Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “That’s not the issue.” Forcefully Sonja pushed her chair back and stood up. “I’m her boss. She comes in here, unsuspecting, and I’m . . . sitting here with my blouse half undone. She’ll never respect me again. After everything else she already knows . . .” She looked at Kim. “I would assume.”

  “She doesn’t know anywhere near as much as you assume. And she has tremendous respect for you, you can rely on that. That isn’t going to change, either. Not because of a trifle like this.”

  “Trifle?” Sonja flared. Her eyes glinted.

  Kim smiled. “You’re right, it wasn’t a trifle. It was much nicer than that.”

  “I . . . Kim . . .” Nervously, Sonja brushed the hair out of her face. She went to the door and shut it. Then she turned to face Kim. “I can’t . . .” she said hesitantly. She took a deep breath. “I can’t do this. You must understand that I –” She broke off and looked into Kim’s eyes for a long moment. “Oh my God, Kim . . .” she whispered. She swayed.

  Kim rushed over to steady her. When Sonja didn’t fend her off, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. “What’s wrong, love?” she whispered, kissing her hair.

  “This can’t work.” Sonja’s weak voice disappeared into Kim’s shoulder. “It just can’t work.”

  “I won’t demand anything of you,” Kim said softly. “I accept that you . . .” she swallowed, “that you don’t want to be with me anymore. It’s my own fault. But how could I have imagined that Sandra –”

  “You don’t understand,” Sonja whispered. “That’s not how it is.”

  Kim shut her eyes. Feeling Sonja, holding her in her arms again, almost overwhelmed her; she could’ve fallen to the floor and listened to her from her knees. “I love you, Sonja,” she murmured roughly. Her voice no longer obeyed her. “I love you, and I’ll always love you. But I know that I can’t demand the same of you, and I’m not. I just want to be a good friend to you . . . if you’ll let me. I –”

  “Kim.” Sonja interrupted her, lifted her face and looked at her. “You’re going in the wrong direction.”

  “The wrong . . . direction?” Kim frowned. Sonja had always been able to do that very well: to confuse her. She didn’t understand a word.

  “I don’t want you to be my good friend.”

  “Oh.” Kim let go of her and took a step back. Not even that? She felt disappointment rise up in her. She should have known. Sonja was logical and systematic, and friendship meant nothing to her. She probably had enough friends already. Male ones.

  “Look at my blouse.”

  Perplexed, Kim did what Sonja asked. Sonja hadn’t had time to button the blouse up completely before Jo came in, and her breasts shone forth, soft and seductive, covered only by the bra. Kim swallowed.

  “My blouse is still half open,” Sonja said. “I did nothing to try to stop you from opening it. If Jo hadn’t come back –”

  “I . . . I apologize,” Kim stuttered. “I shouldn’t have done that, I know, but you . . . you were so – I’ve longed for you so much, Sonja. It was my fault, all my fault. I didn’t want to force you into anything –”

  Sonja’s mouth twitched. “You still don’t understand. You don’t need to apologize for anything. I wasn’t prepared for it, and my head wanted to stop me, but I liked it. I –” Her head fell. “I’ve longed for you, too. Terribly,” she whispered to the floor.

  Kim stared at her. She couldn’t say a word.

  “Don’t just leave me standing here like this,” Sonja continued softly. “Please, hold me in your arms.”

  “But . . . you . . .” Kim felt paralyzed. But then she reached one hand out toward Sonja, touched her, stepped toward her and embraced her again, more gently this time, because she could hardly believe that this wasn’t all just a dream.

  Sonja allowed herself to go limp in her embrace, so that Kim almost had to catch her. “I don’t want to fight this anymore. If you’re jealous, well, then you’re jealous. Maybe I should even take it as a compliment. But . . . please . . .” she lifted her face, “not another twin. That’s really hard.”

  Kim had to laugh. “Twins, I believe, only come in two-packs. Unless, of course, your parents kept the secret that you were triplets or quadruplets. Then there could be another surprise or two.”

  “I hope not.” Sonja sighed. “The one is enough for me.”

  “You don’t like Sandra?” Kim looked at her rather unhappily.

  “Oh, no, I do.” Sonja shook her head. “I just still can’t quite believe it. But the first time I saw her . . . I knew it was true. I’ve always known. I sensed that something was missing in my life, something that ought to be there. But I could never explain what it was.”

  “I think Sandra felt exactly the same way.”

  “Probably.” Sonja sighed again. “I haven’t treated her well. I need to apologize to her. I just couldn’t – I mean, she’s like me. Until now, I’d always thought there was only one of me.”

  “And there is.” Kim brushed a kiss across Sonja’s lips. “You are unique, and so is Sandra. But nevertheless, you’re twins, and you have a number of things in common. Don’t you think it would be exciting to find out what?”

  “I don’t quite know. It’s really very . . . strange.” Sonja took a deep breath. “Sandra thinks it’s funny. She recognized several of my gestures as her own, and it didn’t seem to bother her. But I’m not so sure.” She looked at Kim. “Imagine if someone suddenly walked through the door who looks exactly like you. Who talks like you, moves like you, even has your same idiosyncrasies – wouldn’t you find that a little bit – confusing?”

  Kim had to laugh. “When you put it like that . . . sure.”

  Sonja sighed. “Now, what are we going to do about Jo? What she saw –”

  “She’ll keep to herself,” Kim concluded.

  “But –” Sonja made an uncomfortable face. “I simply can’t face her now . . .”

  Kim raised her eyebrows. “You’re going to have to.”

  “I can’t.” Sonja broke away from Kim and went over to her desk.

  “Sonja, if there’s one thing you’re not, it’s cowardly.” Kim followed her. “And Jo – it was no surprise to her.”

  “But it looked like it was.” Sonja sat down.

  “Well . . .” Kim’s face wrinkled like a dachshund’s. “I just came from having lunch with her. She still thought that we . . . you and I . . . that we weren’t –”

  “Presumably, we all thought so at that point,” Sonja remarked somewhat ironically. She looked at Kim. “Even you. Or didn’t you?”

  Kim raised her hands. “I wasn’t planning – I hope you don’t think that.”

  “To be honest, I don’t know what to think.”

  “Should I talk to Jo?” Kim asked. “I’m not embarrassed by what happened.”

  “That won’t do me any good, though.” Sonja sighed. “You’re not her boss.” She hesitated briefly. “I’m just going to have to bite the bullet.” She stood up.

  Kim smiled. “May I ask you something?”

  “Hmm?” Sonja walked slowly toward the door.

  “Are we back together now?”

  Sonja stopped. She turned toward Kim and looked at her. “Do you still have any doubts about that?”

  ~*~*~*~

  “The wedding is going to be horrible! Just horrible!”

  “Aw, sweetheart, we’ll manage.” Jo looked confidently at Jennifer.

  “I will never understand why people get married,” Sandra said.

  “Your sister got married, too,” Jennifer responded sourly.

  “This proves that we’re not completely alike.” Sandra shrugged.

  “You’d never get married?” Kim asked. “Under any circumstances?”

  Sandra looked at her. “Up ’til now, I thought so,” she replied reflectively. “But if the right woman came along . . .”

  Kim cleared her throat and put a little distance between herself and the small group that had gathered in Je
nnifer’s apartment to accomplish the final wedding preparations – or, truth be told, to prevent Jennifer from collapsing into utter hysteria.

  “I know why I never wasted a thought on getting married,” Jennifer went on. “I just can’t do it. I’m not built for it. A wedding like this is putting one foot in the grave.”

  “Now, really, love . . .” Jo looked at her, aghast.

  Jennifer threw her arms around Jo’s neck and kissed her frantically. “If it weren’t for you . . .” she gasped as though she were drawing her last breath, “I’d never do this to myself.”

  “That’s quite a big compliment for me.” Jo laughed.

  “The biggest.” Jennifer let her go. “You’re the one. The one and only. No one else.” Her eyes gleamed so tenderly at Jo; the whole room filled with warmth.

  Kim’s cell phone started to vibrate. She glanced at the number and answered. “Yes?”

  “I tried you at home, but it just rang and rang,” Sonja said. “You’re out someplace?”

  “I’m at Jennifer’s,” Kim explained. “She’s a little nervous about the wedding next weekend.”

  “Ah. The wedding. Is it next weekend already?”

  “Yes. And it’s a good thing that it’ll finally be over then. Jennifer’s driving all of us crazy.” Kim laughed softly and winked at Jennifer. Jennifer stuck her tongue out at her.

  “All of us?” Sonja asked.

  “Well, Jo and Sandra and me. We’re here together.”

  “Sounds like you weren’t planning to go home anytime soon,” Sonja said.

  “Are you still at the office?” Kim asked.

  “Where else?” Sonja sighed. “The Saturdays I spend here keep getting longer. And I thought the longer this project went on, the easier it would get. But now, at the last minute, they had to come up with a whole bunch of things they could’ve told me about months ago. Then I would’ve planned for them from the start, and they would’ve been long since taken care of. Now the project is almost finished, and time is pressing. It’s nearly impossible to accommodate anything new.”

  “Always the same story. Poor Sonja. You’re going to stay in the office for a while yet?”

  “Actually, I didn’t want to. But if you’re not home yet . . .”

  “If you’re done working, then come join us,” Kim said. “Jennifer would be happy for more support. Beside which, you’re the only one who –” She broke off sheepishly.

  “The only one who has any experience with getting married,” Sonja finished dryly. “I know.”

  “I’m sorry,” Kim said. “I didn’t mean to mention that. It just sort of slipped out.”

  “I’d be glad to lend Jennifer my support. But I don’t even know her. She wouldn’t want a virtual stranger there today.”

  “Let me ask her.” Kim held the phone away from her ear. “Jennifer? Would you object if Sonja were to come over?”

  “Sonja?” Jennifer arched her eyebrows.

  Jo turned to face Kim, astonished.

  “No, of course not,” Jennifer said. “If she’d like to.”

  “Did you hear?” Kim asked, the phone back to her ear again. “Everyone would be glad to have you come.”

  “I’m sure Jo wouldn’t.” Sonja laughed. “I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

  “She’s invited!” Jennifer called over to Kim. “Tell her she’s invited to my wedding –” She looked questioningly at Jo. Jo nodded, taken by surprise, “to our wedding. She’s totally welcome.”

  “Oh, yes, Sonja!” Sandra clapped enthusiastically. “Join us!”

  “Sounds like a great party you’ve got going there.” Sonja sounded indecisive. Apparently the thought of coming over appealed to her, but she couldn’t quite set aside her doubts.

  Sandra stepped quickly over to Kim and took the cell phone out of her hand. “Come on already, sis! Let’s start making up for lost time.” She listened briefly to what Sonja was saying, then laughed. “Yes, exactly. Wouldn’t that be great? Come over and we’ll figure it all out.” She listened for another second, said “okay,” gave Jennifer’s address, and hung up. She handed the phone back to Kim. “Sorry, I hung up automatically, but she’ll be here soon anyway, and then you can talk to her some more.”

  “She’s coming?” Kim looked at her, amazed. Even though she had made the suggestion to Sonja, she hadn’t expected her to accept it.

  “Yes, she’s coming.” Sandra went back to Jennifer and Jo.

  “Oh, God!” Jo groaned. “Did any of you stop to think about me for one second? She’s my boss!”

  “Which is precisely why it’s high time I met her. I already know what she looks like, of course,” Jennifer glanced at Sandra, “but I’d like to have a look at her in person. At the two of you together.” She winked at Jo.

  “You can’t be thinking –?” Jo stared at her, dumbfounded.

  “She’s already done it with one of her secretaries.” Jennifer kept a straight face. “You never know.”

  Sandra laughed out loud. “She’s not serious, Jo!” She turned around. “And I think Kim would probably object.” She tilted her head in that way she and Sonja had, so that one couldn’t be sure what she was thinking.

  “It wasn’t her fault, Jennifer, you know that,” Kim said.

  “No, of course not, just yours,” Jennifer said mockingly. “You raped her. Excuse me, but it takes two to tango – at least, to the best of my knowledge.” She caressed Jo’s cheek affectionately. “I was just playing, sweetheart. You know I trust you. Like you trust me.”

  “It’s not quite that simple.” Jo smiled uneasily. “What will I call her? ‘Mrs. Kantner?’ You’re all on a first-name basis with her, but I can’t do that to her face.”

  “I’m sure we’ll find a solution.” Jennifer turned around. “What do you guys think? This material or that one?” She held up several fabric swatches. “For all of you bridesmaids.”

  “You’re nuts,” Kim said. “I’m not wearing a dress.”

  Sandra took the fabric into her hand. “It feels wonderful. Why not?”

  “You can do whatever you want,” Kim said. “I’m coming in a suit.”

  “A simple suit won’t do”, Jennifer protested. “Pick something fancy! It’s a costume party, after all. Come as Robin Hood for all I care, but it has to be something dressy.”

  “In tights?” Kim’s eyes flew open. “Let me see that fabric again.”

  There was so much more to discuss, the time flew. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

  Jo raised her eyes and hesitated.

  “I’ll go.” Jennifer trotted to the door and opened it. “So you’re Sonja.” She offered her hand. “Jennifer.”

  “Hello.” Sonja shook Jennifer’s hand and entered somewhat hesitantly.

  “You know everybody,” Jennifer said, “including Jo, my fiancée. “I suggest we all act like friends and forget the professional relationship while we’re here. Otherwise it’ll just get silly.”

  Sonja appeared just as taken aback as Jo had earlier. She said nothing.

  “You two really are as alike as two peas in a pod,” Jennifer determined as she let her gaze swing from Sonja to Sandra. “I’d only heard it secondhand before.”

  “We’re gradually getting used to it,” Sandra said. “Right, Sonja?”

  “Yes, gradually,” Sonja replied slowly. She had other things to get used to right then. The twin problem had retreated into the background for the moment.

  “You have experience with this,” Jennifer said. “What do you think? The fabrics for the bridesmaids. We can’t agree.” She drew Sonja over to the table where the fabric swatches lay.

  Sandra stepped up to the table next to Sonja, and Kim observed them from behind. The same hair color, the same figure – it was unbelievable. If they weren’t dressed differently, no one could have told them apart.

  Sonja looked around for Kim, a bit lost.

  Kim went quickly over to the table. “I’m not wearing a dress,” she said decisively
. “You can forget about that.”

  Sonja looked at her and chuckled. “Aw, it might not be so bad.”

  “I think so, too.” Sandra backed her sister with a wink.

  Kim looked into the two identical faces watching her. She’d never seen Sonja and Sandra this close together before, except the one time at the cafeteria, and that had been so brief, she could barely remember it. The uproar had displaced the memory. But now –

  “That’s unfair,” she said. “There are always two of you. And with Jennifer, three. I don’t have a chance against that.”

  “You can still think about it,” Jennifer said. “This, or . . . the tights.” She grinned.

  “Tights?” Sonja asked.

  “Robin Hood. Kim wants to come as Robin Hood,” Jo explained.

  “Ah, yes.” Sonja turned to Kim. “You did say it was going to be a costume party.”

  “It has to be,” Jennifer said. “Otherwise, my mother will have a fit. Women as far as the eye can see, and not a bright color among them, or anything like that. A costume is at least a bit decorative. She’s gotten quite a few costumes ready, and anyone who comes without wearing proper clothing will get put in one of those.”

  “Seriously? She’s taking it that far?” Jo asked, surprised. Apparently, she hadn’t heard about that before.

  “That doesn’t apply to you, of course, darling,” Jennifer said with a tender smile. “You’re getting a wonderful wedding suit.”

  “I wish I could trade with you.” Kim grimaced.

  “There are wonderful costumes,” Jennifer said. “Even ones without tights. But as a bridesmai-”

  Kim groaned. “If only I hadn’t agreed to that!”

  “You should’ve thought of that earlier.” Jennifer smirked some more.

  “I couldn’t refuse my best friend on something like that.” Kim looked miserable.

  “I wouldn’t think so.” Jennifer turned to Sonja. “Did you have this kind of problem with your bridesmaids?”

  “Um . . . actually . . . actually, no.” Sonja looked more than taken by surprise. “My sister –” She looked at Sandra. “Not Sandra . . . I mean, my other one –”