Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  Why, oh why hadn’t Kim paid attention in the car earlier? But what difference would it have made? If there weren’t any more rooms . . .

  “No, of course not,” Kim assured her. “That’s all fine. I’d just forgotten about it.”

  They took their things to the room, and Kim looked at the double bed with considerable worry. It was wide, as always in this sort of hotel, but Kim feared it would not be wide enough. Sonja was going to lie down next to her, Kim would hear her breathing, smell her, feel her warmth . . .

  Kim put her bag in the closet and went to the door. “I’m going to go down now.” At least five minutes. Please! Please, let her stay here!

  Sonja Kantner nodded. “I’m going to unpack a few things. Then I’ll catch up.”

  Exhaling, Kim left the room and shut the door behind her. She walked slowly down the stairs. She needed air. She couldn’t have endured the elevator again. Her scent was sure to remain in there from moments ago, when they’d ridden up together. Once downstairs, Kim crossed the small entrance hall to the exit and stepped out onto the driveway.

  The landscape, into which someone had so audaciously disturbed nature to erect this hotel, was gorgeous. Nothing but mountains all around, green meadows; in the middle distance, a cow mooed. Presumably on one of the nearby alpine pastures. It could’ve been really nice, relaxing, recuperative . . . but it wasn’t. For that, Kim would’ve needed more distance from her – at least at night.

  Well, then. Kim sighed. She would just have to deal with it, at least for these three days. Those, too, would pass, they’d drive back, and nothing would have happened. Nothing would have changed between the two of them. That seemed certain.

  Kim looked at her watch. Too late to go for a walk – the seminar was about to begin. When Kim entered the lobby, Sonja was just coming down the stairs. She, too, had passed on the elevator, but – in Kim’s estimation – more likely out of concern for her figure than because of Kim’s beguiling scent. Kim wanted to sigh again right then.

  Sonja was heading toward Kim. “Isn’t there any sort of a reception?” she asked, smiling.

  “Yes. Yes, sure there is. Over there in the lobby.” Kim had to swallow. “Coffee and croissants.”

  “They could think up something new once in a while.” Sonja sighed a little and turned in the direction Kim had indicated.

  Kim followed her. They received two pin-on nametags and a slim folder of handouts. There were place cards arranged on the tables, with their seat assignments. Kim stopped. She saw her own name, but not Sonja’s.

  Sonja went around to the other side of the U-shaped arrangement of tables. “Ah, here!” She smiled and held up her place card.

  Kim tried not to show her relief too plainly. She wouldn’t have to sit next to her all day long! Saved! At least during the day. Nights would be another story . . . What luck that someone seemed to have distributed the name cards randomly, and not according to company affiliation.

  After they’d found their places and set down their folders, they went out and joined the male participants. Sonja paid not the slightest attention to the way their tongues all hung out as soon as they saw her. She would’ve had to accept ten cups of coffee and at least as many croissants at once in order to satisfy all the offers she received. Graciously, she honored an elderly gentleman by choosing him to be her coffee carrier.

  Kim and Sonja stood at one of the tall bistro tables and awaited his return.

  “Men!” Sonja said. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!” She laughed once more.

  Well, I seriously doubt the latter, Kim thought. But her boss didn’t know any different. “But you’re married,” Kim said. Since she’d been with the company, they’d never talked about Sonja’s husband, but then, they rarely exchanged a word regarding their private lives.

  “Yes,” Sonja replied, exceptionally tersely, but then turned a captivating smile on her returning attendant, who was trying desperately to balance two coffee cups and two croissants with his two ungraceful man-hands. At home, his wife probably did that sort of thing, but on the other hand, she probably wasn’t twenty-five years younger than he was, and she probably didn’t look like Sonja Kantner.

  “Thank you,” Sonja said when he finally arrived. Not much coffee was left in the sloshed-over cups. She took one from him and placed it in front of Kim, so that he could hand her the second with a gallant gesture.

  They’d barely tasted their croissants when a man of about forty entered the room – a man who was obviously attractive to straight women, which Kim immediately became aware of by noticing Sonja’s gaze. She watched him with noticeable interest. On top of that, in contrast to her coffee-beau, he was much more age-appropriate. She was thirty-five, as Kim knew from her personnel file.

  The newcomer introduced himself as Klaus, their seminar leader, and asked everyone to gather in the conference room. He did a double take when Sonja Kantner walked past him, and she smiled when she noticed it. The two of them had yet to say a single word to one another, and yet things were already well underway.

  Kim would gladly have traded places with him.

  During the seminar day, Kim watched the tension build between the two of them. Perhaps she’d be sleeping alone in their room tonight, after all. Jealously, she observed her boss when Sonja turned her attention to the course leader, gave him a charming smile, or asked him a question.

  Kim tried to stop paying attention, but she couldn’t. Sonja was sitting across from her, and sometimes a friendly smile would come Kim’s way as well, when she happened to glance in her direction. But it was nothing compared to the ones she gave him. Kim’s jealousy swelled.

  She’s my boss, damn it, not my friend – and definitely not my lover. Unfortunately. Kim tried to tell herself that over and over again, so that she could at least partially follow the seminar. But when Kim looked at Klaus, she saw how fixated he was on Sonja, so Kim’s eyes wandered back over to Sonja, and Kim noticed her interest in him. It was endless . . . and hellish.

  After the end of the seminar day, they all gathered in the bar. Klaus fetched two champagne flutes. He came over to the table with them and placed one in front of Sonja. He knew what women liked. Reluctantly, the others made room for him, so that Klaus could sit next to her. They clinked glasses, gazing deep into one another’s eyes; after a moment, Klaus forced himself to look away and toasted everyone else at the table.

  Klaus made sure that Sonja’s glass was never empty, and she became ever more buoyant. She liked to laugh, even in the office, but this evening, her laughter took on a new quality. She was flirting with Klaus and he with her.

  Kim observed them, and everything she saw felt like a stab to her heart. Her insides shriveled. I ought to go to bed, she thought, and spare myself this sight.

  But she couldn’t. It was like an addiction, needing to look at Sonja, to enjoy her laugh, even if it wasn’t really meant for Kim, and her presence.

  When she got up later to go to the toilet, she heard a muffled sound in the hallway, around the next corner. She followed the sound and saw – her boss.

  Klaus had already pushed Sonja’s skirt halfway up and was pressing her against the wall. They were kissing, and she was moaning and pressing into him just as much as he was into her.

  Oh, no, I really don’t need this! Kim turned away, but at that moment, she heard Sonja’s voice.

  “Klaus . . . Klaus,” she sighed, aroused. But then her tone changed. “No, Klaus, please don’t.”

  He didn’t stop. “Oh, come on,” he coaxed, kissing her again, which Kim saw as she spied on them from around the corner. “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m married,” she replied, slightly breathless.

  “So am I.” He laughed, his voice hoarse with arousal. “But your husband isn’t here and neither is my wife. So what’s the problem?” He kissed her again, and she did absolutely nothing to fend him off – until he reached under her skirt again.

  “Don’t, Klaus.” Sh
e held his wrist firmly. “Not like that, and not here. I don’t like that.”

  “Where, then?” he asked.

  “It’ll have to be your room. I’m sharing my room with my colleague.”

  “Yes, right,” he remembered. He let her go. “Let’s make it not too obvious,” he suggested. This clearly wasn’t the first time he was doing this sort of thing at one of his seminars. “I’ll go first, and you come later. 125.”

  That must be his room number. Did his wife know how he amused himself when he was away from home?

  He turned around, and Kim had to disappear quickly when he came toward her. She was nearly seated back at the table when he turned up. A while later Sonja appeared, and not two minutes after that, Klaus was suddenly terribly tired and yawning. “I’m going to sleep,” he announced. “That was pretty tiring today.” He rapped twice on the table. “Good night.”

  A general nodding and murmuring answered him, and three of the others joined him.

  Sonja waited a couple of minutes, and then she stood up likewise. “It’s getting to be that time for me, too.” She looked in Kim’s direction. “But you’re welcome to stay here,” she offered.

  How big of you! But Kim knew why she was doing it. She nodded. “Yes,” she said. “I’m not tired yet.” Kim followed her with her eyes as she left the bar. Lucky Klaus . . .

  Kim didn’t get back to their room until close to two, but Sonja still wasn’t there yet. She selected a side of the bed and lay down. The alcohol, which she’d consumed in more abundance than usual out of desperation, helped her fall asleep. Nonetheless, she perceived that some time later, her boss lay down cautiously beside her.

  Kim lay there, stiff as a board, but as much as she tried, she could not ignore Sonja Kantner’s presence, her warmth, her scent, all of which stole over Kim like a seductive mist. With considerable effort, including the counting of sheep, Kim finally managed to fall back into a restless sleep, but it was unavoidable: she dreamed of Sonja. Of the two of them. Kim caressed her, massaged her breast, and brushed her nipple with her thumb. Next to her, Sonja sighed. Kim awoke with a start. It was already daylight outside. Her hand lay on her boss’s breast, and Sonja sighed again. Quickly, Kim drew her hand back, before her boss could wake up.

  Kim got out of bed hastily and stumbled into the shower. She couldn’t bear lying next to Sonja any longer, and it was probably almost time for breakfast, anyhow. She grew queasy at the thought. After all that alcohol, food had definitely lost its appeal. But the hotel was also likely to have a couple of Alka-Seltzers on hand, she assumed.

  She went downstairs and asked a waitress for the relief-inducing pills. The prompt fulfillment of her wish indicated that Kim probably wasn’t the only one requesting them for breakfast. She had a cup of coffee, as well, and sat down to wait for the medicine to work. It took a while, but then her headache improved. She even started to feel hungry.

  She went to get herself something from the buffet. Shortly after she returned to her table, another seminar participant appeared. He looked dreadful. He still seemed to be staggering as he approached Kim and sat down at her table.

  “You look chipper this morning,” he remarked with a reluctant grimace, glancing at her half-empty plate.

  Kim waved to the waitress. “Bring this gentleman the same thing you brought me earlier,” she requested.

  The waitress nodded and disappeared. A moment later, she came back and set a glass of murky liquid in front of him.

  “What’s that?” he asked skeptically.

  “Drink it, it’ll make you feel better,” Kim promised. “It worked for me.”

  He drained the glass, and after Kim had finished her breakfast, it appeared that her colleague was finally enjoying the beneficial effect of the analgesic, too. “Man, what a night!” he groaned, head propped up by both hands. Then he grinned. “Did you sleep well, you two gals?” he asked sneakily.

  “Don’t even try it. I’m not telling you anything,” Kim warned him.

  Of course, he wanted to know whether Sonja had been there at all. Their little stealth maneuver hadn’t fooled anyone. Everyone had noticed the coinciding departure times.

  “Aha. So she wasn’t there.”

  “No ‘aha’,” Kim replied, irritated. “Of course she was there.”

  Why was she defending her boss? There was no reason she should do that. After all, Sonja was an adult who could do whatever she wanted. Kim wasn’t responsible for her reputation. If she wanted to spread her legs for Klaus and everyone else knew it that was no one’s business but her own.

  “These married singles,” he was still grinning at her. “They just don’t get it. I prefer to stay single, period.” He looked at Kim with interest. “And you’re single, too, aren’t you?”

  Kim looked back at him. What should she tell him? The truth? “Yes, I am,” she answered, taking the last sip of her coffee. “I’m single.”

  “Not in a relationship, not married?” he asked again to be sure, and he glanced briefly at her ring finger. But nothing sparkled there.

  “Neither, nor,” Kim confirmed.

  “I like you.” He gazed deep into her eyes. “A lot.” He laughed. “I’ve never met a woman who can hold her liquor the way you do!”

  Kim shook her head. “If that’s the only reason . . .” She stood up.

  When she reached the entrance to the breakfast room, she almost crashed into Sonja.

  The waitress came out of the kitchen at the same moment. “Alka-Seltzer?” she asked sympathetically, giving Sonja the once-over.

  Kim nodded, as her boss didn’t seem able to do so for herself. The waitress disappeared once more. This had become a sort of ritual.

  Kim was about to continue on her way, but Sonja grabbed her arm. “I need to speak to you, Kim,” she said with some effort. She might not have had as much to drink as Kim, but she’d had plenty. Her head must be buzzing like a swarm of bees.

  “The seminar is about to begin.” What did she want? To confess? She could spare herself that. Her private life was, after all, absolutely none of Kim’s business, which, to Kim’s regret, she made clear by her behavior time and again.

  Sonja peered closely at Kim. “Can I rely on your discretion?” she asked with a slightly hoarse voice. She was obviously still somewhat the worse for wear.

  Kim looked into her agonized face – possibly more agonized by the effects of the alcohol than by her infidelity, but that, too, was none of her business – and nodded. “Of course.” She glanced toward the colleague with whom she’d shared a table earlier. “I told him you’d been in our room all night.”

  “Thank you,” her boss said. “You know that I’m married –”

  Kim interrupted her quickly. “I know.” She couldn’t stand it anymore. She simply left her boss standing there and walked away.

  It was at least reassuring that Sonja seemed not to have noticed Kim’s faux pas in bed this morning. That would have been far too embarrassing: so many forced confessions at once – and coming from both sides. Kim could only hope that the remaining three days would pass without further incident.

  Perhaps the friendly waitress might have a couple of sleeping pills, too. Kim would have to ask her.

  During the day, Klaus and Sonja restrained themselves astonishingly well. No more flirtatious glances, no more questions, and his attention now seemed rather more evenly divided among the other participants, and even on Kim. What a Casanova! He actually winked at her!

  But that was probably just her imagination. Yesterday, they’d all been drunk, and today, they all had hangovers – including those two. His winking was probably nothing more than eyelid twitching due to overexertion. Or had something happened? In his room? Sonja seemed to barely acknowledge him, and during the breaks they sat as far apart as possible. Even at lunch, they chose seats at opposite ends of the long table.

  But then, perhaps, they were sure to be plagued by guilty consciences – married as they were. It was possible that Kim had
judged him too harshly. Maybe he wasn’t such a rogue. Nor did Kim know whether this was something she typically did when she was away from home. Kim wouldn’t have thought, thus far, that Sonja was the type. But a woman as attractive as Sonja was would of course be offered constant temptations. Many men would try to pursue something with her. And apparently, some of them succeeded.

  Sonja had never spoken of her husband, nor had he ever called, at least when Kim was within earshot. There was no photo on Sonja’s desk. But that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Perhaps she just valued her privacy.

  That evening in the bar, Kim continued to observe Sonja and Klaus. Indeed, Klaus conversed ostentatiously with men only, and Sonja talked with everyone but Klaus.

  Kim shrugged. Straight people and their silly games. His and hers both. Well, it was nothing important for Kim, at any rate. For her, it changed nothing.

  She watched Sonja as much as possible without staring openly. She is simply unbelievably beautiful, she thought. When she tossed back her hair, it looked as though thousands of tiny feathers were lifted into the air and then reassembled into a cascade of satin. The dark red sheen of her chestnut brown hair seemed to glow when light fell upon it. Like highly polished, wonderfully fine-grained wood. Her eyes, her lips, her forehead when she furrowed it thoughtfully and then laughed a moment later, so that the tiny wrinkles around her eyes radiated in all directions – everything about her was perfect.

  She had a small dimple on her chin that was visible only when it was lit from a certain angle and she happened to be turning her head. It looked sweet, and Kim always tried to sit in the right position to be able to see it. The entirety of the woman was simply ravishing.

  I have got to stop doing this! Kim squared her shoulders and forced herself to look in the other direction. She is ravishing, yes – ravishingly heterosexual! It made no sense whatsoever to become attached to a woman like that, or to even waste time thinking about it. Sonja was quite suitable as an object of sexual fantasy, but not for anything real. That was simply out of the question.