Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  “Is Ms. Ella home?” I asked Benita, suddenly remembering the old lady next door.

  “Yes. What’s going on, Lucinda? They sound really mad,” Benita remarked.

  “I don’t have time to explain. Take Nadia over to Ms. Ella’s house and stay there until I tell you to come home. Go now,” I ordered. She and Nadia hurried down the stairs and out the front door.

  I ran back into the bedroom, and it was as if Raul snapped when he saw me. “You fucking bitch! Don’t you ever tell me that I’m like that muthafucka!” he screamed as he ran toward his mother. He rammed into her, and she fell up against the wall.

  Ready to spit fire, Ms. Ana slapped Raul so quickly that I thought Muhammad Ali had run through there. “Who do you think you are running up on me? I’m your mother, damn it!” she screamed.

  Raul shoved her, and I quickly stepped in and blocked him from attacking his mom any further. He was on some other shit right now.

  “Raul! Please! Don’t hit your mother,” I begged, protecting her.

  “You’re going to hit me?” Ms. Ana asked, pointing to herself. “You get out of my house! Get out and don’t come back. You are no longer my son! Get out!”

  Raul stepped back, with his eyes narrowed to slits. “Fine. Because you damn sure ain’t my mother,” he declared, then turned and left.

  I embraced Ms. Ana as she cried heavily. I didn’t know what to say, so I just let her hold on to me and cry until she couldn’t anymore. Raul was wrong, dead wrong. I couldn’t imagine Nadia fighting me or me having to kick her out. I knew how much Ms. Ana loved Raul, because I was a mother myself, and I loved Nadia just as much. The pain I felt oozing from her as she cried let me know that even though he was a grown man, cutting him off hurt her to her core. However, I couldn’t blame her. A line had to be drawn at some point, and unfortunately, she’d reached her breaking point tonight.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry for everything, Lucinda,” she said, drying her eyes. “I wish Raul could’ve been a better man for you. You deserve so much more than what he can offer. It’s hard when you raise a child and they turn out to be nothing.”

  I continued patting her on the back. “Don’t fault yourself. You did your job, and Raul has to find his own way. Hopefully, he will. I want Nadia to have a relationship with him, but I can’t put her or myself through these changes for it. I’ll let you continue to see Nadia, but until Raul gets his stuff together, he won’t see her.”

  She agreed. “I understand. I really do.”

  “Ms. Ana, I might as well tell you. I’m taking Raul to court for child support, and I’m asking the judge not to grant him visitation, because of tonight’s events. I can’t put my daughter through this. Raul has got to learn to be a man.”

  She grabbed my hands. “And I’m behind you. I support your decision, and I’m glad that you finally see that this is what you have to do. I will testify in court about tonight on your behalf. I will do anything for you and Nadia.”

  I hugged her again. “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you for being a mother to my grandchild. At least she has one parent who loves her. I wish I could say the same for Raulina and Doodlebug,” she said, referring to Raul’s other two children. We walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs, then went to Ms. Ella’s house.

  As Nadia and Benita walked out Ms. Ella’s front door, we thanked Ms. Ella and explained what had happened, so she could keep a look out for Raul in case he came back. Benita had already called her other two brothers, so they were already hunting down Raul for disrespecting their mama. I’d had enough for the night, so I grabbed Nadia and headed home.

  “Mami, is papi in a lot of trouble?” Nadia asked as I drove.

  “Yes, honey, he is. He has to get himself together.”

  “I want to help him,” she said, causing tears to fall from my eyes instantly.

  “I know you do, sweetie, but the road to manhood is a path he has to travel on his own. No one can help him with that,” I said, choking up.

  “I’m going to pray that he has a safe trip, then,” she said with such care.

  I chuckled. “You do that, then, baby.”

  “I’m sleepy, mami.”

  “Go to sleep, then, hija,” I coaxed, and within seconds she was out like a light in the backseat.

  I was thankful for the peaceful ride home. As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t wait to get Nadia into bed and soak in my bathtub. As I pulled up to the house, I noticed that my voice-mail light was flashing on my cell phone. After I parked the car, I dialed to listen to the message.

  “Lucinda, it’s Mr. Sharper,” his recorded voice blared through the phone. “I checked on the positions for you, and unfortunately, no one has anything available right now. I hate to bring you such disheartening news, but we just don’t have anything to accommodate your school schedule at this time. I’m sorry, and I hope you have a good night.”

  My heart dropped, and tears streamed down my face. “Fuck!” I yelled, throwing my cell phone to the floor.

  I put my face in my hands and cried. As I cried, it began to sink in that my dreams had once again been snatched away from me. A wail escaped from the depths of my soul, as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. My heart and soul felt on fire, and the pain and burning in my chest caused me to clutch myself and hold tight. When would this hell ever end? Could God really be punishing me this bad for having a child out of wedlock? I thought all children were a gift from God. I went to church. I was told the sin was in the sex. Hadn’t I repented and suffered enough for that? And where was Raul’s punishment in all this? Huh? Tell me. Please, God . . . somebody, tell me . . . why me? I cried until my face and shirt were drenched and my soul was drowned in tears. After several minutes, I had no tears left. I did what I always did: I picked myself up and went inside to suffer alone.

  After putting Nadia in my bed, I got into the tub and cried some more as the warm water relaxed my aching muscles. It was times like this that I’d wish I had a man to come home to and make love to, someone who could ease my pain and heartache and find a way to make everything that was wrong in my world right. But all I had was my child and a dream, a dream that was still deferred. I got into bed and held on to Nadia for dear life.

  “I swear to God, I’m going to make it better for us, if it’s the last thing I do,” I whispered in her ear. I kissed her as she snuggled up against me.

  Finally, sleep found its way into my eyes. I drifted off, hoping and praying for a breakthrough.

  Trinity

  The day after our momentary rekindling incident, I called ahead to let Terrence know when I would be on my way to pick the kids up, so he could make sure they were ready when I arrived. I wanted no mess out of Pooch and couldn’t afford to be around Terrence longer than necessary. He obliged. Surprisingly, he made no mention of the day before and didn’t attempt to come on to me again. The only thing Terrence said after getting the kids strapped in the car was that the ball was in my court. I knew what he meant, but it wasn’t going to happen. I was with Pooch, and I loved him. Even if I didn’t love Pooch, it damn sure wasn’t going to happen after Pooch’s threat, even if a part of me might’ve thought I wanted it to.

  I should’ve told him about Pooch’s threat then, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Pooch had never threatened me before, and I knew the only problem between Pooch and me was Terrence. Pooch didn’t give a damn what I did any other day of the week, but whenever I had to deal with Terrence, that nigga bugged out. I knew that with Pooch acting crazy, I had to tell Terrence to fall back.

  While I was working on Terrence’s tattoo design back at home, the doorbell rang. I knew it had to be LaMeka, since she’d called earlier in the week and said it was important that she meet with me and Pooch. I just hoped that shit didn’t involve any illegal shit. Pooch’s hood ass would be down for some shit like that, but not me. I believed that LaMeka had better sense than to try to involve us in any mess, so rather than getting overly concer
ned, I had decided a few days ago to wait and see what was really up.

  I went to the front door and opened it. “Hey, girl,” I said as she walked into the house.

  “Hey, Trinity,” she replied as we hugged. “Thanks for meeting with me. I really appreciate it.”

  “Ain’t no thang, girl. We’re practically family. You know we been down, like, four flats on a broke-down Cadillac with a diamond in the back ever since my cousin Charice introduced us on the playground,” I said and laughed as we walked into the family room.

  “You’re as silly as ever. I miss when we used to be able to hang out.” She sighed, remembering the good times.

  “I know. Remember Saturday nights at the Rooftop and Sunday nights at Skateland?”

  “Oh snap! You brought me back. Hell yeah! We used to pretend we were drinking by getting those virgin daiquiris at the Rooftop. And remember we always showed out during the couples’ skate?”

  “’Cause we were always the ones with boyfriends,” we said in unison and laughed.

  “Damn. Those were the times, boy. I miss that shit for real,” I said. “Hold up. Why in the hell you got on your shades up in here? I mean, you fresh to death in that outfit, but ain’t no sunshine in here, cool mama.”

  As she pulled off her shades, I stopped dead in my tracks. “This is why,” she replied sadly.

  “Who the fuck ass we got to beat?” I asked, getting pumped up instantly. “Who was it? Was it that muthasucka who lives with your mama? Girl, his ass is as good as got,” I huffed. I knew I had said I wasn’t going to get involved with no shit, but that was pre–black eye.

  She put her hand on my arm and shook her head. “It was Tony.”

  My eyes bugged out of my head. Out of all the niggas in the world, I never would’ve suspected Tony. Tony was the most levelheaded of all the knuckleheads we had dated. Back in the day, Terrence had had his vice with drug dealing, and while the others had been deadbeat dads or dope dealers, Tony had been there for LaMeka as her man. He had wanted a clean future for himself, his woman, and his child, so to say that I was shocked was an understatement. I was flabbergasted.

  “Tony?” I asked.

  She nodded as tears formed at the base of her eyelids. “I told myself not to do this,” she admitted as tears poured down her cheeks.

  I rushed her to the hall bathroom and gave her some tissue. “Spill it,” I said after she’d gathered her composure.

  She sat down on the toilet lid, and I sat on the clothes hamper. After she collected herself, she began to tell me about Tony’s mounting arrogance and disrespect over the past year. First, he had stopped helping her, then there had been nothing but arguing between them, and then he had started beating her ass and raping her for oral sex.

  “And you still got that nigga staying with you?” I asked, amazed at what she’d just told me.

  She nodded sadly. “I’m scared of him, Trinity. I don’t know what he’s capable of, and the fucked up part is that I still love that nigga.”

  I shook my head in disgust, but I understood. Tony was the only guy LaMeka had ever dated, he was her kids’ father, and for all intents and purposes, they had been a family for nearly ten years.

  “I can’t say I don’t feel you, Mama, but damn!” I told her. “So is that why you wanted to speak to me and Pooch? You want Pooch to handle that shit for you? You know . . . send him a message.”

  “No. I’ll handle Tony on my own.”

  “You sure about that?” I asked, looking at her skeptically.

  After she nodded, I knew she wasn’t going to do shit but sit around and get her ass beat by Tony some more. She loved that muthasucka, and I prayed that she’d come to her senses or that Tony would come to his.

  I relented. “A’ight. So what’s up?”

  “Can I speak to both you and Pooch?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Come with me.”

  I led her back into the family room. LaMeka sat down on the sofa.

  “Let me go get Pooch out of his king suite,” I told her.

  Pooch had a room in the house that he called the “king suite,” and since he had a safe hidden in a wall in that room, it was off limits to everyone except me, and that was only when he allowed me in. You’d never know there was a safe in that room. It looked like an entertainment room, with a flat-screen television, every gaming system imaginable, a pool table, a card table, a bar, a sofa, and a stripper pole. Yeah, guess whose ass stayed on the pole? You’re right. Mine.

  I walked to the king suite and knocked on the door. “Pooch?”

  “Yeah, babe?” he called out.

  “Open up. LaMeka is here to see us,” I said through the door.

  A few seconds later, he came out, with a cigar in his hand. “She told you what she wanted?”

  “No. She said she wanted to talk to both of us. She’s in the family room. Put that cigar back in the room. Princess is also in the family room, playing in the playpen.”

  He took a pull from his cigar and blew a puff of smoke in my face and laughed. “You so damn protective. Let me put it up before you swear I gave you and the baby lung cancer,” he said, then walked back inside his lair and killed the embers in his ashtray.

  I stood just inside the doorsill. “Thank you.”

  He walked up to me and pulled me to him and kissed me on my mouth. “Anything for my boo. You know that, babe.”

  I smiled. “I know,” I said, looking him up and down. Something about seeing him in a wifebeater, jeans, and a pair of Timbs just turned me on.

  He grabbed his crotch. “Keep looking at me like that and I’m gonna take you in this room and dick you down. Fuck Meka. She can wait,” he said, then kissed me on my neck.

  “The baby is up, Pooch,” I informed him, pushing him away.

  “That fucking baby is always up,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Do she ever fucking sleep?”

  “Yes, Pooch, she does,” I said, ignoring his comment.

  “Well, let me know when the fuck that is, so I can get some pussy around this muthafucka. Damn! Kids always cock blocking like a muthafucka around here. It’s always one of they asses doing some shit. Terry wants to play football, Brittany wants to play beauty salon, Princess is awake, homework, cooking, one of them sick, and shit. It just goes on and fucking on! God damn! When is it Pooch’s turn for some attention around this muthafucka? Don’t have any more of them damn cock-blockers, for real man,” he fussed irritatingly.

  I gave him a kiss to calm him down. “I’m sorry, baby, but let’s deal with that later. Meka is over here now.”

  He relented with a sigh. “A’ight.” Then he smiled as he shut the door behind him. “Hey, babe. I got an idea,” he said as we walked toward the family room. “You want to draw and design and shit, right?”

  I nodded my head yes, hopeful that he’d mention the Art Institute. “Yeah,” I replied, smiling at him.

  “Then why don’t you draw a picture of your pussy on the wall in the king suite, and that way when Princess isn’t sleeping, I can still jack off,” he joked.

  I rolled my eyes as he laughed. I wasn’t going to dignify that with a response.

  “Damn! Where do I get that shit from? Babe, I kill myself,” he went on, clowning. “But on the real, that ain’t a bad idea.” He took my hand in his.

  Oh, he must’ve bumped his damn head, I thought as I looked at him as if he were retarded. “If you think I’m going to draw my pussy, or anybody else’s pussy, on a damn wall, you have lost your ever-loving mind,” I fumed, snatching my hand away from him.

  He reached for my hand again. “I’m sorry, babe,” he said, realizing he’d pissed me off.

  “Whatever, Pooch.” I rushed ahead of him.

  Pooch grabbed my arm and snatched me back to face him. “Hey, hey now. Calm that shit down. You made your point. I crossed the line, and I apologized. Drop that tantrum shit with me. For real, yo.”

  “Okay. A’ight.” I shrugged away from him and stood there.


  “Give a nigga a kiss and forget that shit,” he ordered. I leaned in and kissed him. “Good. Now, let’s go see what the hell your girl wants.” He pointed for me to lead the way, and I did, with no further argument.

  When we entered the family room, I took a seat next to LaMeka on the sofa.

  “What’s up, Meka?” Pooch greeted as he sat down across from me and LaMeka.

  “Ain’t nothing, Pooch. How you been?” she said.

  “I’m straight. Business is good. The kids are spoiled, and so is my girl.” He paused for effect. “Now, if I can get your girl to give up them drawers a little more often, I’d be all good,” he joked, and I rolled my eyes. “And you?”

  “I’ve been better,” she answered.

  “I can see that.” He pointed to her eye. “Who fucked you up?”

  “Pooch!” I hollered.

  “What?” He shrugged.

  “You can be so insensitive,” I said shaking my head in disgust. “I’m sorry, Meka.”

  “Hell, I’m trying to find out if she needs me to handle that for her,” Pooch told me.

  LaMeka put her hand up. “No, it’s nothing. I have that situation under control. This is about something else.”

  “A’ight, but if you need me to handle that shit, you come and see me.”

  She let out a nervous laugh. “I know you will, Pooch.”

  “So what’s up?” he asked, leaning forward.

  “Okay, here’s the deal. My mom kicked Misha out, and she is living with me and Tony. That means I have an extra mouth to feed, and I have to get her back and forth to school and work. You guys, along with Charice, Lucinda, and some of Tony’s boys, have been really good about helping us with rides and stuff, and I appreciate that.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said.

  “Thanks. But now I need a real favor. With all this going on, I need a ride of my own. You know I don’t have a job, and neither does Tony, so we can’t get financed—”

  “So what are you asking me?” Pooch interrupted.