Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  “Ain’t no food in here!” he bellowed after he snatched the refrigerator open and drank the kids’ orange juice straight from the carton. He leaned into the fridge and continued his quest for something to eat. “What you cooked?”

  “My food stamps haven’t been loaded yet, and I haven’t had time to cook. I’ve been helping little man,” I explained.

  Tony slowly stood up straight and looked over at me, with orange juice running down his chin. “You ain’t what?” he snarled, slamming the refrigerator door shut.

  I stood up and sat Tony Jr. on the love seat. I knew his dad was about to go on a rampage, and I didn’t want him to get hurt. “Tony, please. I’ll cook. Just give me a moment to finish up little man’s therapy,” I begged him.

  He looked at me half crazy as he slammed the carton on the counter. “Bitch, I’m hungry now!”

  “Tony, please,” I pleaded, feeling both sadness and fear. My skin was clammy, and my stomach did flip-flops. I swallowed the lump in my throat and prayed that he’d let it go.

  His nose flared, and his jaw twitched. “So you mean to tell me that I have to wait for some food? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “You want me to go buy you something? I can do that.” I was so nervous, I had begun to tremble.

  Tony hissed and charged straight for me.

  “Tony, wait! Wait. No!” I screamed as I backed up and put my hands up to protect myself. He backhanded me so hard, I fell on the sofa, bounced off, and hit the floor.

  He kicked and spat on me, then seethed, “You worthless piece of shit! I swear, I hate you. A man can’t even get a home-cooked meal. You are just a worthless, triflin’, ghetto slut bitch!”

  I held my stomach and cried. I looked up, and the next thing I saw was Tony Jr. take his toy and bash Tony in the back with it. “Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!” Tony Jr. grunted with each blow. Tony yelped in pain.

  “You little bastard!” he yelled. He was about to strike my little man, so I jumped up off the floor and leaned, face forward, over my son to cover him up and take his licks.

  “You ain’t gon’ hit him, Tony! Beat me! But you ain’t touching my son!” I yelled, protecting Tony Jr. I waited to feel the blow from Tony’s fist, but there was nothing.

  I looked up to see Tony laughing. He backed up. “Fuck both y’all. I’m going to Burger King,” he muttered, fanning us off, as he staggered to my purse, stole twenty dollars, and left the house.

  I held Tony Jr. with my arms over his to keep him from swinging the toy at me. He rocked forcefully back and forth, so I rocked with him. “It’s okay. I got you. It’s okay,” I whispered.

  “Mean daddy. Daddy mean,” he repeated softly until he calmed down and drifted to sleep in my arms.

  I sat there holding him for a few moments and broke down in tears once he was completely asleep. “God, if you’re real, please help me. Help me,” I whimpered as pools of tears ran down my face. I didn’t know how much longer I could take this. It was one thing to beat on me, but I’d rather die than let him touch my kids. I’d rather die.

  Lucinda

  My picture had to be beside the word drama in the dictionary, I swore. It seemed that regardless of the fact that I was a peaceful person, drama surrounded me like a black cloud. Ever since the court ruled in my favor, Shanaya had been off the fucking chain. She called my house and hung up frequently, until I finally cussed her out. Raul was no better. He showed up a couple of times at his mom’s house and ranted so much about when his mom had stuck up for me that his younger brothers whipped his ass in the front yard. Dios mio! All I wanted was for Nadia to be taken care of, but the stress and foolishness behind that were damn near unbearable.

  It pissed me off so bad that I actually decided to go to the one person I had vowed never to fuck with again . . . my dad. My mom couldn’t help me control Raul, and I had gotten Ms. Ana involved entirely too much as it was. I needed a man to step in and put the fear of God in Raul before one or both of us ended up in prison and left Nadia to be raised by one of her grandmothers. Raul’s dad surely wasn’t going to do it, because he was an even bigger deadbeat than Raul, and there was no way in hell Raul would listen to the threats of my younger brothers, or even his brothers, even though they whipped his ass. He needed someone who could forcefully get him to see that either he would stop harassing me and help raise our daughter, or he would suffer major consequences, and I felt the only man who could deliver this type of message was my dad.

  As I sat in my dad’s driveway, I contemplated leaving. The last person I wanted to depend on was his ass. I sat there for a few minutes longer and took in their lifestyle. They had a classy three-bedroom, three-bathroom ranch-style home in a nice middle-class neighborhood. Maria’s trifling ass drove in a brand-new Chevy Suburban, and he had a West Coast Chopper and a Dodge Ram extended cab truck. Their impeccably manicured lawn had an automatic sprinkler system, and the swing and the well in the front yard gave their house such a warm and loving family feeling.

  However, I was cold and bitter. They were the perfect little fucking family, and we, his first set of kids, were the outsiders. We could only work and pray for a life like this. It was like being denied access to your own birthday party. For the life of me, I just couldn’t figure out why we weren’t worthy of the same life he provided Maria and their children. I hated the fact that my little half-sister Eva had everything that my siblings and I didn’t. I hated even more the fact that Rosemary and Maria had all that too. It wasn’t just about the lifestyle, though. It was about the relationship they had with my dad.

  As this weighed on me, I had made up my mind to leave when my dad opened the front door and walked out onto the porch. He motioned for me to get out of the car. “Come on in, Lucinda. What are you doing sitting in the car?”

  I took a deep breath. After I’d told him on the phone that I needed to talk to him, he had invited me over for dinner, and begrudgingly, I had accepted. It would take the grace of God to help me through this dinner.

  “Coming,” I sighed as I put up my window and got out of the car. All right, Lucinda, just be cool and ride this whole dinner thing out, I thought.

  As soon as I stepped foot on the porch, my dad embraced me. “Hola, hija! I’m so glad to see you,” he said, seeming happy to see me.

  I gave him a half hug. “Hey, Dad,” I responded plainly. I was never one to fake emotion.

  “Come inside. Come,” he urged, then ushered me inside the house.

  “Wow. You’ve redone some things in here,” I said, looking around. “Brand new hardwood floors, new furniture—”

  “And just wait until you see my kitchen,” Maria whispered behind me and then ran around me and hugged me. “Hey, Lucinda! It’s so good to see you,” she cooed in a motherly voice.

  This irritated the fuck out of me. Can I please mention again that this heifer was only two years older than me? Why did she act like June Cleaver and treat me like I was Rosemary’s age? She was basically my sister. Child, please. Just as I was about to say, “Fuck it,” and finally go off on his little airheaded wife, Rosemary came in the room, holding the hand of Eva, who toddled along. She was so cute. I loved Eva, but I had to admit that I was envious of her.

  “Oh look. She’s walking!” I shouted with glee, covering my mouth. “The last I saw her—”

  “She was still in a blanket,” my dad interrupted. “We must change that. Eva needs to know her siblings.”

  I wanted to say that her siblings needed to know their dad first, but I bit my lip to squelch the remark. I really just wanted to get this over with. I hugged Eva and said hello to Rosemary.

  “Aunt Lucinda, why didn’t you bring Nadia?” Rosemary asked.

  “Honey, she’s not your auntie,” Maria said, correcting her.

  “Then what is she?” Rosemary asked.

  “Um, sweetheart, she’s your sister. She’s my daughter too, remember?” my dad explained to her.

  “But she’s old,” Rosemary said with her little smart-mouthe
d ass.

  “So is your stepdad,” I countered before I knew it.

  “Lucinda,” my dad scolded, with a glance of disapproval.

  “Sorry, but it is the truth,” I mumbled and shrugged my shoulders.

  “Honey, your daddy and I will explain it to you later. We have to get ready for dinner. Take Eva in the kitchen, and I will be in there in just a moment to wash your hands,” Maria directed Rosemary.

  “They’ve really grown up,” I said in an attempt to keep it light.

  Maria faced me. “Yes, they have. I just want to say that I’m glad you’re here, but I ask that you not refer to Emilio as Rosemary’s stepdad. To her, he is her daddy.”

  “And by law, he is her stepdad,” I shot back, pissed at her attempt to correct me.

  Maria threw her hands up. “Emilio, I can’t. I can’t deal with this. I try and I try,” she said, pretending like she was all frustrated. My dad played knight in fucking shining armor and rushed to hug and comfort her. Oh, I was just damn sick.

  “Go and get the girls washed up,” he said to Maria.

  My dad turned to me. “Lucinda, let me speak to you in private in the living room for a second.” I followed him into the living room, and we sat on the sofa. He faced me. “Lucinda, I know that my divorce from your mother was hardest on you. You are the oldest, so you saw a lot of things you shouldn’t have, and for that, I apologize. I know that I may not be the best father in the world, but God has granted me a new start with Maria and the girls. I just ask you to accept that, even if you can’t be happy about it. Now, Rosemary has never known her real dad, and I’m the only man she’s ever known. So please don’t take that away from her. She’s a little girl. You’re old enough to understand that and know better. As for Maria, she’s my wife. I love you, but I can’t let you run over her.”

  There was a rage that grew inside of me the size of the heavens. Here he had just made a case for Rosemary and Maria, but he had offered no apologies for leaving my mom or us kids! A new start with a new family? Had he really just said that without any consideration or any attempt to make amends for the family he had left behind? Now, I was supposed to respect that he wanted to be a father to Rosemary and Eva, when he couldn’t be a father to us. I was supposed to respect his marriage to Maria when he had disrespected my mama. Oh! I had to get the fuck out of here before I exploded.

  “You’ve made your point,” I said and stood up. “On that note, I think I will be leaving,” I told him.

  “Lucinda, please don’t run away. Stay and have dinner with us,” he begged.

  I shook my head. “I think I need to go, so you and your family can enjoy your time together.”

  “You’re my family too,” my dad insisted. “At least tell me why you came over.”

  “Yes, please tell us,” Maria chimed in as she walked into the living room with the girls.

  I really wanted to leave, but more than cursing out my dad, I wanted to get Raul off my back. I shrugged. “Look, I took Raul to court for child-support payments and supervised visitation. Long story short, I caught him and Shanaya doing the nasty up in his mama’s house while Raulina and Nadia played outside, unsupervised, at nine at night.” I took a deep breath.

  I continued. “Anyway, ever since I took him to court, he’s been off the chain. He’s harassing his mom, since she was a character witness for me, and filling Nadia’s head with lies, making it seem like me and her grandma are the bad people. Every time I see him, he threatens me, and we end up in shouting matches. I just want it to stop. I feel that if he knew I had a man who stood behind me and Nadia, he would understand that he can’t treat me like this. Basically, I need you to put the fear of God in him so that he will do what he has to do by Nadia but will leave me alone.”

  “Lucinda, I feel sorry for you and Nadia, I really do, but that seems kind of dangerous. I don’t want my husband caught up in any mess,” Maria protested.

  “Caught up in any mess? He’s my dad.” I couldn’t believe she had said that.

  “I understand he’s your dad, but he has two little girls who need him. You’re grown, Lucinda, and we will help you out if we can, but you can’t expect Emilio to go to battle for you,” Maria countered.

  On that note, I went off. I put my hands on my hips and glared at them. “So are you going to help me or not?” I asked him.

  “I’d love to, Lucinda, but Maria has a point—”

  “You know what . . . ? Fuck you, and fuck you too!” I screamed at my dad and Maria, cutting him off.

  “Lucinda!” my dad hollered.

  “Emilio!” I shouted back. “You’ve said your piece, and now I’m going to say mine.” I turned my attention toward his bitch wife. “How dare you stand here, all high and mighty, and tell me that my father—who is just as much my father as he is Eva’s, and more my father than he is Rosemary’s—can’t help his daughter out? Who the fuck died and gave you the right to decide that?” I screamed at Maria, who stood there, blinking her eyes, in shock.

  I went on, glaring at her. “You make me sick! You are nothing but a home-wrecking slut who’s trying to pass my dad off as Rosemary’s biological father. You are two years my senior and are sleeping with a man old enough to be your daddy and Eva and Rosemary’s granddaddy! How fucking nasty is that? So don’t sit up here and act like you have a lick of morals and home training when the only way you can stand up here in your fancy-ass home with new floors, a new kitchen, and a brand-new Suburban is by lying on your back and spreading your fucking legs!”

  I turned to my dad and pointed my finger at him. “And you, Mr. Brand-New Start, are less than a fucking man to sit up here and let this child that you married tell you not to be a father to your children. You’re less than a man for not wanting to be a father to me! A real man wouldn’t let no bastardo disrespect his daughter, no matter how fucking old she is! And then you have the nerve to want me to respect your role as her husband and Rosemary’s father when you can’t even be a father to me and my siblings! You left my mother destitute to fend for seven children while you ran to less responsibility with this whore! You’re late on child support and alimony payments so you can provide wood floors and brand-new cooktops to this bitch that can’t even cook.”

  I continued. “You speak as if the children you left are in the past, when we are all well and very much alive. My siblings are crammed into rooms, they sleep on mattresses with springs sticking out, and they eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at night for dinner because that’s all Mom can afford, while Eva sleeps in her own room, with her own bed, and she is only a year old! You disgust me, and I swear to God I wish I’d never known you and never loved you. At least that way I wouldn’t miss what I never had. So both of you can kiss my entire ass! I hope with every fiber in my soul that all your kids rise above this and look back on you two and laugh, because the same people you stepped on to get to the top, Father, will be the same ones you see falling down. And trust me . . . you . . . will . . . fall, you bastard!”

  My dad swallowed the lump in his throat. “Is that all? Are you done?” he asked calmly, even though he was trembling from anger.

  “Yes, I am,” I said nonchalantly. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll gladly leave. I’ve had enough pretending for one night anyway. You don’t ever have to worry about me coming around again.”

  “Good! Because you’re no longer welcome,” Maria blurted out.

  I laughed. “As if I care! But just so you know, I already knew you would say that I wasn’t welcome here anymore, and my so-called father is far too little of a man to correct you.” I turned, stomped over to the front door, and snatched it open.

  “Lucinda, I had really hoped that we could begin working through our differences—” my dad began as I stood at the threshold, but I interrupted him.

  “Work through this.” I shot a bird at him. Then I caught Rosemary’s eye. “Oh! And, Rosemary, the reason I seem so old is that your mom and I are about the same age. Your stepdaddy here is th
e old one. When you get older, you’ll understand,” I said to her and then stomped out onto the porch.

  Behind me, Maria gasped in disbelief. Why the hell should I be concerned about Rosemary’s feelings when my own father wasn’t concerned about me or his granddaughter? Yeah, I was wrong, but so were they, and I simply didn’t give a fuck.

  So much for recruiting help with Raul. I was going to have to face this battle with him as I had everything else in my life . . . alone. I didn’t understand men like Raul and my father. What made them think that they could continue to hurt people and never had to suffer for it? I guessed it was because it seemed that they never did. There was no way my father could be suffering from anything, I thought, as I looked around his beautiful yard. I climbed behind the wheel and backed out of his driveway. I couldn’t believe that after all he’d done to my mom, my siblings, and me, he got to live high on the hog. I loathed everything about him, and I vowed yet again never to have a thing to do with that man.

  Charice

  I never knew love could be so wonderful. I had to admit that I had absolutely fallen hard for one Mr. Lincoln Harper. Every time I thought about that man, my heart sang. I’d loved Ryan, but to have my love returned at the same magnitude at which I gave it was beyond words. My relationship with Lincoln was reaching unimaginable heights, and I didn’t want it to ever come down.

  We had truly jumped into one another’s lives, despite the fact we hadn’t told everyone about us. He had asked me to help him manage his personal, business, and nonprofit accounts; therefore, I had access to all his financial accounts. And I had my own credit card and debit card courtesy of my new beau. Lincoln paid all my bills and made sure I was a very well-kept woman, so my job was nothing more than daytime busy work. He’d even purchased a brand new Range Rover for me.

  Wait . . . before I continue, let me be clear. I had told everyone that I was making payments on the vehicle and that I had used some of Ryan’s money to put a down payment on it. There was no way in the world I could tell them or Ryan, for that matter, that I had paid cash for it. I was not naïve. Ryan was fair and generous with child support, but I was sure he’d flip his wig if he even remotely suspected, wrongly, that all his money had gone into a luxury SUV. And if he thought really hard about it, he’d realize he hadn’t given me that much money to pay cash for an eighty-thousand-dollar vehicle, and then he would wonder who had.