Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  “What did you say about me?” I asked nervously.

  He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t be nervous. I told them that I met a woman who makes me smile from the inside out. A woman who is independent, strong, and virtuous. A woman who cares about me, the me on the inside, not Lincoln Harper, the Cowboy.”

  “That’s sweet, but did you tell them everything, like that I’m Ryan’s baby mama and that I have three children?” I inquired.

  Lincoln nodded without hesitation. “Yes, I did. My father’s and brother’s concern was that you made me happy and that you weren’t a gold digger. I was able to ease their minds about that when I told them how you didn’t sue Ryan for support all those years. My brother was a little taken aback by the three children, until I explained they were triplets. Then he thought it was somewhat cool. He’s a weird one.” He laughed, toying with my fingers.

  “And your mother?” I asked nervously, pressing onward.

  He inhaled deeply. “I won’t lie. She’s concerned. She feels it’s wrong for me to betray Ryan, as his friend. She also has her reservations about your love for Ryan and, of course, the difficulties that I will face with Ryan and your children once the truth surfaces.”

  Great! More odds stacked against me. I hadn’t even met her, and I already felt it would be an uphill battle. Shaking my head, I threw my hand up. “She hates me. She doesn’t even know me, and she hates me.”

  He turned my face toward his. “She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know the wonderful woman that I’ve come to know. She doesn’t know the big heart that you have, or how much you truly care for me. Once she meets you, she’ll see it, and she’ll be convinced that what we have is special.”

  As his words soaked in, oddly, I felt a sense of relief. And it was sweet to know that he thought enough of me to tell his family, so that was a positive. I smiled and kissed him. “I can’t blame her. You’re her baby. She just doesn’t want you caught in the middle of any foolishness, and if you are, she wants the woman to be worth it. I get it. I have sons.”

  “This is why you’ll be able to win her over when the time is right,” he reassured me.

  “Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Harper.” I laughed.

  He moved to his knees and leaned toward me, hovering over me. “Great. So let me start at your lips and work my way down to your feet,” he whispered before we kissed deeply.

  “I can’t believe I get a full week of this,” I whispered between kisses as we lay back on the pillows.

  Lincoln rose up and removed his shirt. “Me either. I guess I better double strap up, because if not, you’ll have to move to Dallas for real, because you’ll be having my baby,” he joked, referring to the Jodeci song.

  “Well, then, you better, Mr. Harper, because I plan on giving as much as I receive, and when I leave here, boy, you gon’ think, you gon’ think I invented sex,” I joked right back, quoting Trey Songz.

  “That’s right, baby. Make sure the neighbors know my name.”

  “Oh, they are going to know mine too before it’s all over with.”

  Lincoln and I may not have been ready for a lifetime commitment, but I knew that I cared deeply for him already. I’d never felt anything like this in my entire life. Even though Ryan may have been ready to give it to me, I no longer wanted it from him. Without me even realizing it, everything I felt for Ryan all those years had faded and was slowly but surely being replaced by none other than Mr. Lincoln Harper. Oh, how I was so going to enjoy this week.

  Trinity

  There had been so much drama since Pooch’s trap house got robbed. It seemed Pooch was hunting down any and everybody who looked at him cross-eyed. I talked to Pooch and told him to keep a level head, because people wanted to see him off his game. If there was one thing I’d learned, it was that when you were off your game, you slipped, and all anyone needed was to catch you slippin’ one time.

  Pooch finally found out that it was actually one of the new lieutenants that had robbed him. The dude had tried to make a name for himself and had thought he could shut down Pooch’s operations. He had managed to get some boys to set it up and had actually thought Pooch wasn’t going to track them down. I didn’t ask one question the night Pooch left the house after explaining that he’d found out who’d done it. I will tell you this, though. Pooch didn’t come home for three days, and when he did call, it was from some phone in the Florida Everglades, and he simply said, “I’ll be there in six hours,” and hung up. The next day, while Pooch and I sat up in our bed and ate breakfast, he switched on the news, and all five of those dudes that had robbed him were on there as missing persons. Pooch wiped his mouth and hands, turned the television off, and lay on his back, with his hands behind his head and with a smile on his face, as he stared at the ceiling. See why I didn’t fuck with this nigga?

  On the flip side, I was actually upset that the drama had died down, because Pooch’s focus had been on that and not on me. I’d done very well in school, so well that I had made the dean’s list my first semester and had achieved a 3.8 GPA. It would’ve felt good to share that joy with Pooch, but Terrence had celebrated with me. He’d brought a bottle of bubbly to his sister’s house, and we’d drunk to my accomplishment.

  Lord, Terrence. My spirit was so torn. The fact that I could share my life with Terrence slowly tugged at my heartstrings. Terrence provided the emotional support and love that I needed and wanted, which made it hard as hell not to catch feelings for him. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling him. I loved Pooch, I did, but now my feelings for Terrence had resurfaced.

  “What you thinking about?” Pooch asked me as the daylight shone into our bedroom one morning soon after the trap-house drama had died down.

  “How’d you know I was awake?” I responded with my back to him.

  “I could feel you . . . thinking.”

  Sometimes his senses were uncanny. I swore this nigga had eight senses instead of five. “Nothing much really. Just thinking about my day.”

  “What’s going on today?”

  “Nothing special. I was just pondering,” I lied.

  He huffed. “So you don’t want to tell me.”

  “Pooch, I swear it’s nothing—”

  “Don’t swear when you’re lying, babe,” he interrupted.

  I turned to face him as he lay on his back, hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. “Can’t I just think? Is there something wrong with that?” I snapped.

  Pooch sucked his teeth and sniffed. “Naw, you can think, but as Kathy Bates says in the movie The Family that Preys, ‘It’s your private thoughts that give me pause.’” He turned his head and glared at me.

  I furrowed my brow. “Why is that?”

  “Do I make you happy, Trinity?”

  That caught me off guard. “Yes. Why would you ask that?”

  “You snap off on me lately for no reason. I mean for real yo, you’ve been real short and impatient with me. That’s not you. That’s me, but I’m just like that. When a woman acts in a way that’s not hers, usually there is a problem. When a woman is unhappy, she usually acts just like you been acting, because she don’t have the courage to walk away,” Pooch said, dropping that philosophical shit on me. And you thought Pooch was only a thug. This was how he stayed on his game. He was a mind reader and an attitude analyst. This nigga knew people.

  “Pooch, I don’t want to walk away from you. It’s just that I hate when you try to get all in my psyche,” I said, my irritation becoming evident. “You smother me sometimes.” I let that slip before I knew it.

  “Smother you?” he asked, surprised. “I’m barely here.”

  Since I’d already let the cat out of the bag, and he was in the mood for discussing shit, maybe we could discuss some things and clear the air between us. “Smother me with what you want for me, Pooch. I feel like a kid or one of your niggas half of the time, instead of your better half. I want to feel like I’m your equal,�
�� I confessed to him. It was the first time in all these years I felt that I could be completely honest with him.

  “You wanna get in the business with me?” Pooch asked excitedly. “You wanna be on some Bonnie and Clyde shit? Why didn’t you say so?” He laughed, totally misreading what I had said to him.

  I shook my head in frustration. “Hell no! We have children, Pooch. I would never. I meant to feel like an equal as a person in this relationship! I want to feel like I matter more to you than tits, ass, and eye candy!” I yelled before I could stop myself.

  “Eye candy? You on that nigga Terrence shit now. You been fuckin wit’ that nigga, Trinity, huh?” he asked, becoming defensive.

  “No, Pooch—”

  “Don’t lie to me!” he yelled. “Don’t you ever fuckin’ lie to me! Now, you tell me if you been fuckin’ wit’ that nigga. I ain’t fuckin’ playin’ wit’ you, Trin!”

  This nigga had made me mad as hell, and I was tired of being accused of something and yelled at. All he ever did these days was question me, bark orders, and accuse me of bullshit. I was a grown ass woman. It ain’t like he didn’t know that I could be gone and linked up with my ex-baby father, but I chose to stay with him. Damn. A bitch couldn’t get any credit for that? It was high time to check his ass on the way he treated me, and today was the day I checkmated his ass.

  Jumping up from the bed, I screamed, “No! This is not about Terrence! This is about you and me! That’s it! This is why I don’t talk to you, Pooch. You’re impossible. I’m trying to come at you with some real shit, and you chalkin’ it up to me being unfaithful. Do you even really know me at all? I’m one of the most loyal bitches in this fuckin’ city! I always put your ass and our kids first. Always! Terrence is my children’s father. Yes, we had a relationship, and yes, I used to fuck him, but that is my past! You knew all of this when you approached me. If you couldn’t handle that, then why did you even bother me? I may have been struggling, but I didn’t ask you for shit! Nothing. The only thing I’m asking for is space and respect. That’s it! Damn. Or would you rather me go out there and fuck every dope boy I see, so you can be right?”

  Pooch jumped up. His muscles bulged, and his eyes were red with anger. His steps were fluid as he rushed around the bed toward me. I had never before seen him so angry with me. Before my mind could process what was happening, he was on me. He grabbed me by my arms as if I were a rag doll and pushed me full speed into the wall. My back hit the wall so hard, the force knocked the wind out of me. As he pressed me against the wall, he pushed his forehead against mine.

  “I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you, talking to me like that,” he said angrily, his voice low. “But if you ever in your muthafuckin’ life think about giving my pussy to another man, I will hurt you, Trinity. Do you fuckin’ feel me?” he growled, looking deranged.

  I nodded in fear. “Yes, I hear you.”

  “No, don’t just hear me, Trinity. Feel me,” he warned, gripping me harder. His head was pressed so hard against mine, it felt as if he was about to shatter my skull. “I fuckin’ love you so fuckin’ much. The thought of you and another nigga . . . Just don’t ever say that shit to me again! Do you fuckin’ hear me?”

  “You’re hurting me, Pooch!” I cried out.

  It was as if he snapped out of a trance or something. Gone were the deranged eyes and the tight expression. Suddenly, his muscles relaxed, and he pulled his head back and gazed at me with the most apologetic look in his eyes. He loosened his grip a bit, then took one hand and rubbed the side of my face.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said and pulled my face close to his. “Don’t say that again. I’ll give you space and shit. I know you’re mine. It’s just that Terrence makes me fuckin’ insane, because I know you loved him. And I . . . I just get crazy thinking about that shit. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

  I pushed against him as tears rolled down my face. “Get off me! Get away from me,” I cried harshly. He moved back, and I slid past him slowly.

  He reached for me, and I jumped. “Trinity,” he said softly.

  “Don’t touch me!” I cried. “I can’t believe you put your hands on me.”

  “Baby,” he said, speaking in a low voice, his jaw twitching. “I didn’t mean that shit. You know it. Don’t do this. Let that shit go. Let it go now.”

  Fear had struck me, but I relaxed, because I didn’t want to piss him off again. I nodded without saying another word. He pulled me close and hugged me. The pain in my back made me wince.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I love you, and I want you to remember that shit. Don’t ever fuckin’ forget it. I don’t want to hurt you, Trinity.”

  I stood stiff as he kissed me from my lips to my shoulders, then circled around me to kiss my sore back, easing down my nightgown as he went. “I love you, Trinity,” was all he repeated, his tone full of sexual energy. As he slid my gown over my ass, he bit my cheek and then kissed it. I was stuck, as if in a trance, with a gamut of emotions running through my veins. I felt angry, hurt, abused, and trapped, and I didn’t know if I loved or hated Pooch. He dropped to his knees in front of me and pushed my legs open.

  “Let me taste it. Let me taste my pussy,” he moaned. He pushed one of my legs outward and teased my clit with his tongue. “Fuck! It tastes so fucking good!”

  Just then Princess’s crying came through the baby monitor. “I have to get the baby,” I said nervously.

  “Fuck!” he roared. “Can’t one of the kids grab her?”

  “Pooch, she’s a baby.”

  “She’s a fuckin’ year old,” he complained.

  “She’s still a little baby girl. Come on, please. We’ll have time for this,” I pleaded, loathing his touch.

  Pooch stood up and sat on the bed. “Go get the baby. Damn.”

  I pulled up my gown and threw on my robe quickly. I had never loved Princess’s interruptions more than I did right then. I swore she knew just when her mommy needed her. I hurriedly left the room to go and tend to her, and I was going to make every second count. I knew that soon Pooch would get up to leave the house and head to his businesses, and I couldn’t be happier. One thing was for damn sure. This was the first time in three years that I’d questioned my love for Pooch. I loved Pooch, but I didn’t love him enough to let him beat me. Of that, I was positive.

  LaMeka

  Life at home had gotten worse in all aspects. Tony Jr. had violent spells at home. It had even started to affect him in school, when he had done so well in his class. That upset me, because I’d welcomed the break from the task of homeschooling him. The doctors seemed to think it had something to do with him not being able to recognize Misha as someone that lived in his home. I could agree with that theory. With Junior, life changes had to be slowly introduced to allow him time to adapt. Back when LaMichael was born, we had planned for months to get Junior used to the baby. While other parents took joy in their children’s milestone accomplishments, like their first steps, my joys had been more simplistic. For instance, it had been such a wonderful accomplishment when Tony Jr. accepted his baby brother when he was a month old.

  At any rate, in my haste to help Misha, I hadn’t considered the effects on my son. However, I thought his change in behavior was more attributable to his dad’s anger and abusive behavior. Tony Jr. had reached too many milestones to have setbacks, and I felt like less than a mother because I was allowing this to happen, but I wasn’t sure how to stop it my damn self. I mean, I couldn’t change Tony, and even though I had an opportunity to relieve some pressure at home by allowing Misha to go back home with our mom, I refused. Misha didn’t want to go, and although our mom claimed to be rid of Joe, I wouldn’t abandon my sister and throw her back to the wolf. Add to that, I had another little one to tend to, and I was damn near close to having a stroke from stress. I was so confused and emotional these days that I could barely see past my own issues to deal with Tony Jr.’s.

  Today I didn’t have any other choice but to deal with Tony Jr.’s
issues. He’d had a violent episode at school, so I had had to leave work and bring him home. I had to get this under control, otherwise I would have to quit my job and stay at home with him again. And I couldn’t put him, LaMichael, and myself through endless days of abuse from Tony. Our nights were already horrific enough.

  “Here you go. Roll the car,” I said sweetly to Tony Jr. as I tried to interact with him while we sat on the living room floor. LaMichael was still at the day care center, and Misha was in school, so it was the perfect opportunity for some therapy time with him.

  Keys rattled at the door about twenty minutes later, and I knew Tony had come in from wherever the hell he’d been. Worry plunged to the pit of my stomach, because I never knew what to expect, and I absolutely dreaded having to deal with him. When he staggered in with bloodshot eyes, I knew he was both drunk and high. He hadn’t been home since yesterday, and he looked and smelled like day-old funk. For all I knew, he had hung out with that Kwanzie bitch.

  “Fuck is you doing home?” he slurred.

  “Tony Jr. is having some problems at school—”

  Before I knew it, Tony was up on me and yanked me off the floor by my hair. “What in the fuck is you doing to my son, huh? You are already done fucked him up enough! Now, what the fuck wrong with him?” he screamed at me. The stench of the alcohol on his breath nearly knocked me out.

  I tried to pry his fingers out of my hair. “Ouch! Tony, please let me go! You’re hurting me! I didn’t do nothing! Please!” I begged with my eyes shut, anticipating the blow that was sure to come.

  This time he let me go instead. “Sorry, bitch! You’re right. You didn’t do nothing. You don’t ever do nothing! Nothing right anyway! Stupid bitch!” he hollered.

  I rubbed my head fiercely to calm the ache as Tony Jr. sat there. He held his truck and stared at me. I sat down on the sofa so that I could keep my eye on Tony, just in case he wanted to issue an ass whupping. He staggered into the kitchen.