Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  As I watched him rest, my feelings continued to bubble forth. I loved this man, and his earlier interaction with the kids and our lovemaking had made all the ill shit we’d gone through seem like water under the bridge.

  I threw on my robe and went into the living room to answer my cell, to avoid waking up Ryan or the kids. “Hello,” I said into the phone when I answered the call.

  “He got to you,” my mom said.

  “Mom, it’s not like that. He’s back and wants to be a family,” I protested.

  “Oh really? A family, huh?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, he does,” I said confidently. “You know what? I’m not going to sit here and let you dog my man. He has his faults, but we’re a family, and we’re going to work through them.”

  My mom gasped. “Wow! Your man, huh? You’re a family now? And you’re working through it? Humph, okay. I sure hope he put on a condom this time.”

  “You are certifiable.”

  “And I ain’t the only one. Before you go riding off into the sunset with your man, please turn on the television, to channel six.”

  I picked up the remote, turned on the TV, and went to channel six. Extra was on.

  “Now we bring you the story that everyone has been buzzing about. Caught on camera yesterday afternoon was the horrific breakup of supermodel Iris and her on-again, off-again beau, Dallas Cowboys star running back Ryan Westmore,” the correspondent said. “In the footage, Ryan runs into Iris when she is on a date with actor Tobias Tate. The two had been suspected of fooling around in recent months. Westmore confronts Iris, and spectators say that Iris admits her affair with Tate and her love for him. After breaking up with Westmore, she leaves with Tate, with Westmore looking like he’s just lost the game of his life.”

  “Actually, the love of his life sounds more like it,” the other correspondent said jokingly. “It is rumored that Westmore was ring shopping for Iris, and he has publicly stated on more than one occasion that he is in love with her.” Both correspondents nodded in agreement. “This has to be a big blow to him.”

  “Yep, and no one has heard from or seen the Dallas Cowboys star athlete since,” said the first correspondent. “His publicist released a statement saying, and I quote, ‘Ryan wishes nothing but the best for Iris. While he wished that they could’ve parted in a more amicable fashion, it was for the best. He asks that you please respect his privacy as he takes a few days to relax and take time for himself.’”

  “Poor thing,” the second correspondent said. “He’s been known to be a bit of the bad boy type, but you have to feel sorry for him. He seemed to be quite smitten with Iris. Don’t worry about it, Ryan. There are plenty more fish in the big sea.”

  “Yes, I’m sure he will not have any trouble finding takers. In other entertainment news . . .” The correspondent continued until I hit the POWER button on the remote.

  “Looks like your boy came home to have you lick his wounds and sow his royal oats,” my mom said. “Oh, but I forgot. You’re a family now. It’s mighty strange that he wants to be a family after he was publicly humiliated yesterday by his supermodel ex-girlfriend.”

  I couldn’t find any words to say. It was eleven o’clock at night, and I had just confessed all my love for Ryan and damn near blown my back out giving him pussy when just yesterday this fool had been ready to marry another woman! Well, that is, until she had broken up with him.

  I hadn’t been following Ryan’s life, because I couldn’t bear to hear the stories about him being with other women. I had only watched his games, and if I heard his name on any type of news, entertainment, or gossip show, I changed the channel. I refused to read blogs about him unless they dealt strictly with his career. I was so disappointed, hurt, and so fucking livid!

  “I knew he was lurking around for a reason, so I searched until I read about this story, which they said would play on Extra. Sweetie, he’s played you again,” my mom said regretfully.

  I stifled my tears. “I gotta go, Mom.”

  “Sweetheart—”

  “Bye, Mom,” I said and hung up. I turned off the lights in the living room and sat in the bay window and gazed out. I wondered why I continued to let Ryan do this to me.

  “Baby, what are you doing up?” Ryan asked as he came into the living room an hour later. “Come back to bed. I need to feel you next to me.”

  I turned and faced him, with my face drenched with tears. “Leave, Ryan.”

  He rushed over to me. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, attempting to wipe my tears. “What happened?”

  I swatted his hand away. “Just make this easy for me and the kids and just leave now. I don’t have the energy to argue, and I’m done wondering and hoping for the best when I know the worst is inevitable. Just leave and don’t come back.”

  Ryan stood firm and crossed his arms. “No. Not until you tell me what happened. We were all good, I thought. I’m here and we’re working on us and—”

  “Do you love me, Ryan?”

  “Huh?”

  “You heard me. I’ve told you all night long, so I want to hear you say it to me. In order for you to come back to me, either you must love me or it’s due to some other reason.”

  He shifted nervously. “I do, Charice.”

  “You do what, Ryan?”

  “I have love for you. You know this.”

  “No. I asked you if you love me. I have a love for ice cream, Ryan. I love people,” I said sarcastically.

  “Where the hell is this coming from, Charice?” he asked in exasperation.

  I shook my head. My mom was right. I was his fall back chick. “Maybe you loved Iris and were going to marry her before you caught her with that fine ass Tobias Tate yesterday.”

  It was as if I’d knocked the wind out of him. He stumbled back and then sat on the arm of my sofa. “That wasn’t serious. She was just a girl.”

  “A girl who broke up with you in public yesterday. A girl who humiliated you so much that you had to release a press statement and come home to get yourself together.”

  “Charice,” Ryan began sadly.

  “Just admit it, Ryan. For Christ’s sake, for once, tell me something real! I was your fall back chick. You knew I loved you, and you needed me to cater to your ego, didn’t you? You had no intention of staying with me. Just tell me. Maybe if I hear you say it, I’ll finally get it. I’ll get that all we had and all we ever were and are going to be is a teenage love affair,” I cried.

  He shook his head. “Charice . . . I . . .” He sighed and nodded. “At first, yes. I came here to visit my kids, and yes, I needed my ego stroked. I knew that you loved me, and yes, I needed that. My breakup with Iris was hard on me, and I just needed to know that someone loved me. I knew you were the one woman who always would, but after spending time with the kids and after the incredible time we had, I honestly want to try, Ricey. I want to fall in love with you again.”

  He’d said it and actually admitted it. I’d never felt so liberated and heartbroken at the same time. As much as I wanted Ryan—wanted to love him and wanted what he was offering—I realized that he was no good for me. I was nothing to him but a holla-back chick. But I refused to let him holla anymore. Since my heart couldn’t let him go, my mind did. I was drawing my line in the sand. I was done.

  I stood up and walked over to Ryan. “Thank you.”

  He hugged me. “You’re welcome. I plan on making up—”

  I put my finger to his lips. “No, you’re not. I want you to be a father to your kids. I want your support for them financially, emotionally, and physically. You owe them, but as for me and you, we’re done. I can’t be with you, Ryan.”

  “Charice, come on, baby. I admitted it, but I want—”

  “This is not about you, Ryan,” I said, cutting him off again. “It’s about me and what I need. In a lot of ways, it’s also about what I don’t need. I love you and guess I always will, but I can’t do this with you. Please leave.”

  “But, baby—”
r />   “Go!” I hollered, interrupting him once more, as tears began to fall from my eyes.

  He turned slowly and went into the bedroom, and when he returned, he was fully dressed. He sat down and wrote out a check.

  “Here is a check for ten grand. I’ll send six thousand dollars every month for the kids. Is that fair?” he said.

  I nodded. “Yeah,” I said, tightening my robe.

  “We’ll work out visitation when our heads are a little clearer,” he told me as I walked him to the door. “Can I pick them up tomorrow?”

  “Yes. From my mother’s house at noon,” I told him. “Do not stand them up.”

  “Charice, it doesn’t have to be this way,” he pleaded as I opened the front door.

  “Yes, it does.”

  “I’m sorry, Charice. I truly, truly am.”

  “Me too, Ryan. Me too,” I said and then shut the door in his face.

  I lay on my sofa and balled my eyes out. Despite everything he had put me through, I loved him. It was the second time in one night that I felt just like Bella in Twilight. I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. Nothing could change that . . . not even him.

  LaMeka

  I could barely stand the thought of having to go over to my mom’s house; however, my sister, Misha, needed me. My mother and her live-in boyfriend were in a drunken rage, so Charice had let me borrow her Tahoe to go and pick up Misha. She had a couple of tests to study for and couldn’t get any work done at home.

  I loved my mother, but for no other reason than she was my mother. I looked at it like this: We couldn’t help who God gave us as parents. We just have to love them in spite of it, because at the end of the day, we had only one mom and one dad. Now, it was hard to say that I loved my father, since I had never known him, so I gave my mom props for at least keeping us. She could have abandoned us, although sometimes I thought I would’ve been better off if she had.

  My mom’s problem was men. She loved to love them, and when she had a new man, my sister and I would fall to the bottom of her list, no matter how long she had known them. The worst incident had happened when I was thirteen. I was at the grocery store with my mom when she met Charles. One date and three days later, Charles was living with us as her new man. Only a week after he’d moved in, she had the nerve to tell me that they were getting married and that he would be my new daddy, so I had to respect him. Respect him? Hell, I didn’t even know him, and neither did she. Oh, but she found out plenty about him when his actual wife showed up at our place three weeks later and dragged his cheating ass back home with her and their seven children.

  Apparently, he was known to wander every time they had a huge fight, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to shack up with a female until his wife hunted him down. It was a sad sight to see my mother clowning about how much they loved each other. She looked like a damn fool, and Charles’s wife told her so. Charles confirmed it when he told my mom that she was too clingy and that he wasn’t ever leaving his wife. He had just needed a space to clear his head. Wow! Yeah, right. After they left, my mom took out all her frustrations on me. She beat my ass for every little thing for the next week, but that was how it was growing up with her as Mommy dearest.

  I hated that my sister had to be mixed up in our mother’s mess. When I’d lived at home, I’d taken the brunt of the abuse and protected my sister. Ever since I left, she’d been all on my sister. If I could afford to take care of my sister myself, I would. Since I couldn’t afford that, I did the best I could by picking her up or paying for her to take a cab over to my place so she could get away as much as possible, like today.

  When I pulled up to my mom’s house, I heard plenty of commotion and ran full speed up the front steps to find out what in the hell was going on. I burst through the door to see my mom’s boyfriend, Joe, holding her back from my sister, who was curled up in the fetal position on the sofa, crying.

  “What the fuck is going on in here?” I screamed.

  “Get your slutty bitch sister out of my house!” my mom yelled.

  “Don’t you talk about Misha that way!” I shouted as I ran over to Misha and grabbed her. “Honey, what happened? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head and buried it in my chest and held on to me. “Take me away, Meka, please!”

  “That’s right! Take her ass away. Both of you get the fuck outta my house!” my mom yelled.

  “Joe! What’s going on?” I shouted at him.

  He put his shirt back on and zipped his pants. “Hell if I know.”

  My mom hit him in the back of his head. “Hell if you know? You muthafucka!”

  Before I knew it, Joe grabbed my mom and shook her like she was a rag doll. “Hit me one more time and I’m gonna knock you the fuck out!”

  “You won’t do a thing to her!” I hollered at him.

  Facing me, with malice in his eyes, he shouted, “I’ll fuck you up too, LaMeka. Don’t try me!” He pointed at me.

  “Space and opportunity, Joe!” I said, daring him, with my arms outstretched.

  Misha jumped up between Joe and me and grabbed me. “No! Let’s just go!”

  “Not until somebody tells me what happened,” I said, looking from Misha to Joe and our mother.

  My mom put her hands on her hips. “You wanna know what happened? Ask your slutty little sister. Oh, I forgot. She ain’t gonna tell you.” Her anger increased as she ran up toward Misha in a fight mode, and I stepped between them, blocking her from laying hands on my sister. “She’s been fucking my man! Why you gotta fuck my man? I know your little slutty ass is fucking your little schoolhouse boyfriend, Vince! What? He told you to get some experience or some shit?”

  My mouth fell to the floor. I didn’t believe it. I turned to Misha. “Did Joe rape you?”

  Joe had taken a seat, but he jumped up after I posed that question. “Wait a minute now! I did no such thing. I can’t help it if your sister is a freak like her mama.”

  My mom’s hand connected with his face before the words could fully come out of his mouth, and he slapped her right back. Misha and I both yelled out in fear, because we both knew that this situation had escalated beyond our control. It had happened so fast that before we could really react, Joe was already clutching my mom by her neck and squeezing.

  “Barbara, I told you to keep your hands off me! Didn’t I?” he yelled, in a rage, as he gripped her neck.

  Despite the fact that my mother fought back, Joe had a death grip on her. We knew that if we didn’t come to her rescue soon, it would get a lot worse. The only thing we could do was take him on ourselves and try to stop him from killing our mother. Misha and I jumped on Joe, and with all our might, we tried to pull him off her.

  “Let her go, Joe! I’ll call the police on your ass! Let her go!” I hollered.

  We managed to pry his hand off her neck, but then he knocked me and Misha onto the floor. My mom stood there, massaging her throat, gagging, and choking, as she tried to get herself together. Misha and I got up off the floor and ran to her aid. Luckily, Joe left her alone.

  “Is this what you want, Mama?” I asked her. “A man who beats on you and molests your daughter?”

  My mom looked at me, still huffing from the assault. “This ain’t none of your business. Take your ass back over there with Tony, and take your slutty sister with you.”

  “Mom, please! Don’t kick me out. It’s not my fault,” Misha pleaded.

  Pissed wasn’t even the word to describe my feelings. Here, we had stopped this man from choking her ass to death, and my mom was still being harsh to her own daughter. Nah. Something had to be said.

  I pointed at Misha. “This is your child, Mother. Do you see her hurting over here?” I said sternly as Misha cried. “You need to do what’s right.”

  After a few moments, my mom looked at me hard. “I am,” she said as she walked over and wrapped her arm around Joe’s waist. “Now, you take your sister. I can’t deal with her anymore. I will not have her here sleeping with
my man.”

  “Mom!” Misha cried, and I consoled her.

  “Mom, hell! Leave my house,” my mother yelled. Then she grabbed Joe by the hand and walked into the kitchen.

  “Sorry, Misha,” Joe threw over his shoulder.

  “Meka!” Misha screamed as she held on to me for dear life.

  All I could do was hold her in my arms tightly to let her know that I was there for her. In between her sobs, I offered her some comfort. “Sweetie, calm down. Go upstairs and get some clothes and your school stuff. I got you. I’m gonna take care of you,” I said and hugged her before she went to get her stuff.

  Neither of us said a word to my mom before we left. It was for the best. Besides, she’d made her decision, and I hoped to God she was happy with it. Lord knows, she was going to face it again. I prayed that I wouldn’t turn out to be that kind of mother to Tony and LaMichael. I couldn’t bear it if they grew up hating me.

  The mood in the car was somber. I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Misha had to get to school every day, and I didn’t live in her school district. Taking her in also meant an additional mouth to feed. Misha worked in the mall part-time and rode the bus back and forth from Mom’s house, but the bus line wasn’t available from my house. I definitely had to come up with a game plan.

  “Why are you so quiet?” Misha finally asked.

  “I have a lot of shit on my mind.”

  “You think I did what Mama said?”

  “I don’t even care about that. It doesn’t matter what I think anyway. It matters what happened.”

  “What do you think happened?” Misha asked, exasperated.

  I didn’t want to answer. If I pursued this discussion, then I’d have to be prepared for her answer, and I really didn’t want to have to deal with that, considering all the issues I was already pondering.

  I swallowed, reached over, and patted her knee. “Joe is an asshole, and I knew sooner or later some man she brought home was going to look to the younger version of her for satisfaction. She never knows any of these lowlifes she brings home. I just prayed it never happened to you.”