Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  “What is it?” I finally asked, unable to stand it any longer.

  “Our bond is strengthening,” she said slowly. “I can feel it, Thomas. I can feel you. My wolf has started feeding off your emotions and I’m worried that if you start to freak out today, so will she. I’m used to being in perfect harmony with her. It’s one of my biggest battle strengths, but if she’s emotional because you are, I don’t know how that will affect our fighting. I didn’t really realize it until last night. I was wrong not to bring you to training. So I’m asking you to please try and remain calm, no matter what happens today. I’ll make it as quick as I can, but I have no doubt that word has already spread with how quickly I took Wyatt down. She’ll be waiting for that. She’ll be arrogant and think she’s got me. I have to alter my strategy again. She’s strong on the offensive, but she fights emotionally. I need her to lose her temper out there, and you need to sit there and let that happen. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded. What she was asking was impossible. My wolf was already agitated just knowing she was going to be at risk, and I wasn’t strong enough to subdue him.

  She climbed into bed and cuddled up against me. Peace washed over me, settling my wolf. We didn’t talk further, and despite the desire welling up in me, I didn’t act on it. I simply held her until the last second.

  She wouldn’t let me say goodbye, only “see you later.” It broke my heart to watch her walk away. This stupid mating challenge went against everything sacred to our bond. It defied my wolf’s patience level and would test me as much as her. I needed to protect my mate. It was engrained into every ounce of my being. Why couldn’t the Grand Council understand that? The members making up the stupid rules never even faced the same challenges, because they didn’t bond or have families. It was one of their requirements as Grand Council members to supposedly allow for objectivity. There was no way they could fully understand what they were asking for.

  I again solidified my position to challenge the rules. No wolf should ever have to go through this. There were already pack placement challenges. The idea that it was better for those challenges to come during early stages of mating was ridiculous. That was when our wolves were most vulnerable and irrational. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, but I would see to it that my children never had to suffer through this. It would be my highest agenda as Pack Alpha, and I was confident that my allied Alphas would fall in line on this one.

  A knock at my door had me jumping out of bed and throwing on a pair of sweats to answer it. Austin, James, Clay, Emmett, and even Wyatt on crutches were standing there, a bag of food in Clay’s hand.

  “Thought you could use the company this morning,” James said.

  “You damn well better have a pot of coffee on,” Austin grumbled.

  Clay hugged me when he passed by on his way in.

  “We knew today was going to be hard. Just want you to know we got your back,” Emmett said.

  “Trust me,” Wyatt said, frowning down at his casted leg. “Lily’s ready for this.”

  “I know,” I sighed. “It just doesn’t make it any easier.”

  Breakfast with the boys was just what I needed. Looking around me, I realized that I might have been abundantly blessed with sisters, but I also had five of the greatest brothers imaginable. They might not have been my blood brothers, but they were my life brothers, and they stayed by my side until the last second. If they could have joined me on the platform for the battle, I know they would have, but more stupid rules kept me segregated from the others. I was only grateful that as Alpha, my dad got to stand by my side, and I prayed that if I did anything stupid, he’d be strong enough to subdue me.

  There was excitement in the air as the entire Pack came out to watch Lily fight Wanda. A small section had been marked off for the Larkens in an attempt to contain any old resentments that might arise in conflicts outside the arena. My wolf was growling in my head just having them in my territory.

  When I got to the top of the platform overlooking the arena, Mom and Dad were already there, as were two of the Grand Council members and all four members of Dad’s Pack Council.

  I had known Titus and Victor my entire life. They were allies of Collier and had served well in their time on the Grand Council. They were also the first two I planned to hit up with invalidating the challenges entirely, but I would need to bide my time for that one. It was a strategic matter that could take years to campaign enough support.

  I shook the men’s hands, hugged each in turn, and thanked them for coming.

  “Your father has warned us of your unique situation,” Titus said, the more diplomatic of the two. “We do hope there are no issues with today’s challenge.”

  I knew it was both an affirmation and a warning.

  “I’m trying, Titus. Impartiality here will be impossible, but my mate has asked that I sit tight and let her do her job, and I certainly intend to try. The last thing I want to do is distract Lily during the battle,” I assured him.

  “I see what you meant, Zach,” Victor told my father. “I can feel his power just being in his presence. It’s amazing, so commanding.”

  “Amazing?” I snorted. “That’s not exactly how I’d describe it. Hugely problematic when you’re about to put my mate in danger of her life, is more like it.” Titus raised his eyebrow in question. “I said I intend to try, Titus. If my wolf becomes too agitated, you’ll have to be prepared to subdue me. He’s been known to see red quickly whenever she’s in danger, and this disaster you call tradition is most certainly putting her in danger.”

  “He’s rational, yet his aggression is borderline dangerous,” Titus commented, as if I were in a clinical study.

  My father nodded. “Yes, but as I told you, I fully believe it is because his Alpha side has evolved. He’s ready to take over the Pack. I’m certain of it.”

  “But you cannot expect him to do so in the middle of his mating challenges,” Victor said.

  “Which is why I’ve petitioned Titus to forego any future challenges and allow him to promote immediately,” my dad said to Victor’s astonishment.

  “You’re serious? He’s still young to take over a Pack this size.”

  “Maybe, but it is my greatest honor to hand it over to him. I’ve trained him personally since the day he was born, and I’m telling you, he’s ready,” Dad said proudly.

  “And what will come of you then?” Victor inquired.

  Titus and Dad shared a look that made me uncomfortable. “Oh, I’ll find my new place in the Pack. Look how well it’s worked out for Jason.” They all chuckled, knowing the former Alpha had been struggling to find his place, but finally settled on grandpa as his favorite new title. “Perhaps Thomas and Lily will bless me as well in the near future.”

  “Dad,” I scolded as they all chuckled, then sobered as a hush came over the crowd.

  Lily and Wanda walked out of the arena doors and into the center. They turned and looked up at where we stood. Dad clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave an apologetic look before stepping forward. He welcomed them all, went through the formalities necessary to start the fight, and before I knew what was happening, I’d been pushed down into a chair with Titus and Victor standing guard on either side of me. Dad took up his place just behind me, a hand resting easily on my shoulder which I knew would give me a blast of his Alpha power should I step out of line.

  Lily stripped, as did Wanda, and they waited for the signal. On my dad’s order, they both shifted and the fight was on. Wanda immediately retreated. Lily had been right—she was ready for a quick attack. Wanda’s grey wolf shook off the confusion as Lily’s white wolf started to circle her.

  Lily toyed with her just enough to slowly draw her in. Wanda started making close, quick jabs for Lily, who easily dodged them all. There was a sudden commotion from the Larken section. Wanda didn’t falter, but Lily did, and the second she did, Wanda dove in for the attack.

  Lily hit the ground with a thud and my heart stopped. My vision blurred and
a low rumble started deep in my chest. Just as Wanda went in for the kill I felt a jolt of Alpha power surge into me from Dad.

  At the last second, Lily jumped up and plowed into Wanda, knocking her off balance and avoiding her kill move. Lily took one look up at me and I felt terrible for distracting her. She had the upper advantage and should be using it, but she didn’t. Instead, Lily walked slowly over to Wanda, who was quickly regaining her footing. She lifted her head towards the sky and howled.

  My wolf immediately responded before anyone could stop me, but more than that, she had affectively called to the entire Pack as shifter after shifter joined her. When I looked back down, Lily was in full focus. I knew at the moment she howled that she’d given herself fully over to her wolf, something I had heard she never did in battle.

  I rose to my feet and walked to the railing for a closer look. The others didn’t stop me, but the Pack followed my lead as they all rose to their feet. The howls had been signs of respect and acceptance. Lily had officially just become Collier and it was clear to see the Larkens knew it, as did Wanda, whose fighting became defensive and sloppy.

  Exactly as Lily had explained, she patiently waited until Wanda was so angry that she was acting irrationally and emotionally. The first moment she left her neck exposed, the beautiful white wolf leapt in for a swift kill. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure the grey wolf knew what was happening until it was too late.

  With Wanda dead, Lily sat back on her hind legs and howled once again, this time in both grief and victory. Those from Larken made a quick exit as the eerie sounds of Collier Pack followed her lead.

  “I told you,” Dad said to Titus. “They’re both ready.”

  Titus nodded. “We’ll make the call tonight and let you know.”

  “Am I free to go to my mate now?” I asked, not wanting to screw anything up with the challenge, but desperately needing to feel for myself that Lily was okay.

  “Yes, son. She’s all yours. Go get your girl,” Dad said with a smile.

  I didn’t bother with the stairs. It was a straight drop down to the arena floor from the platform, which I easily landed. Lily’s wolf jumped in surprise, as she turned to face me. I hadn’t spent a ton of time with her wolf, and not at all while still in human form. She happily greeted me, tail wagging, and rubbed her scent against my leg. I leaned down and hugged her as Lily shifted back into her beautiful flesh and bone in my arms.

  I lifted her up, cradling her against me as our Pack cheered. The noise was deafening, yet somehow when I leaned down to kiss her, it grew even louder. Lily threw her head back and laughed, wrapping one arm tightly around my neck, and the other she used to wave to the crowd.

  “I told you I had this,” she reminded me. “This little slugger didn’t even need a bat to finish the job.”

  “Slugger, don’t ever scare me like that again. When you went down like that, I thought . . .”

  “Nope,” she said, pressing her lips to mine. “No what ifs. Just let me enjoy my victory. I think the Pack may have finally accepted me.”

  I laughed. “You think? You had everyone on their feet howling, babe. That’s typically only something an Alpha or a Pack Mother can do.”

  She shrugged. “I am still the future Pack Mother.”

  “Yes, yes you are. Now let’s get you dressed and go home to celebrate properly.”

  I watched the blush creep into her cheeks. “You really think they’ll let us?”

  I looked around, feeling a little disappointed. No one had left. They all still stood around chatting and watching us. She’d just taken her place in Collier. There was no way they were going to let us just leave. Dammit.

  After Lily had thrown on some sweats, we tried leaving the arena, but we were both practically tackled by Sydney as she hugged Lily. Jessie was with her. She nodded to me, and then bowed to my mate, baring her neck.

  “Two battles in one,” Syd whispered as Jessie rose.

  “I’m so sorry, Lily,” she started.

  “Stop,” Lily commanded her. “You were only doing what you believed was right. You were protecting your sister. There’s nothing wrong with that, Jessie. You were very brave.”

  “Really?” Jessie asked with wonder in her eyes.

  “Really,” Lily confirmed, before being attacked by Shelby next in another bear hug and swarmed immediately by the remainder of my sisters. They were all there, except Maddie. I knew Lily would have loved for her to have been there, but somehow knowing she was safe and sound in San Marco made her absence more bearable.

  “You kicked ass, girl! I knew you had it in you,” Lizzy praised. It dawned on me that I hadn’t seen my oldest sister look quite so happy in a very long time. Even the haunted look in her eyes was temporarily gone.

  Clara and Ruby recanted every second of the battle, as Peyton offered to bring meals for us throughout the week, assuming correctly that we’d want some time alone after everything that happened.

  The arena, like most things in Collier, was within walking distance of the Alpha house. I felt like we were leading a parade or something as everyone followed us back to my parents’ house where my truck was parked.

  Numerous invites had been shouted out along the way. It was going to be a full day of celebrations and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet. I had casually dismissed each of them, just wanting to get Lily home.

  It was finally Hewitt that intervened and left no room for negotiations as I found we were being ushered towards the Tavern for celebration drinks. That turned into lunch which consumed much of the afternoon as people continued to come back and offer their congratulations or simply welcome Lily to the Pack. She was smiling so brightly that despite my barely controlled need to just have her to myself, we stayed until each and every one of my packmates had time to speak with us.

  It was late afternoon when a break came, and I felt it would be safe to finally move on. We said goodbye to Milly and a few others. I thanked my friends for sticking around and for all their help leading up to the fight. We made plans to go riding the next week, and then, suddenly we had escaped.

  The streets had largely cleared and I was making a mad dash for the truck, dragging Lily along with me, knowing that if we stayed too much longer it would roll into dinner. I was opening the door when Ruby poked her head out of the house and yelled for us.

  “Thomas. Lily. Dad wants to see you both before you leave.”

  I slammed the door shut again and banged my head on the glass as Lily giggled.

  “Come on, the faster we get in there, the sooner we can leave,” she said, wrapping an arm around my waist. I stopped her and looked down, framing her face with my hands, I leaned down and kissed her. I didn’t give a damn who was watching us, I kissed her like we were the last two people left on Earth.

  “Is it too much to ask for just a few minutes alone with you?”

  She gave me a quick peck on the check, though she looked a little dazed from my kiss. “No, it’s not, but today meant a lot to them, too.”

  “I do love that you always put our Pack above all else, but let’s try to never prioritize them above us.”

  She laughed. “You’re just super horny right now because you didn’t get any action this morning. You’ll live, I promise, and this will all be behind us soon.”

  I groaned, knowing she was right and followed her into the house. My wolf was still a little agitated from everything going on, and the only way I felt I could keep it in check was to touch to her. She didn’t seem to mind, though.

  Mom greeted us in the hallway and hugged Lily. For some reason, the sight of the two of them embracing finally hit me. This was real. Lily was here, she was fine, and this nightmare was temporarily behind us. The last of the fight and aggression balled up within me released.

  We were soon ushered into Dad’s office. Titus and Victor were waiting there for us, along with the full Pack Council. Seeing them all there, Lily started to excuse herself, assuming it was a meeting just for me.

  “L
ily, I’d like for you to stay please. This concerns both of you,” Dad told her.

  She looked at me with concern, but held her head high and stood strong by my side.

  “What’s all this about?” I asked when an awkward silence came over the room.

  “Son, have you had a chance to discuss with Lily what we talked about the other day?”

  He was speaking cryptically, and I didn’t like it. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

  “Your father is ready to step down as Alpha, Thomas,” Titus said.

  “We have discussed that,” Lily admitted.

  “And did you have any concerns? You are very young to assume the responsibilities of Pack Mother,” Dad said.

  Lily nodded. “I am, but no younger than Kelsey was when she took over in Westin Pack. Plus, you must remember, I was raised by a Pack Mother. I know exactly what this duty entails.”

  “And you feel that you’re ready for such a role in the Pack?” Victor asked her.

  Lily looked at me, and winked. “Victor, what I know is that my full allegiance has already shifted to Collier Pack. If I had any doubts in that, they were put to rest today. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my Pack. Whether the call to Pack Mother comes in twenty years or twenty minutes from now, I will be ready, as long as that is what is best for the Pack.”

  The men looked around the room at each other, nodding. It took a lot to hold my tongue, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what was going on.

  “Thomas, the Grand Council voted this afternoon, and we agree with your mate. The two of you will be a fine legacy to Collier Pack. At your father’s insistence, and upon validating his concerns personally, as I have expressed to the Council, it was also agreed that the transfer of power should begin immediately.”

  My chest tightened as his words sunk in.