Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “Understandably,” Sandra said. “I knew you would be. I would’ve been, too. But Pops –”

  “Is he still here?” Sonja asked.

  “Yes.” Sandra nodded.

  “Why doesn’t he just come with us to the wedding reception, then? We could talk there,” Sonja suggested.

  “Really?” Sandra looked at her in amazement. “So much for twin-sense. I wasn’t expecting that.”

  “I’m glad I could surprise you.” Sonja chuckled. “Doesn’t it feel strange to you, too, to feel like someone else knows what you’re thinking before you do? I don’t like it too much.”

  “Neither do I, you’re right.” Sandra laughed. “And once again, we’re in agreement. Apparently we can’t avoid that entirely.”

  “Hardly.” Sonja smiled. “We’ll just have to live with it.”

  “Can we drive to the reception together?” Sandra asked. “I’d really like to discuss one more thing with you. Alone.”

  Sonja looked rather surprised, but handed Kim her keys. “Will you bring my car over? I don’t think you can park that long here in front of City Hall.”

  Kim was just as amazed as Sonja, but she took the keys and nodded.

  “Could you do me a big favor?” Sandra asked. “Drive over to the hotel and pick up my . . . our father. Bring him to the wedding reception. So he and Sonja can get to know each other.”

  Kim was a bit taken aback, but Sandra and Sonja were already leaving the building, and there was nothing else for her to do but to drive to the hotel.

  “Have you known my daughter long?” Mr. Kruschewski asked after he got into the passenger seat, as Kim tried to find her way back to Jennifer’s parents’ house.

  “Sandra? Not very long,” she answered absently, because she had to concentrate on the road so closely.

  “No, Sonja.” Harald Kruschewski laughed softly. “I’d never dared to hope that I’d ever see her again. But I know so little about her. Nothing, really. She looks like Sandra, but I’ve known Sandra since she was a little girl. I raised her; Sonja is like a stranger to me, but I look into her face, and she seems so familiar. A peculiar situation.” He looked sideways at Kim. “You probably can’t relate to that. As a father, I suppose I’m a bit sentimental.”

  “Not at all,” Kim said. “I can relate perfectly well. The first time I saw Sandra, I thought she was Sonja.”

  “It’s tricky with twins.” Harald Kruschewski shook his head. “They were still so tiny then, and at that age, all babies look pretty much alike. Seeing her again as an adult . . . it’s unsettling. I knew that Sandra is a twin, but over the course of the years, I’d almost forgotten. I always had just her.”

  “Why did you – I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.” Kim turned to follow a curve.

  “Why did we get divorced?” Mr. Kruschewski sighed. “Do you know Sonja’s and Sandra’s mother?”

  “No.” Kim shook her head.

  “Be glad,” he said.

  It occurred to Kim that Sonja had never talked about her family. Not about her husband, of course; Kim could understand that. She wouldn’t have wanted to talk about him, either, but neither did Sonja talk about her birth family. “Sonja has a brother and a sister,” she said. “They aren’t your children, though?”

  “No.” Harald Kruschewski cast an interested glance at Kim. “Those must be half-siblings.”

  “Probably.” Kim had never given much thought to Sonja’s family. This was probably also because she herself was an only child. Her mother had emigrated to Australia years ago. She didn’t have any other relations nearby, so she’d concentrated more on friendships.

  “Yes, Elli was a beautiful woman.” Harald Kruschewski sighed. “Lots of men were interested in her. She was quite . . . striking. I’m not surprised that she remarried.” He looked curiously at Kim. “Has that marriage lasted?”

  “I . . . I don’t know,” Kim replied, stunned. Harald Kruschewski was quizzing her as if she must know everything about Sonja and her family, but meanwhile, she was feeling more so than usual that the opposite was true. “Sonja . . . Sonja did mention that her . . . stepfather no longer lives with her mother.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me, either. I’m glad that although Sandra looks like her mother, she didn’t inherit her character. At least not entirely. She can be very stubborn.” He laughed.

  “Sonja, too.” Kim laughed as well.

  “Are you friends?” Harald Kruschewski asked.

  “Um . . . yes.” Kim felt warm. It was quite clear that Sonja wouldn’t appreciate it, if Kim were to divulge any secrets to the man who, while he might be Sonja’s biological father, was such a cipher to her.

  “That means you like Sonja,” Harald Kruschewski determined. “I’m glad. Then she must be more like Sandra than her mother.”

  “I can’t judge that. Sonja and I . . . we work for the same company.”

  “Ah, so you’re more like colleagues.”

  Kim was perfectly happy to have him think so. That was safe territory. “Yes,” she confirmed. “She used to be my boss, but I’m in a different department now.”

  “Boss . . . yes. They both get that from their mother.” Harald Kruschewski laughed. “Sandra is very ambitious, too. It wouldn’t surprise me if she were to take over the whole supermarket chain soon.”

  Kim looked surprised. Until now, she’d never really thought of Sandra as such a career woman. She managed a supermarket, sure, but that wasn’t exactly – “Really?” she asked, astounded.

  “Maybe not quite.” He laughed again. “But I’ve never been as ambitious as she is. She works hard.”

  “Like Sonja. They are twins, after all.”

  Harald Kruschewski lapsed into silence. “Do you know why Sonja doesn’t have any children?” he asked after some time. “It’s clear enough why Sandra doesn’t, but Sandra told me Sonja’s married.”

  “She . . . she – please, Mr. Kruschewski, ask her yourself. I can’t say anything about that.”

  “Forgive me. These are the thoughts of an old man. I have two daughters, but no grandchildren. One just tends to wish for things to carry on – that the family survives. To a young person like you, that probably just seems silly.”

  Kim turned down the street where Jennifer’s parents lived. The curbs on both sides were crammed with parked cars, some of which were even double-parked. There wasn’t a single space left. Jennifer’s large family had monopolized the entire town. “No. That doesn’t seem silly to me at all.” Kim pulled up in front of the entrance. “I’ll drop you off here and find a place to park Sonja’s car.”

  “This is Sonja’s car?” He looked around appreciatively. “Boy, oh boy.”

  “She’s a department head and in charge of a very important project, the most important one in the company at the moment. She’ll probably be promoted to a senior executive position as soon as the project is finished.”

  “Oh,” Harald Kruschewski said. “And I thought Sandra was ambitious.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “Looks good on you.” Jennifer grinned.

  “Happily, your mother thought of everything. You could’ve said something earlier, you know,” Kim replied. “I have no objection to this kind of costume.”

  She wore a gentleman’s suit from the period around 1815, with knee breeches and a few ruffles, which were typical for men back then, but no skirt. The wide jacket clung comfortably to her hips, and the color shimmered between blue and yellow – she felt like a member of the Congress of Vienna, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling. In one of the typical women’s dresses of that time, she would barely have been able to move, and she was glad to have dodged that privilege.

  “Anyway, I let you wear a suit as my bridesmaid,” Jennifer said.

  “Because otherwise, you wouldn’t have had a bridesmaid!”

  “There you are.” Sonja suddenly appeared next to her. She wore a dress that was much less elaborate than Kim’s costume. She didn’t need another thing, however. S
he looked breathtaking in her bare-shouldered dress. Kim gulped at the vision.

  “It took a while to pick out the costume.” Kim could hardly tear her eyes away from Sonja. She’d seen her naked often enough, but these uncovered shoulders were far more seductive than that.

  “I think everyone’s here now.” Jennifer looked at Jo. “We should open the festivities.”

  Jo turned rather red.

  “You’ll manage,” Jennifer said encouragingly. “We practiced long enough.”

  Jo didn’t seem convinced, but Jennifer pulled her onto the dance floor. Until then, the stereo had been playing soft background music. Someone turned it off, and the live band struck up a waltz.

  Jo and Jennifer stood in the middle of the dance floor, completely alone. After two beats, Jo began to spin Jennifer in three-quarter time. Their steps became ever jauntier, and a few seconds later, they were flying around the room like a pair of professional dancers. The ample skirt on Jennifer’s wedding gown floated like a cloud over the parquet floor.

  “My goodness!” Kim couldn’t hold back, it looked so impressive. Jo and Jennifer made a gorgeous couple.

  “Magnificent!” Kathrin clapped her hands and laughed.

  “Please, come dance!” Jennifer called. “Don’t leave us all alone like this!”

  Kim looked at Sonja. “May I?” She smiled.

  Sonja smiled back. She said nothing.

  Kim encircled her waist and danced with her out to the middle of the floor. Kathrin followed her with Jens, and shortly thereafter, Jennifer’s parents joined in, too. The dance floor filled.

  Sonja nestled into Kim’s arms and danced with her, as she’d never done before. It would never have occurred to Kim to ask Sonja to go dancing with her. She would’ve turned it down, anyway. Suddenly, though, nothing seemed to please her more than to move through the room with Kim.

  Kim would’ve liked to close her eyes to enjoy this moment, but she had to lead. All of a sudden, she thought she was seeing double. Sandra stood at the edge of the dance floor, and she was wearing the same dress as Sonja. It would’ve been impossible to tell them apart.

  Kim opened her mouth to say something, when she noticed that Sonja was now leading instead of following. Sonja waltzed over toward Sandra.

  “Would you like to cut in?” she asked when they’d reached Sandra.

  Kim looked at her, taken aback.

  “Not necessarily,” Sandra said, and suddenly a light went on in Kim’s head.

  “You’re not Sonja!” She stared at the woman on her arm.

  “Didn’t take you long to notice!” Sandra laughed and remained where she was. “I think the two of you ought to dance. I’ll go over to my father, so he won’t be so alone.” She separated from Kim. “Have fun. And thank you for the dance.” She smiled, turned around, and left.

  “It was Sandra’s idea,” Sonja said. “I think she just wanted to dance with you.”

  “I . . . I’m sorry . . . I thought you –” Kim felt like she was inside a top that was spinning much too fast.

  “Really?” The corners of Sonja’s mouth began to twitch, then she grinned. “Sandra brought the two dresses with her. She wants to enjoy being a twin. For today, at least.”

  “You have a lot to catch up on. Ordinarily, you two would’ve played all sorts of tricks on people when you were kids, because no one could’ve told you apart.”

  “Apparently, that’s even harder to do today. It’s certainly a peculiar feeling. When I saw you dancing with Sandra, I almost thought it was me, even though I was standing here.”

  “Would you like to dance?” Kim asked.

  Sonja hesitated.

  “You don’t have to. I was just asking.”

  “Whatever Sandra can do, I ought to be able to do, too, right?” Sonja asked a bit doubtfully. “I mean, I can dance, but –”

  Kim looked at her. She knew what Sonja was trying to get at: she’d never danced with a woman before. “It’s your choice.”

  “Can you lead?” Sonja asked.

  “You saw me,” Kim said.

  Sonja lifted her arms. “Well, then – please.”

  “But you really are Sonja, now, right? You’re not pulling my leg twice.”

  Sonja laughed softly. “I really am. I’m quite sure.”

  Once again Kim wrapped her arm around Sonja’s waist. That is, the first time, it had been Sandra’s. She led Sonja onto the dance floor. The band had clearly taken a fancy to waltzes and was now playing another one. Of course, Jennifer’s mother might have been the one who chose the program. She loved waltzes.

  The swaying rhythm took hold of her, and Kim took the first step. As much as they looked alike, she noticed now that Sonja was not Sandra. She wasn’t used to dancing with a woman, certainly not in public like this. She didn’t nestle into Kim’s arm as Sandra had done, for whom this was normal; Sonja felt stiff and rigid.

  Kim leaned forward. “Let yourself fall into me,” she whispered in Sonja’s ear. “I’ll catch you. You don’t need to be afraid. Just close your eyes.”

  Sonja looked into her face, seemed to ask herself a few questions that Kim couldn’t guess at, but then she actually did close her eyes.

  That very moment, she felt softer. Kim danced with her to the end of the waltz, and the longer they danced, the more Sonja nestled into Kim’s arms, exactly as Sandra had done.

  After a while, she opened her eyes again. “This is nice,” she said softly. “You’re an excellent dancer.”

  “It’s wonderful to dance with you.” Kim smiled at her. “We ought to do this more often.”

  Sonja arched her eyebrows.

  “All right, it’s wasn’t a serious suggestion. Forget about it.”

  Sonja sighed. “I think it was a serious suggestion.”

  “Perhaps, but I know perfectly well that it isn’t doable. Let’s just enjoy the moment, our time today. This won’t come again soon.”

  “No. It will never come again.” For the moment Sonja seemed to forget where she was and laid her head on Kim’s shoulder.

  Kim very much enjoyed holding Sonja in her arms to dance, and she swung Sonja’s huggable, supple body through the room, as if immersed in a dream. She knew that this wasn’t reality, not her reality with Sonja, but for today, at this wedding, she suppressed all thoughts of reality. It was like a real-life fairy tale.

  Sonja and Sandra led several more people into their twin trap over the next hour, amusing themselves royally.

  “You two are just mean,” Harald Kruschewski complained, “luring people in like that. That’s not nice.” But the corners of his eyes showed plenty of little laugh wrinkles, and he beheld his two beautiful daughters with fatherly pride and the same admiration. “You aren’t little kids anymore, after all.”

  Sonja chuckled. “You’re right. But it was fun anyway. Sometimes it’s nice to be a kid again.” She looked at Sandra. “I’m going to change clothes now and finally rescue the poor people.”

  “Aw, do you really mean that?” Sandra asked, disappointed.

  “That was enough fun for one day,” Sonja said. “I haven’t had so much fun in years. It’s overtaxing me.”

  “Understood.” Sandra gave her sister a strange look.

  “Where’s Sonja’s husband, then?” Harald Kruschewski asked. “Didn’t he want to come?”

  Kim froze, and Sandra said quickly, “He doesn’t much care for weddings, I think.”

  “I’d like to meet my son-in-law some time, you know,” Mr. Kruschewski said. “You won’t be blessing me with one of those, after all.” He looked at Sandra.

  “But maybe with a daughter-in-law.” Sandra laughed. “You never know.” She looked around. “A wedding like this puts funny ideas in a person’s head.”

  “I wouldn’t object,” Harald Kruschewski said. “Do you have someone in mind?”

  “Yes.” Sandra looked at Kim. “But I’m afraid she’s otherwise engaged.”

  “It doesn’t do to interfere with exis
ting relationships,” Harald Kruschewski said, who hadn’t caught Sandra’s look. He was watching the dancers in the middle of the room with interest. “That only brings unhappiness.” His gaze turned back to Sandra. “There are a lot of single women here.”

  Sandra laughed. “What am I supposed to do? Just ask all of them?”

  “I don’t think most of them would turn you down,” Kim said. “An attractive woman like you –”

  “Thanks.” Sandra studied Kim’s face. “But I have something else in mind.”

  “They’re not crazy enough for you.” Harald Kruschewski sighed. “That one you brought over once –” He shook his head. “My God, you could have anyone, the way you look, and then something like that.”

  “He means Patrizia,” Sandra explained to Kim. “I once made the mistake of bringing her with me, and she was truly – well, like I said, it was a mistake.”

  “You don’t need that, child,” her father said. “Maybe you ought to ask Sonja how she did it. She didn’t just get married yesterday, after all, so she seems to have found the right one.”

  Kim stiffened, then spun around and walked rapidly across the room, until she’d reached the far end. She took a glass of punch to try to calm herself, but her hand shook.

  “What’s wrong?” Sonja spoke to her from one side. She was now wearing a different dress than Sandra, which made it significantly easier to tell them apart.

  Kim tried to suppress the shaking in her hands, but she couldn’t. She set her punch glass down again. “Your father would like to get to know your husband.”

  “What?” Sonja stared at her.

  “Ask him yourself. I –” Kim broke off and leaned against the table.

  “What did he say?” Sonja asked.

  “Well –” Kim took a deep breath. “Since Sandra isn’t married, your . . . husband is his only son-in-law. It’s certainly understandable that he wants to meet him. Now that he’s found his daughter again, he wants to have the entire family around him.”

  Sonja made a dismissive sound. “Surely not.” She looked at Kim and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Please, don’t be upset. He doesn’t know –”