Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  With a shrug, I commented, “Hey, you can’t blame her for that.” After releasing a sigh, I answered his question. “Yeah, he was a good boyfriend back then.”

  “What happened? You seem to really care about him. I’m sure a brother in his position needs that kind of woman around him, especially with so many groupies waiting to get that money.”

  “Life happened,” I said as I flipped through Roderick’s chart again. “Sometimes men just don’t know when they have a good thing.”

  “Sometimes women don’t know either,” he noted.

  I understood where he was coming from. “I guess not, Derron. I guess not. Let’s get started so you can get out of here and spend some real quality time with your son.”

  Once we had finished, I told him where to pick up the WIC vouchers. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Derron. And, little man, I will see you when you are one.” I rubbed Roderick’s head, and he smiled at me.

  “Thanks, Ms. Taylor,” Derron said, grabbing the baby bag. He stood and headed to the door, then walked back over to me and said, “For the record, Ryan Westmore may be a genius on the field, but he was dumb as hell for leaving you behind.”

  I laughed. “Honey, you are preaching to the choir!” I exclaimed, and then we gave each other daps.

  It was a long Friday, and I kept thinking about Derron and how mature he was for a nineteen-year-old. Ryan was twenty-four and still a damn idiot. I couldn’t blame it all on him, though. I was also to blame. I had not dropped these damn feelings I had for him, and I had not forced him to take care of his responsibilities, so I couldn’t complain. It was just that I didn’t want to fight him in court, where I would look like the desperate baby mama. I wanted him to want to take care of his children and, if I was being completely honest, be with me. If he was forced to do it, I still wouldn’t be happy. My kids would be financially sound, but every mother wanted her kids to have a loving father, not a court-ordered one.

  By the end of the day, I had made up my mind that it was time to put my personal feelings aside and make Ryan put up or shut up. Ultimately, it boiled down to a choice between my kids or my feelings. I chose my kids. That meant either he was going to take care of our kids or the media was going to get the story of the year at his expense. As I drove to my mom’s house to pick up the kids after work, I felt buoyed by the decision I had made.

  “Mommy!” the kids screamed as all three of them came running full speed to me when I stepped through my mom’s kitchen door.

  “I love you, Charity,” I said, kissing my daughter. “And you, Ray, and you, Ryan.” I kissed each of them. “Were you guys good for Grandma?”

  “Yes,” they said in unison.

  I looked at my mom for confirmation—as if she would ever say they weren’t. She loved my kids so much that I thought she loved them more than me at times.

  “Of course they were good. These are Grandma’s babies,” she said, hugging them. “Do you all have your book bags and the treats that I gave you?”

  “Mom, I told you to cool it with the sweets,” I huffed.

  “And I told you that these are my grandkids, and I will do no such thing. When you have grandkids, you’ll understand,” she said as the kids ran around gathering their things.

  “Well, I guess someone has to spoil them, since their daddy won’t,” I said aloud without thinking.

  My mom’s mouth dropped. “Did you just shade the great Ryan Westmore? I’m in utter disbelief!” she joked.

  I rolled my eyes and peered over her shoulder to see if the kids were within earshot. After reassuring myself that they weren’t, I leaned over to her. “I’m going to do it, Mom. I’m suing him for child support if he doesn’t willingly comply,” I whispered.

  My mom dropped her spatula on the kitchen counter and hugged me. “Thank God! What happened? What changed your mind?”

  “I was slapped with a little dose of reality today. I had a nineteen-year-old come to my office with his son. He was no longer with the baby’s mother, but he was so adamant about being a father to his son. I just couldn’t see a man so young having that much maturity and depending on the system, while Ryan runs around making millions and acting like he doesn’t even know his kids exist.”

  “Well, I don’t know who this young man is, but I’ll be damned, I love him!” she said excitedly.

  “I’m sure you do.”

  She put her hand on my shoulder. “I know you love him, sweetie, but this is what’s best. We can’t help who we love, but you owe it to yourself and your kids to do the best thing, even if that means making the tough decisions. Prayerfully, through this, he will come around. Sometimes the best love we can give a person is tough love.”

  It was the first time my mother had shown that she truly grasped my feelings for Ryan and had empathy for me because I felt that way about him. For once, it made me feel as if she truly understood, and it brought tears to my eyes. It felt good to know that she didn’t think I was crazy for loving him.

  “You’re right,” I said, wiping my eyes, as she hugged me again.

  I left my mom’s house with a renewed sense of confidence and strength to carry out my plan to make Ryan be responsible for his actions. As I pulled up at my house, I noticed someone standing on my front steps. His back was turned, and I couldn’t see his face. I was on the phone with my mom, and I told her a stranger was on the stoop. From her voice, I could tell she was as alarmed as I was. I brought the car to a stop, then decided that was a bad idea, but before I could drive away from the danger, Ryan Jr. jumped out of the car.

  “Ryan!” I screamed as I pulled into the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran after him.

  “Daddy!” he screamed.

  Ryan turned and faced us. “What’s up, little man?” he asked as he picked up Ryan Jr. and hugged him.

  “Oh, dear God! I was so scared! I didn’t know who was on our steps,” I said. “Ryan Jr., don’t you ever do that again!”

  “But I saw it was Daddy from the car, Mommy. Oh, please don’t be mad,” Ryan Jr. said.

  Before I could answer, Charity and Raymond ran up to their dad. “Daddy!” they yelled in unison as they hugged him.

  “Hey, Ray. What’s up, dude?” he asked, putting Ryan down and hugging Ray.

  “Nothing, Daddy. I missed you,” Ray replied.

  “I missed you too,” he said.

  “What about me?” Charity asked.

  He put down Ray and picked up Charity. “I could never forget my princess! How are you, baby?”

  She blushed. “Good, Daddy! I missed you too.”

  Ryan looked at me and smiled. “Hey, Charice.”

  I rolled my eyes. “What are you doing here?” I asked nonchalantly.

  “I wanted to surprise my family,” he replied as he put Charity down. The three kids gathered around his legs and clung to him.

  “Oh, well, you have the wrong house. Your mom and dad live in a gated community across town,” I told him.

  His look turned serious. “I’m at the right house.” He leaned in toward me and said in a low voice, “Don’t do this right now.”

  “It’s never a good time, according to you,” I said, getting angry.

  “Please, Charice,” he begged, his tone apologetic.

  I relented, letting out a sigh. That was when I remembered my mom was still on the phone. I put my cell to my ear. “Oh God! Mom, are you still there?”

  “As if I would hang up after all that commotion.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s Ryan,” I told her.

  “Uh-huh. I heard. Tell him we’re suing him for child support,” she said bluntly.

  I rubbed my forehead. “I can’t do this right now, Mom.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to tell him.”

  “Charice, tell your mother I said hello,” Ryan interjected. “I really need to speak with you, if you don’t mind.”

  “Ryan said hello,” I told her.

  “Tell him I said, ‘Go to hell,’” she responded
angrily.

  “Mom, I have to go. We’re standing out here looking crazy, my truck is still running, and Ryan needs to talk to me.”

  “Hold your ground, baby.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said before hanging up. I let Ryan and the kids into the house, turned my truck off, then brought our things inside.

  “You should’ve told me you had stuff in the car. I would’ve gotten it,” Ryan said, grabbing the kids’ book bags from me at the front door.

  I shot a hard glare at him. Enough was enough with this “Daddy’s home” routine. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  He sat the book bags down and faced me. “We’ll talk. Just let me spend some time with the kids first, please. Can I do that? Then, when they’re asleep, we can talk.”

  As much as I wanted to force him to have this discussion right now, the kids were excited and chomping at the bit to spend time with him. For them, I let it go . . . for the moment. “Fine.”

  Ryan took off to play with the kids, and that was exactly what he did. He played with them under my watchful eye as I made myself busy tending to the house to give them alone time. As dinnertime neared, Ryan ordered pizza, and we had a good time eating and watching a movie with the kids. After that, he played tea with Charity and then Madden on the PlayStation with the boys while I finished up the laundry and cleaned the kitchen. I needed to do something to keep myself from blowing up on his ass. These might be good moments or whatever, but I hadn’t forgotten that this was an exception and not the norm. All of a sudden, he was here and playing Daddy? Oh no. He would not pop in and out of our kids’ lives, and I planned to tell him so as soon as I could.

  Once I was done with the kitchen, he helped me bathe the kids, read bedtime stories, and put them to bed. In minutes, all three of them were asleep, like the angels they were. Ryan and I went into the living room and sat down. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

  I plowed into him before he could speak. “So are you going to answer my question? What are you doing here?”

  He pulled up his sleeves and moved closer to me on the sofa. Giving me that slick-ass, sly smile, he said, “It’s like that?”

  “Ryan, things have changed. I’ve changed.”

  “So have I,” he claimed.

  “Well, we can agree on that,” I said sarcastically.

  With his head bowed, he threw up his hands. “Okay, I deserved that.”

  “Oh, you don’t want me to get started on the list of things you deserve or the list of things you don’t deserve and never did,” I said angrily.

  He nodded. “I deserved that too.”

  Frustrated with just his presence, I pressed him again. “Why are you here?”

  With his fingers intertwined, he leaned forward and looked over at me. “Charice, I’ve been thinking. Maybe I have been missing out on a wonderful life with you and the kids. They love me so much, and spending time with them like this just felt . . . I don’t know . . . right. You know what I mean? I’ve really been thinking about this, and I think maybe we should see where this family thing could take us.”

  Did he say what I thought he said? Bullshit. There’s no way. I had to paraphrase it aloud to be sure it wasn’t my imagination playing tricks on me. “So you mean to tell me that after all this time, you want us to be a family? As in you want me and you to be together, as a couple, with our children?”

  He gave a shrug and nodded. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

  My bottom lip was probably dragging on the floor. After all these years, and right after I’d finally decided to pursue child support, he was offering me my heart’s desire. Was he for real? Nope. He couldn’t be, I thought.

  I frowned. “I don’t believe that shit for one minute.”

  He moved even closer to me. “It’s true, Ricey.”

  Aw, hell naw. He did not hit me with “Ricey.” Now, that was a nickname I hadn’t heard in a long time. He had called me Ricey on the day he told me for the first time that he loved me.

  “Don’t call me that. You lost your privilege to call me that.”

  “Maybe I did, but can’t I at least have the opportunity to try to earn it back?”

  “And what the hell do you think I’ve given you all these years? Opportunity got to the point that it stopped knocking and just sat down on your doorstep and took a damn nap!”

  He laughed. “I can’t argue with that,” he said. His laughter ceased when he saw the expression on my face. I wasn’t amused by or enthused about his revelation. His expression turned serious. “However, that was then. This is now. All I’m asking for is a chance to get it right,” he pleaded, running his fingers through my hair.

  Ooh, he knew my weak spots. Hands in my hair, his fresh breath as he whispered in my ear, tickling my senses, and the heat radiating off him were my kryptonite. I refused to look at him. If I did, I’d be a goner. Something about his mocha-brown skin and those sexy-ass dimples paired with those bedroom eyes melted my heart and my box every time. Even still, I felt my emotions sparking like firecrackers, and I felt myself giving way.

  His other hand touched my thigh, and this heifer between my legs took over. She shut down my brain after scrambling its signals. I hated myself for succumbing to this. My hot box was moist just from his touch, and my resilience was completely gone. Still, I found the strength to try to fight him off.

  “Stop, Ryan.”

  He got up and kneeled in front of me, which forced me to look at him. “I’m sorry, Charice. Please forgive me and take me back.”

  I forced my brain to reactivate and jumped up from the sofa. “You leave me with these kids for five years, and now I’m supposed to forgive and forget? I killed my baby or babies because I couldn’t afford to support anymore children on my own, and that’s supposed to be cool? Now I’m supposed to run into your arms, as if you’d been on some extended business trip and nothing had changed? Well, a lot has changed, Ryan, including my love for you!” I said sternly and turned to walk away.

  Following behind me, Ryan grabbed my arm before I could get across the room. He pulled me close and kissed me passionately. Lord knows I tried to resist him. I promise I did.

  “Stop,” I mumbled as he continued kissing me.

  “Is that what you really want?” he asked before he slipped his tongue in and out of my mouth. “I’m sorry, so sorry,” he whispered in my ear, then kissed my lobe. Tears were in his eyes, and I couldn’t help it. I gave in.

  “Oh, Ryan,” I moaned.

  That did it. These fucked-up love feelings of mine were pouring out as his pheromones intoxicated me. All the anger and toughness I’d built up over the years fell down faster than the walls of Jericho. One touch from this man and it was as if we’d never broken up. How was it possible to still love this man this much? To still want him this bad? As we kissed with wild abandon, I couldn’t stop this if I wanted to, and that was the thing . . . I didn’t want to. The next thing I knew, we were in my bedroom, where Ryan undressed me from head to toe.

  “God, you are still so fucking beautiful,” he said in a raspy voice, admiring my naked body.

  Shit. I wasn’t the only one. All those training-camp workouts had him finer than I remembered him being. Trust me, I didn’t think Ryan could get any finer.

  “Aw, baby,” I said, lifting my legs so he could enter me. Suddenly, it hit me. I wouldn’t go through this again. No glove, no love. “Baby, do you have a condom?”

  Ryan looked at me strangely. “No. Come on, baby. We don’t need one. This is me and you.”

  I gave him a crazy look. “This was us three years ago—”

  He bent down and kissed me, interrupting me. “I’m here now.”

  I wanted this, so I wouldn’t stop it, but the fear of pregnancy forced me to pause. I sat up and looked in my nightstand. I found a condom and grabbed it. Since I worked at the clinic, I had brought some protection home, in case I got lucky enough to ever get “some” from someone. I hated to admit it, but the last ma
n to fuck me was the one trying to fuck me now, the one who had fucked me in some form or fashion for eight years. Yep, Ryan was my first and only lover.

  “Here,” I said, offering him the condom.

  “This shit is going to be tight. Damn, baby. I just want to feel you—”

  Now I was on a hard pause. As bad as I wanted this, it would not go down if he didn’t wear protection. I needed to feel as though what I needed mattered before we could move forward. If he refused to put my feelings first, then he would have to hit the door. Mentally, I prepared myself to be let down again.

  “For years I’ve done what you wanted me to do. Do something for me for once. I need to know that you’re serious about this thing, and I need to rebuild trust. I love you, Ryan. I always have and always will, but I have to start looking out for Charice,” I told him.

  He looked downcast, but then he kissed me, sat back, took the condom from my hand, and ripped open the wrapper. “If it will make you happy, then I will do it. I’ll do anything for you, Ricey.”

  My heart sang. He was serious this time. Serious about me . . . about us. I fell back and gave him complete access to me. I felt just how Bella felt toward Edward in the movie Twilight. At that moment, I felt that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with this man. I spread my legs with ease.

  “Welcome home, Daddy,” I sang to him.

  “That’s right, baby. Daddy’s home.”

  * * *

  The sound of my cell phone woke me up out of my slumber. I turned to see Ryan sleeping peacefully beside me in my bed, and I smiled. It hadn’t been a dream. He’d returned, claimed me as his woman, and made passionate love to me for two hours. I had thrown everything I had into that lovemaking session. I had learned some great moves from a pole-dancing class I took to keep my body in shape, and the class damn sure paid off. For the first time, I had had Ryan screaming like a bitch! He was normally good for one climax, but I had successfully brought him to four in one night! He was so in shock that he tried to cuddle me all night like a damn baby, but his muscles were even heavier when he slept. Although I wanted to spoon with him, I needed to breathe, which was why I chose to get up to answer my phone now.