Love You To Death: A Psychological Crime Thriller

by Rita Ames

  I reasoned with myself that I was getting a spare key for Susie’s protection. I may need to get into her apartment to help with something if she were away for instance. I made up many excuses for getting a key cut, when the reality was that I simply wanted access to Susie at any time of day or night, irrespective of whether it was right. I tried not to understand what was driving me to act in this way. Deep down I knew that what I was doing was morally wrong and a little freaky.

  Slipping the new key onto my fob I proceeded to her new address.

  Susie

  As I surveyed my new home, the furniture finally in place, I was unsure how I felt. I had become so used to my old apartment and the habit of my life that all this upheaval was unsettling.

  I was grateful to Carl for being such a rock for me. He revealed that he was an extremely organised person, directing the moving guys with precision and having opinions on exactly where everything should go. I think he might suffer a little from OCD. I wasn’t about to mention this to him though. He was far too sensitive.

  After we finished the worst of the unpacking I held up my hands and surrendered, insisting that we stop before my feet lost all feeling.

  We ordered in a large Pizza and shared this with a bottle of wine that Carl had brought as a house warming gift.

  As I stuffed my face with Pizza my phone alerted me to a text. I wasn’t expecting anyone to contact me so I picked it up to check. There was a text from Ben of all people.

  It felt odd finally hearing from him after all this time. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It did, however, make me feel uncomfortable with Carl sat opposite me. I tried to keep a neutral expression and opened the text.

  Hi Susie

  I would like to talk. If you feel the same call me tonight. If I don’t hear then I will understand.

  Ben

  I found myself feeling disappointed, although I don’t know exactly what I had hoped to see. I wondered why he had left it so long before contacting me. The odd thing was, I really wanted to call him. I now had the dilemma of having to get Carl out of the way so that I could.

  I put the phone down and when I looked up Carl was watching me intensely.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Sure, just my Mum” I lied feeling the colour rise in my cheeks. I was such a crap liar. “She wants me to call her to let her know I moved in Okay.” I said trying a subtle hint.

  Carl chose to ignore this and took another slice of Pizza. It was already 8.30pm and I wondered how long he was going to stay.

  We ate silently for a while and when we had finished I got up to take the empty box over to the kitchen. The wine was gone now and I knew the polite thing to do would be to offer coffee. I also knew that coffee would add at least another hour to Carls visit and I desperately wanted him to leave. You are so predictable I told myself with a smile.

  Carl caught my smile and beamed back at me. I turned my smile into a sad face and groaned.

  “Aaah! My feet are killing me and I think my back is gonna ache in the morning with all that carrying.” I sat and made a show of rubbing my feet.

  “I could give you a foot rub if you like?” Said Carl.

  “No!” I said a little too sharply and his face dropped “I meant that I really needed a long soak in the bath and an early night” I said trying to make light of things. I felt bad about how I was treating him after all the hard work he had done for me today. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me today, but I just need to get some rest” I smiled at him and he looked happier.

  “Well, I suppose I better head home then and let you get that bath run” he said “unless you want some help with that?” he winked at me. I felt odd at the thought. I knew that Carl was attracted to me but, try as I might over the last few weeks, I just could not feel about him in the same way. He was a great friend, but when he got too close I felt claustrophobic.

  “I’m just dead on my feet” I explained hoping he would not bring up the subject again.

  He stood and picked up his jacket from the back of the couch. Swinging it over his shoulder he headed to the door. About time, I thought, unfairly but eager.

  He opened my front door and turned back to me. Before I knew it he had put a hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss. I was so shocked that for a minute or two I let myself be swept away by it. It still didn’t feel right though and I pulled away.

  As I looked back at him he had a strange expression on his face. He looked bewildered and intense at the same time, if that were possible.

  “Good night Susie, see you soon.” He promised.

  “Good night, and thanks again” I said shutting the door as he walked through.

  Once the door was closed I leaned back against it and let out a huge breath. How had my life gone from being that of a nun to having two men causing crossover problems?

  I waited ten minutes to be sure Carl would be well on his way home and pulled out my phone to dial Ben.

  He picked up on the second ring.

  “Hello?” he asked.

  “Hi, it’s me, Susie. I got your text” I had no other words.

  “Thanks for calling. I wasn’t sure what kind of welcome I would get after not contacting you for so long.” He said.

  “Yeah, well you’re on probation until I make my mind up to forgive you” I teased.

  “I got called away for work. I have a big case I am working on and thought it would be unfair to see you again until I had enough time to get to know you better” I could tell he was a little anxious about how I would respond.

  “I’m a nurse, remember? We often have emergencies that mean we are called in on short notice and work long hours. If anyone would understand that, then it’s me” I laughed.

  “I didn’t think of it like that” he sounded relieved. “Does that mean I am forgiven?”

  “Maybe, but it might cost you” I joked.

  “How about dinner, on me, Saturday night?” he asked.

  “Umm” I didn’t really need to think about it “Ok” I said, sure that he could see my furious blushing down the phone.

  “Great, I’ll pick you up at 7.30pm sharp.” He said.

  “Ok” I answered and I thought he was about to end the call. Then he spoke again.

  “I don’t want to hang up.” He said “I want to keep talking to you. How have you been?”

  “Fine” I said “I had to move house and today was my moving day. I am exhausted” I sighed.

  “Good job I didn’t call by on the off chance then” he laughed. His voice dropped lower “I could come over for coffee, if you can stay up for a while”

  I thought about it for all of two seconds “Ok” and provided my new address. As soon as we hung up I rushed to my room to find something casual but nice to wear.

  I was buzzing. I had a hot man coming over to my apartment late at night. I laughed at myself as I realised I had no idea what the heck I was doing.

  I was acting like a desperate spinster, that’s what. Then I realised that I didn’t care, I was going to see Ben again, and that fact cancelled out any qualms I might be having.

  Carl

  Susie had lied to me and I was fucking pissed off about it. The violence of the rage I felt towards her frightened me a little but I couldn’t control it. It burned like a red hot poker right through my heart.

  I had thought we were friends at the very least. I definitely wanted it to be more but I was trying to take it slow and woo her gently.

  I don’t know who the fuck had sent her that text but the minute she saw it she couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, and that hurt.

  As I left, I made a decision to just kiss her and see what happened.

  She melted into the kiss at first, only pushing me away once she realised what was happening.

  The most surprising thing for me was the reaction I felt when I kissed her. I had expected to feel aroused as a finally got to taste the object of my desire. Therein lay the issue. I had not felt a
ny desire at the soft touch of her lips.

  I had relished in the fact that she had not pulled away immediately but there had been no magic spark. This fact surprised me considering how much I felt for her on an emotional level.

  I studied her face before I left and still found her beautiful so I was at a loss at my body’s traitorous betrayal. If my heart knew what it wanted, what the hell was wrong with my body?

  The way I had been ousted from her apartment still stung. I decided to hang around outside for a while. I didn’t know what I expected to happen this late at night but something made me stay. I sat in my car across the road and waited, and watched.

  About half an hour later a car pulled up outside and a man got out and went into the building. He looked familiar. I racked my brain, struggling to place him.

  It took about ten minutes and then I had it. He was the Detective that had visited me in the hospital after my accident. What the fuck was he doing here at 9pm?

  I had a hard time believing that his visit to this particular building was co-incidence. My anger grew and I was besieged by visions of slashing a knife across his throat. To my horror my mind then went to visions of doing the same to Susie and I imagined looking into her eyes as I sliced through her delicate throat. What the fuck?

  I was now trembling. Shit scared of the fact that the minute I pictured Susie’s death, my dick thickened to such a painful degree I needed to unzip myself to give it more room. I felt tears fall from my eyes as I struggled with the pain at the thought of losing her with the complete gratification I felt at the same time.

  My heart ached. I knew something was seriously wrong with me. Maybe I had sustained some real brain damage in the accident. I knew I didn’t want to feel like this. I had a sick feeling of foreboding that something just wasn’t right.

  Reluctantly I decided to drive home. My feelings were so uncontrollable that I just had to get far away from there. I was concerned that I would be tempted to do something that would screw up my chances with Susie.

  It killed me that she was spending time with another man. I knew she hadn’t been seeing him up until now, so I hoped that maybe it was a professional visit about her statement. Not at this time of night my inner demon yelled. I pushed it aside and concentrated on driving.

  I drove the long way home and found myself passing the entrance to the Park where I had been run over. I felt a strong sensation of de ja vu and had a couple of flash images of bright lights and shouting. I pulled the car over quickly afraid that I might crash it. Holding tight to the steering wheel I tried to get the images to settle.

  I was having some kind of recollection of that night but it was coming back in bits and pieces, the images not making much sense. Then I saw blood, a pair of frightened eyes and I yelled out. I opened the door and started walking fast, taking in huge gulps of air into my laboured lungs.

  The images refused to leave me and I sat on a bench with my head in my hands until I felt able to walk on.

  The next thing that happened was so frightening to me that I felt that I needed to escape from myself, to not be me. What brought on this feeling was an intense need to fuck something. The images of blood, terror and death invading my mind had turned me on and I wanted to fuck the living daylights out of someone. My cock was so hard that the zipper of my trousers was cutting into it.

  I stood and headed for the park entrance, thinking only to get out of sight of any passerby. I couldn’t hide my erection so the best thing would be to disappear into the darkness of the park until I could calm down.

  I walked swiftly into the trees, my mind a whirlpool of emotion, tears streaming down my face.

  I stopped, out of breath and leant against the trunk of a tree. I stood there for a while until I heard a noise, and froze.

  “Hey there handsome” a voice cooed from the shadows. “You wanna come out to play?” It was a male voice and I knew exactly why he was in here at night. I realised I had been foolish to think I could hide away in here.

  My body was still betraying me with it’s need for some release. As the man moved closer to me, instead of moving away, I stayed. He came closer until we were face to face.

  He was attractive in an effeminate way, with full lips and a buzz cut. His hair was the only masculine thing about him. He was slightly built and wore trousers with a silver chain draping across the front of his crotch. I almost laughed at the obvious stereotyping of his clothing.

  He reached up a hand and stroked my face. To my shame, my cock jerked. His hands smoothed down my chest and then, becoming bold, he cupped my cock through my clothes.

  “Well, what do we have here? I think someone needs some attention. Would you like me to see to it honey?” he asked.

  I remained still, thinking that I should leave, but finding that I couldn’t. Something was holding me there, something that I had no control over.

  He rubbed me through my clothes and I got harder, if that were possible. He unzipped me and dropped to his knees.

  His full lips enveloped me and starting to suck with such a force it took all of two minutes before I came.

  As my climax ended I felt all the fear, disgust and shame of what I had done rise up in me and I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him down onto the ground.

  The fool thought I was seducing him.

  “Ooooh, you like it rough do you? Well, so do I” he said and his words enraged me further.

  Gripping my hands around his throat I squeezed with all my might. He now realised that I wasn’t playing and started to struggle. He might have managed to escape if I had not been driven by such murderous rage, all I could see were my own failures. I tried; I really did, to find some emotion as I saw his eyes bulge and his tongue turn blue.

  I needed to take back control of my life. I could not go on without an anchor, and having no idea who I had been, I could not seem to find the person I was now supposed to be.

  Before I knew it, he was lying limp at my feet, eyes still staring but no longer seeing. I felt disgusted, not sure whether my disgust was for him or myself. Then I just felt numb.

  In a daze I walked back to my car and drove home.

  Ben

  I stood outside Susie’s door for a minute trying to get my breath. I had rushed over here so fast in my eagerness to see her again I was now panting and overcome with nerves. It was like being on my first ever date all over again. I chuckled to myself at how ridiculous I was. I don’t know why this one woman had such an effect on me. I was eager and nervous all at once.

  Finally able to steady myself, I knocked gently, conscious of how late it already was. When Susie had agreed for me to come over at this time of night, my hope soared, thinking this was a good thing. My body was reacting all by itself at the prospect of getting Susie alone. I knew that I needed to tread carefully. There was an innocence about her that brought out the protective instinct in me.

  The door opened and I had to hold back from taking her in my arms straight away. I didn’t want to scare her off but she looked so cute standing there in her pyjamas.

  “Hi” I said.

  “Hi, yourself” she replied, blushing slightly and moving back to let me into her home.

  We went into the lounge and I turned, unsure of what to say. I was never usually this tongue tied around a woman, but this woman was becoming important to me. At the risk of sounding cheesy, my heart recognised hers the minute we met, our heads were still playing catch up and until that happened; I would be treading very gently with my lovely red-headed girl.

  “Would you like some coffee?” she offered already heading towards the kitchen.

  “Sounds great” I followed, not wishing to be more than a few feet from her. Yeah, I was in trouble, I chuckled to myself.

  As I leaned against the counter and watched Susie move around the kitchen I found myself wishing this could be my daily reality. To wake up next to such a smile and more importantly to come home to it would be unbelievable.

  Straightening my back aga
inst the counter I resolved to make this girl happy, so happy that she wanted to spend her future days with me. First, I had a grovelling apology to make.

  “Susie” she looked up at me and fluttered her eyelashes.

  “Yes?” her breath was but a whisper. I grew hard at the sound and groaned. Her eyes widened at that.

  “I wanted to explain properly why I have not been in touch before this” I said taking the cup of coffee she was offering.

  “There’s no need to explain. I realise your job is a difficult one” she smiled “It can’t be easy having to run around chasing clues all the time” she said.

  “True” I conceded “However, there are some things that should take precedence over work.” I said with a shrug. “I feel that you might be one of them” I looked down, a little embarrassed at my less than manly admission.

  She came towards me and took my cup back, placing it on the counter. She then leaned in and raised up on her toes, she was such a little thing, and kissed me lightly on the mouth.

  “You are forgiven” she said softly.

  “That makes me feel so relieved” I was about to tell her about the case and why I had been called away. I wanted to be honest with her. Then I decided not to. It might spoil the good vibes we had going on.

  Susie headed back into the Lounge and I followed. We sat on the couch.

  “Do you want to watch some T.V?” she asked. “I might need a hand wiring it all up, seeing as how I’ve just moved in” she laughed.

  “Ah, you have ulterior motives then” I laughed back “Let’s get it set up for you” I went over and began sorting out the wires.

  Once everything was set up we sat down and watched an episode of 24. I leaned back on the couch with my arm along the back. Before long, Susie had slid down into the crook of my arm and was dozing. I put my arm around her shoulder and did the same. It was a nice feeling.

  Susie

  I woke with a start. It was chilly and I had my face buried in Ben’s chest. I slowly lifted my head and looked at him as he slept. He was truly a handsome man, not too pretty and not too rugged. His smell was all man, that slightly musky sweat smell, mixed with stale aftershave. I breathed in deeply, relishing in it. It was, after all, a very long time since I had been up close and personal to a man, and such a man!