasty faces at each other in the hall. Nothing. Then, a sound. Wait, was that part of the dream?

  She felt a weight press down on the mattress near by. No, the dream was over. A weight came down gently on her hips and as she opened her eyes she saw Regan’s hand about to brush her cheek. Regan was straddling her, gazing into her eyes.

  “Hey, Alisia, you asleep?”

  “No, I always snore while I inspect my eyelids. Get out!” Alisia’s voice came cranky, but soft.

  “We need to talk.” Regan sounded upset and serious.

  “Ugh. Do I have a choice?”

  “No.”

  “In that case, what’s on your mind?”

  “Get rid of Kris, please?” Regan’s voice teetered like that of a little girl who’d been crying.

  “Is it really that bad?” Alisia slowly had to face the idea that she was now wide awake.

  “....please” Regan pleaded, barely audible.

  “You can defend yourself from her just fine.”

  “It’s not me I’m worried about- it’s you. She’ll steal you from me.” Regan’s eyes focused down where she was tracing little circles on Alisia’s night shirt her finger.

  “You don’t have me, I’m not a lesbian!”

  “Yeah....” Regan said concerned, “We need to discuss that, too.”

  Alisia rolled her eyes. “By the way, I’m much relieved to have woken up with your hand on my face this time.” She looked down at Regan’s finger wiggling on her abdomen, and moved it aside. “Hey, do you wear those nylons to bed or something?”

  “Just when I plan to come visit you in the middle of the night.”

  “So.. always then.”

  “Yeah. So.. can you get rid of Kris?”

  “.... She’s doing a good job so far. I have no concrete reason to get rid of her.”

  Regan considered telling Alisia about Kris and Parker’s little encounter. No, it might damage Parker’s standing with Alisia, and that wasn’t fair. “Fine. I’ll.... just promise me.. if you have a change of heart about girls in general... you’ll come to me, not her...?”

  Alisia rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. Fine.”

  “No. Not whatever. I’m serious. If...” Regan’s eyes were wide, and welling. She grabbed Alisia’s hand.

  “Fine.” Alisia said, grabbing Regan’s hand with both hands, patronizing her in an exaggerated manner. “I will. IF.”

  Regan seemed very relieved.

  “Now can I get to sleep?” Alisia asked bluntly.

  “Okay!” Regan flumped down on top of Alisia and began to get cozy.

  “Get out!”

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 34: Steeve

  ~~~~~

  Meet Steeve.

  Steeve was having a pretty good day, but in the mid morning he began to feel odd. Maybe there was a bug in the air, maybe it was something he ate, or maybe it was the fleet of new and improved nanites in the thing he ate. Who can tell with these things?

  The uneasy feeling passed soon enough. In fact, Steeve barely noticed that he had died. Neither did anyone else for that matter, since he kept on walking.

  Of course, Steeve was no longer home in his body. Something else controlled his body as he returned to the mall where he bought his breakfast. He went back to the food court and found a free seat among dozens of others who had enjoyed a similar breakfast. They were all resting with their heads down on their tables.

  A few of the shoppers passing by noticed these fifty-odd folks who were seemingly taking a nap in the middle of the food court. By contrast, all the people noticed when all of the napping zombies suddenly sat bolt upright. It was not then long before people began to die.

  ~~~

  Alisia’s comm barked for attention. She reached out from under the blanket and grabbed it. Silencing its alarm, she placed the little device in her ear.

  “Ung... Major Terone here.”

  “Major?” It was the General. “Another outbreak. A lot more than one this time. We’ve got a mall going to hell. Local police and SWAT have arrived on scene and are working to contain to the mall, and direct escaped wounded. I’ll dump co-ordinates to the airlimb. Any questions?”

  “No, Sir. We’re gone.”

  “Good hunting Major.”

  Alisia disconnected then buzzed the others’ comms. “Good morning people. We have a job. Let’s hustle. Kris, we should have the co-ords by now, get us in the air.”

  “Meh?” came Kris’ sleepy voice.

  Alisia simplified it. “Wake up! Fly big thing now!”

  “Meh.”

  While Kris ‘rushed’ to the control room, the rest put themselves together. The airlimb jolted to life and rose to the sky.

  “Kris?” Alisia asked for a report, walking into the darkly lit control room minutes later. “How are we doing?”

  Kris swiveled in her chair to face Alisia, still dressed in what she was sleeping in; panties and a baby T. “We’re fifteen minutes out. We’re good to auto until we approach the target.” Kris leaned back into what Alisia had come to call ‘the Regan maneuver’, stretching upwards, trying like hell to ‘accidentally’ expose herself under her top.

  “Then go get dressed, Captain.” Alisia muttered.

  “Captain, huh? You were calling me ‘Kris’ a moment ago.” Kris tried to make eye contact as she stood, but Alisia stared at the forward monitor intently, trying not to look at Kris.

  “Go put yourself together. We’re on duty as of five minutes ago.”

  Kris got up and walked past Alisia close and slow. “Roger.” Kris purred. She stopped for a moment and looked close at Alisia, who still denied her stare. Kris puffed a hot little sigh her way before slinking off.

  The airlimb was soon encircling the target zone, a small shopping mall. A press helicopter was already on the scene. Below, SWAT had contained a tight perimeter around all of the entrances, much like at the warehouse. Several ambulances were on the scene, and paramedics were scrambling over a handful of wounded.

  Alisia stood with Regan, looking out the side bay door. “Kris. Make sure those paramedics have the protocols for handling zombie-wounded and drop us off by the nearest entrance. Parker, get talking to the SWAT and co-ordinate with them. When Regan and I are down, you two get into the air and stay sharp.”

  The airlimb touched down momentarily. Alisia and Regan hopped off, walking through the SWAT lines to the entrance. By now the airlimb was already up again. After a quick check in with the SWAT commander, Alisia caught up to Regan who was standing in the doorway and looking in.

  A grouping of zombies had already turned their attention towards them. They looked nearly human except for the seemingly random wounds, the staggered movements, and deathly stare.

  These were even fresher than the one they encountered in the warehouse mission. Fresh baked today. Alisia’s stomach turned a bit. She knew they’d be fighting a lot of these, but the idea of shooting things that looked so human, all suddenly hit her. She had to force herself through the logic. “They’re already dead. Shooting them is just disarming a threat to the living.” Still... they looked so human. And their families didn’t even know yet.

  Regan looked into the mob and saw Autar. Memories of screaming pounded into the back of her head. Blood, blood, blood. On the walls, in the streets, on her. And her brother. She lingered in that memory for a while, lost.

  The sound of Alisia’s P90 snapped Regan back to the real world. In front of her the fresh zombi
es were beginning to collapse, blood erupting from their newest wounds. Regan collapsed to her knees, eyes transfixed on the newest horror.

  “Regan!” Parker’s voice came over the comm. He’d seen her collapse from the airlimb. Alisia looked to Regan in a minor panic. Seeing no wound, Alisia quickly tried to immobilize the few zombies still approaching.

  “Regan?!” Alisia, keeping one eye to the mall’s interior, got down beside Regan and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Regan, are you hurt?!”

  Regan silently leaned into Alisia and held her.

  “She’s OK.” Alisia called back to Parker. “Gimmie a sec.”

  Alisia felt Regan’s breathing. It was slow and deep, but it trembled. “Regan. Do you want to go back? I can finish this.”

  “Don’t be stupid.” Regan said, “There’s gotta be a couple hundred running around in here.”

  “Then we can delay. The situation’s contained, no one new’s gonna be hurt. Maybe I can get Parker to take a mission, maybe we could...”

  “No.” Regan’s voice became firm and confident. She would not allow herself to be weak like this… not when it was important. She could not fail Alisia. “We’re proceeding. Kris, do we have a reading on a nanite server transmission yet?”

  After examining the captured server, Kris was now equipped and able to identify the distinct but illegibly encrypted signals used to control the zombies. “Yeah,” Kris responded, “About two blocks inside the mall, to your general left.”

  “Alright.” Regan shook off the remaining bits of her weak moment and started ahead.

  They found themselves using a lot of ammo, and the tile floor in some areas of the mall came to look like a red sea peppered with shell casings. Between bursts of conflict, the girls walked quietly through a dim path of deathly evidence. The place had become a profound obscenity to life, complete with a choir of pained moans which came from the nearest group of ex-humans which they would have to butcher to proceed.

  Alisia kept having to remind herself that they were already dead, but it didn’t make the sound of blood under her boot any easier to hear.

  A yell was heard from ahead. “Over here! Hey!” The girls popped up from their gloom to see a live, healthy human waving at them from a store with its metal security grating down. Several other terrified faces could be seen poking out from the clothing racks inside. Unfortunately, the survivor’s yell also attracted eight or so zombies, and they were closer. When he saw them, the yelling man was smart enough to get back from the grate.

  The girls took aim and mowed down the zombies one by one. The last one to fall had already started bending the bars, and one of his arms still gripped it.

  Alisia stepped over the fresh kills, kicking aside one that was still putting up a fight with one leg operational.

  “Sir?” She said, calling for the civilian. He stepped forward and the other faces reappeared, some of them standing now, a bit less afraid. Several of them were children.

  “You’re that Captain Terone chick, right?” he said, eyes still looking about the main mall for zombies, but pausing on Regan a few times. “And Regan Grier. You’re here to save us!”

  “Major Terone, yes. We hadn’t expected to encounter survivors, actually. We’re here to clean out the zombies.” Alisia pondered the options while Regan made friends with a curious little girl, touching fingers through the grate. There was a decent possibility that the path to the exit behind them was still clear, but it was a risk. And these kids didn’t need to see any more corpses than they already had today. Alisia called up to Kris.

  “Captain, we have survivors here.” Alisia put a VTags on the floor of the shop so Kris could view their location. “Does this store have a back entrance?”

  The man replied before Kris. “no..”

  “No,” started Kris, “But the one next door does. I’m routing some SWAT there now.”

  Alisia looked to the store next door. It had been attacked and there was blood around, but there were no zombies in it. Alisia got the survivors to open the grate and sent them into the other store. Just as they were half way through, a loud crash was heard from the back and a few SWAT members hustled in.

  “Ok folks, follow these guys out, get checked out by the paramedics, and hopefully we can get you home quick.” Alisia tried to suppress a smile from this small victory, and watched Regan say goodbye to her little friend. Soon they were alone in the mall again.

  “Well,” Alisia said, “That felt good.” But then she turned around and saw the mess of blood again. The joy of saving a handful of people felt suddenly very small. But they continued.

  They closed in on the server signal and found it to be surrounded by a great crowd of zombies clogging up the entire width of the mall. With some help from Kris they managed to put a VTag on the approximate location of the server. Sure enough, it was right in the middle of the crowd.

  Alisia looked at the crowd and considered the amount of P90 ammo they had. “This is ridiculous. I’m going to soften them up.”

  Alisia slung back the P90 and drew forward the Bad Mojo. Regan hopped in anticipation as it hummed to life. Alisia aimed the bulky rifle at the right side of the crowd, but clear of the estimated location of the server.

  “Here’s to property damage!” Alisia pulled the trigger. The dull but sharp sound echoed against the hard walls as a mass of walking dead were thrown back, and apart. Windows broke and bits of wall flew. Regan loved the destructive aspect, but her enthusiasm was cut short by the red spray that these fresh zombies created in their wake. Alisia was sickened by the sight as well, but took aim again, this time at the left segment of the crowd. This time, Regan turned away.

  The sound rang out, and when Regan turned back, she saw devastation. Her knees felt weak. Alisia stood motionless, stunned by the horror she’d caused. “They were already dead, they were already dead.” she chanted in her mind. She could feel her arms tremble a bit. Focus. Focus.

  About two dozen zombies remained in the middle, spared from the terrible onslaught. The carnage on either side was littered with squirming parts. Blood dripped from the ceiling. Regan stared at the surviving zombies, who looked confused but unconcerned. But one of them was different. One was not so new.

  A decayed hand rose from the older zombie’s side, holding a revolver. Regan screamed, and tackled Alisia down. A shot rang out as Regan scrambled them behind a large potted plant.

  “What the fuck?!” Alisia said.

  “One of the zombies! Has a gun! He shot at us!” As if by cue another shot rang out, and a chunk of their concrete cover broke away.

  “It can’t be a zombie! Are you sure it’s not some human defending himself or something?”

  “No! He was rotting! Definite zombie!”

  Alisia was still skeptical. “You! With the gun! We’re human! Cease fire!”

  “Kiss my zombie ass!” came the response with another shot.

  The girls looked at each other, puzzled. A talking zombie who knew how to use a gun? Regan carefully stuck her head out the side to peek. Sure enough, the older zombie was slowly walking towards them, holding his gun. He walked smoothly like a human and his expression showed intelligence. He spotted Regan, and as he corrected his aim she ducked back in. A bullet ricocheted where her head had been, but by now, Alisia’s P90 was aimed and a short volley of bullets shattered his arm. The arm and the gun fell to the floor.

  The zombie stopped.

  He looked at his arm.

  He looked at Alisia.

  “Bitch!”

  He stooped down and used his remaining arm to pry the gun loose. Alisia wasn’t about to have that, so she shot off his other arm. He stood and looked at both arms laying on the ground.

  “Ack! You’ve disarmed me!”

  “What the hell?” Regan said, “We’re talking with a zombie! What’s going on here?”

  The zombie looked at Regan. “Well, what do you expect, this?” The light of intelligence suddenly left him and he moaned, staggering fo
rward.

  “Well.... yeah!”

  The zombie didn’t respond, but kept advancing.

  “Screw that.” Regan opened fire and took it down.

  “Missed me!” Came the same voice, but this time from the ambling crowd of zombies who were only now cluing in to Regan and Alisia. One of them jumped forward, breaking into a run, moving like a human. It dashed for the fallen handgun which was closer to it than Regan or Alisia. They dropped him in mid stride before he got far. The newly fallen zombie called out from the floor.

  “Uh... that didn’t hurt!” Then his face went dim and stupid like a normal zombie. The voice came from within the group again. “Didn’t hurt at all!”

  Yet another zombie broke apart from the crowd, this one diving for nearby cover. The girls didn’t manage to hit the new one, but deciding to narrow their opponent’s options and remove variables from the battlefield, they shot down the remaining handful of mindless zombies.

  “Ooooh, my toys!” the last zombie bemoaned from behind his potted plant.

  “What the hell are you?” Regan said as Alisia walked over to its first body, the older zombie.

  “I’m a zombie! Duh!” he called out.

  “Yeah, fine, but why are you talking?” Regan said.

  “I get so lonely!”

  Alisia glanced at Regan. “A.I.?” She asked softly.

  Regan opened her mouth, but was interrupted by the zombie. “Haha, I am not an A.I.”

  “Good ears.” Alisia commented.

  “The Autar A.I. was a magnificent piece of code, if I must say so myself,” the zombie said, “But it’s not capable of holding conversations, and it still had a pretty feeble understanding of bodily kinetics. And no appreciation of firearms.”

  “So you’re either a much better A.I., or a human controlling zombies through the server.” Alisia said, prodding the body of the older zombie with her boot.