How to Start Living (in the Zombie Apocalypse)

by T. L. Walker

  She turned before I could even finish digging the damn grave. Both Luke and I were so shocked at first that she was already writhing around, a brand-new zed trying to find its feet, before I threw him the shovel and he drove it down into her face as hard as he could.

  He’d had to do it two more times before she finally stopped moving.

  It was Daniel who finally ripped me away from dwelling on the sickening sound the shovel had made."Charlie?" His voice was soft, hesitant – scared.

  I turned to look at him."If Virginia’s right, we could have a chance. With Luke there, we could maybe take care of this whole mess."

  Virginia looked at me, her eyes bright with concern."What do you mean, with Luke there? He’s their prisoner." The way she said it, I wondered if she thought I’d lost my mind.

  And she doesn’t even know how much you’ve questioning your own sanity lately.I shook my head to clear it, but Virginia took this as me disagreeing about Luke’s status."Charlie, you know they’ll lock him up – maybe even tie him up – the moment they get back to the school." She spoke slowly, making her calm tone only seem more forced.

  "Yes, Virginia, I know," I said, hating how tired – how defeated– I sounded just then. I looked around the room, making sure to acknowledge each of them in turn before continuing,"Luke’s infection started spreading again. And the more it spreads, the faster it spreads. He doesn’t have three days."

  My admission was met with silence, so I finally explained,"This was his plan. He’ll get loose before he –"

  "Jia and most of her people might be kids, but they’re not idiots,"Mike snapped."He’ll die there. Alone. And then they’ll take him down, maybe before he even does any damage. Why didn’t you let them take me? Luke would have had a chance here. Richard could have saved him!"

  "Some people don’t want to be saved,"I said, knowing that I wasn’t only referring to Luke."Besides, what’s done is done. Now we have to figure out how to carry out the rest of Luke’s plan. Ethan, is there paper in here somewhere? And pens?"

  The only acknowledgement I received was Ethan standing up and moving around behind the desk. He opened one drawer, took something out, and then bent to open another. I heard that one close, and when he returned to our little circle he had a fistful of writing implements in one hand and several sheets of computer paper in the other."Thank you," I said as he handed everything to me.

  I laid out a few pieces of paper and handed everyone a pen before bending to draw a large box on the corner of the paper closest to me. I wrote"ZOO"inside of it, but suddenly Ethan knocked my hand aside."The zoo isn’t square," he said, clearly exasperated.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Virginia lean forward."Of course it’s not, Ethan. Charlie knows that. But we have to draw a map, and quickly. Things can be different shapes."

  My hand hovered over the paper as Ethan stared down at what I’d done."Will everything be a different shape?" he finally asked.

  "Yes, of course,"his mother replied brightly."All straight lines." She looked at me, and I gave a quick nod.

  Ethan sat back and took a deep breath."What else will be on the map?"

  "The school, for one. I think it would be somewhere over there."I gestured across the circle to my left, at the paper in front of Daniel, but Mike shook his head."It’s farther west than that." He turned the paper horizontally and drew the hospital and school. It was all too close, but I understood what he was trying to do.

  The map took us another twenty minutes or so, and in the end it was a messy patchwork that barely even approximated the city. But we knew how to get from point A to point B, and I’d told them that two of us needed to go keep watch on the school. In the end, it all came down to choosing who would go and who would stay.

  "You’re stuck here,"Virginia told me. I knew that she was right, but hated it all the same."And to be honest, so are Ethan and I. Whoever goes needs to be fast."

  "Lauren,"Daniel said."She runs. Did that half-marathon in Charleston once. She’s not the fastest person out there, but she can do the distance. Probably better than any of the rest of us."

  "She’s safe right now,"I reminded him."They don’t even know she’s here."

  "So they won’t miss her when she’s gone. Trust me, Charlie, if we tell her what we need, she’ll want to go. If we don’t tell her...well, that’ll have to be on you."

  Before I could respond, Mike spoke."I’ll go with her. I’ll stay behind, and she can come back."

  I rounded on him."No. Jia is already too interested in you. If you get caught –"

  "Then I get caught. You and Virginia and Ethan need to stay here. And I won’t stop Daniel from telling Lauren that we need her, which means he needs to be here for Mabel. Richard is out because he’s our damn doctor. And anyway, I’ll find the school – and somewhere we can keep an eye on it – faster than anyone else here." Before Mike even finished his tirade, I knew that he was right, and it took everything in me to not remind him that we were all I had left. My mother must be gone by now, Joey was dead and buried, and I would never see Luke alive again. Yes, Daniel and Lauren and Mabel had joined us early on, but only Holden and Mike had been with me since what I considered the very beginning. Of the end, anyway.

  "First thing tomorrow, then,"I relented."Ethan, can you find a way to get Mike and Lauren out of here without being seen?"

  He sat up very straight and nodded."Yeah, I know just where to take them."

  I let myself relax a bit. I knew that I could trust Ethan; he hadn’t failed us so far."Show Lauren where you’ve stored things. Only Lauren, okay? She can take what she needs, and they don’t know she’s with us." I didn’t bother saying anything more – the implications were obvious. If she was caught, they might not think to ask her about the zoo.

  Or at least I hoped that was the case.

  "Some of us should get some sleep,"Virginia suggested,"and Charlie, you need it most."I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand and shook her head."Mike can sit outside the door first. He’ll need more rest later. Trust me, there’s no way anyone outside this zoo could see him. Mike, once the rain stops – my guess it that won’t happen for a couple of hours yet – come get me and Daniel and one of us will take your spot while the other goes to the gate. Charlie, we’ll wake you up when it’s your turn."

  "You must be crazy if you think I’m actually going to be able to sleep right now."

  Virginia ignored me and turned to her son."Ethan, can you go get some of the medicine Richard gave you to hide? Look for the bottles with my name on them."

  Ethan nodded and disappeared through the door. Mike gave me an almost apologetic smile as he picked up one of the chairs and lugged it out into the hall.

  "What about Bobby?"I asked."I needto talk to him."

  "You will. Before you take your shift, if you want. But not right now. Richard can handle that kid for a while...we need your mind clear for what’s to come."

  "And you think knocking me out with a bunch of meds for some indeterminate amount of time is going to make my mind clear?" I scoffed.

  "It’s better than no sleep at all," Virginia shrugged. I glared at her, my jaw clenched tight to keep me from saying things I knew I shouldn’t. The worst part was that she was right – as busy as my mind was, I could feel my body falling apart. I was weak, barely able to keep myself from shaking – although my whole being was still tense from the encounter with Jia, I hadn’t gotten proper sleep in days and eventually I would collapse. Probably sooner rather than later.

  Eventually Ethan returned and Virginia rifled through the little orange containers he’d brought back with him, finally popping one open and handing me two elongated white pills."Ambien,"she informed me, closing my hand around it."Let’s go find you some water and a place to lay down."

  "I brought water," Ethan said, holding out a dusty bottle of Dasani.

  "Thanks," I replied, hoping I sounded more grateful than I felt. You need to sleep, stop being such an asshole.

  I
could tell that Virginia was trying to figure out where she could put me, so I took it upon myself to head for the door."I’ll take the bed Luke was using."

  Virginia coughed."Are...are you sure?"

  "So what if it’s morbid? It’s a bed," I grunted, making my way for the clean room as fast as I could, hoping that Virginia wouldn’t follow me.

  She didn’t, and once I’d closed the door behind me and settled myself on the bed I gave in and swallowed the pills, washing them down with half the bottle of water before setting it on the medical stand that was still positioned close by. I lay back and stared into the darkness, my eyes slowly growing accustomed to the dark room. At some point, I seemed to drift into a strange immobilized state – not quite awake, not quite asleep – and I was frozen in place as I hallucinated people climbing through the single high window on the wall to my left. The worst part was that they weren’t even zeds – they were nameless, faceless people, but the Ambien and my own personal terror kept me prone, my brain trying to make my arms or legs move and my body refusing to respond.

  The next thing I knew, there was a hand on my arm. The dim but warm purple of twilight was filtering in from the window, and when I opened my eyes my first instinct was to look up at it. The bars were still in place, and when I turned back to the person trying to wake me, it was Mike’s face that I saw.

  "We’re not safe,"I mumbled."Nothing is safe. I can’t promise to keep you or anyone else alive."

  Mike sighed and pulled away."You don’t have to, Charlie. We need you, but not for that. It’s on us to stay alive. You can’t be everyone’s hero."

  I squeezed my eyes shut again, trying to work the sleepiness out of them."That implies I’m someone’s," I joked as I stretched my arms and legs out and sat up, swinging my legs over the side and waiting for a wave of dizziness to subside. I knew it had to be the meds wearing off, but I needed a jolt of caffeine – or something similar – if I was going to be watching the front gate soon.

  "Yeah, I guess I forgot, you’re trying to be our anti-hero," Mike replied, shaking his head at me.

  "You read a lot of comic books before, didn’t you?"

  "Whenever I could get my hands on them. Found some of yours back at the farm but didn’t really think I should bring them along when we left. Let me tell you, veterinary texts are nowhere near as fun."

  I realized yet again that I had next to no idea what everyone else had been doing since we reached the zoo. Even when we were on watch, we’d had more down time than not."I imagine they aren’t,"I snorted."But hey, maybe we’ll get into that school and snag some books from the library. I’m guessing you never had time to read The Scarlet Letter? Or Heart of Darkness? Damn, those are the only books I remember from my junior and senior years."

  "Yeah, you’re showing your age, alright. But nope, didn’t get to those. We were supposed to be starting...Old Man and the Sea, I think. We’d just finished I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings."

  "Maya Angelou."I nodded approvingly."I loved her. Didn’t really appreciate Hemingway in high school, but you should read that one. And some of his other books. I had a bit of an obsession with him a few years back, visited all these places where he lived, read a bunch of books about him. I could tell you some stuff that would make you really appreciate his writing in a way I never could when I was your age."

  "We’ll see,"Mike grinned, and I knew that he was mostly humoring me."But for now, you get to keep an eye on the gate."

  That was our life at the moment – no time for reading lists or book discussions or bonding over anything positive like that. But maybe, if we can end this thing with Jia once and for all...

  "Yeah. Back to the old grind." I finally stood up, stretching again before making my way to the open door.

  "The old grind? You really are showing your age," Mike called as I left him behind. I lifted my right hand and gave him the finger.

  "Holden’s coming with me this time. Can’t believe I let someone who’s never even read Catcherkeep an eye on him so much lately."

  "I told you I hadn’t read it right after I met you!" Mike reminded me. I stopped, the sudden memory of our drive to the farm overwhelming me. I turned and gave him a sad smile, tapping the side of my head.

  "Yup, my memory’s already going. See you later, kid." I waved and stepped backward through the door, turning on my heel and striding toward the front of the building as quickly as I could. I didn’t know what would happen next, but if I could leave Mike with some positive memories...well, that was something.

  I hoped.

  You can’t save everyone.

  *******

  Virginia was at the door, Holden stretched out on the ground by her side."I thought he could use some fresh air," she said as he stood, stretched, and ambled over to greet me. I bent down and scratched his head, burying my face in his fur for a moment. He smelled awful, but I didn’t care. Being close to him calmed me.

  "Thanks,"I told Virginia."I’m going to take him up front with me. I’m guessing Daniel is there?"

  "Yes, and I imagine he’s ready to come back and spend some time with his wife."

  "What about Richard?"

  "Mike is coming out here and I’ll be giving Richard a break and watching that boy for a bit."

  I stood back up and gave her a shrewd look."You guys really don’t want me anywhere near Bobby, do you?"

  "Correct,"Virginia replied matter-of-factly."Jia and her people know enough about you. If he ends up back at that school, we don’t want them knowing any more."

  "I’ll have my time with him."

  "If there istime, maybe Richard will take you to see him. But Charlie, think about the group as a whole here, not just about what you want. I’ll see you when your shift is over."

  Virginia was dismissing me, and my head was still too fuzzy to think of a way to continue the conversation."Come on, Holden." I walked away, my dog trotting along beside me. I tried to push the whole Bobby situation out of my head, but I knew that I would end up dwelling on it throughout my watch. Screw Virginia. Screw Richard, I thought to myself...but even as I did, I realized that they were making the right choice.

  Not that I would allow myself to admit that any time soon.

  When I reached the gate, I saw Daniel standing in front of it, staring straight ahead. I couldn’t even tell if he was looking at the gate or throughit, but I had a feeling it didn’t matter. He was in another world. Thankfully he started as soon as he heard me approach; some part of him was still on guard."Go on back to headquarters,"I told him."Your turn to rest."

  Daniel scratched his head and sighed."As if I could."

  "I think you will,"I insisted. He gave me a confused look, but I just waved him off."Go on. Enjoy it while you can."

  He held my eyes for a long moment. Finally he nodded, though I wasn’t sure if it was in understanding or simply because he wanted the conversation to be over."See you later,"he said, then leaned in to whisper,"There’s some water and snacks stashed behind the rock wall. We had to bring something out here with all of us stuck watching this damn gate for hours. If you go into the little nook and sit under the trees, there’s almost no way someone could see you, anyway."

  I squeezed his shoulder before he walked away. I hadn’t thought about food since I’d woken up, but now that I knew it was there I realized I was starving – and that I had no idea when Holden had last eaten. If Daniel had seen anything out of place, he would have hinted at it. I hoped that things would remain calm for the next half hour or so; only then could I justify tucking myself away to get some food in my stomach.

  Once Daniel had disappeared down the path I approached the gate. I stood there for several minutes, Holden close by my side, but I didn’t see or hear anything out of the ordinary. It’s almost too quiet. I wandered down the fence line, first to my left and then back to the right, stopping to listen several times. I was almost relieved when Holden eventually stopped following me and headed back to stretch out against the stone wall. I knew that i
f he didn’t sense anything, we were safe – for now. I waited as long as I could, waited until it was truly night, though with a bright moon that bathed everything in a white light that seemed far too pure for this world.

  Finally my grumbling stomach got the better of me and I made a beeline for the nook across from the gate, unbuttoning my jeans along the way, hoping that if anyone was watching me they would assume I was just going to the bathroom. The small cache that I found after fumbling around a bit – it was much darker back under the trees – included a warm soda, which I gulped down so fast that I could barely quiet myself when I needed to burp. I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, but I was too busy trying to dig some beef jerky out of its bag and hoping that I hadn’t already been gone too long. I passed a piece of the dried meat to Holden and then gestured toward the little pond on the other side of the wall."Go on, boy." He gave me a cautious look before clambering over the stones and lying down by the water. I couldn’t imagine that the jerky or the water in the pond were healthy for him, but I tossed him another piece before forcing a couple down my throat, guzzling as much water as I could, redoing my pants and then heading back to the gate, straightening my shirt as I walked across the open area. Once again I stood and listened, and once again I was greeted with an eerie silence.

  The night stretched on in just that way. Richard arrived not long after the sky began to lighten, the first hints of dawn, but even then it was hard to leave the front gate. If things don’t go badly, this is where Jia will return. I knew that I was being ridiculous, so I relented when Richard insisted on taking my place – but I wasn’t ready to go back to headquarters, especially not if I wasn’t going to be allowed to pay Bobby a visit.

  "I’m going to scout the perimeter. Who’s at the door?"

  "Mike, though we should probably give him a break soon. Daniel is in the office."

  I assumed that meant that Daniel had had his time with his wife and daughter."I’ll get Daniel to take over for Mike when I get back there, but someone needs to make sure that back pen is still secure."