Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  Suddenly, Tony was on my side of the bed and I was met with a fist to the side of my face. That muthafucka knocked me clean across the bed! I was seeing birds, stars, and stripes. He hit me so hard I couldn’t even scream because it felt as if my voice was lodged in my throat.

  “You fucking bitch!” he yelled, pulling my feet toward him. He reached and grabbed me by my neck and began strangling me.

  “To . . . Tony!” I gagged and coughed. “You . . . Cho . . . king . . . me.” I managed to get out.

  “I should kill your bitch ass for that shit!” he yelled, releasing me as I coughed and gagged for air. “Be clear, don’t you ever come at me like that again! I don’t talk about the fact that your ass has gained weight since LaMichael, or that the reason you don’t have a job and can’t get one is that you couldn’t even finish high school or get a GED with your ignorant ass! That’s what I get for dating a ghetto bird with a big ass instead of finding a bitch on my fucking level,” he said harshly.

  Now I was hurt by his comments. We’d been together for eight years, and this was how he was treating me and talking to me? The only other man I’d ever been with was Trey Watts, and that was once in high school out of revenge when Tony cheated on me. He was my first love in every way. I am the mother of his children and the only female to have his back. I’d been taking care of his ass since his parents refused to have anything to do with him. I thought we were a family. Everything I’d done, I did for the benefit of him, Tony Jr., and LaMichael.

  “How can you say that and do this to me? I love you,” I cried, holding my burning face and my throbbing neck.

  I tried to remain calm for fear my sister would hear. I was surprised she hadn’t come in. Then I remembered she slept like the dead. A freight train could’ve rolled through and she would’ve kept on sleeping. It was something she learned to do because of our mother’s drunken fights and rages.

  “Shut the fuck up before I pop your ass again!” he said as I balled up in fear. “Now you may not want none and that’s cool. I’m getting tired of your ‘has been’ pussy anyway. Learn some tricks or some shit. Still fucking like we in high school and shit.”

  “Tony!” I shouted in tears. He’d never disrespected me this way.

  “But I’m gon’ get my shit off, and you’re going to help me,” he said, pulling me by my hair with one hand and grabbing his shit with the other. “Open your mouth.”

  “No,” I said defiantly.

  Tony released my hair and slapped me across my mouth so hard spit flew out. He grabbed my hair again. “How long you want me to do this? I can go all night. Now open your muthafucking mouth like an obedient bitch.”

  I was officially horrified! Shaking and trembling, I couldn’t believe this was my Tony. I didn’t have time to contemplate this shit, so I did what I had to do. I parted my swollen lips and opened my mouth like an obedient bitch.

  Tony’s head flew back in delight as he gripped my hair with both hands and easily slid his shit in and out of my mouth. With my face burning and lips stinging, slobber easily poured out.

  “That’s right,” he moaned. “Get that shit nice and wet. Yeah, baby, suck that shit just like that. You gon’ take it all in tonight. Swallow that shit whole,” he said as he pushed it so far back that I began to gag. “Don’t throw up on my shit. I’ll beat your ass. Open that throat up.”

  I did as he said and relaxed my throat. If this lesson had happened during a time of actual lovemaking, I might have enjoyed it, but right now, all I wanted to do was bite his shit off. My teeth grazed him as I thought about it.

  He gripped my hair and looked down at me. “Bitch, I dare you. I’ll rip that used-up coochie right out of its socket if you do it.”

  That stopped me cold, and he resumed his stroke. I wanted it to end quickly, so I let more wetness pour out of my mouth and put a nice, soft but tight suction on him.

  He pumped faster. “Just like that . . . Oh shit! Just like that. I’m ’bout to blow in this muthafucka!” he hollered. I tried to lift up. “Hell no, you gon’ swallow this shit tonight,” he commanded as he held my head down on him. He released, and all of it went pouring into my mouth and down my throat as he held me tight. “Shit! That’s it . . . Shit!” he yelled in ecstasy as another load shot off. It was so much that it began pouring down the corners of my mouth. He finally released me as I quickly spit the rest out into the trash.

  Tony grabbed my face. “You’re such a good bitch when you act right. That shit felt so fucking good, Meka, baby. Who says you can’t teach an old bitch new tricks, huh?” He laughed, climbing into bed next to me. All I could do was wipe the remnants of his massive explosions on his wifebeater.

  I tried to get up, but he pulled me back. “You ain’t going nowhere. Lay your ass down and let me hold you. I’ll put some ice packs and shit on your face tomorrow. You’ll look brand new. I love you, Meka,” he said as he held me closely and fell asleep.

  However, I couldn’t sleep. My ass was beat up and sore. My feelings were now permanently hurt, and my self-esteem was beyond low. I had watched my mom get the shit beat out of her this afternoon and many more nights prior to that, and now I was going through the same thing with the one man who I had thought would never betray me.

  I guess the old adage was right. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Like mother, just like fucking daughter.

  Lucinda

  Working both jobs every day for the past two weeks had exhausted me. At this point, I was running on fumes, and to top it off, my frustration was building, because my manager, Mr. Sharper, still hadn’t found out anything about getting my shift changed. I really needed to get the show on the road. I knew good things came to those who waited, but I felt like I had spent my entire life in a waiting period. I had waited to finish high school, had waited for Nadia to get older, and I was still waiting for Raul to be a better man and father, and was still waiting for my own father to be a better man . . . just waiting. I was ready for action, but at this very moment, I’d settle on a nice hot bath.

  It was Saturday night, and I was glad to have a Sunday off. My schedule had finally leveled off, and I hadn’t had to go into Susie Q for three days straight, and I welcomed the break. I knew that Nadia was tired of sitting at the shop with me with little to nothing to do, so surprisingly, Raul had agreed to keep her the past two days. The night before, he’d dropped her off to my apartment for me after I got home from work, which was an added bonus.

  Tonight I stopped by to pick her up after work, and when I pulled up at his house, I nearly fucking lost my mind. It was nine o’clock at night, and my daughter and her half sister, Raulina, were outside playing in the front yard. Raulina was the ghetto-ass name Shanaya had given her daughter to piss me the fuck off after I had beaten her ass in high school for fucking Raul. But fuck all that. Why in the hell was my child outside with no adult supervision at this time of night?

  Angry, I jumped out of the car. “Nadia! Come here!” I yelled.

  She ran up to me. “Hey, Mommy!”

  “Why in the hell are you outside at this time of night?” I asked quickly. I normally wouldn’t curse in front of my child, but I couldn’t help it this time.

  “Ooh, Mommy. You said a bad word.” She laughed.

  “Ay, Nadia, not now! Answer me!” I yelled.

  Nadia’s facial expression turned serious once she realized that I was truly upset.

  Raulina ran up to me. “Hey, Lucinda. Our daddy is in the house.”

  “It’s Ms. Lucinda to you, and why is y’all’s daddy in the house and you two are out here?” I said, looking back and forth between the two of them.

  Raulina shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. He told us to go outside and don’t come back in until he told us to.” She paused. “Didn’t he, Nadia?” she asked, looking at Nadia for confirmation.

  Nadia nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, ma’am. We did what Daddy told us to do.”

  Pissed, I put my hands on my hips. “Oh, okay. Wel
l, you two sit on the porch and do not move,” I ordered sternly.

  “Why? I don’t know what the big deal is. I mean, my mama lets me stay home by myself sometimes. She told me that I know how to dial nine-one-one,” Raulina said defiantly.

  I shot her a hard glare. “Why? Because I damn said so! And since you know how to dial nine-one-one, then you get ready to dial that damn number.”

  “I think we should sit here, because my mommy is really mad,” Nadia whispered to Raulina as they quickly sat down on the porch steps.

  “Damn straight. Now sit, and don’t either one of you move,” I demanded angrily.

  I barged through the front door and expected to see Raul sitting in the living room, watching television, but he wasn’t there, nor was he in the kitchen.

  “Raul!” I yelled angrily as I tromped through the house and then stormed up the stairs. It didn’t make a lick of sense that neither his mom nor his siblings were there. Talk about pissed off. Whew, if this muthafucka wasn’t here, either, I would murder his ass. If he had left my child at this house by herself, he would regret the day he ever got me pregnant!

  I swung open his bedroom door. “Raul!” I yelled, but I was stopped in my tracks. The scene in front of me caused me to choke and nearly vomit.

  “Whose is it, Naya?” Raul yelled, holding Shanaya’s legs up in the air as he pounded inside of her.

  “Yours, Daddy! All yours! Oh, shit, Raul!” she hollered.

  “Fuck Daddy! Call me papi, bitch!” he screamed, banging her.

  Disgusted and pissed as hell, I yelled out, “The only muthafucking papi or daddy your ass is supposed to be right now is Nadia’s!” I threw my keys at him and struck him in the middle of his head.

  As Shanaya’s legs dropped, he rubbed his head. Stunned, he spun around with his shit swinging and yelled, “Oh damn! Girl, what the fuck is wrong with you? Shit!”

  Shanaya jumped up and pulled down her skirt. “Stop being a fucking hater, Lucinda!” Shanaya yelled angrily. “Raul is mine now, and we will do what the fuck we please!”

  “I don’t give a muthafuck what the hell you and Raul do, but when my child’s life is at stake, I draw the fucking line!” I said, pushing Raul in the chest as he tried to walk up on me.

  “Don’t bring that shit over here! Me and my girl were getting our loving on,” Raul said angrily.

  “Bitch, please!” I sucked my teeth. “You better be glad you still have a dick to please her with, you nasty, ‘fuck anything moving’ son of a bitch! I don’t give a damn who your girl is or what you do, but I will cut your fucking balls off for messing over my child . . . guaranteed, Raul!” I yelled, getting up into his face. “Don’t you ever leave my child unsupervised or tell her to go outside this time of the night so you can get some crab-infested pussy!”

  “Crab-infested pussy? Bitch, who the hell do you think you are?” Shanaya said as she headed toward me. Raul quickly stepped in between us.

  “No, let her come this way. Apparently, this bitch needs a reminder, and I am all about refresher courses!” I screamed.

  “Y’all ain’t tearing up shit in my mom’s house, so both of y’all bitches can cancel that right now!” Raul yelled.

  Remembering this was his mom’s house, I eased back. “You’re the one to talk! You’re up in here disrespecting her house and both of your kids. You are unbelievable!” I yelled, still in his face. “Check it. I don’t care how you and this ghetto bird are raising Raulina, but Nadia is going to have respect and values. That means that you are going to respect her! Get ass on your own time and not during my child’s time. You should have more respect for yourself than to show your daughters some shit like this! Anything could’ve happened to them, Raul! They are five- and six-year-old little girls! What the fuck are you thinking about?”

  Suddenly, his mom appeared in the doorway. “What the hell is going on in here?” she questioned.

  “Mami!” Raul exclaimed.

  She put her hands on her hips and stared at Raul and then looked back at me. “Lucinda, what is going on, and why are you screaming?”

  I looked her dead in the eyes. “Where are Nadia and Raulina?”

  “I found them sitting on the front porch steps, so I told Benita to bring them inside. Do you want to tell me what is going on? Why the hell were they outside by themselves at this time of night? Why are you three in here yelling?” she said angrily.

  “Well, I just came to pick up Nadia and found the kids playing outside, unsupervised. According to Raulina, their father ordered them to stay outside until he told them to come inside. So, I busted into the house, to find him and his little ghetto bird baby mama jump-off screwing while my child was outside! Your son is certifiable! Risking his children’s lives for some booty, and this dumb ass who calls herself a mother is right up here with him,” I yelled, pointing at Shanaya.

  Raul’s mom turned and looked at him. Her expression was priceless. “Raul!” she yelled. “I know you’re not fucking in my house!”

  “Ma! It wasn’t like that. I mean, I can explain,” Raul replied, stumbling over his words.

  “And you had my grandbabies outside at night?” she asked angrily.

  “Ms. Ana, they were fine,” Shanaya interjected, trying to explain.

  “Shut up!” Raul’s mom hollered. “I have never liked your disrespectful ass. You have been a thorn in my side ever since you coaxed my son into fucking you and tried to break up him and Lucinda back in high school! Take Raulina and get the hell out of my house!” she screamed at Shanaya.

  Shanaya rolled her eyes and kissed Raul on the lips. After grabbing her purse, she walked up to me and pointed to the hickey on her neck. “He likes this now,” she said, trying to get a rise out of me.

  “I don’t give a fuck,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders, as she walked out, yelling for Raulina.

  Raul’s mother turned to me. “Lucinda, I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know you’re trying to get yourself together. On my son’s behalf, I apologize for what happened. I assure you it will never happen again.”

  “Oh, Mama—” Raul said in a nonchalant tone.

  “Shut the hell up!” she interrupted. “You are two seconds from being homeless.” She turned back to me. “I will personally make sure that Nadia is taken care of when she is over here.”

  The only thing I could do was hug her. Ms. Ana and I had always been cool, and our bond was so tight, you’d have thought I was her child instead of Raul. She was like a second mother to me, and I valued her place in my life, though I stayed away out of respect for the fact that Raul and I were no longer together. She never looked at it like that, but the drama with Raul wasn’t worth it. We knew what it was between us, and that was good enough for me.

  “Ms. Ana, that’s not your job or your place. Your son needs to grow up and learn how to be a man. I appreciate everything that you do, but Nadia is our responsibility, not yours. He should be the one apologizing, not you.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I ain’t apologizing for shit—” he began, but Ms. Ana hauled off and slapped the hell out of him.

  “You will not disrespect Lucinda in front of me! It’s bad enough you disrespected your daughters tonight. Ay, Dios mio! I don’t know where I went wrong with you, Raul. I didn’t raise you like this!” She glared at him. “Can’t you see that Lucinda is a good woman? Why couldn’t you get it together and marry Lucinda and raise Nadia together?” she asked, pleading with him. It looked like her heart was literally breaking.

  He pointed at me. “That was her fault. She broke up with me,” he huffed, rubbing his stinging face.

  “Because you weren’t a man!” I yelled at him.

  “Fuck you, Lucinda!” he yelled back.

  Ms. Ana slapped him again. “I told you not to disrespect her. Dating her was the only wise decision you’ve ever made, and you still couldn’t get that right.”

  “Ma! You can’t keep slapping me! I’m a man. Damn it!”

  She looked at him cross-ey
ed. I knew in my spirit something epic was about to happen. Raul was Ms. Ana’s firstborn. She had had him while she was in high school, and so she had been in the same situation that I was in. I guessed that was why she’d spoiled him so much, but that was also why we got along so well. She wanted desperately for me and Raul to be together as a family. However, her son was a boy, and I needed a man. By the expression on her face, she was also fed up with him acting like a boy.

  “Oh, you’re a man, now? Real men have stable jobs and provide for their families on a consistent basis. Real men know the value of a good woman and make her his wife. Real men love and care for their children and don’t put them in harm’s way. Real men don’t live with their mothers and screw their baby’s mama or anyone else in their mother’s house! Lucinda is right! You are certifiable! I swear to God, I have tried my best with you, Raul, but you are just like your father!” she yelled at him.

  The moment the words left her lips, Raul looked up. Anger danced in his eyes. “What did you just say to me?”

  She looked at him with tears and anger in her eyes. “You heard me. I said you are just like your father. Rotten to the core.”

  Those were fighting words. Raul hated the ground his father walked on. He’d never forgiven his dad for leaving them, and any mention of that man set him off. The saddest thing in the world was that even though he hated him, he was just like him. I knew at that point I should’ve left earlier, before Ms. Ana got home, but I had felt obligated to stay. For the first time in my life, Raul looked as if he would kill his mother. Trust me, Raul may do many things wrong but lash out physically at his mama was never one of them. Somehow, however, I felt the tide had changed.

  “Mama, you’re going to take that back right now,” he said in a soft but angry tone of voice.

  “I will do no such thing!”

  I peeked out the bedroom doorway, and Raul’s sister, Benita, and Nadia were standing there, looking scared shitless. I’d almost forgotten they were in the house. Raul and his mama looked like they were in a Mexican standoff. Fearful, I quickly ran out of the room.