Gap Life

by John Coy

  I rebounded and passed the ball to Jett like we’d done hundreds of times. Neither one of us knew what to say.

  Finally Jett broke the silence. “I’ve got orientation at Duluth in two weeks.”

  I nodded but was still thinking about Teagan. She’d wanted me to call and I hadn’t. That wouldn’t have prevented this, but it wouldn’t have hurt.

  “Nora starts at Stanford next month.” He wiped his face with his sleeve. “We’re not going to see each other until Thanksgiving.” The ball hit the rim and bounced off and I tapped it in.

  “That’s a long time.”

  Jett backed off the line and looked like he was considering something. “We had a long talk last night. Nora says we should break up so we can meet new people at college. She thinks it’s best to have a fresh start.”

  “What do you think?”

  “We don’t need to do that. Why can’t we just wait and see what happens?” He missed another shot and shook out his hands.

  “Yeah.” I turned around and banked the ball off the board. I knew how much he was into her. I debated telling him that it would be okay and he’d meet loads of new girls, but that didn’t seem like what he needed to hear. “Sorry.”

  I remembered what Rayne had said about Nora using people. She needed a precollege summer boyfriend, and that was Jett. She’d gotten what she’d wanted and he hadn’t realized that was all it was.

  I continued to rebound. Jett and Nora, the two who had warned me about Rayne. I should have warned him about her.

  “You can come up to visit.” The ball flicked through the net as he found his stroke.

  “I’d like to, but I’m going to Europe.”

  “Where?”

  “Spain. I leave the end of August.” I bounced the ball to him. “We can Skype. I want to hear how college goes.”

  “You’re traveling by yourself?”

  “Yeah, I’m flying over with Rayne, but she’s going to Scotland while I go to Spain.”

  “Wow,” Jett said. “Come up when you’re back.”

  “I won’t be back for a year.”

  “Seriously?” Jett held the ball under his arm.

  “Yeah, I’m traveling for my gap year.” As I said it, I wasn’t bragging. I was still convincing myself that I could.

  * * *

  THE TIME HAD COME TO FINALLY TELL MOM AND DAD. I picked a dinner and waited until Dad finished his steak and was in a good mood after a couple of drinks.

  “I’ve made a plan for my gap year,” I announced.

  “Your what?” Lansing asked.

  “What I’m doing this school year.”

  “What’s your plan?” Mom wiped her mouth with her napkin.

  “I’m going to Spain.”

  “Spain?” Mom looked as if I’d said Mars.

  “You’re going to Spain?” Lansing looked wide-eyed.

  “I thought I told you not to go,” Dad said.

  “That was Scotland. I’m not going there. I’m going to Spain. It’s my decision.” I held my thigh to stop my heel tapping. Dad was being extreme, even for him, about Europe. Then it hit me. That was where his brother Stevie, the one he didn’t talk about, had died.

  “How will you pay for this trip?” He shook the ice in his glass.

  “I’ve got money in savings for the ticket and the first few months and I’ll pick up work over there. I’ll teach English or tutor or translate.”

  “Are you going with Rayne?” Mom asked.

  “No, she’s going to Scotland. I’m going solo.”

  “Are you sure?” Mom said. “I don’t know—”

  “Let him go, Miriam,” Dad cut her off. “He’ll find out how hard it is to be out on his own.”

  “You’re really going.” Lansing leaned in.

  “Don’t you get any ideas from this, Lansing,” Dad warned.

  “He’s already got his own ideas.” I looked over at my brother. “You can’t control ideas.”

  “That’s enough.” Dad pointed at me. “You’re not the parent here. You can’t even take care of yourself.”

  “How long will you be gone?” Mom asked.

  “A year.” I tried to sound confident.

  “A year? A year? That’s way too long.” Her voice started to shake. “You won’t be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Our family’s always been together for the holidays. You have to be here.”

  “Don’t worry,” Dad announced. “He’ll be back by then.”

  I shook my head. Mom didn’t want me to go. Dad didn’t think I’d stay. I had to do this for myself.

  “When do you leave?” Mom clenched her hands.

  “August thirty-first.”

  “That’s next month,” she said.

  “You’ve got no idea what you’re doing.” Dad stuck out his lower lip in a frown.

  That wasn’t true and I guessed he probably knew that.

  “You should have accepted our college offer,” Dad said. “That would have made everything easier.”

  Easy wasn’t the best reason to do things, but I wasn’t going to argue with him. Besides, if he wasn’t backing down on college, then neither was I. We were like two grizzly bears locked in a struggle. Maybe Mom was right. I was like him sometimes. I could dig in and refuse to give ground when I thought I was right, just like him. I was his son, after all. But by traveling, I was making damn sure I was different, too.

  I sat back in my chair and looked over at Lansing, who smiled at me, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Rayne had said we were all afraid of Dad. I tried not to show it. “I’m going to Spain. I’ll pay my rent for August and then go.”

  “Mark my words.” Dad tapped the table. “You’ll be back in a month.”

  I got up and took my plate and silverware to the dishwasher. I wasn’t coming back early. I was way too stubborn—too much like him—to do that.

  * * *

  LATER, AS I APPROACHED OAKCREST, I was shocked to see a police car’s flashing lights in the driveway. Different disaster scenarios ran through my mind. Had Brent had another seizure? Had Nicole cut herself again? Was it even worse?

  Nobody was in the car, so I ran up the steps and burst in. Brent, Eli, and a cop turned to look at me.

  “This is Cray. He works here,” Eli said.

  “What’s going on?” I sat down with them.

  “He said I was drunk.” Brent pointed at the cop. “He threw me down and broke my glasses and put handcuffs on me and made me get in the back of the police car. I don’t drink. I can’t because of my meds.”

  “He was staggering along the side of the road.” The young cop smoothed his mustache. “When I talked to him, he argued with me even when I threatened him with arrest.”

  “This is all a misunderstanding.” Eli waved his hand.

  “I was coming back from Dairy Queen, minding my own business,” Brent said.

  “Brent is on medication for seizures,” Eli explained. “An unsteady gait is one of the side effects.”

  “I can’t help it.” Brent held out his hand and it shook.

  “It would be good for him to go with a friend or have one of you drive him next time,” the cop suggested.

  “Brent goes lots of places on his own,” I spoke up. “He wants to be as independent as possible. That’s our goal for everybody here.”

  “All the neighbors and most of the police officers know Brent,” Eli added.

  The cop looked down and didn’t say anything for a while. “I’m new. I see I made a mistake.” He turned toward Brent. “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay.”

  I’d never heard a cop apologize before.

  “I’m Jason.” The cop walked over and shook hands with Brent. “If you ever need help or need a ride in an emergency, give me a call.” He presented Brent with a card.

  “Okay,” Brent said. “I will.”

  * * *

  AS SOON AS JASON LEFT, Kate, Sean, and Nicole came out of their rooms and started asking questions. E
li said good-bye since it was after ten and he was meeting friends. Brent described in detail how he was walking back to the house eating his ice-cream cone when the cop pulled up and accused him of being drunk.

  “He didn’t listen to anything,” Brent said. “And my dipped cone got knocked to the ground. I’m going to Dairy Queen tomorrow to tell the manager and see if she’ll give me another one.”

  “Good idea,” I said. “We’ll get your glasses fixed, and Jason did apologize.”

  “And now he’s going to give me free rides in the police car to the mall or anywhere I want to go.” Brent grinned.

  “No fair,” Sean protested.

  “Can I ride with you?” Nicole asked.

  “No, just me.” Brent shook his head.

  “I think that was only in case of an emergency,” I said.

  “Hey, Race Car, what do you call a bear with no shoes?” Sean asked.

  “A bear? I don’t know.”

  “What about you, Kate?” Sean said. “A bear with no shoes.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Barefoot.” Sean roared with laughter. “Barefoot!”

  I started laughing and it felt like a release. Everybody else was laughing with him. Everybody except Nicole. “Sean, it’s too late for jokes.”

  “It’s never too late for jokes.” He started telling another one about a chicken and a hamster.

  I looked around at the people in the room. I had plenty in common with Brent, Nicole, Sean, and Kate. They were trying to live as independently as possible.

  So was I.

  UNINVITED

  EARLY ONE MORNING ON MY SECOND-TO-LAST WEEK of work, I woke up to Chimney meowing near my head. I checked the time and saw it was just after five, way too early for his breakfast. I brushed him away and rolled over to go back to sleep. But he wouldn’t leave, so I pushed him off the bed.

  He meowed from the floor and jumped back up by my pillow.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Meeeeeeoooooowww.”

  I sat up and listened but didn’t hear anything unusual. I lay back down but couldn’t fall asleep with Chimney making noise.

  I got up, put on my jeans, and went upstairs. I looked out the front window into the dark and noticed nothing.

  Chimney meowed from the hall so I went down to check.

  At Brent’s door, I heard snoring. Same thing at Sean’s. At Nicole’s, it was silent, but then the bed squeaked as she shifted position. At Kate’s, though, I heard nothing. I remembered Stephanie’s warning about going into people’s rooms uninvited. Kate was probably sleeping peacefully and I was imagining things.

  Chimney popped into Kate’s room through the cat door and I started to go back downstairs, but a gut feeling tugged at me. I was afraid that if I didn’t check I’d regret it. I knocked on the door.

  No answer.

  “Kate.”

  No answer. Just Chimney meowing.

  I gently turned the handle and peeked in. Kate wasn’t in her bed! I opened the door wide and saw her lying spread out on her back on the floor with Chimney circling her. I turned on the light, and saw Kate’s chest wasn’t rising or falling.

  “Kate!” I grabbed her wrist, which felt cool. I checked her neck but didn’t find a pulse. “Kate!” I shook her shoulder, but she didn’t wake up.

  I reached for my phone, but it wasn’t in my pocket. I rushed out, tripped in the hallway, scrambled up, jumped down the stairs, raced to the table by the bed, and grabbed it. I quickly punched in 911. “I need an ambulance for 709 Oakcrest Court. Fast. Kate’s not breathing.”

  “An ambulance is on the way,” the dispatcher said. “My name is Gloria. Do you know how to do CPR?”

  “I had a class in school, but I don’t remember much.”

  “I’ll guide you through it. Can you put me on speakerphone?”

  “Yeah.” I turned that on as I hurried to Kate’s room. I shook her again, hoping for a miracle.

  “Is the patient on her back?” Gloria asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Put one hand on top of the other and spread your fingers,” Gloria said. “Press down solidly on the middle of the chest exactly between the nipples with the heel of your hand.”

  I positioned myself over Kate and did what she said as Chimney watched from the bed.

  “Push hard and steady,” Gloria said. “The chest should go down two inches and then come all the way back up. Then press down again.”

  I pressed hard but grew concerned. “What if I hurt her?”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Gloria said. “You’re trying to save her life. One hundred beats per minute. Push … push … push … push.”

  “Don’t … die … Kate. Don’t … die … Kate,” I repeated to myself as I pressed down.

  “Do you know the Bee Gees song ‘Stayin’ Alive’?” Gloria asked.

  “No. What? Why?”

  “That’s the rhythm to follow.” Gloria sang in a high voice and added extra emphasis on the beats as I kept pressing on Kate’s chest.

  “What about the breath?” I couldn’t imagine putting my mouth on Kate’s and breathing in.

  “The compressions are sufficient,” Gloria said. She put even more energy into the chorus of “Stayin’ Alive.”

  All of a sudden, I remembered the front door was locked. “Brent, Sean, Nicole!” I hollered as loud as I could, and Chimney jumped off the bed and ran out.

  “What’s going on?” Gloria shouted.

  “Sorry.” I explained and yelled for them again as I kept up the steady rhythm of compressions.

  Nicole emerged first in her Justin Bieber robe and pajamas, and Brent staggered in looking still asleep.

  “Nicole, unlock the front door for the paramedics. Brent, call Stephanie and tell her Kate’s unconscious and an ambulance is on the way.” I kept pressing down. “Come on, Kate. Come on, Kate,” I pleaded as seconds ticked into minutes.

  “Don’t let up. Keep pressing hard. One hundred beats a minute,” Gloria said quickly, then resumed singing.

  “Stayin’ Alive,” that’s exactly what we wanted for Kate. I pressed away to Gloria’s beat.

  Finally I heard the paramedics at the door.

  “Up here,” I shouted as Nicole introduced herself to them.

  A man and a woman burst into Kate’s room carrying their equipment and ushering me out. I went to check on Brent and Nicole in the living room. Brent was pulling his hair and Nicole was pacing.

  “What’s going to happen to Kate?” Brent asked.

  “I don’t know.” I heard the defibrillator trying to shock her heart back to beating.

  “Is she dead?” Nicole continued pacing.

  “No, no. I don’t know.” I sat down and rubbed my eyes.

  “Should we wake Sean to tell him?” Nicole asked.

  “No, let him sleep until we know more.” Their questions were making me nervous, so I motioned for them to sit down. My heel was tapping a million miles an hour as I heard the paramedics discuss getting Kate onto a stretcher.

  They came out with her strapped on and not moving.

  “Is she going to be okay?” I jumped down the steps to hold the door open for them.

  “We don’t know,” the woman said.

  Nicole and Brent came to the door and we watched them slide the stretcher in the back of the ambulance. It sped off with the lights flashing but without the siren on. I didn’t like that. I wanted the siren blaring to let everybody know that Kate was in trouble.

  When we went back inside, there was no way I could go back to sleep, so I made coffee, and Brent and Nicole said they wanted some, too. The three of us sat together clutching hot mugs as the first signs of light edged out the darkness. I thought about Kate and how uncomfortable she’d made me feel when I started, with her anxiety and arm biting. I’d grown to like her and she liked me, too. I couldn’t handle the idea of someone dying while I was in charge. I knew that was selfish, but it was real. I replayed everything and wished I�
��d gotten to her sooner and had my phone with me when I did.

  I thought about how initially I’d believed the job was getting paid to sleep. It had turned out to be way more than that—life and death.

  The phone rang and I jumped up. Stephanie had found out Kate’s hospital and was on her way there. “I’ll call when I have news. Please reassure everybody.”

  I hung up and didn’t know how to reassure anybody. Brent and Nicole looked at me and I told them Stephanie was going to the hospital.

  “I’ll wake Sean up so he knows,” Nicole announced.

  “I’m going to find Chimney.” Brent got up.

  “That’s good.” I heard someone at the door and wondered who it could be so early. I went over to the stairs and was grateful to see Rayne.

  “I heard from Stephanie.” She wrapped me in a hug. I hung on tightly like she was a lifesaver and the world was an ocean. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  And then the tears came, first softly, and then harder. I cried more than I had in a long time, as I held on to Rayne, who was crying, too.

  “Stop it, you babies.” Brent petted Chimney. “Stephanie will know what to do.”

  I wiped my tears. I was supposed to be reassuring him and instead he was reassuring me. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Rayne asked.

  “For crying.”

  “That’s fine.” She handed me a tissue.

  * * *

  WE ALL GATHERED IN THE LIVING ROOM, including Sean, who was upset we hadn’t woken him earlier.

  “That was my fault.” I tapped my chest.

  “That’s okay, Race Car,” Nicole said.

  “No, it’s not.” Sean shook his head.

  The house phone rang and I rose to get it.

  “I’ve got bad news,” Stephanie said, her voice trembling. “Kate suffered a massive heart attack. The doctors couldn’t save her.”

  I stared out the window at the twisted branches of the oak tree and thought about how one minute a person could be alive and then all of a sudden dead.

  “The paramedics were impressed by what you did, Cray,” she said. “But you couldn’t have saved her.”