Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

  I stop for a moment and look around, realizing just how loud my voice had gotten. The whole situation works me up, and I hate feeling like this.

  “There are no second chances after that. I hear what you’re saying, Cam, I do, but I just can’t waste any more time on that man. I want to look forward, not backward. He’ll just have to deal with it on his own. I’m not helping him feel better about what he did by talking to him and listening to whatever crap he thinks I want to hear.”

  Cam sits there, shocked and blinking at me. I’m sure he’s going to lecture me further, but I just can’t deal with the subject of Tate for long. It gets me so angry when I think about how stupid I was when it came to him.

  “Still, to uproot everything over a breakup?”

  “Cam . . .” I say to him in warning. I know how my brother is and if I say the word, he’ll be all over Tate, but I just want to deal with him on my own. I don’t need my big brother to fight my battles. “I thought you hated him? Why push me to talk to him?”

  “You know it will always be you I choose over anyone, and I do hate the fucker, but you left your paradise just to get away from a guy, Ev. You loved California, so I’m thinking there has to be more that you’re not telling me.”

  “He turned my paradise into hell. I don’t need him. I don’t need any man that lies or cheats. You mentioned rules earlier? Well, that’s one of mine. No cheaters. No second chances. Maybe you had the right idea all along, Cam. Date with no strings attached,” I say, using air quotes on the word date, remembering my brother’s comments a little while ago when talking about his and Niko’s issues with women. “Maybe that’s all I need. I’m still young, and Tate was really the first guy I was in what I thought was a true relationship. If I’m more like Aly, Niko, and you, and just play the field, so to speak, I’ll learn more and then know better when the wrong guy comes along. I’ll know to keep walking and not give him the time of day.”

  Cam shakes his head. “Everly,” he growls at me. “That’s not who you are as a person. And like Aly? Seriously, Ev? That chick has a new boyfriend like once a week, doesn’t she? How is that a good thing?”

  “You forgot about the part where I mentioned you and Niko too, brother,” I say, not letting him off the hook. “And how would you know that Aly has a new boyfriend every week? It’s not like you two run in the same circles.”

  “Doesn’t matter, I just know. And men are different,” he says, blowing off my question about how he knows more about my best friend than I do, apparently.

  I mean, I know she’s dated a lot, but I didn’t think she dated as often as my brother just said. I don’t want to bring too much attention to that right now, though. Not when he’s being a sexist bigot with his one-sided remarks.

  “Really? Women are different? How so?”

  “They just are. Women can’t just do that shit and not get looked at the same way as us men do.”

  I snort. He can’t be serious right now. I don’t get the chance to dig into my brother like I want because the waiter is back with our food. I’m sure he just heard the dumb shit that came from Cam’s lips but he stays professional, keeping the smile on his face and I’m sure being that he’s male, silently agreeing with his fellow male human.

  Ugh. Men are so dumb.

  “That is the most chauvinistic thing that I have ever heard come out of your mouth, Cameron Hayes.”

  “Other than having you come do my laundry and clean my house because you’re a woman?” he says with all seriousness written on his face, and I roll my eyes at him.

  “Yes, that too, but you don’t honestly believe what you just said, do you?”

  “Ev, this conversation, your whole attitude right now is showing me more than your mouth just spit at me. For one, you have such a jaded view of men, or of me as a man . . .” Cam sits staring for a moment. I can tell he’s searching for something to say that will make me see something his way, but I’m past that right now. “You’re wrong. That’s not all I need. You’re looking at my relationships with a warped view. And yes, to answer your question, I do believe what I just said because it’s true. Don’t get mad at me. It is what it is. I don’t make the rules, but it’s a fact of life. Women can’t just sleep around and not get called out on their shit.”

  Is he kidding right now? He sounds just like a typical man at the moment. “Called out on her shit? You mean she gets called a slut or a whore, right?” Does he forget that I was around when he and Niko were sneaking girl after girl into our pool house? I know he’s still doing the same thing. The only difference now is he doesn’t have to hide from my parents seeing as he has his own place and is thirty. I love my brother, but he’s another manwhore and way off base right now.

  I drop my fork and grab my drink from the table. Where the hell is the waiter? I need something stronger right now if I’m going to deal with this. Women get called whores, but men can screw their brains out with nameless women and they get high-fived by their boys. Bullshit!

  “Fine. I know what you’re saying is true. I don’t like that it’s true, but I accept that it is,” I say, and he starts to say something else so I cut him off. “But I’m the type of woman that doesn’t really care anymore what others think. I’m also smart enough to be discreet. Unlike most men, I’m not looking to let everyone know how many notches I have on my bedpost, so chill out, big brother, and stop raining on my parade. Be my brother and not my father. I have one of those already.” I cross my arms while looking him in the eye. “Speaking of the differences between men and women, what is it you want, Cameron?”

  I know it’s not him I’m mad at, but I can’t help it right now. Tate is a sore subject that gets me going every time. Plus add in the fact that my brother just told me that I can’t do what he does and sleep around if I chose to, pisses me off. I’m not about to screw fifty guys in a month or anything like that, but sheesh! Sexist much?

  “Same as you. I want to find someone to love, but I’m not going to waste my time dating girls that I know aren’t the one for me. I’m not going to settle. You’re right, though; honesty is key.”

  “Dating girls? The one for you? I thought we already established that the word dating didn’t really mean dating. That’s bullshit.”

  “Fuck, Ev. This is not a conversation I thought I’d be having with my kid sister my first night out with her. Besides, you’re way too young to be this cynical. That son of a bitch fucked with your head so bad that now you are going to what, be like your buddy Alyson and throw every guy you meet under the damn bus?”

  “No, Cameron. He woke me up. And what does Aly have to do with any of this? Jesus, I’m not blind anymore. That should be a good thing.”

  “Maybe you’re not blind, but you are wounded, and you’re wearing dark sunglasses so I’d say it’s not very good at all.”

  “Of course I am. He broke my trust, my faith in men.” I can feel the tears filling my eyes. Tears I don’t want as they leak the pain from my chest. “How do you know they aren’t the one after spending one night with them?” I ask, coming back to his response. “I don’t like feeling this way. After finding him with that woman, he made me realize that I need to stop being so trusting. Tate showed me that more and more men only think with their head that’s below the belt. The only thing they care to know about a woman is how good they feel wrapped around their dicks.”

  “Now see, that’s not entirely true, Ev. I spend more time with them than that.”

  “See! You even call them ‘them’! They have names, Cam. Or do you not even bother to ask before you go sticking your dick in random women?”

  “Dammit, you make me sound like I’m some asshole who just fucks and runs.”

  “Okay. Not you, then. You did admit that you did like to know who you were dating so I’ll give you that, but you said Niko had rules. One of them was what? I think you said he doesn’t even remember their names, right?”

  “Look, Niko is no saint, but he’s honest with any woman he meets. The guys
you’re talking about give others a bad rap. Tate gave other men a bad rap. I understand where you’re coming from, and I know this is fresh and raw for you right now. Time is what you need. It’s what heals all wounds and shit. All I’m saying is don’t go making any decisions based on one stupid fuck’s actions, okay? He didn’t deserve you from day one. I knew that when I first met the asshole.”

  “Well, then why didn’t you warn me?”

  “Because you wouldn’t have listened,” he says. “You needed to make your own mistakes, and you needed to learn from that one. That’s what life’s all about. As much as I hate that you got hurt and that I could have kept that from happening to you, you needed to learn that life lesson so that you can go forward in life. The guy for you will deserve you now.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Because after that shit with Tate, the poor fucker that finally gets you is gonna have to climb mountains and put you on a pedestal. I’m sure all that will be after you’ve put him through many hurdles, rightfully so,” he says and smiles at me.

  “One day, it could happen, but for now, I’m going to join the stress-relieving fun club.”

  Cam nods and shudders at my declaration. “Whatever you want. You just need some more time. Once the hurt wears off, you’ll see that this happening wasn’t such a bad thing if it got you to see that fucker for what he was. For now, though, just keep me up to date on him, okay?”

  “Up to date?”

  “I want to make sure the jackass fades away. If he doesn’t, if he comes looking for you, I’ll make sure he understands in a much clearer way. And if he decides to see you face to face, you let me know ASAP, okay? I’ll send his ass packing back to the west coast.”

  I agree with a nod. “Okay, but I don’t think it will come to that.”

  “Yeah, well, let’s hope it doesn’t, but do me another favor, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

  “Never mention the word dick to me again. I know you’re not ten anymore, but Jesus, that’s not something I want to think about my sister being near. Not only that, you sound like Aly. Please don’t take on her bad habits. I meant what I said. That girl is a thorn you need to rip away from.”

  I roll my eyes at his comment about my best friend, but I giggle at the absurdity of my brother’s statement. I nod my head anyway to let him think he’s gotten through to me, but it’s useless. “Whatever makes you happy, brother of mine, but you do know that I’ve been having sex since college, right?”

  “Everly, I just fucking told you that I don’t want to hear that shit! It’s the same as that time we walked in on the parents when we—”

  “Shut up, Cameron! Okay. Okay! Just don’t remind me about that, please.”

  “Back atcha.”

  I almost laugh at the expression Cam has on his face, as if he’s just sucked on a lemon, but I hold it back. Sometimes it amazes me that he’s older than me by only five years. There was a time that five years seemed like twenty. When did life get so complicated?

  “So, neutral ground, did you get a promotion or anything?” Cam asks.

  “Kind of. I went from Business Analyst to Senior Business Analyst,” I tell him. It is a promotion in a way as I’ll be in charge of more projects and people.

  “That sounds like a promotion to me.”

  “A small step up, but it was mostly due to the office change.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m still amazed you’re so high up after only a few years.”

  I shrug. “Your sis’s got skills.”

  “Yeah, nerd skills.”

  I toss a crouton at him, which only makes him laugh. “Jerk.”

  The waiter comes to clear away our plates, and I’m glad the evening is over. I’m ready to head home, take a long relaxing bath to ease the tension that now invades my body, and get ready for my first official day in my new office tomorrow. No matter the strain I now feel after my heated conversation with my brother, I know I made the right choice coming back to Massachusetts. It’s always going to be my home.

  “You ready to head out?”

  “Yup. Big day tomorrow.”

  “Hey?” Cam says, and I look up from searching through my bag for my keys. “We good?”

  “Of course. All is good.” I smile at him because it’s true. It will take more than conversations about Tate to pull my brother and me apart.

  It’s then that I sober, Niko coming to mind. Tate wouldn’t do it, but Nikolas sure would. Jesus. I’m going to have to keep my distance. There is no way I want to worry about that scenario anytime soon.

  Out of sight, out of mind works for me.

  “WELL, THIS IS IT! Your new home away from home,” Shayne from Human Resources says as he shows me my new office. “I know it’s not what you’re used to, compared to what you had back in California, but we are working on getting you into one of the larger suites upstairs. Mr. Singleton put the request in a few weeks ago, but we had no idea you’d be joining us so soon, or we’d have put off the renovations until later.

  “No, this is fine. No need to go out of your way. I don’t mind this at all.” I walk over to the large window behind what will be my new desk and take a deep breath I hadn’t realized I needed. The view of the Charles River calms me, and looking down onto the street, seeing the hustle and bustle of people going on about their day gives me more peace.

  “It’s just that this position has been vacant for so long and we didn’t expect you to say yes after Mr. Singleton informed us you’d turned it down last year, but now that you’re here, we can accommodate you in any way you need.”

  “Thank you.” I smile and mean it. “Everyone has been very welcoming to me. I appreciate it. I’d forgotten how great Massachusetts folks can be. It’s a pleasant change from California living.” Shayne laughs at my statement.

  I’m sure he thinks I’m just saying whatever to make small talk, but I mean what I’m saying. California was fantastic and I loved it there, but it took me a while to get used to how some of the people there were. Not everyone was friendly and at times came off rude and indifferent.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say people from Massachusetts are great. I mean, I still have my old T-shirt from college that says ‘I’m from Masshole’ on the front of it. I’m from Ohio, but I went to Boston University. It was an interesting four years,” he says, and I laugh with him this time.

  “True, but have you ever been to Cali?” I ask.

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “Well, when you have, you’ll understand.” I give him a friendly smile. A smile he returns, and I can see that my accepting the office that is smaller than I’m used to without any complaint has taken some of the anxiety from his face. I’m sure that he’s used to dealing with the higher-ups in corporate who have very diva-like demands. That’s never been how I’ve acted. I may have a fancy title after my name, but I chose to be friendly with the office staff as well as be more of a hands-on executive rather than become someone that workers in my office want to run and hide from.

  “Okay, well, if you need anything else, let Lance know.”

  “Lance?”

  “Your assistant. Don’t call him a secretary. It starts more than you can imagine. Trust me. He should be here shortly. You arrived here sooner than I was made aware of, but I was able to pull him in for you. He’s the best. He’s only been with the company a few weeks, and he already knows everything. Whatever you need, he can get it for you.”

  “Sounds good. Thank you.”

  I’ve never had a male assistant before. I wonder if he’s gay. Would probably be better if he was. I don’t need the distraction if Aly ever comes to my office to have lunch. Who am I kidding? Not if, but when she comes. I almost want to laugh, but I realize Shayne is still here and I’ve just zoned out on him.

  “No problem, Everly. This is your security card for downstairs. Make sure you have this at all times, and here is your office keys and your company cell phone. I�
�ve gone ahead and programmed all the important numbers and added them to your favorites. Again, anytime, just call. IT should be here in an hour or so to get you all logged into your desktop as well as bring you your company laptop. Any questions for me?”

  “No. I think I’m good for now.”

  “Okay, well, then. I’ll let you unpack your office and get settled in. I’ll let Lance know you’re here. Welcome to Boston!” he says in a mock tour guide type of voice.

  “Actually, I was born and raised here. Newton, Massachusetts to be exact.”

  His eyes widen in surprise. “Ah. You’ve lost your Boston accent. I had no idea.”

  “I don’t think I ever really had one. That’s more North Shore. I grew up just outside of Boston, but we spent a lot of time on the South Shore. Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard, and a little in Marshfield. I do drop the R when I say peppah, though.” I laugh because I didn’t lose it just now.

  “Peppah. Watah. I’ve even started doing those too words myself. I’ve only lived here about two years and have yet to hit Cape Cod.”

  “Oh no. We just say The Cape here.”

  “I knew that!” He laughs at himself. “I didn’t, but I’ve avoided going. I’ve heard the traffic is terrible, so I avoid it.”

  “It can be, yes, but I’ve heard you can take the ferry now, or train.” I smile at him. It’s nice talking about my home. I’ve missed Massachusetts so much, and I didn’t even realize how much until I got home.

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to look into that,” he says with a slight shudder. “I’ve enough traffic in my life. I have to say, sitting on I-93 every day during rush hour isn’t a selling point for my staying here permanently. We didn’t have traffic like this in Ohio. Everything was pretty much thirty minutes to and from home. We also had lots of nothing, so that might have had a part in keeping traffic to a minimum.” He smiles, and I laugh. He’s sweet, but I’m ready to get settled.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to it, Everly. If you need anything, just call.”

  “Great. Thanks again, Shayne.”

  “My pleasure.”