Love You To Death: A Psychological Crime Thriller

by Rita Ames

  In the meantime I arranged for one of the nursing staff to purchase me a laptop. I managed to get Susie’s full name out of one nurse with just a little bit of flirting. It was so easy that I wondered if I had been a bit of a playboy before my accident. I reasoned that if I was single then I must have been playing the field. I googled as much information as I could find, and discovered a home address, along with a landline telephone number. I also discovered that she worked at a hospital in the City of Salisbury, not far from where I apparently got run over.

  I tried to recall any little detail from my life before. I had this feeling that I had been someone important in some way. So far, all I knew was that my job was that of a bank clerk. This didn’t sit well with me. I just knew that wasn’t everything. I googled myself and came up with nothing. I had hoped that maybe I was athletic or played in a band. I wanted to find something that set me above the humble bank clerk.

  My head hurt with trying to remember. I got so frustrated that I took it out on one of my nurses and she ran crying from the room. I should have been bothered by that. Instead I found that I didn’t care.

  The wait until I could resume my life was likely going to drive me insane. I decided to channel all my energies into my recuperation, intending to be in splendid shape for my Susie when the time came to court her.

  Susie

  My life had settled back into its usual boring rhythm. Get up, go to work, walk home and then spend the evening watching TV before bed.

  The little blip of excitement had come and gone and I grieved its loss. For just a little while things had looked up and I thought I might be starting to move forward. Wrong. I was back to being the invisible nurse again.

  One evening, as I exited the elevator on my way out of the hospital at the end of the day, I spotted someone staring at me from near the entrance. I went to rush past when a hand touched my arm. I jumped back surprised and came face to face with Carl. A feeling of intense guilt rushed over me when I realised that I had never been back to visit him since that first time. He must think me quite awful for doing that to him. I blushed with the shame of it.

  He held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender and smiled at me.

  I noticed that behind him stood a special wheeled walking frame and on taking a closer look, saw that he had a padded boot on his left foot.

  “Hi Susie” He said, his voice sounding so much different than the first time we spoke. It was a clear, strong sounding voice which didn’t match the hesitant man before me.

  “Hello Carl” I responded not knowing exactly how to start.

  “I hope you don’t mind me turning up like this” he said, looking down at the ground “only... you are the only person I know, apparently, apart from a couple of work colleagues” he shrugged.

  “How have you been?” I asked, still feeling like I should apologise for not visiting in all these weeks.

  “It’s been tough, to be honest with you. The physical therapy is a bitch” he chuckled “I’m just glad to be out of there, although I have to return as an outpatient for a while yet”.

  “It’s good to see you finally on your feet” I was a little stumped as to what else to say.

  Carl moved towards me as if to speak and he suddenly lost his footing, falling forward. I quickly put out my arms and caught him before he went over completely and he managed to regain his balance.

  “Thanks” he said “I still have a little issue with my equilibrium” he laughed. “Yet again you have been my guardian angel and saved me” he said dramatically clutching his hand over his heart in jest.

  I laughed out loud, glad that the awkwardness had passed.

  “Would you like to grab a coffee?” Carl enquired.

  I looked at him. He had brown eyes that were almost black. His hair was badly in need of a cut and a little messy around his ears, however, there was something a little endearing about him. His eyes were warm when they met mine and I decided that it would do no harm to go for coffee with him. I saw it as an opportunity to assuage some of my guilt.

  “Sure, I have time for coffee” I said and he smiled again before turning to take hold of his walking frame. He looked embarrassed to be using it although it was obvious he couldn’t walk too far without it.

  We managed to make it to the nearest coffee shop and with some difficulty got seated in a booth. I insisted on going to the counter for the drinks as Carl would obviously not be able to carry anything. He looked so downtrodden at his inability to do something so simple that I found myself liking him even more.

  We sat for a few minutes in silence, sipping our coffee. He was taking covert glances at me over the rim of his mug. I found that I was not upset by this, finding it flattering.

  “I hope you don’t think I am some sort of stalker” he finally said.

  “Why would I think that?” I asked curiously. It hadn’t even crossed my mind until he mentioned it.

  “Well, some people might think it a little strange, me turning up at your place of work out of the blue.” He wiped away a little blob of froth from the corner of his mouth. He was sweet.

  “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that this is the nearest hospital to where you had your accident, and as I was rude in not coming to visit you again, then I think it’s a normal response to want to come and see me” I said with conviction. I didn’t want him to feel any worse than he did, not when I was the one at fault here.

  He looked directly at me, his eyes searching me for something. I felt a little uncomfortable under his intense gaze and pretended to stir my coffee in an attempt to break the connection.

  “Will you be able to return to work soon?” I asked.

  “Not for at least a couple of weeks. I still have to attend rehab every other day until I can walk without this damned boot on.” He said and sounded extremely frustrated.

  I sensed some real rage hidden under all that frustration, and who could blame him. That van hitting him had stolen a huge chunk of his memory and I couldn’t fathom how hard that must be. To suddenly wake up with no memories of your previous life must be a living nightmare.

  “Have you had any memory return at all?” I enquired hoping that there had been some improvement.

  “I’m not really sure. I’ve been having some really strange dreams but nothing concrete. Most of them fade out when I wake up, making it difficult to latch onto any one thing” he wasn’t happy about that, I could tell.

  We sat and chatted about the weather and what was current in the news. Carl told me that the worst thing about his loss of memory was that he could not make conversation easily. Apart from general topics he had nothing he could use, such as a funny childhood story. He looked so sad when he said this that I almost reached out my hand to him. I stopped myself just in time.

  He noticed my hand stop mid-way towards him and reached his own across the table putting it on top of mine.

  “Thank you for being so kind Susie. I would like to do this again, if you are happy to?” he asked with hopeful eyes.

  “Sure, why not.” I answered.

  “Can I give you my number? That way you can call me, and if you do then I will know its ok to save your number in my phone. How does that work for you?”

  “That sounds just fine” I tapped his number into my contacts and saved it.

  We said goodbye at the door and I went on my way home, feeling a little lighter now that my guilt over forgetting him had been assuaged.

  Carl

  If my damned leg wasn’t so banged up I would have gone home with a spring in my step. Instead I hobbled like the invalid I was. The prolonged foray out into the world had taken its toll on my poor battered body and I sorely needed a hot bath and long rest to recover. My leg ached with persistence.

  I had been so apprehensive about approaching Susie out of the blue, not knowing how she would respond. I should have known that a girl with a heart as big as she had, would overlook my awkwardness.

  It had been difficult to keep
up a conversation with my limited memory. Frustration kicked in like a bitch as I found myself discussing weather for the fourth time. I was seriously in danger of boring the girl to death.

  Somewhere in my head there was a nagging feeling that before today I had not much cared what any girl thought of me. I tried to grasp at the thought to see if I could pull a full memory into focus, but no deal.

  All in all our mini-date over coffee seemed to go well. I could only hope that Susie would get up the courage to call me. I had promised not to push unless she made the first move in an effort to reassure her that I was a good guy. No you’re not, the thought came unbidden, shaking me a little.

  After all I had no idea what kind of man I had been before the accident. All I knew was that I was a bit of a loner. I couldn’t understand why I would have been happy having no friends or even a girlfriend.

  The latter did not bother me too much. If there was a girlfriend around then I would not be free to see Susie. I had an urgent need to keep seeing Susie. Her face soothed me at night when the nightmares visited.

  My night terrors had been getting worse and I was seriously considering therapy. Something had to give, and short of staying awake all night I had no idea how to stop the dreams. I frequently awoke covered in a cold sweat. The enduring feeling of having participated in acts of such extreme violence often sent me running to the bathroom to throw up.

  What scared me the most was that I could feel myself revelling in the power of these brutal acts. The only thing that dispelled the visions from my mind was picturing Susie’s lovely, calm green eyes. I imagined myself running my fingers through her hair and pulling her down to kiss me. This image cleared my troubled mind like no other.

  I knew, without a doubt, that as long as I could keep Susie nearby then I could banish the badness for good.

  I was terrified that my nightmares were a part of the memories that I had lost. If that was true then I had very mixed feelings about remembering my past life.

  I took some painkillers and sank down onto the couch. I got better sleep there than in my bed.

  Susie

  The next couple of days fell back into the same old routine. I thought about calling Carl once or twice but had mixed feelings about what to do where he was concerned. I had the feeling that he rather liked me and this left me feeling a little off balance. I didn’t want to lead him on and end up hurting his feelings. I was still thinking far too much and too often of Detective Ben Guyer, whose blue eyes seemed to have resorted to haunting me every time I closed my eyes.

  Then I would think of the fact that Ben had simply disappeared off the face of the earth. He hadn’t bothered calling or even sending a text. I could only assume that our connection over coffee was wishful thinking on my part.

  In the end the decision was made for me when I came home to an envelope from my landlord.

  I had been given notice and would have to find somewhere else to live. The owner wanted to sell the apartment and although he offered me first refusal, there was no way I could afford the down payment on a nurse’s salary.

  I reluctantly bought the local newspaper and began searching for a new place to rent.

  On the evening that I received the news I felt so down that I wanted to talk to someone. I didn’t want to worry Mum, she would only tell me to move back home, and that wasn’t an option.

  That left a choice of two other nurses that I worked with or Carl as the recipient of my sorrow.

  For some reason I found myself dialling Carl. He answered on the third ring sounding like he expected me to be a sales person. I laughed at his tone.

  “Don’t sound so worried” I said “I won’t try to sell you life insurance” I couldn’t help giggling.

  “Susie, is that you?” he asked sounding a lot more relaxed.

  “Yeah, were you expecting another woman to call?” I knew I was teasing but I couldn’t resist.

  “Well, usually the line is just clogged up with all the women after my body” he chuckled. “Only problem is, it’s not much use at the moment, being broken and all”

  “It’s not that bad. You are getting better all the time and before long you will have forgotten the accident altogether” I reassured him.

  “I somehow doubt that” he muttered “Anyway, what can I do for you on this cold and dismal evening” he asked.

  “Dismal is the word” I said “I just had some bad news and needed to vent to someone. You drew the short straw”

  “Hey” he said “What’s up?”

  “I got given notice on my apartment” I said with a sigh.

  “What rotten luck. What are you going to do?” he asked.

  “I have a month in which to find something else, so I need to get organised quickly” I was running through my mind all the things I would have to do. I didn’t relish having to pack up all my stuff.

  As it happens, talking to Carl made me feel tons better and we spent a while talking and laughing. He seemed so much more relaxed, even funny, when on the phone. It seemed it was the face to face interaction that made him uncomfortable. I was glad that I had mustered the courage to call him.

  Hanging up from the call it occurred to me that I may have made my first real friend in the City.

  Ben

  My trip to Birmingham had turned into a much bigger deal than I first thought.

  I sat at my borrowed desk surrounded by crime scene photos, all showing female victims in various stages of decomposition. Over the years I had become used to seeing such gruesome details, although pictures were easier to stomach than being at the scene of a discovery. My stomach still rolled with the stench of rotting flesh and I hoped I never got used to it. I never wanted to feel unaffected when some poor soul lost their life.

  I had made the decision to visit a few of the families in the hope of finding some link that would help me with my new case.

  All of the victims appeared to be normal girls just passing through life like everyone else. The only thing that might be considered a similarity is that none of the girls had a boyfriend at the time, and most of them kept pretty much to themselves. Not one of them appeared to be a party girl as so many were these days.

  Learning that all the victims were good, sweet girls whose only crime was to be a little reclusive, I couldn’t help but think about another sweet girl, so much like them it un-nerved me. Her face came to mind often, jade green eyes framed by an auburn halo. It shocked me to admit that I actually missed her.

  The whole thing seemed preposterous. How could I miss someone that I had only met twice? Still, my heart knew its own mind, and miss her I did.

  After gathering up enough information to get us started, I set off back to Salisbury. My partner, Dave, had been on a quick foray down to Plymouth to check on the cases there and he was returning with his findings.

  We would have plenty to keep us busy for a while and I could only hope that the killer stayed inactive for a little longer. I was now sure that the Birmingham cases and possibly the Plymouth ones were all linked to the same person. The only link to our recent dead girl in the park was the hair with the DNA match. The MO was so different from the others that I still had my doubts.

  As I pulled into my drive, looking forward to a shower and bed, I resolved that I would try to make amends to Susie as soon as I could. She had a big heart and I was sure she would forgive me once she knew why I had left town.

  Carl

  Susie and I met up several times for coffee after work and we gradually started to get comfortable with each other. I had to keep myself from trying to touch her, as that was all I could think about.

  I wanted to get closer to her but there was something holding her back. I tried to pry it out of her but she was being a stubborn little thing. I was getting a little annoyed with it, it was a feeling I didn’t like. I felt as though I wanted to force Susie into doing what I wanted, rather than listen to her needs. The feeling came on very strong at times. It was too similar to what was happening in my nig
htmares, the ferocity of which was increasing as the days went by.

  The prolonged lack of sleep and the after effects of the night terrors were leaving me looking a wreck. My body was slowly healing with the therapy I was receiving and I could now walk slowly without the need for the walking frame. Boy, was I glad when I could get rid of that. I no longer had to look like an eighty year old as I walked down the street. It was ironic that as my physical body healed, my mental state seemed to be deteriorating at an alarming rate. It was becoming harder to hold myself together. The only time I felt calm and at peace was in the presence of my lovely green eyed Angel.

  Susie had managed to find herself a nice new apartment and was due to move in the following week. Her Landlord had agreed to let her out of her lease a couple of weeks early due to the short notice he had given her.

  I agreed to help with the move, although I would not be able to do any heavy lifting. I made myself honorary Supervisor, promising to oversee the removal team.

  The day of the move came round and much to my delight Susie gave me her door key and asked me to go on ahead to set up the refreshments and be on hand to supervise the unloading of the van. We had found a Van and man deal in the local newspaper. The price for the two guys and their high top vehicle was much better than hiring a professional moving company.

  Susie had to return her old key to the Letting Agents and would follow on afterwards. I promised to pick up some basic food supplies on my way over.

  I had finally been given the all clear to drive again since I no longer had to wear the padded foot boot. My ankle and lower shin had been so badly broken that I would probably always walk with a slight limp. I reasoned that was a fair price to pay for coming away with my life.

  As I drove the short distance between the two properties I found myself pulling over. I parked up the car and went into a shoe repair/key cutting shop and asked them to make a copy of the key in my pocket. While this was being done I went to the store for the food.