Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  “It’s time for Dad to step down and for me to advance to Alpha,” he said, taking in a sharp breath and waiting for my response.

  “Now?” I asked. “In the middle of challenges? Don’t we have enough on our plate without adding that?”

  He smiled. “I tell you that you could be Pack Mother within a month’s time, and you’re concerned about the trials? Lily, if this happens the way Dad thinks it should, he’ll petition the Grand Council for approval when they are here for your battle against Wanda.”

  “Since when does the Grand Council have to approve a new Alpha?” I asked, still not fully understanding where he was going with this.

  “They don’t, but we need their approval to request the exemption for any further battles. Our mating challenges would effectively end as we assumed our new roles within the Pack. What do you think? If it works, you’d only have to fight Wanda.” He said her name through gritted teeth.

  “You and your dad didn’t come up with this idea just to get me out of battles, did you?” I said, suddenly worried that he truly thought I wasn’t capable of fighting my own fights.

  “No, babe, that’s not the case at all. Actually, I’m afraid it’s me, not you. My expectation during a battle is to sit there and watch without showing favoritism. It’s just not possible. He’s already got plans in place to contain me and even remove me if necessary. My wolf isn’t handling a threat to you well at all.” He sounded regretful, embarrassed, not realizing how relieved it made me.

  I never understood how they could expect that of a mate. It’s not like we were potential mates, we were bonded. If they wanted to continue their stupid trials, they should be issued before a couple bonds.

  “I hate that these stupid challenges even exist at all,” I admitted. “But Thomas, I’m a lot stronger than you think. Maybe I need this battle to prove that to you and to the Pack. Our Pack, and to answer your earlier concerns, if stepping up sooner, rather than later, is what’s best for you, then it’s what’s best for me too.”

  The relief on his face at my words made tears spring to my eyes. Time for talking was over as he carried me to our bed and showed me just how much he needed me.

  The next day I was on full focus. Lizzy came by her so-called secret place to spar with me some more, but apparently it wasn’t that big of a secret, because we quickly had a growing audience. We had already discussed the importance of basics, so nothing fancy was happening to the disappointment of those in attendance.

  By lunch time I was drenched in sweat and starving. I had asked Thomas to stay away, despite his need to spend every second with me before my battle the next day. We compromised. He would give me the space to train and prepare until six o’clock, then we would head home and spend the night alone.

  When the five remaining Six Pack showed up with lunch, I made a mental note to add them to the off-limits list.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I groaned. “It’s bad enough we’ve gained an audience,” I grumbled.

  “Relax, Lily,” Wyatt said. “We come in peace, bringing lunch and offering our help.”

  I snorted. “Besides running interference with the ladies, how are you boys offering to help, exactly?”

  “Well, she still has her spirit, that’s a good thing,” Austin said. “Now we want to see if you can really fight.”

  “Huh?” I asked, no doubt giving them a comical look.

  “Wanda Larken is ruthless. She’s going to come at you with all she’s got, and she won’t be looking to play fair,” Clay added.

  “We’re here to make certain you’re ready,” Emmett explained.

  “Yeah, I was talking to Thomas this morning, and our boy is losing his shit over this battle. I’m sure you’ve trained for this, probably your whole life, and no offense to Lizzy, but walking through basic combat moves isn’t going to cut it. We need to see for ourselves where you stand. We won’t go easy on you because Wanda won’t tomorrow. We have less than twenty-four hours to guarantee you are ready, and make no mistake, you will be ready,” James said. I suspected he was trying to intimidate me, like they didn’t think I was taking it seriously or anything. I’d show them.

  “You’re on. Who’s up first?” I challenged, to their surprise.

  “Austin,” James said. “Enjoy your lunch, warm up, and prepare to fight Austin. I’ll referee. Austin, when you hear that whistle blow, you back it down immediately. Are we clear?”

  Austin nodded with a smirk. I quickly assessed he was a cocky show-off. I suspected by his build and easy gait that he was agile and likely quick on his feet.

  “Wait,” I said, as I was strategically thinking through the scenario. “Are we fighting in human form or wolf?”

  “You’ll be expected to fight in wolf form tomorrow,” James reminded me.

  “So wolf it is then,” I said, finishing the last bites of my sandwich and getting up to stretch out the kinks of my morning workout. My wolf was already primed and ready to be set free. Austin might not go easy on me, but he had no idea what I was truly capable of either. I already knew that my biggest advantage was their underestimation of me and I was counting on that being the case with Wanda tomorrow as well.

  Austin warmed up mostly by flirting with a few cute girls who were watching. I rolled my eyes at him, but didn’t let it dull my concentration. When the time came, I stripped out of my clothes and shifted quickly to my wolf as I watched him do the same. He had a large grey wolf. I knew most of the wolves of Collier Pack were grey, making my white one stand out.

  Our makeshift arena was a round, fenced in area they used to break in wild horses. James called us to the center and had us bow towards each other since it was too late to shake hands. He listed off some safety rules, clearly favoring the reminder towards Austin, the biggest of which was not to kill me. Thanks, James.

  When he blew his whistle and jumped back out of the way, I hung back and let Austin come to me. As I had predicted, he was fast on his feet, showing off with quick movements meant to intimidate me. I held my position and waited. He looked towards the girls for only a second and I sprang into action. It took no effort to pin him to the ground and sink my teeth into his vulnerable neck with just enough pressure to let him know I wasn’t playing around.

  James blew the whistle to end the match as I backed away. Austin’s eyes were filled with confusion when he stood and shifted back to human form, to the delight of his fans. Emmett jumped the fence and came our way.

  “Mama wants to play, we’ll play. I’m next.”

  I nodded as Austin left the paddock to face his friends, who were already heckling him for losing so quickly to a girl. I ignored them, focusing instead on Emmett, who had already shifted. His wolf was much larger than mine. From size alone, I knew he wouldn’t be as fast on his feet as Austin had been, but he was far stronger.

  When James blew his whistle this time, I didn’t stay put. Instead I began circling Emmett slowly, assessing his movements and watching for his weaknesses. He wasn’t going to go down easily, that much I was certain of. He started following my lead, and I grinned. He wasn’t a leader. I could lure him in and take advantage of that. I tested my theory first and sure enough, he followed my lead the entire time, watching for my weaknesses. Too bad for him, he didn’t realize that my only weakness and distraction was Thomas and that was something I was trying to come to grips with for tomorrow’s battle, knowing he had to be there.

  I didn’t want to put the burden on Thomas, but if he lost it and they had to restrain or remove him, I wasn’t sure how my wolf would handle the situation.

  Emmett finally made his move, but as predicted he was slow and I easily sidestepped his attack, ducking and dodging as he came after me again and again. I saw his weakness with growing clarity. He was easily frustrated when things didn’t go his way. I used that to my advantage and continued thwarting him until his movements became sloppy, then I went in for the kill.

  He wasn’t easy to take down, but I managed well enough, and
regretted the slice across his front shoulder in the process. James blew his whistle, and Emmett was bleeding a little when he shifted back.

  I tried to relay how sorry I was, but he looked at his shoulder, wiped off the blood, and smiled at me. “Good move, mama. You’re a hell of a lot tougher than you look, I’ll give you that.” I nodded my thanks, waiting for my next opponent.

  Wyatt jumped the fence, then leaned back over to kiss his mate as she cheered him on. I watched him closely and waited. Wyatt was a lot tougher to read. He was the largest of the six-pack, taller even than Thomas, and clearly strong from the obvious signs of his defined biceps and chiseled waist. I gathered from a few looks Clay and Austin shared that they had not expected Wyatt to challenge me. I only hoped he hadn’t seen some weakness I wasn’t aware of while fighting the others.

  One thing Mom had always told me was to never fight the same fight twice. Every opponent was different, and a good opponent would vary their attacks and battle strategy, so I had to also. Even if Wyatt thought he knew what he was coming after, he didn’t. I was ready for him.

  I didn’t hesitate with Wyatt. He was too big for me, so I figured I had two options: One, strike quickly before he knew what was coming, or two, toy with him until I wore him down some. I opted for option number one.

  Where I had held back on the whistle even with Emmett, I made my attack swiftly and immediately with Wyatt. I plowed into him with a force great enough to send him flying into the air and lose his footing on the landing. I heard the crack. I knew he had broken something, but I pinned him quickly anyway and forced my teeth down against his neck as James quickly blew the whistle, running over to us.

  This time I shifted immediately. “I’m so sorry, Wyatt. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  Austin, Clay, and Emmett stood there laughing at him.

  Kate jumped the fence and was by his side before he could shift back. James thrust my clothes at me as I forgot I was still naked. It didn’t bother me, but we both knew Thomas wouldn’t like it. His wolf was too unstable right now for me to egg it on, so I got dressed while Kate checked Wyatt over.

  “You changed your strategy. Why?” he asked, clenching his teeth in pain.

  “I’m so sorry, Wyatt. I was trained to always change my strategy. Every opponent is different. Assess his or her weakness and go in for the kill when they’re most vulnerable. Your wolf is huge. I could have worn you out or struck quickly and unexpectedly. I went for the surprise element, just didn’t expect it to work that well. Is it broken?”

  Kate felt his leg and found the break. “His leg is definitely broken, but he’s tough, he’ll be okay. This wasn’t your fault, Lily. You can’t let this psych you out for tomorrow.”

  “Psych her out?” Austin asked. “No way. She’s ready to kick ass tomorrow! If you can do that to Wyatt, Wanda Larken doesn’t stand a chance against you.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone.”

  Training was over. My next opponent would be Wanda. The crowd partly dispersed and partly followed us as James and Emmett carried Wyatt to the truck, then climbed in back with him as Clay and Kate jumped in the front and drove him to the clinic. Lizzy and Austin rode with me as we followed behind.

  “I could have warned them and saved him this pain, but they came in so cocky I couldn’t resist letting you have at them,” Lizzy said with a gleeful smirk.

  Austin rolled his eyes. “We’ve been watching you. There’s no way you knew she was capable of this off the drills y’all were running.”

  Lizzy and I looked at each other and laughed. While the area was still “secret.” before everyone caught wind of me training with Lizzy, she had sparred me full on. She was a tough opponent, but I had defeated her in the end and earned her utmost respect. It had given us a new bond and she had confessed she hadn’t been too sure about the idea of me bonding with her brother, though she also admitted that Thomas was her baby boy and always would be. She was like his little mother growing up and they had a uniquely close relationship because of it.

  Austin just shook his head at us. “Well, you’re definitely ready for the challenge tomorrow,” he grumbled.

  Thomas had gotten word of an accident at my training and was seeing red and sprouting fur on his hands when I arrived. Several people were trying to talk him down and explain it was Wyatt that was injured, not me, but his wolf wasn’t hearing it.

  With hands on my hips, I walked right up to him. “Thomas Collier, I told you to have some faith in me. I’m more capable than you realize and I’m perfectly fine.”

  Through glossy eyes he stared at me, then reached out and pulled me to him, crushing me against his chest.

  “Can’t breathe,” I grumbled as he loosened his hold.

  He was on the verge of hyperventilating, but he placed his nose in the crook of my neck and sniffed deeply, then breathed his scent on me, and kissed his mark on my neck. Still a little shaky, his wolf finally began to calm.

  “Shit, Thomas, you have got to keep that in check tomorrow. She wasn’t even hurt. Kicked Austin and Emmett’s asses, and then broke Wyatt’s leg. That’s why we’re here numb-nuts. She doesn’t even have a scratch on her,” James told him.

  “I can’t say the same.” Emmett chuckled, pulling up his sleeve and showing off the deep scratch I’d left on his shoulder.

  “Sorry Emmett,” I finally said.

  “No big deal, mama. You got this tomorrow. Let Thomas take you home and just relax tonight. Wanda has no idea what she’s getting herself into,” Emmett said, grinning proudly.

  I turned to Thomas. “That sounds perfect to me, but I really need to make sure Wyatt’s okay first.”

  Turned out he needed to be rushed in for a fracture reduction. The doctor explained it would take a couple of hours because they had to sedate him in order to properly set the break. I must have apologized a hundred times to Kate, but I never left her side through it all, and Thomas never left mine.

  Thomas

  Chapter 30

  It had been a long night, but I’d gotten a glimpse of Lily in a new light. She wasn’t “Lily. my sister’s best friend.” She wasn’t “Lily, my mate.” Last night, she’d been Lily, Pack Mother of Collier Pack. She didn’t have to sit there, holding Kate’s hand for half the night. Wyatt was going to be fine, maybe a little annoyed that he got beat so badly by a girl, but fine.

  The guys had passed the time recounting over and over how they’d gotten their asses kicked by Lily. She had continued to remain humble and say it was nothing instead of joining in with the smack talk.

  People came and went all evening, checking in on Kate and Wyatt. Lily had been the cornerstone of it all, filtering inquiries, assuring people he was fine, comforting his poor mother, and of course Kate. I knew that in times of crisis, this is who she’d always be. The Pack responded positively to it, too. Those that returned didn’t try to speak with Kate, or even the nurses, they went straight to Lily. Somehow, she had earned her position in the Pack and I was lucky enough to have a front row seat as it all unfolded. The most amazing part to me was that she had no clue it was happening. As always, she was simply being Lily.

  It was late into the night when she finally agreed to go home. Wyatt had been out of the operating room for hours by then, but she had stayed, continuing to be the pillar and comfort needed by everyone who stopped by.

  “You’re amazing. Do you even know that?” I asked her in awe.

  She snorted, undressing for bed. “For breaking Wyatt’s leg and leaving claw marks on Emmett? I don’t think so.”

  “No, for just being you. I was worried about pressuring you into Pack Mother too soon, but I shouldn’t have, because you are a natural. I don’t even think you realize it.”

  She shrugged. “In times of crisis I always ask myself, What would Mom do? She was a pretty awesome Pack Mother, so I figure I can’t go wrong with that thinking.”

  Lily was restless all night long, despite an exhausti
ng day. I lay awake worrying about her challenge, until finally, in the wee hours of morning, I drifted off to sleep.

  For the first time since our bonding, Lily was up and ready before I woke. I frowned when I saw the bed beside me empty. A few minutes later Lily came out of the bathroom, her hair dripping wet from a shower.

  “Good morning,” she said, much too cheerfully.

  “You’re awake?” I grumbled.

  “Couldn’t sleep,” she confessed.

  “I didn’t even get breakfast in bed this morning,” I mumbled under my breath, causing her cheeks to match the color of her hair. If I were being honest, the taste of my beautiful mate first thing in the morning and waking up to her moans of approval had become far more addictive than the strongest coffee.

  She leaned down and kissed me, and it wasn’t nearly enough, but I could sense her hesitance to escalate things beyond that. I looked over at the clock, surprised to see it was already eight o’clock. Her fight would begin in just two hours.

  Every instinct in me told me to grab her and spend that time showing her how much I loved her while marking her with my scent and love bites to remind every other wolf that this one was mine, but she had other plans.

  “I’m meeting Lizzy in half an hour to warm up, so we don’t have much time,” she said sadly. “I need you to know that, no matter what happens today, Thomas, you have to stay in that seat and not react. I’m not going to lose this battle. I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to come out entirely unscathed, either. Promise me. If the rules didn’t say you had to be there, I would ask you to stay away.”

  Just like that, my little slugger bashed my heart into pieces once again. I had thought that after our bonding, she wouldn’t have that effect on me anymore, but there it was.

  “You don’t want me there?” I asked. It was all I truly heard her say.

  She rolled her eyes. “You only ever hear what you want to hear. That’s not what I said, and it’s not possible anyway.” She was stalling, trying to find the right words. This was Lily, anything en route to her brain shot out her mouth. She wasn’t restrained, especially with me, so why now? It was freaking me out a little.