Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “You mean to say by that, that it’s not worthwhile to continue our . . . relationship,” Kim stated, “because a reevaluation wouldn’t produce a different result?”

  “More or less.” Sonja leaned forward. “As they say, new wine doesn’t belong in old skins.”

  From that point of view . . . “It was a misunderstanding, Sonja,” Kim pleaded. “Just a misunderstanding. Please, believe me, I really did confuse you with Sandra. If that hadn’t happened, there would’ve been no reason –”

  “Then you would’ve found another reason – eventually. Why kid ourselves about that? The problem is something else entirely.”

  Kim saw it the same way. “What do you think the problem is?”

  Sonja tilted her head. “The subject is finished. I think our lunch is, too.” She stood up.

  “Could we . . .” Kim swallowed. “Could we have lunch together again sometime?”

  Sonja hesitated. “Better not. But I’m glad that we could at least clear up one misunderstanding. Sandra Kruschewski – how odd.” She shook her head and left.

  ~*~*~*~

  “What is Ms. Grotenauer-Albrecht doing here?” Kim asked, after she’d watched Rolf walk Helmke to the elevator and say goodbye to her.

  “She applied to be your replacement,” Rolf said. “Your post has to be filled again, after all.”

  “She did what?” Kim stared at him with an expression that “horrified” didn’t begin to describe.

  “You know the company follows an internal hiring policy in these things,” Rolf replied, mildly confused. “The position has already been advertised inside the company, but not outside yet. We’ll only do that if we don’t find anyone suitable in any of the departments.”

  “Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

  “Oh, you’ve been so busy recently, I thought I’d take some of the load off your shoulders. Do you want to be present for every preliminary interview? If you do, I’ll let you know next time.”

  “Well, maybe not for all of them . . . but I would’ve liked to be informed about this one.” Kim shook her head. “I trust you completely, but given that this is about my replacement . . .”

  “You’re right. That was thoughtless of me. But she’s not seriously in the running anyway, is she?” Rolf grinned.

  “You think not?” Kim asked innocently.

  “Please.” Rolf grinned even more broadly. “Do you want to invite a tarantula like that into your nest? Everyone knows what her primary occupation consists of. I mean, it’s all the same to me, I’ll be gone then, but you –”

  Kim chuckled. “It won’t be all the same to me, you’re right. Although I must admit that I’m partially responsible that she applied. I suggested it to her.” She furrowed her brow guiltily.

  “Seriously?” Rolf looked at her in disbelief.

  “No, I wasn’t serious. I just wanted to get rid of her, but apparently, she took it seriously. I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, it wasn’t so bad. I’ve never conducted an interview quite like that one, but even at the end of one’s career, there’s always something new to learn.”

  “What was so unusual about your conversation?”

  “In her youth, I’m sure she was once an exceptionally shrewd hussy, and rank after rank of men fell victim to her. She thinks she’s still that femme fatale.” Rolf rolled his eyes.

  “She played the vamp?” Kim had to laugh. “I’ll have to scold you double for denying me that.”

  “I couldn’t have known. I don’t know her that well. Until now, I’d only heard about her from other people’s stories.” Rolf chuckled. “I must admit, I was curious.”

  “And obviously she didn’t let your curiosity down.” Kim laughed once again. “Yes, somehow I can imagine that very well. She’s pushy, and thinks that equates to a talent for seduction.”

  “She thinks she’s as sexy as her underwear. Which I was given several opportunities to admire.”

  “Rolf . . . if Margit finds out about this . . .” Kim threatened him teasingly with her finger.

  “It would just make her laugh.” Rolf grinned. “She knows me. I’m not attracted to artificial vamps. And what would I want with another woman, when I have Margit?” He took his leave with a twinkle in his eye.

  Rolf and Margit – the dream couple. Kim wandered thoughtfully back into her office. She heard the soft chime of the elevator; someone was getting out. A moment later, a shadow fell across her desk.

  “I completely forgot to say hello to you,” Helmke purred as she stretched provocatively against the doorframe.

  Kim started. Even though she’d just been talking to Rolf about Helmke, she hadn’t expected to see her so soon. She considered the – what had Rolf said? – artificial vamp in her doorway.

  A faint smile crept across her face; she couldn’t help it. Helmke’s lacy black bra showed around the shamelessly low cut of her blouse, as she tried to look seductive. And she was actually wearing stockings with garters! Since she had stretched her arm above her head in a lascivious Hollywood-starlet pose, her skirt had ridden up so high that her garters were visible. Not by accident, Kim suspected.

  “You applied to be my successor?” she asked in feigned earnest.

  “Yes, Mr. Winkelmann thought that with my long professional experience, I’m way overdue for a promotion,” Helmke spoke in a hopelessly failed breathy imitation of Marilyn Monroe.

  “Did he.” Kim could barely suppress a grin. Knowing Rolf, he’d meant that ironically, and he must have been trying gently to advise Helmke of her lack of professional competence. But Helmke had no sense of irony whatsoever.

  “You offered it to me, too, after all,” she breathed again, approaching Kim’s desk.

  Kim recalled the image of the tarantula that Rolf had used. In fact, Helmke bore a certain similarity to that spider, despite her dyed red hair.

  “Um . . . yes. It’s open to anyone to apply for the position.”

  “Couldn’t you put in a good word for me?” Helmke planted herself right on top of the papers on Kim’s desk. Her skirt slid up even higher, and now Kim could see not only her garters, but her bare upper thighs, as well. “I mean, then we could always work together, you as the boss, and me . . . under you.” Helmke underlined her offer with a swelteringly erotic look – or at least, what might pass for one in an amateur children’s puppet troupe.

  Kim didn’t know what to say. Helmke was scooting so close to her, she felt the urge to run screaming out of the room. But she decided to ride this devil a little longer. “You mean, we’d have the same relationship that I had with Rolf?” She arched her eyebrows as though she were anticipating nothing more eagerly than Helmke’s reply.

  “Yes, exactly.” Helmke leaned over and placed a hand on Kim’s shoulder to support herself while her lips inexorably approached Kim’s. They were open slightly, and the beet red lipstick clashed garishly with her hair.

  “Helmke, are you a lesbian?” Kim asked in an affectionate tone.

  Helmke jerked back and sprang abruptly off of the desk. “Lesbian? Me? Where did you get that idea?” Hurriedly, she smoothed her skirt down and fussed nervously the neckline of her blouse.

  “I just thought . . . My sex change wasn’t all that long ago, but I am a woman now.” Kim gave Helmke such an innocent, naïve look, butter wouldn’t have melted in her mouth.

  Helmke gaped at her. “Sex change?”

  “It’s no problem at all these days.” Kim stood up. “Don’t I look almost like I was born a woman?”

  Helmke’s lips were no longer open slightly – her lower jaw gaped open. This lent her the facial expression appropriate to her character.

  “I have no objection to a relationship,” Kim said, “but there are a few sequelae to the procedures. You know, surgery can do a lot, but not everything. Eventually, you’d be faced with that; I just wanted to warn you in advance.”

  Helmke’s mouth clapped shut with an audible plop! She turned around and raced to the elevator.


  Kim held a hand over her mouth to keep from bursting with delight. Only once the elevator had departed did she allow herself a resounding laugh. She braced her hands on her hips, and tears ran down her cheeks until she calmed down again and sat back in her office chair.

  She dialed Jo’s number. When Jo picked up, she said, “Oh, by the way, if in the near future you hear the rumor that I used to be a man, do let me know.”

  Jo reacted with surprise. “What?”

  “Helmke was just here,” Kim explained as she brushed a last tear of laughter from her eye. “She wanted me to hire her; that is, she applied to be my replacement –”

  Something that sounded like “oomph” came out of Jo’s mouth.

  “Yes, exactly. Of course, she doesn’t have the slightest chance. Rolf and I will make the decision, and Rolf wasn’t impressed by her seductive arts. So she tried them on me.”

  “I should’ve given her more to keep her busy,” Jo said.

  “Oh, nonsense.” Kim laughed. “It was funny. She got pretty close to me, and then I told her that my sex change wasn’t all that long ago and there are still leftovers –”

  “I’m sure I would’ve found any of those.” Jo’s grin carried clearly over the phone line.

  “Yes indeed.” Kim grimaced slightly. “Anyway, I don’t know what put her off more: my current sex, or my former one. She fled before she could tell me. On top of which, she vehemently denied being a lesbian.”

  “I believe that. But how does she reconcile that with the fact that she tried to seduce you?”

  “No idea. I just wanted to warn you in advance, Jo. Given Helmke’s lightning-fast news spreading abilities, it’s possible the rumor could reach you as soon as today.”

  “Well, I hope so.” Jo laughed. “Helmke really is a piece of work!”

  “Yes, she is. But she doesn’t know it. I feel sorry for her, somehow. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t resist.”

  “I can understand that,” Jo said. “I’ve been a little busier with her the last few days, myself. I was trying to keep her away from you, actually, but obviously I didn’t succeed.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Either she’ll withdraw the application herself after this revelation, or she’ll be turned down. Somehow, she must have realized that the possibility existed. Otherwise she wouldn’t have come on to me and asked me for my support.”

  “Yes, of course, fundamentally, she knows. She just doesn’t understand it,” Jo said. “She must have something on her current boss, or else she would’ve been tossed out a long time ago. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find out what she’s got on him.”

  “Then how do you know that’s what’s going on there?” Kim frowned.

  “Helmke was sort of bragging about it, that he can’t get rid of her because then he’d land in the stocks himself,” Jo said. “But unfortunately, she didn’t reveal any more than that.”

  “Where does she get her information?” Kim shook her head in wonder. “I mean, what I just told her was intentional, but if they’re real secrets, why don’t people just keep them to themselves?”

  “Who knows? Men in particular tend to spill quite a bit in bed. Maybe she had a thing with him sometime in the past.”

  “Anything’s possible.” Kim sighed. “Our relationship – I mean, mine and hers – is now over, alas, before it could ever really start . . . nipped in the bud.” She let out a sigh of self-denial, as though she regretted nothing more.

  Jo laughed. “Yes, it’s going to haunt you for the rest of your life, that you missed this big chance.”

  “So it is.” Kim laughed as well. “Let me know when you hear something.”

  “Sure.” Jo hung up.

  Still laughing, Kim turned back to her work.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Someone named Sandra called. She wants you to call her back.” Babsie handed Kim a slip of paper when she returned from a meeting with Rolf.

  “Thanks.” Kim took the paper and stuck it in her pocket. Sandra . . . that immediately reminded her of Sonja, and she didn’t want to think about all that right now.

  Her relationship with Sonja had not improved in any way. It wasn’t as bad as it had been at first, when she’d felt like Sonja avoided any encounter with her at all cost – no, they saw each other, they greeted each other, they exchanged a few words, about work, about the weather, about food.

  And that was it. Sonja’s gaze was always pointed in another direction. Whenever Kim tried to catch her eye – she’d watch her for so long that it became embarrassing – Sonja ignored her.

  When Sonja’s gaze did happen in that direction, she smiled slightly, as though she had expected nothing less than that Kim would be looking at her, but her smile never grew beyond that faint beginning. It was like a reminder of earlier times, not a prospect of laughing together in the future.

  However, Sonja’s gaze also always contained a hint of entreaty, an expression of grief and loss.

  Why won’t she talk to me? Kim thought. But Sonja just wouldn’t.

  Kim reached for the ringing phone. So many customers, so many complaints. “Wolff.”

  “This is Sandra,” the voice that sounded exactly like Sonja’s said. “I called earlier this morning. Your secretary said she’d give you my number to call back. In case you misplaced it.”

  Kim had to laugh in spite of the brief fright that Sonja’s – no, Sandra’s – voice had triggered in her. “She’s not my secretary, she’s a coworker. I’m not high enough in the company hierarchy for a secretary.”

  “Whatever,” Sandra said. “Obviously, you didn’t have time to call back, but I – well, to be honest, I have to admit that I’m curious. Did you and Sonja hash things out?”

  Kim swallowed. “One could say that, yes.”

  “Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Sandra replied. “I know it’s none of my business, but what awful thing came between you two? Or more precisely – since Sonja apparently feels that you’ve offended her – what did you do?” She laughed. “You didn’t seem like that much of a monster to me, despite the fact that I thought you were a stalker.”

  Kim was unable to answer right away. Here was Sonja’s voice speaking to her, about Sonja, but it wasn’t Sonja, even though it sounded like Sonja. It was just confusing. “That’s been cleared up, fortunately.” She took a deep breath. “It was my fault. Sonja can’t do anything about it.”

  “Hm.” Even that little noise sounded dubious. “Sonja is . . .” Sandra cleared her throat, “a strong personality. I sensed that.”

  Kim sighed. “Yes, she is that. She’s an exceptional leader, and she keeps everything under control.”

  “Not everything, apparently,” Sandra contradicted. “Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been so upset. I recognize that in myself. When I have things under control, I’m very relaxed, and you can have anything from me – but woe betide you if anything goes wrong. The employees in the supermarket are all afraid of me!” She laughed. “No, I don’t think it’s quite that bad, but you’ve seen how mad I can get.”

  “You had good reason.” Kim paused for a moment. “And so did Sonja. I screwed everything up.”

  “So the conversation didn’t accomplish anything?”

  “Not much.” Kim sighed. “Except now she knows that you really exist. She had considerable doubts about that before.”

  “It is difficult to believe,” Sandra agreed. “I mean, at first I couldn’t imagine it, either. Someone who looks exactly like me . . . Imagine if someone tried to tell you that. A stranger. At night, on the street.”

  “Yeah.” Kim laughed softly. “I’d suspect other motives, too. That’s why it was so important for you two to meet.”

  “On the other hand: you’re no stranger to Sonja . . .” Sandra objected. “If you’re not an absolutely notorious liar, she must have at least had to consider believing you.” She waited, and when Kim didn’t answer, she asked, “Are you a notorious liar?”

  Kim shook her head, because Sandr
a’s question made her laugh again, if sadly this time. “No, I’m not.”

  “Then she only didn’t believe you because she didn’t want to believe you. Because she thought you were lying in this case, even though you don’t otherwise.”

  “Yes, I think so. Let’s not talk about this anymore, there’s no point, Sandra. Even your showing up didn’t lead to us solving our problems. And that’s not your job, now, either.”

  “No, but . . .” Sandra seemed to think about something. “You know, since we met briefly that one time, I keep thinking about her – Sonja, I mean.”

  Welcome to the club, Kim thought.

  “She really does look a lot like me,” Sandra went on. “It’s unbelievable. I’ve been standing in front of the mirror for days, trying to find the differences, but I haven’t managed to.”

  “I’m sorry,” Kim said. “I didn’t want that to happen. It probably really is just a coincidence. Like The Prince and the Pauper.”

  “The pauper was most likely a bastard of his father, the king. That’s what I’ve always thought.”

  “Could be.” Kim frowned pensively.

  “I know what you’re thinking now.” Sandra laughed softly. “My father is indeed something of a ladies’ man, so that’s entirely possible. But you’d have to ask Sonja’s mother about that.”

  “Or your father.”

  Now Sandra laughed out loud. “You mean, that would be easier than asking Sonja about her mother?” Her laughter came out as a rolling chortle. “Yes, that may be so, when I think back on the encounter with Sonja . . .”

  “That . . . that’s not really what I meant . . .” Kim felt exactly the way she had back when Sonja had made fun of her. It was . . . the same voice. And the same manner.

  “Fine,” Sandra said. “I’ll ask him. Why not? My mother is long dead. It can’t hurt her anymore.”

  Kim sighed. “Even if . . . Assume you were half-sisters, what good would that do? Besides, I’m fairly certain that Sonja wouldn’t believe it anyway. Not without a DNA test.”

  “I’m sure we could get that done,” Sandra replied musingly, as if her thoughts were already on another subject. “What’s Sonja’s last name?”