How to Start Living (in the Zombie Apocalypse)

by T. L. Walker

  Richard looked uncertain, but after a long pause he assented. With no time to repair the back fence, we couldn’t go any longer without checking things out, making sure that no zeds – or people – could get in through our makeshift fix. I didn’t bother saying anything about Bobby; I simply whistled quietly for Holden and made my way up the opposite path.

  After all, this may be the last chance I had to visit Joey’s grave.

  The hard rains had nearly flattened the mound of earth that covered my brother’s body, but the sun had baked everything dry while I slept. I dug into my back pocket and pulled out the little drawstring bag that I’d found in my car. It had probably once held something that wasn’t useful in this new world – a USB drive, I thought. Who knows where that had gone, or even what had been on it. It doesn’t matter. The little padded black bag was the only thing I had that would allow me to carry a piece of my brother anywhere I went, so I plunged my fingers into the hard-packed earth, palming just enough of it to fill the bag halfway. I knotted it shut and tied it to one of the front belt loops on my jeans before taking a moment to brush as much of the loose dirt as I could back into place."I don’t know what’s gonna happen, Joe,"I whispered, pressing my hand into the ground."But if I leave the zoo, I hope you know that I’m not really leaving you here alone." I reached up and squeezed the pouch before standing and moving back to the path. I took a right, bracing myself for the worst as I made my way toward the breached pen.

  As I got closer, I used the tree line for an extra bit of protection, practically tiptoeing, tensing every time Holden’s nails clicked against the pavement. Was it odd that I found myself wondering if I should trim them? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that the broken fence was our biggest weak spot, and I hated myself for not insisting that someone check on it sooner.

  And yet, when I finally approached the fence, I realized that everything was silent. Even in the zombie apocalypse, there was wildlife – especially birds. They’d long ago stopped singing the way they had before, but that had only made the other sounds more prevalent. The branches rustling when they landed, the beat of wings as they fled from approaching threats. The fact that I’d heard nothing of the sort all day was more than a little disquieting.

  See? Even when wallowing in my own anxiety, I can still make puns.

  The enclosure was just the way we’d left it, the gate sealed shut and not a single zed wandering around inside.

  I knew better than to assume that this was pure luck. I gazed up at the top of the hill, where I could see the ragged edges of the fence still gaping open.

  Despite the sun beating down on me and the thick mugginess of the post-storm air, the hair on my arms stood up. They’re watching you.

  Holden whined."I know, boy," I murmured, standing as still as I possibly could, my eyes darting left and right, hoping to see something, anything. I waited several minutes before finally giving in and moving on, continuing to my right, forcing myself to not look over my shoulder as I made my way back to the office building. When I reached it, I saw Mike sitting in the chair by the door, and I stood back for a bit, watching him fidget. He was obviously exhausted. I sighed and moved toward him, Holden bounding in front of me, stopping only to nose Mike’s hand, begging to be petted.

  "Your turn to sleep,"I told him, forcing a smile."Go grab Daniel; he can keep watch here for a while."

  "What about you?" Mike asked.

  I shrugged."I’ve got things to do."

  "You know you’re not supposed to talk to Bobby."

  "Yes, thank you, that’s been made very clear."I hated how exasperated I sounded, but Mike’s eyes met mine and I saw his own frustration."Sorry. I’ll stay here until Daniel comes out. Then I have some things to go over. Make sure the others stay where they are."

  After all, someone had to make sure that Lauren understood what she was getting herself into – and something told me that Daniel wasn’t that person.

  Mike bit his lip but nodded his ascension. He left Holden and I outside the door and within minutes Daniel came out. My first thought was that he looked like a dead man walking, and I tried to push that observation out of my head as Daniel dropped into the chair without saying a word to me. Before I went inside I reached down and squeezed his shoulder."It’s just reconnaissance. You said it yourself – she’s fast. And she’s smart."I pulled away, but paused in the doorway."None of you have ever been a burden, Daniel. And now it’s Lauren’s time to shine."

  He didn’t say anything. He was upset, maybe with me, but there wasn’t anything more I could do, and certainly nothing I could undo.

  By the time I reached the office, Mike had already disappeared. Lauren and Mabel were sitting on the floor, well away from the windows’ line of sight. If Virginia was right, this was unnecessary, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Our half-assed map was still spread out on the floor; obviously anyone who’d been in the room had gone out of their way to leave it undisturbed.

  I sat down next to Lauren."Where’s Ethan?"

  "With Virginia." Great, everyone but me gets to hang out with that Bobby asshole.

  Mabel started squirming in Lauren’s arms. She whispered,"Don’t touch the papers," before releasing her daughter to play with Holden.

  "Over there," I said firmly, and Holden gave Mabel a quick lick on the cheek before retreating off to the side.

  "He’s a good dog," Lauren observed.

  "The best," I agreed, smiling as I watched Holden stretch out on the floor and allow Mabel to clamber up on his side.

  "You know I need to go."

  "Yeah. I do."

  "Daniel..."

  "He suggested it. He doesn’t want it, but he knows it’s what’s best. I don’t want anyone to go, least of all you or Mike."I paused."You’re my people."

  Lauren looked at me."We know, Charlie. But we’re our own people, too...and it’s past time for me to carry my own weight."

  "Just...promise me you’ll remember how to get back. If not, Mike –"

  "I’ll remember. I’ve practically memorized this –"she gestured at the papers –"and I’m good with directions. As long as it’s light when I return, I’ll be fine."

  "And if it’s dark when you’re on your way back?" I asked, knowing it was a possibility.

  "Then it will be harder. But that doesn’t change anything. And it might even help that it will be dark when we head out."

  "You’ll leave tonight, then?"

  "Yes."

  I didn’t know what else to say. I assumed Mike was in Luke’s old bed now, so I gathered a few of the ratty blankets Jia’s people had left behind and made myself a nest in the far corner of the room. We sat in silence for some time, and I was left wondering who would come to tell us what was next. The light coming in through the single high window became steadily brighter and warmer, and in the end, it was Virginia who came for us. I felt my stomach twist at the sight of her.

  "Who’s with Bobby?"

  "He’s sleeping."

  "You really believe that?"

  She shrugged."It doesn’t matter. I’m the messenger now, and we need to do a bit of shuffling. Can you go grab Daniel from the door and send him to me?"

  I knew that they were still doing everything in their power to keep me away from Bobby, and a childish anger reared its ugly head."You look like shit," I told her.

  "I’m sure. I’ll be waking up Mike. He’ll get you at the door and you can relieve Richard at the gate."

  This is it, then. I’d apparently wasted a lot of time not sleeping; I knew I wouldn’t be relieved before dawn the next day, which meant that Ethan would help Mike and Lauren sneak out while I was on watch...and who knew if I would ever see them again.

  The only thing I could think of to say was a quote from a TV show I’d watched once upon a time. I held my hand out to Lauren."May we meet again."

  She cocked her head."I know where that comes from."

  I smiled indulgently."It wasn’t always a bad thing. And Lauren – you know that we’ll
take care of Mabel. And Daniel, if he needs it. No matter what."

  Lauren glanced at Mabel, who was napping with her head on Holden’s chest."I know. But here’s hoping it doesn’t come to that."

  "Time for you to get going, Charlie. And you should keep Holden with you," Virginia insisted, and as much as I hated taking my dog away from Mabel just then, I knew that she was right.

  "Holden, come,"I ordered. His head jerked up and he blinked at me for a moment before easing his way out from under Mabel’s head. Lauren rushed over to replace him, and somehow the little girl continued sleeping. As I left the room, I decided to make one final request."Virginia, can you pleasego stay with Bobby until Richard gets back? I doubt he’s sleeping, and until he leaves here, he’s a threat." She sighed at first, but then nodded her agreement. Knowing that was all the agreement I was going to get, I made my way out the door.

  By the time I reached the gate, the sun had set and the sky was once again the pale purple of twilight."You’re going to have a long shift," Richard warned me.

  "So are you. No rest for the wicked."It took everything in me to not smirk at him, knowing that he would be relieving Virginia, continuing their attempt to keep me from Bobby."Anything I need to know about?"

  "No. Quiet as the grave," Richard replied.

  It was a sad attempt at a joke."That’s what worries me,"I sighed."I’ll take it from here."

  Richard bobbed his head in a brief acknowledgement; I turned away and didn’t bother watching him leave. This time Holden refused to leave my side as I paced behind the gate, but as the sky became darker and I was once again left with nothing but moon and starlight to see, I finally sat down facing the entrance, folded my legs into the butterfly pose and tried to tell myself that I was comfortable sitting like that on the unforgiving pavement.

  Hours passed; I couldn’t count them, and they probably felt longer than they were, but eventually I knew that Mike and Lauren must have left, and here I was guarding the zoo when only Daniel and Mabel remained from my original group. For the first time since before everything had started, I couldn’t tamp down my anxiety, and I found myself wondering whether maybe Richard and Virginia and Ethan were actually in league with Jia and her people already. If so, they’re damned good actors. Deep down I knew that it wasn’t very likely that they’d dealt with Jia before – at least not directly – but I couldn’t stop thinking about how badly they could betray us now, if they really wanted to.

  I don’t know what time it was when Holden first heard the noise. He was stretched out next to me, his chin on his paws, watching the gate just as I was, when suddenly his ears perked up and he lifted his head. By this time the moon had dropped in the sky and everything seemed just a bit lighter, though the birds were still quiet. I laid a hand on Holden’s shoulder.

  "What’s up, boy?"

  He let out a low growl, something he’d rarely done before or since the world had gone to shit, and I immediately jumped to my feet. I moved toward the fence, narrowing my eyes, craning my head, and breathing through my nose, wondering for far too long how soon it would be before I finally sensed what Holden had.

  In the end, it was the crackle of a radio that caught my attention. Whoever possessed it was hiding just up the hill to my left, likely either prone in the underbrush or perched on a tree branch. The second time I heard something, it wasn’t just a crackle – it was a broken message that included the words"all...return.......attack".

  Holden was beside me, his hackles raised, and then I heard someone whisper far too loudly and harshly for someone who was supposed to be some kind of hidden spy."This is an emergency channel only!"

  "Fuck your watches! .......need backup!"

  Everything went silent. Whoever was out there must have turned off their radio, because it was several minutes before I heard anything else. This time, the person hiding at the top of the hill made a violent sound that was probably a curse word I couldn’t make out from so far away. Quite a bit of rustling and scrambling followed, and then the noises faded, and once again the world was silent.

  Silence isn’t always golden.

  Interlude

  How It Happens

  I keep repeating my name to myself, as if that will do some good. You’re Luke. Luke. Luke.

  It doesn’t help.

  I can feel the infection moving through my arm. I’ve felt it since the very beginning, really...starting in what was left of my fingers and spreading through me like a parasite. It’s as if something is clamping down on my veins, one by one.

  They didn’t blindfold me when they were leading me to the school, so even if I don’t turn, I know I won’t survive this.

  I wish I’d said more to Charlie, but at the same time I know she doesn’t need me like I need her. It’s scary, loving someone more than they can ever understand. Not that she doesn’t love me – she does, I know that – but it’s not what it should be. It’s passion fueled by the adrenaline caused by the constant dangers we’ve faced.

  I want to be okay with her not loving me the way I love her. It’s better for everyone, really, because even before I understood that Jia never planned on letting me rejoin my group, I knew that I was living on borrowed time.

  I’m hot, and it’s not just the muggy weather. A fever is feasting on my body, and soon even the bandages that wrap halfway up my arm won’t hide the fact that my blood is turning black.

  That I’m becoming a zed, and there’s no way to stop it.

  At least I know more than Jia thinks I do. I know that she and Monika love each other. I know that Monika is a far kinder person than Jia. But is she kind enough?

  When Monika told me that I was the one they’d be taking, she’d patted me down to make sure I wasn’t carrying any weapons. I had this notebook and a pen on me, and I begged her to let me keep them. She was more worried about the pen, but I told her that I loved these people – my people. That I wanted to protect them and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. That if working with Jia and her group was what we needed to do to survive, I understood.

  I meant all of that. I don’t just love Charlie, I love all of them.

  I know that she did it out of pity, but she let me keep these two small things, and I’m grateful. I will record what I can. I want people to know what it feels like to become a zed.

  *******

  This isn’t quite what I was expecting. I’m locked in the nurse’s office, of all places. They wanted her to look at my arm. I suppose I should be happy that she hasn’t returned yet. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but it was getting close to sunset when we arrived and since then everything has gone dark.

  At least there’s a moon. I figure I’ve got several more nights of decent light because of that. Problem is, it’s also bright enough to see that the infection has already moved too far up my arm for my bandages to cover it. My mind is fighting to stay awake, but my body is telling me to give in and go to sleep. I’m not sure how much longer I can fight it.

  *******

  I fell asleep, and now it’s morning. I don’t think I’ve been disturbed. My entire arm has gone numb, but I still feel the dull pain of the spreading poison as it moves down my chest and up into my neck. I thought I would have longer.

  *******

  The nurse finally showed up. Monika was with her, but Mrs. Downing told her to leave as soon as she saw my...condition. Ha, that’s some positive thinking. ‘Condition.’

  I don’t know what Monika saw before she left, or what she’ll say to anyone else. I don’t think she’s a bad kid, and Mrs. Downing isn’t so bad either.

  She asked me if I’d known what would happen when they took me. I told her the truth. I mentioned that she’d met Charlie and Daniel, and her face softened. I think she’s a good woman who’s been put in a bad spot. We talked for a while, and I helped her work out the few kinks in what was, to be honest, a pretty good plan already. If some of my people get here within the proper time frame, there’s a damn good chance everything w
ill work out for the best. You know, for everyone except me. Ha. Ha. Ha.

  Jesus, thank God I’m right handed. This pain is...well. It’s bad, and I can handle pain. Or at least I thought I could. If someone finds this notebook, please understand that no matter how fast we turn, no matter what awful things we do after that...getting there was horrible, too.

  *******

  I met Dominic. The nurse wasn’t here at the time, but I think they did that on purpose. He told me that she knew what was happening to me. He told me that they were ‘prepared’. I guess I’m not thinking straight, because I don’t know what that meant. He still locked the door behind him when he left.

  Mrs. Downing came back and gave me a turtleneck to wear. It’s hot as hell and the shirt didn’t smell good to begin with, but I have it on anyway. I want to hide this just as much as they do. She locked the door, too, but then, it’s only the end of my first full day here, and I know now that we’re all just biding our time.

  *******

  Jia visited me in the middle of the night, asking me about the zoo, about my people. I could barely concentrate and I think she assumed her people were starving me, because she called for food and water and told me to get my shit together for tomorrow.

  I’m not hungry, and water does nothing to stop the burning feeling that has crept up my neck and down toward my heart. I can’t even look at what’s happening, so damn right I’m thankful for this miserable turtleneck.

  Even if it feels like there’s a hand wrapped around my throat, slowly squeezing the life out of me.

  Mrs. Downing showed up again – Jia must have sent her. She was supposed to make sure I ate.

  She asked me if I’d touched the food. I hadn’t. “Good,” she said, and I know that means they have other mouths to feed. Probably too many. She reminded me that I had to do my best to stay lucid, and then she was gone.