Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

  “Cameron!” I whisper-yell at my brother, looking toward the other rooms where my parents are probably listening. This isn’t the place for this, but he’s not going to stop when he’s this angry.

  “I know you, man,” Cameron says to Niko. “You have never in your life committed to one woman. Not one, and there have been many,” he says looking to Niko and then to me. I can’t deny what he’s saying because I know he’s right. I’ve always known that Niko and my brother were the epitome of manwhores, but that doesn’t mean people don’t change.

  “Why her?” he asks. “Why of all women did you have to go after Ev?”

  Niko shakes his head. “It just happened, Cam. I didn’t know who she was when I met her at the pub. I know that’s not an excuse because eventually I did find out and I continued to see her. It wasn’t something that I decided on a whim. You saw me, man. You saw how fucked up I was when she thought I was fucking around on her with my cousin Siobhan. You know that I haven’t been with anyone else. Of all people, man, you know,” Niko says to a stoic-faced Cameron.

  “And how do you know she’s not just a shiny toy for you?”

  “This isn’t something that’s just going to pass, Cam. You’re not wrong about my past. I’ve never wanted anyone, until her. It’s something I can feel in my bones. It wasn’t done to anger or hurt you, it was done to appease every fiber of my being that screamed out for her,” he says, and I’m no longer wondering what my brother is thinking because I’m too busy hanging onto every word that Niko says about his feelings for me.

  “How do you know it’s real or just because of a mistake?”

  “Getting pregnant was an accident, but not a mistake,” he says to Cam. “My son was never a mistake.” Niko looks to me. “Baby or not, Ev, there is no way I would have been able to stay away from you,” he says and then turns back to my brother. “I’ve never felt like this before. Never thought I’d want to, to be honest. I don’t want to go back to the time before her because I know now what it’s like to love someone.”

  I can feel the tears trailing from my eyes as he says things to me that up until recently, I thought would never be more than a childhood fantasy. Here he is, years later, admitting he loves me in front of my brother, and my heart is bursting.

  Niko walks to me and pulls me close to him then turns back to Cam. “We’re going to be family. It doesn’t matter if you approve or not. We’d both rather that you did, and that you were a part of this. I’m asking you to please be part of it, Cam. You’re my brother.”

  Cam shakes his head. “I wish that were true, Niko, but I really fucking can’t stand you right now, and I need to leave before I make you a fucking bloody mess on the floor of my parents’ house,” he says before turning and walking away.

  My eyes widen as I watch my brother’s back disappear around the corner. A moment later the back door slams so hard the windows rattle. I look over at Niko, who’s hanging his head. If that didn’t reach my brother, I don’t know what else will.

  “I honestly thought we were getting to him,” I say, saddened by his reaction.

  “He’s fighting it, and it’s going to take a while to break through to him, if ever.” He looks down at me sadness etched in his handsome features. Lifting a hand, he reaches up to trace my cheek with his fingers. “What?” he asks when I just stare at him.

  “You really do love me,” I say, but it’s not a question. I know. What I said to my father was all true, but hearing it again just cements it for me.

  He nods. “I do. So fucking much, baby.”

  “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you.”

  “Since you were twelve,” he says with a chuckle and that cocky-ass smile of his.

  I smile at him and brush a strand of hair from his forehead. “Sounds about right.”

  MY SHIFT STARTED TWO hours ago, and it’s the first shift I’ve worked with Cam on at the same time since the shit that went down with Ev happened. He switched shifts with Bishop and Jenkins pretty much every shift for the past two weeks, even working on Thanksgiving Day to avoid me. Bishop told me that he and Jenkins decided to tell Cam no this week in hopes that we’d “work through our shit,” as Jake put it.

  Needless to say, it hasn’t been going well. We are about to head out on a call, but as Cam and I both move to take our usual positions on the truck, Cam makes it clear that working shit out isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

  “Stay the fuck out of my way,” Cam says as we climb onto the truck.

  The siren blares, and we’re off. It takes longer than it should to weave through the traffic, but the cause of the call is blatant when we round the last corner.

  A three-decker apartment building with flames shooting out the second-floor window.

  There are people in the yard wearing pajamas, staring up at the building. A couple of guys move to the hose, two for venting, while me, Cam, and Jenkins run into the building. We all head off and start the process of making our way slowly through the place, searching for residents while the others try to get control of the fire. The site is burning faster than we can look. What started in the basement apparently shot up the walls and is now burning from the top down. A few minutes later, I hear the chief call it over the radio.

  “Hayes! Callahan! Jenkins! Get out now!” he calls over the scanner.

  We immediately stop our search and turn back in the direction of the front door. My heart is hammering in my chest as I try to see through the smoke and get out before the roof collapses. I’m twenty feet from the door, about six behind Jenkins, when I hear a loud crack. The ground shakes, and there’s a scream over the line as I turn to look at Cam, but he’s not there. I stare into the haze trying to see anything, but all I see is smoke and debris, the heat from the fire making moving closer almost impossible.

  “Cam!” I yell and head back to where he was.

  A massive chunk of the floor above is missing, giving a view of the flames licking at the ceiling of the second floor. More debris falls as the structure fails, dropping down all around me, but I refuse to leave without Cam.

  He was only about eight feet away, but the fallen section starts at six. It’s at the point now where I can just see maybe two to three feet in front of me.

  “Cam, can you hear me? Cameron!”

  There’s a low groan over the line, but I can barely hear it over the roaring of the flames and the harshness of my own breath. I start moving furniture and chunks of fallen joists until I reach the main slab that came down. I see yellow glints from the reflectors on Cam’s gear. He’s half under the section of floor, flames all around him.

  “Fuck! Cameron, can you hear me?” I ask but get no response. He isn’t moving, not trying to get out from under the weight.

  Another section falls, and the chief is yelling in my ear. There’s no time, so I grab onto Cam’s arms and pull, praying that I’m not doing more damage, but I don’t have a choice. There’s no time. I grab him, but I only get a few inches before his gear gets caught in the debris.

  There’s a reason I work out, a reason I strengthen my muscles as much as I can; because of this job, and moments like this. With one hand, I grab onto his belt and the other I grab onto a joist. I don’t even count to two before I pull in two different directions—up on the beam and out on Cam.

  It does the trick, and I’m able to pull him out from under the weight of everything. There’s still no response from him, and I can’t even tell if he’s breathing.

  “If you survive this, you’re not giving me any more crap about your sister,” I say as I kneel down and grab one arm. I pull it across my shoulders while I dig one shoulder into his stomach, the other arm wrapping around his leg before I press through my legs to stand.

  The fire is raging even more, bits of the building crashing down all around us. Each step is hard and heavy and as fast as I can move with his dead weight on me. The heat from the flames is fucking unbearable, and I want out of this gear, now! Finally, I see the door and the
light just outside. We make it through the door, a loud crash behind me as the third floor gives way, billowing smoke out around us.

  I make sure we’re clear before letting the fatigue take me down to the ground. The guys are swarming around us, grabbing onto Cam and lifting him from my shoulders in time for the EMTs to grab him.

  I pull my mask off, drawing in a full breath that only makes me cough. All of my muscles are wiped, and I fall the rest of the way to the ground.

  “He’s breathing,” Bishop says, leaning over me. He’s got an oxygen mask in his hand that he places over my nose and mouth. “Good job.”

  “Every . . .” deep breath “. . . body . . .” another breath “. . . out?” I ask as I draw in the clean, highly oxygenated air.

  Jake nods in confirmation. “Everybody is out.”

  I’m happy everybody is out, but just because Cam is breathing doesn’t mean he’s okay. Glancing over, I watch as they load him into the bus and slam the doors. I need to go with him. I need to get to the hospital and make sure he’s going to be okay. If something happens to him, all that I can think about is that the last conversation I had with him was with him angry as hell at me for being with his sister behind his back. I don’t want that to be what I remember if he doesn’t make it for some reason.

  “Callahan, there’s another bus coming, and I want you on it,” the chief says.

  I shake my head. “I’m fine, chief. I’m going to go, but just to find out about Hayes. I just need a minute.”

  “You’re going to the hospital so you can get checked out. Don’t give me any shit, Callahan.”

  I give him a nod, knowing it’s useless to argue with him. Also, I’ll be close to Cam and can keep up to date on how he’s doing. “Hayes is in good hands, Niko. He’ll pull through this. No way is that jackass is going to check out on us so soon. Not when his main purpose in life is to be a pain in my ass,” Chief says.

  I want to laugh and tell him he’s right, but he wasn’t conscious. Until I see him awake and yelling at me again, I’m not going to be able to think straight. “I need to let his family know,” I say to him.

  “Don’t worry about that. Just get yourself checked out, Callahan. I’ll see you at the hospital.”

  Shit, my phone is at the station, and I don’t know Everly’s number. Maybe it’s better I don’t call her yet anyway. She’ll probably freak out, and I don’t want her upset right now until we know what exactly is going on with Cam. I’ll figure out how to get word to her after we know more.

  “Callahan! Your ride’s here,” Bishop yells. Good. Let’s get this shit over with so I can find Cam.

  An hour later and I’m at the hospital. They’re about to give me my walking papers, setting me free to go find out more about Cam. Last I heard he was still unconscious, and they were running some tests. The door flies open, and Everly runs in. There are tears streaking her skin, and a sob wracks her when she sees me and wraps her arms around me, burying her face in my neck, and holding onto me like she’s not sure I’m really here. She finally pulls her face from me, and her red, puffy eyes meet mine. I wipe a few of the tears that keep rolling down her face.

  “Hey, baby,” I say, a small smile on my face. I didn’t want this. I knew she’d freak out.

  “How is he?” she asks.

  “How did you know?”

  “Your chief called my parents.”

  Of course he did. I should have known.

  “How is he?” she asks again. Panic is coming off her in waves.

  “Shh, baby, I’m not sure yet, but you need to calm down. I don’t want you going into early labor.”

  “I’m fine, Niko, but when I heard that Cam and you . . .” she trails off after the words come from her pretty little mouth in a rush.

  I lock my fingers with hers and draw her over to the chair. “I know he’s stable, but they’re still looking him over. We haven’t heard anything else from the doctors since he was brought in.”

  “Are you okay?” she finally manages to ask, her eyes darting around my face while she inspects me with probing fingers.

  I nod. “Just tired. It’s been a long night.”

  “Thank you for saving him,” she says, and I realize that tonight could have gone so wrong.

  We could have lost Cameron. Hell, I might not have gotten out with him, and I wouldn’t have gotten to see Everly again. I wouldn’t have been here for the birth of our son.

  I can’t help but pull her closer, her head moving to rest in the crook of my neck while I let my head fall against her shoulder. Her baby bump sticks out so much more now, almost creating a physical wedge between us. I rest my hand on her stomach, my fingers making circles when I feel a bump against my palm.

  I stop, then resume, figuring it was probably a muscle twitch.

  I feel it again, but this time I know it’s not my imagination.

  “What is that?” I ask, moving my hand around her swollen belly.

  “Hmm?” Everly looks to where my hand is. “Did you feel him?”

  I turn to look at her. “That was him?”

  She smiles and nods. “He’s doing all sorts of moving around right now.”

  “That has got to feel . . . weird,” I say in awe. I place my hand back down, hoping to feel it again.

  She gives a little laugh. “It takes some getting used to. After the initial weirdness of having something move inside me, I get excited knowing that’s our baby. Wait till you see the outline of his foot on my stomach. I saw that today and freaked out.” I laugh at her face, but I’m sad that I missed it.

  Another thump, this one longer and drawn out against my palm. I stare down at my hand in complete fascination but am pulled out by a sharp hiss from Everly.

  “What?”

  She presses against her side. “He’s just using my liver as a punching bag.”

  “That doesn’t sound right, babe. I don’t know how you women do this shit.” I shudder.

  “I’m just happy it’s not my bladder he’s punching right now. I feel like the elderly folks that lose control over their bladder and pee themselves. At this rate, I cough or sneeze, and I’m afraid I’m going to pee. I need to go buy some adult diapers to make sure I don’t embarrass myself in public.” She screws up her face, and I can’t help screwing with her.

  “Hmm.”

  “Hmm what? I just told you that I’m not looking forward to peeing on myself when your son starts using my bladder for a pillow, and all you say is hmm?”

  “I was just thinking, I’ve never been into any of that shit, but for you, I’d consider making an exception.”

  “Exception for what?”

  “Golden showers.” Her eyes grow wide as saucers, and I hold back my laugh, keeping my face completely serious. She looks like a fish out of the water right now. Her mouth opens and then closes with words she can’t seem to find. Finally, I can’t take it, and I let out the biggest roaring laugh.

  God, I needed her tonight. The fire. Thoughts of what could have happened tonight when Cam and I went into that three-decker. Cam getting hurt. Just everything, and all I could think about was her.

  “What the hell, Niko?”

  “I was kidding, babe. It was a joke. I’m not into that shit at all, and as much as I love you, I draw the line on letting you piss on me.”

  “Jesus Christ, Niko. Don’t say shit like that to me. You had my hopes up for a minute there. I was going to ask you how you felt about scatophilia, but now that I know you’re joking, I feel weird. Thanks.”

  “What the fuck is that?”

  “It’s the paraphilia involving sexual arousal and pleasure from feces.”

  I stop laughing at her, and now I’m the fish out of the water.

  “Got ya!” she laughs.

  My expression drops. “Now that shit was not funny. I thought you were serious.”

  “So did I.” She smiles but then looks toward the door when the nurse comes in.

  “He’s awake if you want to go see him,”
the woman that came out earlier says to us. “His nurse is just taking his vitals, but you can go in.”

  “Thanks,” I say and look at Ev. “I know you want to see him, but can I have a minute alone with him first?” I ask, and her face softens. “I won’t take long, and then you can come in and fuss over him.” I smile a little, and she nods.

  “Of course. I’ll go call and let my parents know that he’s awake. They were an hour away when they got the call and are heading here from Rhode Island.”

  “All right. I’ll see you in a few minutes then,” I say and kiss her head before she walks away to call her parents.

  I make my way toward the room the woman told me Cam was in. The door is open and the curtain is closed, blocking my view of whoever is behind it. “Hello?” I say softly. “I’m looking for Cameron Hayes’s room.”

  A nurse pops her head out from behind the curtain and smiles at me. “He’s here. I’m almost done if you want to pull that chair over and have a seat. I’ll be out of your way in a sec.”

  “You don’t need to run off already, do you?” I hear a raspy voice say.

  When I look inside, it’s then that I realize that the voice was coming from my best friend. Relief floods me when I see his baby blue eyes open, a small smirk appearing on his face.

  “I just woke up, after all. I’m pretty sure I could use a sponge bath. Isn’t that what you nurses do for your patients?” he says to the poor girl who’s redder than a tomato right now.

  “I don’t think you’re ready for that just yet, Mr. Hayes, but I promise that as soon as the doctor okays you for a shower, I’ll send in Hester. Hester is the best aide on our floor.”

  “I seriously doubt that,” he rasps out. “Her name is Hester. What kind of name is that? Doesn’t even sound sexy or feminine.” He screws his face up, and I almost want to laugh.

  “That’s because Hester is a male aide. Not at all feminine. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while. Don’t try and get up, Mr. Hayes. Doctor’s orders,” she says before walking away.

  I can’t help it. I laugh as Cam’s face goes from disgust at the mention of Hester to absolute disgust at the thought of Hester being a male who’s going to help him shower later.